America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 2, Episode 17 - Rookie Robber - Full Episode | Forensic Files

[music playing] -Hi. I'm Daniel Butler. Welcome to another edition of "America's Dumbest Criminals."
[music playing] NARRATOR: On this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals." A dumb driver hands over more than his license.
-That's mine. Give that back. NARRATOR: A pair of newlyweds get a gift they won't forget.
A couple of rookie robbers make a bad first impression. -Freeze! This is a bank robbery!
-No, it isn't. NARRATOR: Thank you. Come again. And officers discover that catching two dumb criminals
is better than one. All this and more on this week's episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals."
Here's your host Daniel Butler. -Here's a crook that took the saying, go jump in the lake literally.
A car thief in Los Angeles decided that the best way to hide from the police would be to run from the stolen car and hide in a nearby lake.
Just bobbing around with all his empty had to use as a flotation device. Well, I guess he didn't take into consideration that a lake
is surrounded by land, which is surrounded by police, which is being illuminated by a helicopter that is
over the land, which holds the police, who surround the water that contains the man.
I know an old lady who swallowed a fly, well, you get the picture. [cartoon sound effects]
This Houston police department sergeant was stunned one night at the illogical mind of a dumb criminal.
The officer was pursuing a drug dealer in a high speed chase when the doper finally gave up near a strip mall parking lot.
-He's driving like a maniac. He's gonna kill somebody. He's gonna lose it. -[inaudible].
It's a code four on a narco suspect. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): As another officer was cuffing
the suspect, everyone heard the loud crash of shattering glass nearby. That's when the officer noticed a man running out of a clothing
store with an armful of clothes. -[inaudible] 211 suspect. Give me your hand. Give me your hand.
[inaudible] Give me the other hand. Why you running? Huh? -Man, I didn't do anything?
-Why you running? Didn't you hear the sirens? -[inaudible]. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): The man was caught red-handed
and when questioned by the police as to why he would commit a crime in the middle of a bust,
the crook replied I thought you'd be too busy with that other guy to notice me. He doesn't need to worry about that with us.
We always make time for another dumb criminal. [music playing] When an officer pulls over a dumb criminal in traffic
whatever the officer initially noticed is usually just the tip of the iceberg, as the next story proves.
Deputy Gary Worley noticed a car speeding, but he got much more than he ever expected.
-So we're on the east freeway, where we like to spend most of our time, and this little red Mitsubishi 240 blows by us.
I mean, just down the service road. No front plate, seat belt. And we stop the car.
I walk up, roll the window down. [sniffs] Woah, bud, Mexican forest fire burning in his car.
Girl, come on out. [laughing from behind camera] Wooh. Get her out. And then it's like a rolling advertisement for Weed Is Us.
And where the girl was sitting was a little four by six tin, little metal box with a removable lid.
I pick it up, shake it. Yeah, I know what this is. Seeds and stems. Open it up and there's seeds, stems,
and a little bit of marijuana and some papers. Well, the male that Charlie's talking to breaks down
and it's, he's crying. On the side of the freeway, he's crying tears just like turned the faucet on.
And Charlie asked him, man, you wanna talk to my partner. Yeah, I wanna talk to your partner.
Please help, oh god. So I walk back. I'm holding this tin of marijuana. And that's all I've got, just the tin.
I said, but what's wrong? All the dope's mine, mine. She didn't know anything about it.
This? It's, it's all mine, man. She didn't know anything about it. I said, look.
What, this? He looks at me and goes, no, stupid! The three pounds under the back seat.
[LAUGHING FROM BEHIND THE CAMERA] -Imagine that you've just escaped from prison
and you're on the highway all alone and you need to get in touch with a friend. And there it is, a payphone.
Help at last. Now if you could just remember that phone number. Our confused con spotted a phone,
but couldn't remember his friend's number so he tried to call information. However, he mistakenly dialed 9-1-1 instead of 4-1-1.
After he hung up the police were sent to check the 9-1-1 interruption and found our frantic felon
in his prison clothes still waiting by the phone for a friend. -Oh, this? I got it at the flee market.
-Oh yeah? Looks kind familiar to me. Oh. [inaudible]. -Looks like, looks like old McDonald
ran away from the farm. -No, [inaudible]. -Turn around. Put your hands on the back of your head.
-[inaudible]. -The officers were kind enough to give our surprised suspect a ride back to his cell.
It's what friends are for. [music playing] It's always so difficult to decide on what to give as a wedding gift to a newlywed couple.
A toaster, towels, bail money? A young couple had come down to the courthouse to get married one afternoon.
They had the normal wedding day nerves, especially the groom. You see an officer at the courthouse
recognized the husband-to-be on the security monitor as someone who had a warrant out for numerous unpaid fines.
So after the blessed union took place, the officer showed up to congratulate the man
and gave him a stunning pair of silver bracelets to wear. The gift that really says, you're under arrest.
I'm Daniel Butler and this is the eloquent and effervescent Beaumont Bacon. -Well hello, Daniel.
Thank you very much. -[inaudible]. -This first story I'm telling you, it is a hoot.
In Pierson, Florida a guy cased out the lobby of what he thought was a bank. However, when he finally got up the nerve
to hand the clerk his holdup note, she looked at him and said, this, this is City Hall, sir.
We have no money here. See? See for yourself, nothing in the drawer. -Well, then give me all your parking permits or something.
-Something. He immediately ran out of the building not noticing that the bank he meant to rob
was actually on the other side of the same hallway. It was only a few feet away. [inaudible].
-Well, this guy didn't have that problem. He tried to rob the same bank twice wearing the same clothes
that he had worn for the previous attempt, as well as for a couple of other banks in the area.
He never wore a mask, just the same striped shirt, the same baseball cap, and the same pants.
-Same look on his face every time. -Probably. -Maybe it was his lucky little hold up get up
-Well, yeah. -Hootenanny outfit. -Needless to say, the teller recognized him and alerted police, who quickly picked him up on his way
to another bank up the street. -Creature of habit. -I guess. -Which brings us to the
TOGETHER: Vidiot of the Week. -Our favorite story from the week out of all the stories we received so far
-Mhmm. -Here it is. A prisoner at the government city jail in Dallas decided that he had come up with the perfect plan
to get out of jail. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Not committing more crimes? BEAUMONT BACON (VOICEOVER): Hardly.
He managed to get a hold of some civilian clothes and on visitors' day he quickly changed and tried to blend in
with the other visitors as they were leaving. However, when he got to the locked guard gate
he yelled out the word that he heard officers do to request access. The guard quickly recognized that the con was trying
to con him and immediately escorted the guy back to his cell. -Hey, I bet he knew the proper password for that door, huh?
-Yeah. Duh. [laughs] [cartoon sound effects] -If you are a dumb criminal and you think that someone has just
sold you some bad drugs, what do you do? A, find your dealer and ask for a refund, B,
write it off as a loss and forget about it, or C, call the police and file a complaint.
We don't call them dumb for nothing. Seems our blonde bombshell felt like she had been sold
some bad cocaine rocks for $50 and she wanted the cops to verify it for her. When they arrived she showed them the drugs
and said that they tasted like baking soda. Well, when the officers tested the drug
he found out that it was in fact real. And arrested of the perplexed pinhead for possession of cocaine.
Now she's letting her fingers do the walking behind bars. [music playing] If our show gave out awards for stupidity
this guy would win dumbest plan of the year. Now, it's idiotic enough to try and steal
a car from an officer, but to do it in the parking lot of the sheriff's station in broad daylight?
A shift sergeant was getting out of her car at the Sheriff's station in Glendale, Arizona
when she was surprised by a man who wanted something. Her car. She assumed that he was joking and said,
so do I. Then he said, no, I'm taking your car. And that's when she detained the cook
and escorted him off the property. However, the dullard ran back in and headed for her car
again, but instead ran into the open arms of another officer who had run out to assist.
They soon found out that this guy had just been released from jail 20 minutes earlier for criminal trespassing.
I guess he just missed the food. Mm mm. This next dimwit was pulled over for not
having his headlights on. And then proceeded to shed some light on the culprit in five major crimes himself.
In Amherst New York a guy was stopped for a headlight infraction and fully complied
with the Lieutenant, handing him license, his registration, and a little something extra.
-Sir, what is this? -What? That's mine! Give that back to me. -No, I'll hold onto this.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): The loser had mistakenly turned over the actual holdup note he
and a partner had used in robbing four banks and one restaurant. The Greenpeace goon saved a tree by not burning his notes
after each robbery and managed to plant himself and his partner into the county criminal preservation
society for a good long time. [music playing] If you thought the Keystone Kops traded in their night
sticks for the ultimate in slapstick, wait till you see the real life mishaps of this pair of Canadian crooks.
Planning on pulling a small bank job, the duo had become a well-oiled machine. Every movement was synchronized.
And once their plan was in motion, nothing could stop their madcap momentum. -Freeze!
This is a bank robbery. -No, it isn't. -What? -This is a sewing center. If you were two doors down, that would be a bank robbery.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): And If she hadn't made a little phone call, they might have gotten away with it.
The police brought an abrupt end to the committed caper with a little slapstick of their own,
slapping the cuffs on the clumsy clowns and sticking them in jail. [music playing]
We've done a lot of prison breakout stories, but I think it's time for a prison break in story.
Officers in Louisiana we're involved in a 90 mile per hour car chase. After a series of running red lights,
right turns, left turns, they finally took a long turn down a dead end street. But the officers didn't have to finish their chase
because the deranged driver and his slippery sidekick sped to the end of the street and crashed right
through the front gates of the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison. [car crashing] Needless to say, their driving privileges were revoked
and their personal space was greatly reduced for many years to come. [music playing]
Getting a positive ID is one of the hardest things to establish after a crime, but sometimes you
get help from some very unexpected sources. A Las Vegas police officer was investigating a burglary
and brought the victim to identify the two young men caught running from the scene.
It didn't look good for a moment when the lady said she didn't think they were the ones, but that's when the officer decided
to turn the tables and ask the suspect. -Hey guys, is the lady that you saw out there earlier?
-Yeah, that's the one who was in the window. -No, man! [inaudible]. -Yeah, I think that is him.
-OK. -See? If everyone would just work together like these two the world would certainly
be a much happier place to live, don't you think? Officers had tracked down a guy who had a warrant out
for failing to appear in court. They tracked him to his girlfriend's house where he was allegedly staying.
-Yes? -Hello, ma'am. We're looking for your boyfriend. -Uh, haven't seen him for a few days.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): They talk to her for a few minutes and she said that he wasn't there.
And that she had no idea where he was. So they left, sort of. They outwitted the girlfriend by calling under a fake name
and asking for the suspect. When she said she'd get him, they returned to the house.
But when they conducted their search, they still came up empty until they are the noise upstairs.
They went into a bedroom and noticed a pair of hands clutching the window sill from the outside.
-Looks like we got somebody hanging around. [laughs] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): The suspect
panicked and let go, falling two stories down to the ground below. [groaning] The man broke both ankles and was arrested.
And by the way, there is no truth to the rumor that he now works as an air traffic
controller clearing people for landings. [music playing] Being able to run fast and jump high are great attributes,
but they rarely make up for a lack of brains, as this crook soon discovered. The chase started after a theft at a convenience
store near Andrews Air Force Base. Trying to escape the police, the thief abandoned his car
and jumped over the fence and into the base where he managed to elude helicopters and motor patrols.
But it was all for nothing because in his hurry he had left his stash and wallet inside the car.
-Hey, officers, what's going on? -Recognize the picture on this driver's license?
-[inaudible]. -You left it in the car you stole, you dummy. -Put your hands behind you.
-When the good lord was handing out brains, this guy must've thought he said canes.
And said, that he could walk fine without one, thanks. [music playing] On this next real surveillance tape
you see our guy casually looking around at a variety of electronics. He seems to be searching for a particular style of typewriter
as it goes from one to another. Then he turns and decides to simply pick up two boxed typewriters and move them out of his way.
And right out of the store. As he casually walks towards the exit, security quickly catches up with him
and insist on helping him with his heavy load. Maybe he should have insisted on carrying them himself.
You know, dumb criminals weren't born this way. They've had to work years to lose enough brain cells
to fully qualify as one of America's Dumbest Criminals. We'll see you next week.
[music playing] -[inaudible]. That's not mine. That's not mine. NARRATOR: On the next "America's Dumbest Criminals."
A soggy suspect leaves a trickling trail for that cops. A shifty shopper checks out with more than his receipt.
A casual crook makes a fashion faux pa. A man shoots mental blanks. -What the [bleep] were you thinking?
NARRATOR: The laughs just keep coming on the next episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals."
[cartoon sound effects] -Charlie and I stopped the car on the East Freeway. No seat belt and I think it was defective equipment,
break lights. And we get the driver out. He gives us his driver's license. We get him out, he comes back wanted.
Open warrants. So the passenger gives us a name, we check the name, he comes back wanted.
Cuff him, put him in the car and this guy's in tears. Tears are flowing down his, out of his eyes, down his cheeks.
Uh, that that's not my real name. We put him on the machine, he comes back with an open warrant for delivery or possession.
He gave us a fake name. The fake name he gave us was wanted. [LAUGHING FROM BEHIND THE CAMERA]
Yeah, totally made up. It was a fake name. And he was wanted. -Just pulled it out of the air.
-Pulled out of the air. And he's wanted. [LAUGHING FROM BEHIND THE CAMERA] Mhmm.
Uh, taking an OD call in an alleyway. Off of [inaudible] in a strip center. And we took the call off of a regular patrol car.
And as we roll up, put in park, here's this guy laid out in the alleyway. His arm's tied off, syringe is still stuck in his arm.
I nudge him, wake him gently. And I go, what the hell is this? He looks. Looks at me.
That ain't my rig, dude! And this ain't my arm! [LAUGHING FROM BEHIND THE CAMERA]
[cartoon sound effects] [music playing]

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," a dumb driver hands over more than his license, newlyweds get a surprise gift, rookie robbers make a bad first impression and officers discover catching two dumb criminals is better than one.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

A car thief hides in a lake, a groom gets arrested post-wedding, and a robber mistakes City Hall for a bank.

Key points

A Dumb Driver's Escape Plan. A car thief hides in a lake to escape police, but it backfires spectacularly.
The Wrong Number. A convict accidentally calls 911 instead of his friend for help.
Wedding Gift Gone Wrong. A groom gets arrested right after his wedding for unpaid fines.
The Case of the Missing Drugs. A woman calls police to complain about bad drugs, only to be arrested.
The Car Theft at the Sheriff's Station. A man tries to steal a car from a sheriff's station right after being released from jail.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

I thought you'd be too busy with that other guy to notice me.

A crook caught during a bust explains his reasoning.

3:09WatchFeb 17, 2022

Tension

40/ 100Low tension

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