America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 2, Episode 16 - Roller Bullies - Full Episode | Forensic Files

hi i'm daniel butler welcome to another edition of america's dumbest criminals [Music]
[Applause] [Music] oh [Music] on this episode of america's dumbest criminals the video debut of roller bullies
a motorhome madman takes a short trip a drunk driver tries breaking a stupid habit dumb doper in monkey nazi
monkey all this and more on this week's episode of america's dumbest criminals give me
your money here's your host daniel butler three kids in redondo beach were out skateboarding one night when a car
suddenly pulled up beside them two no neck minis got out and scared the kids into giving them their skateboards keys
and a video camera that one of them had been using to record their stunts hey would you say fool no
no man never what what what what's going on what are you doing [Music] what the goons didn't realize was that
the camera was still on and recorded the whole event in living color for the police to view when they caught them
about 10 minutes later [Music] the boys got their property back and the greedy geeks got to watch their home
video debut with a judge and a court full of their peers the jury gave the thugs two thumbs down
and made sure that they were unavailable to film any kind of sequel [Music] there are all sorts of excuses that
people give for breaking the law some are funny some are not but most of them are pathetically stupid like this one
a state trooper was clipped by a car while speaking to a motorist that just pulled over the driver didn't even slow
down however he was pulled over for dui a couple of hours later at his trial the
lawyer argued that her client was not drunk but had in fact taken a home remedy for diabetes that had caused her
clients erratic behavior however the driver's doctor thought otherwise testifying to his patient's daily scotch
habit of over 15 years to say that he has a drinking problem would be an understatement needless to say our
pickled pepper was promptly picked packed and parked at the penitentiary [Music]
officer mark miller tells the story of a drunk driver who had a little run in with the law and a car and a yard and a
house paul i remember some years ago we responded to a traffic accident it was a hit and run
we arrived at the scene a house had been run into the suspect vehicle was gone but the damage it included hitting the
house hitting a parked car hitting the lawn sprinklers to where the pipes were broken and there was water spewing
everywhere one of the witnesses handed us a garage door opener and advised us that the guy
driving the suspect vehicle had dropped that when he was getting out and back into his car
so we drove up the hill click every five or six houses click click about three miles up the hill and how
many houses later click the garage door opens and there inside the garage is the suspect vehicle it's wet it's
dripping with water from the lawn sprinkler the windshield wipers are on the headlights are on the engine's still
running and our guy is still sitting behind the wheel also inside the car was his dog i went
in the garage asked him what was going on he says he's just taking his dog for a walk
but it was raining so he's going to wait we arrested him for drunk driving [Music]
it's one thing to try to make a clean getaway but it's another thing entirely to put too much emphasis on the clean
part in fair oaks california a woman came home to her house and discovered items piled on the floor and her stereo
missing she quickly called 911 and waited for the police to arrive when they did the standard search for clues
became a wash in good luck oh my god the water turned into the bathroom i didn't
leave it on don't put it on okay the burglar was still in the house of taking a bubble bath sound asleep
believe it or not the officers actually had to shake the bathing burglar to make
the arrest oh man another dumb criminal down the drain and now crimes of the week with daniel
butler and beaumont bacon i'm daniel butler and with me is the bold and beautiful beaumont bacon but no longer
young and restless thank goodness unlike this guy who took a long jump off of a second-story dorm balcony to escape a
pursuing university police officer the campus cop spotted him running into a mouth of an underground drain pipe and
the chase was on and the chase was on well not exactly they let the thief cool his jets for a while before they sent a
k-9 unit in and not a moment too soon the pruned prep had wedged himself into a small pipe and was stuffed in so
tightly that he was blocking the flow of water oh and probably the flow of blood
to his brain i bet much like this wisconsin snow job who was on the run from the law and mistook himself for an
ostrich the police were responding to a silent burglar alarm at an auto body shop and arrived on the scene in minutes
the police figured the guy was still nearby and searched the premises they noticed their quarry within seconds or
should i say a part of them he had stuffed his head into a snow bank figuring if he couldn't see the cops
that they couldn't see him well actually i've done that what no yeah well if i if
i pretend it's not there you know i think maybe it'll go away you know well actually i i've done that
well almost sometimes when i'm out of gas and i've often made it to the gas station on the smell of an oil rag alone
and then i realize i have no cash so what did you do i left my id with security the same thing that our idiot
of the week from santa ana california did a week later he goes to collect his id and pay for the gas well that's nice
not really while the clerk goes back to get the man's id he eyes a gold chain on
another customer grabs it and runs leaving behind his id exactly the police promptly nailed the
necklace never at the address on his id card in addition the arrest was in violation of his parole the confiscated
chain was exchanged for some nicer little platinum cufflinks there [Music] we've highlighted crooks who've left
identification at the scene of the crime a driver's license or perhaps a credit card something that might have fallen
out of a pocket and could at least be attributed to carelessness this texas turkey had no excuse but
sheer stupidity the man at the front desk is about to empty the till at this downtown hotel
but he's waiting for the lobby to clear out before he makes his move so he fills
out a registration card once alone with the reception clerk he shows his weapon and demands the day's
take but with a limited amount of common sense he forgets to grab the registration card he so patiently filled
out with his real name address and phone number it didn't take long for the local
sheriff to track down the robber and check him into a lovely room with a view at the texas state prison
[Music] an off-duty officer was on her way home wearing a police-related t-shirt when
she stopped in at a convenience store to buy a drink she noticed a security guard buying
cigarette rolling papers and on a hunch approached the guard outside and ask him
if he had a bud another term for a marijuana flower the guard stated that he didn't but
would sell her a joint after the transaction she immediately arrested him she couldn't believe how stupid this guy
had been and actually had to point out her prominently displayed badge and gun to our clever con
he must have been blitzed during the attention to detail seminar at his security guard training sessions
studies have shown that parents don't spend enough quality time with their kids like they used to
well this family spent a little time together and learned a little something about one another in the process
it was an average day at this convenience store in northport alabama a kid comes into the store and immediately
rushes to the counter threatens the clerk and quickly grabs some cash and runs out the kid might have gotten away
except for one little oversight what he didn't notice was this man carrying the slurpees well he just
happened to be the kid's father who was on his way out to the car where his wife
the kid's mother was waiting you can see them staring in disbelief as they watch
their offspring in action to make matters worse the kid called the parents a little later to ask for a ride because
his car had broken down during his getaway the less than proud parents convinced
him to turn himself in and send him directly to the police station without any supper
following a tip on a dealer working from home two policemen in full uniform decided to pay the house a visit
well the two officers knocked on the door and were invited in that's when they discovered a man holding a plastic
sheet with cocaine piled in the center of it hey what do you got there coke you're under arrest
yeah no this is not my house man let's go i'll be hurt this is not my house not to worry they quickly found a new
home for our misplaced misfit [Music] women always give us guys a hard time about asking someone for directions when
we need them for some reason women just don't seem to have a problem with it as this will show
an officer was busy on a traffic stop when a car pulled up in front of the vehicle he was dealing with a woman got
out of the car staggered up to him and asked if he could give her directions to a specific bar
it was clear to the officer that she had already had a few for the road and he asked her to wait until he was finished
with what he was doing then he would be more than glad to help her which he did as soon as he was done he gave her all
the directions that she needed like how to touch her finger to her nose walk a straight line and how to enter the back
of his cruiser for a ride down to the station a destination that he was certain she
could find without anyone's help [Music] when a criminal goes to court the kind of judge he gets at his hearing can make
a big impact on what kind of sentence he will receive this particular bank robber in
massachusetts might have had a better chance if he had put a little more thought into his famous last words to
the judge the judge in this particular case seemed to feel a bit sorry for the crook and
after the guy apologized over and over for his crime and practically threw himself on the mercy of the court she
decided to ask him one final question if you were out this very moment would you do this again to which the
pleading perp replied i'm gonna have to take the fifth on that your owner that wasn't quite what the judge wanted
to hear so she gave the guy five to ten more years to think about his answer before his next trial
[Music] every gardener has had to learn to deal with pests white flies potato bugs
inchworms the list goes on and on however this man dealt with a new breed the dreaded
criminal stupidus a 74 year old man was spending a quiet afternoon gardening when he was
approached by a goon with a gun who wanted more than pruning tips hey give me your money at which point the man
grabbed his weed whacker and took a stand out of here the startled suspect tried to run but
fell and was unable to escape the whirling weapon that he had come into him he was charged with armed robbery
and assault and spent most of his cell time standing an officer in fresno california got more
than he bargained for on this routine stop our officer noticed a car driving very
slowly and erratically on an open road figuring that the driver was probably intoxicated he flashed his lights and
motioned for them to pull over suddenly the driver's side door opened and the driver stepped out of the car which
continued on its merry way the officer ordered the driver to stay put which he seemed to be doing anyway
and took off on foot to stop the moving vehicle he caught up with it and reached
in the driver's side window and threw the car in the park that's when he discovered the driver's snackered
girlfriend she was slouched down and clutching the steering wheel determined to keep the car on the road and within
the lines the officer arrested her and escorted the girl back to her catatonic counterpart who was standing in the
exact place the officer had ordered him to a few minutes earlier [Music] it's not often that citizens set up an
appointment for their mug shots but this woman in coleman alabama is a special case
a suspect wanted in some atm thefts saw her picture in the common times and marched right into the police station to
complain that's my picture in the paper that is not me well looks like you but after answering
a few pointed questions and looking at all the evidence against her the woman finally confessed
if there are any criminals out there watching now it really does save the cops a lot of
time and trouble if you just come on down and turn yourselves in we'd all really appreciate it
[Music] the man got ticked off at his friend while they were fishing so he just decided to take off in his buddy's rv
you can imagine the tense drama inside the rv it's speed three bagel from heck dad's pushing 57 miles per hour and it's
frantic dash from the law so he's really working up a hunger honey make me a ham
sandwich junior's about to get his high score on nintendo 64 and sisters doing her
homework at the dinette and talking on the cell phone honey pull over we need some more mayo i can't hear you with all
those dawn sirens and that damn pain blaring in my ear dad make him turn that off i can't study shut up stupid you
shut up don't make me stop this avi dad she kicked me that's it they finally pulled over and the officer gave the
fished off dad a stern talking to and sent him down to the station without any dinner well our bungling buffet is now
closing but please join us next week as we serve up another heap and helping of hapless hoodlums here on america's
dumbest criminals after being on the police department for maybe six six years i made a normal traffic traffic stop of
a vehicle and it was a young driver in his 20s i walked up to the window asked him for his identification and his
driver's license and he did the typical thing as he opened his wallet and took out his driver's license there was a
daily city police card sitting there and um so i noticed it and i go i just happened
to notice it and i said oh do you know this officer you know an officer he goes yes he's a very good friend of mine i've
known him for a long long time he's a very very good friend of mine i go really i said do you mind if i take a
look he goes sure and he takes it out and he proudly hands me this business card for one of my fellow officers and
there is my name eric wallman police officer daley city police sitting on this card i go really i said how long
have you known this guy oh we're very good friends we're very good friends oh okay well
that's really interesting to know thank you so i walked back to my car and and the thing about me is i'm the
easiest one you could talk out of a ticket i'm pretty if the person knows what they did wrong there's a good
chance they may get a warning but i walk but this one was too too good to pass up
so i walked back to my car and i fill out the ticket and for whatever the violation was
you know stop sign or something i fill out the violation obviously sign the ticket and i come
back to the car now obviously he's disappointed and i give him the ticket to sign
and then um i said by the way i said you may uh i said do you know who i am he goes uh no no i don't know you are i
said well check the name on that citation that you just signed and have a nice day
i'll see you later as far as patrol was one of our officers who unfortunately isn't here today was on patrol and
there was a there was a car driving up the street and behind it attached to the to the bumper of this car was another
bumper of another car and obviously that's a little unusual so this officer pulls in behind it pulls
the guy over walks up to the car obviously it seems like the guy's probably a little intoxicated and the
officer says he goes hey excuse me he goes but do you know that there's a there's a bumper on the back
of your car he goes yeah i noticed that and the guy's been tailgating me all the
way up the freeway [Music] you

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," we'll laugh at "Roller Bullies, a "Motorhome Madman," the "Breaking of a Habit" and an instance of "Monkey Not See, Monkey Do."

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode features absurd criminal antics, including a burglar caught in a bath and a drunk driver found in his running car.

Key points

Skateboard Thieves Caught on Camera. Two kids in Redondo Beach are robbed, but their camera captures the whole event.
Drunk Driver's Unbelievable Excuse. A driver blames his erratic behavior on a diabetes remedy, but the truth is revealed.
Burglar Falls Asleep in Bathtub. A burglar is caught napping in the house he robbed, leading to a bizarre arrest.
Gardener Fights Off Robber with Weed Whacker. A 74-year-old man defends himself against an armed robber with a garden tool.
ATM Theft Suspect Turns Herself In. A woman walks into the police station to complain about her photo in the paper, only to confess.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

The jury gave the thugs two thumbs down.

A humorous verdict on the skateboard thieves.

2:12WatchFeb 17, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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