America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 4, Episode 18 - Crack Pipe Crackpot - Full Episode | Forensic Files

NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): Tonight, on America's dumbest criminals, watch as a convenience store counter
spontaneously becomes a fireworks stand. Discover what true pride of ownership means as you
meet a crackpot with a crack pipe. And what in blazes are these guys doing what they're doing where they're doing it?
Witness the wit less as we extinguish the myth that crime is glamorous on America's Dumbest Criminals.
[police radio chatter] [theme music] to Now, welcome your hosts from ABC, Daniel Butler and Debbie Alan.
[applause] -Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, everywhere where I go, people ask me the same question.
-Is it, don't you have some place that you need to be? -No. No. That's the second question.
No. The first one is, where do you get these crazy stories? -Or, are these stories for real?
I get that one a lot. -Yeah, well the answer to the first question is everywhere.
We get our stories from newspapers, from the internet, from letters and email, but mostly,
from talking to police officers all across the country. If you've got a story you want to pass along,
grab a pen and paper. We'll give you our address at the end of the show. -And the answer to the second question is yes.
All our stories are for real. -Yeah, we thought you might like to go behind the scenes
of America's dumbest criminals, and after the tour, we'd like to invite you to stop by our gift
shop for souvenir t-shirts and post cards. [music playing] -Whenever possible, we use actual video footage
like what you're about to see. -We take you to Ocala, Florida to find a dimwit who,
with the flip of the switch, goes from a shadowy anonymous burglar to an easy to identify suspect,
thanks to his indispensable help, he was caught on camera. -Well, we had a local high school
that was reporting that it had a bunch of thefts occurring. So what he school resource officer did
was ask us if we would put a surveillance camera into the school. So we put it in there, the only problem
is we kind of figured out that most of the thefts were going on after hours. One night, the thief breaks into the school-- breaks
into the office, and we see this silhouette come in on the uh surveillance film, and we weren't
able to tell who it was until the thief turned on the light and revealed himself to us.
[laughter] -When Al Gore single-handedly created the internet-- -Lauren, I'm also fond of his other great inventions
like penicillin, a better mousetrap, and sliced bread. -He inadvertently created new ways
for people to get into trouble. We've come across a story about a high school student who went from--
-You've Got Mail-- -To-- -You've got jail. -I wonder if Alan visioned that his creation would provide
a story for something to remember me by. Take a look. [music] -I was referred a case about a juvenile who
had harassed a teacher via the internet. Juvenile went into the school's internet,
and, uh, pulled up a picture of this teacher, and cut his face out of that picture.
He attached this to a picture that he had gotten of a pornographic website, and he re-emailed the picture back
to the teacher and 10 other teachers and he was traced back to him through his email address.
It was attached to the picture he sent to the teachers. Little did he know that email has your own email
address attached to it, and that's basically how he was caught. He was since completed his terms.
He's actually a pretty decent kid. [applause] -I don't know what this world is coming to.
Once upon a time, criminals took pride in their work. They dressed well. They had nice haircuts.
They wanted to leave the scene without a trace, you know? -These days, they leave a lot more behind than fingerprints.
If you need proof, we've got plenty of evidence left behind by crooks who were much better at stealing
cars than covering their tracks. See for yourself. -Officers were called to a car accident.
A car hit a tree. When they got there, no one was around. They did find out the car was stolen though,
and inside the car was a video camera. The proud thieves had videotaped themselves.
-Real, real, stories of gangster. Alright. We're back. Now what car do we pick? The club.
You can't jack a car with a club. -Breaking into cars. -This is a jacked ride. If you can't tell, or key is a screwdriver.
Where's they key at? -Is that you? -We're rolling-- we're rolling like gangster.
Yeah. You know it. And if we get caught, Ronnie, you're eating the tape. -Stealing the car that they were in.
-That is a car that we're gonna jack. -Get away. -Getting another one. -What's up?
What's up? Look, I'm driving the Jeep! Look at that. -We're pretty bored right now, so we're
just looking for somewhere to go. -The last thing that was on the videotape was -[bleep]
-In police work, we always try and get the community involved in apprehending criminals.
Usually, it's the innocent citizens that we try to get involved, but hey, if the bad guys want
to help us out too, we're more than happy to get their assistance. [applause] NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): In Newport, Rhode Island,
it's illegal to smoke a pipe after sunset. -If the druggie you're about to meet had lived in Rhode Island,
he had've been in trouble on a nightly basis. You see, when officers cracked down on crack users
in Alliance, Ohio, they thought they had a hard evidence against one suspect. But he proved them wrong and right in a single action.
It'll all make sense as you watch America's dumbest excuses. [music playing] -One evening, uh, we're responding
to a report of a suspicious person outside a, uh, residential area. By the time we get there, we realize, uh, this is a, uh,
veteran of, uh, several break-ins, and he's a crack addict, which a lot of our burglars are.
We know him. He knows us. As soon as he sees me, I hear something, a little ting.
I see he dropped a crack pipe. And it's laying on the ground. It's right at his feet.
-No, I didn't drop anything. -I heard it hit the ground. I saw it come out of your hand.
-I didn't drop anything. DETECTIVE SCOTT (VOICEOVER): What's that right there? Come on.
Level with me. You know, I saw you drop it. I heard it hit the ground. It's right at your feet.
That's not your crack pipe. No, no, that's not my crack pipe. Look. -You're under arrest for possession
of drug paraphernalia. Two counts. [applause] -Have you ever heard anyone say, there
must be a logical explanation. Well that's what they want to believe. They want you to believe that nine out of 10 doctors
recommend things. That Dick Clark could look that youthful by just exercising and eating right.
Hah. And that the Spice Girls could really sell that many records. Come on get real.
So go ahead, and look for your logical explanation in our blue light special tonight,
dedicated to Oliver Stone. And remember, the truth is out there. [music playing]
NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): It occurred in an ordinary convenience store characterized
by a worker there as, WORKER (VOICEOVER): Nice and calm. NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): They always
are before Armageddon ensues. As revealed by the three surveillance cameras-- -I was going to get a pop, and then I
came up there and just saw it on fire. NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): A careless flick. A pyro getting his jollies.
Maybe sparks from the red hot smoked sausage or hot dogs. -And then it was on fire.
It just started catching on fire. NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): And I'm sure there's no significance to that.
-I was kind of shocked to see how high the flames were going and just the-- the-- the way they exploded,
and the flames shot out. NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): Like a fireball from an alien thrust rocket?
WORKER (VOICEOVER): A lot of people believe somebody had been messing with then because it
was too freaky of a thing to just start by itself. NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): Like maybe,
time travelers or the FBI. WORKER (VOICEOVER: I think they probably sat on the counter in sun too long,
and the window might have acted like a magnifying glass. NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): Sure, sure.
That makes perfect sense. If you discount the markings left on the counter, a perfect map to the lost city of Atlantis-- at any rate,
a man from a neighboring business quickly extinguished the flames, and aside from some singed fuzzy dice and some lotto cards that now
read otto, order has been restored. So we'll never really know what happened unless they try to make contact again.
We can only hope. [applause] -How do you keep a crook from getting away? Well a couple of police officers in Daytona Beach,
Florida know the answer is found where the rubber meets the road. Let's see what they mean.
-We're on patrol one night, and, um, we hear another officer gets involved in a car chase for a stolen car.
We move into the area, and eventually, we end up being lead car in the chase. The guy driving a stolen car bails out of the car.
He stops the car. He jumps out. He runs back towards the police car. And he's gonna run on us.
-So, right away, we recognize this guy. He's a notorious car thief in the area, and, uh, this guy runs like a gazelle.
Well he runs back towards the police car which is still driving forwards, he hits the front half
passenger side of the vehicle. Next thing we know, we're getting this deer in the headlight look staring at us
right through the windshield. -He just stops. Right there as the police car stops.
He stops. -So I undo my belt, bail out, and tackle this guy. Well I only weight about a buck 50,
maybe a buck 70 with the belt on. So when I hit somebody and try and take em down,
it usually takes more than one time. This kid went right down. No problem. Which was a surprise to me.
He comes around the car, grabs hold of him. -I came out and I jumped on him, and I'm holding him down.
-And I went after the number two guy in the car. -Exactly, and I'm trying to roll this guy over.
And I'm thinking, jeez, this guy's not rolling over. I looked down and I was like, god, jeez,
and by time Lance is walking back over to us, and I looked up I said, Lance I said, back the car up.
Back the car up. Just back the car up! -I'm arguing why do you want me to back the car up.
-Just back the car up. So I go around, I look. I'll back the car up. So I put in reverse and backed it up a few feet.
We found out why. -Yeah, it turns out that the reason he stopped running when the police car stopped rolling is because it's up to his toes
were caught underneath the front tire. -We load him up in back to the car and then--
-We can't contain ourselves anymore. -No, we're laughing so hard, and now, tears were coming out of my eyes.
Eventually, this kid starts laughing with us. There's the three of us. Two cops and a suspect in the back of the car,
just dying laughing over this. And he said, oh yeah, you guys got me. It was great.
-It was. [applause] -And now the news that sits like an oily film on the surface of humanity.
Here's Daniel with ABC headlines. [applause] -It's hard to know who to trust these days.
When a woman realized that she had been conned into driving the getaway car for her friend's bank heist.
She pulled over and told little Ma Barker to hit the road. Now desperate for another ride, the robber
began waving at drivers, her hands filled with wads of cash. Yeah, yeah, a not so good Samaritan
stopped, and tried to wrestle the recently acquired loot from her. Finally, both the bank robber and the bank robber's robber
were arrested. Say that 10 times. To show the perils of drunk driving, a radio disc jockey in Seattle attempted
to drive at varying levels of intoxication on an obstacle course set up by police
officers and a remote location. Just as the seriously sauced DJ was about to conduct one
final test run, a car zoomed down to the course, passed a stop sign, knocked traffic cones in all directions,
and drove on. When overtaken by an officer a few blocks away, tests indicated the driver was far drunker
than the DJ conducting the test. Thanks for that living, breathing object lesson.
Okay. A teenage girl in LA didn't think she needed a disguise to keep from being identified while robbing banks.
Why? Because she wore a see through blouse with no bra. Believing that it would distract attention from her face.
Ha. But, she was wrong. And she was flat busted. [laughter] -And, that closes the file on ABC Headlines.
News ripped from somewhere near the back of your local newspaper. Debbie? [applause]
-Here's a story of a modern day Cheech and Chong, who were convinced they were tripping out when they headed
to the woods to fire up and thought that they were being fired upon. Its all rolled up in tonight's special delivery.
[music playing] -We have a police firing range. It has a dirt road that runs up town.
It's well marked, police firing range. One day, we were running firing range practice.
Well these two guys drive up there in a car. Park on the street. And sit down and start smoking a couple joints.
One of our officers-- she has to leave the firing range in a real hurry. She goes driving down the firing range road,
and here are these two guys, parked doing their drugs, smoking their dope. The officer gets out, walks up to the car.
And it's all history from there. [laughter] -For you to fully appreciate the situation you're about to see,
a little background information would be helpful. In years gone by, officers refer to the legal paperwork related
to automobile ownership and operation collectively as licenses, plural. That may sound like needless exposition, but trust me,
you'll thank me as we take a little drive to Chickasaw, Alabama. -We had a Sergeant who retired several years ago.
And he was getting on in age, and had a nice pot bully, and he was real slow talking.
And he never got in a hurry. He was always slow talking. He pulled over a person-- a woman for traffic violations
and he said, ma'am, show em to me. And she lifted up her shirt and showed them to him.
He wanted her driver's license. [applause] NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): Now, let's look back
at one of ABC's greatest hits. Let's see if we can understand the logic of this next blister brain.
You're driving along in your van. The cop pulls up behind you, signaling you to pull over.
Having a guilty conscience for one reason or another, you immediately feel the need to flee.
Already, we see a flaw in this plan. So here, we have the scene from the dash mounted
camera of the pursuing officer. Our logicless loser is heading up the road with all haste.
But wait, here comes the brainwave, why don't I just turn left here and drive into my ex-girlfriend's place.
Literally. What was he thinking? Fortunately, no one was injured. And the good thing about public detention
is, you get lots of time to ponder life's little twists and turns, and, head on collisions.
[applause] NARRATOR (VOICEOVER): In Virginia, spitting on a seagull is not tolerated.
-I was on routine patrol, just driving on the road. There was a truck parked beside the roadway.
I was on the passenger side, there's guy underneath it working on it. So I pull up behind him and walked up beside the truck,
and I notice he's making lots of motions from under the truck on the side. What the guy had done, he was hauling
a load of dope, marijuana. He had it inside of a gas tank. Well, he had put gas in the wrong tank.
He had dual tanks. And by mistake, he had put the gas in the gas tank that his marijuana was in.
And he just pulled over by the side of the road and was trying to save his load.
And he was taking kilos out of the gas tank and setting it up on the floorboard.
And as he pulled out to set one up on top of the floor board, I just took it from him and said, thank you.
That was 140 pounds of marijuana. [applause] -If you've ever had reason to visit an emergency room,
you know that they practically bury with paperwork before they scope out your problem.
-Yeah, I've always wondered how your mother's maiden name could be responsible for appendicitis.
-Our last story tonight shows what happens when a guy on the lam takes full disclosure too far for his own good.
-If you don't believe us, just ask the Deputy First Class, Gwen Jones. She'll tell you we're not making this up.
[music playing] -This gentleman escaped from the jail and got away. Within a few hours of that, he showed up at the hospital,
and they asked him to fill out the paperwork necessary before treatment. And there is a slot on the paperwork that
asks how did you sustain this injury. And he wrote in, I hurt my foot while escaping from jail.
Needless to say, that was the end of his flight of freedom. That was pretty dull.
-Well, that's all the time we have for tonight. But, we'll be back next week. If you've got a lead on a story you'd like is to investigate,
visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com. -Or, if you're more of the old fashioned type,
write us at this address, America's Dumbest Criminals, 3201 Dickerson Pike, Nashville, Tennessee, 37207.
-Who knows, we just might send our motley crew to your town. -No, no, no, you shouldn't threaten people like that.
Don't do that. -Before we go, we want to thank all the officers who helped with tonight's show.
-Law enforcement is often a thankless job, but we want to go on record as being in your corner.
-As always, we hope that we've all learned from others mistakes-- -But, if you haven't, we just might to see you next week
on America's Dumbest Criminals. -Good bye! [applause] [music playing]

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness a convenience store counter spontaneously become a fireworks stand, the true pride of ownership from a crackpot with a crack pipe and some real idiots in a car.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

Bizarre criminal stories include a fire at a store and a thief caught under a police car.

Key points

America's Dumbest Criminals. A humorous take on the blunders of criminals caught on camera.
Caught on Camera. A burglar's identity is revealed by a simple light switch.
The Email Blunder. A juvenile's harassment of a teacher backfires spectacularly.
The Fireworks Incident. A convenience store fire sparks chaos and confusion.
The Escape Gone Wrong. A fugitive's honesty leads to his capture at a hospital.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

Where do you get these crazy stories?

Debbie's humorous response to audience questions.

1:24WatchMar 10, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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