America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 2, Episode 8 - Bottled Up Robber - Full Episode | Forensic Files

-Welcome to another edition of "America's Dumbest Criminals." -Welcome to another edition of "America's Dumbest Criminals."
NARRATOR: On this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals--" -Put your hands up on the top of your head.
NARRATOR: A girl and her bottled up robber, a freaky fumigation burglar, a stoned stooge in rocky mountain high.
-Sir, have you been drinking or smoking pot? -Might be some pot in the car. NARRATOR: All this and more, coming up
on America's Dumbest Criminals. Here's your host, Daniel Butler. -You know those commercials for bug control
that state, bugs check in, but they don't check out? Well, this pest decided to test that theory.
After spotting a home one night that was tented for fumigation, our pesky poacher decided he would
stop and pick up a few things. However, he soon realized that it wasn't just potpourri that had been sprayed in the house.
Paramedics were called to the scene and quickly showered and shampooed our disoriented dummy, who was quaffed,
cuffed, and then carted off to the hospital for a quick tuneup where he won't bug anyone for a good long time.
Poets and songwriters have long been inspired by the snow-covered peaks of Colorado.
But as we see in this next police report, there's always the possibility of running
into a different kind of Rocky Mountain high. -Look at that guy. He must be drunk driving or something.
Look at that. NARRATOR: In Parker, Colorado, most folks are god-fearing and law abiding.
This is not one of them. -Following a gray Miata, high rate of speed. NARRATOR: In a big city, this would
mean immediate backup and assistance. But on the country lanes and rural routes,
an officer often acts alone. -Put your hands up. Put your hands up on the wheel.
NARRATOR: Burned twice, this congenial cop gets serious. He speeds ahead, blocks the suspect's vehicle,
and gets his man. -What is your problem? Why didn't you stop when I pulled you over?
-Oh, Officer, that ambulance, it keeps following me. -Sir, have you been drinking or smoking pot?
-Well, actually yes, a little bit. -Is there any more dope in the car? -Actually, there is.
Yeah. -Step out of the car. Put your hands up on top of your head where I can see them.
-Do drugs damage brain cells? Ask this persistent country police officer and this loony mountain man who will be enjoying the Rocky
Mountains through his cell window for the next few weeks. Officer David Knight talks about how his partner's bark
turned out to be more than his bite. -I have a funny non-dog but dog story. I had a partner that used to tape record my dog barking.
He'd make my dog bark, and then he'd tape record it, think it was funny. One night while I was off and he was driving around,
he saw a suspect run from a car area and ran into some bushes. So he gets on his PA system.
It was a Hispanic person, and he says in Spanish for the guy to come out or he'll send the dog.
And he turns his tape recorder on and makes the dog barking. And about 30 illegal aliens all pop out
of this bush because of the dog barking. -By following the lead dog, he was able to find the whole pack.
-That suspect suddenly climbed out from underneath the car, put his hands atop his head, and says please,
please, please, don't set the dog. All in a day's work, that's it. Anything else?
We'll throw the dog back in. You know? -Here in America's Dumbest Criminals, we see a lot of evidence directly
tying culprits to the crime. In this case, down in Chattanooga, Tennessee, the square head used a double knot
to wrap himself up for the authorities. The young man on trial here-- let's call him
Freddie-- was accused of robbing a convenience store. Yes, he was captured half a mile from the crime with a trail
of stolen cigarettes behind him. And yes, in the bushes nearby were his ski mask,
black gloves, and a BB gun with his name engraved on the side. Of course, his plea was not guilty.
-I'm not saying this is not how it is. But don't you think that the cop could have put my name on the gun?
-Believe it or not, his grand conspiracy theory did nothing to help free Freddie,
nor did the sworn testimony of the police. -As soon as we drove up on him, he started yelling.
I didn't do it, I didn't do it! -But Freddie did do it-- time, that is. Lots of it.
-This is going to be exciting. -Hi, I'm Daniel Butler, and this is a festive holiday dish, Beaumont bacon.
-Served hot. On a chafing dish. -Chafing. We've all been tempted to use handicap parking spaces before.
-I haven't. -But know that they are there for a purpose-- for the handicapped. However, these dumb criminals didn't realize
that lack of brains still doesn't qualify them. -No? -No, I'm afraid not. An officer was crossing through the parking lot of a mall
when he spotted a car parked in the handicap zone with the driver still in it and no handicap sticker.
He pulled his patrol car right behind him, and before he could get out, another man
approached the parked car, seemingly oblivious to the police car right behind it.
-Well, we're going down. -And the two guys began to talk. Just as the officer approached, the officer
witnessed an exchange of drugs for money. -That's how it's done here. -It's called a drug deal.
-That's called a drug deal. -That was the officer's cue to exchange the drugs for handcuffs, which he did very quickly for both men.
-I would think so. That's a good thing. -So now it's a handcuffed parking space.
-And you have to have a special sticker for that. -Handcuffed. -Handcuffed. -With a little-- like that on the rear.
-How does it go again? -The-- -Excellent. Very good. -Thank you. -If having a lack of brains qualified
for being handicapped, say, we'd have a parking lot full of dumb criminals. Just like this one, Daniel.
An officer had just received a report of a car stolen near midnight. -That's an Eric Clapton song.
-It is. (SINGING) After midnight, you want it all. That's a different song though, isn't it?
Within 20 minutes, the car was found in a parking lot next to a bar. Rather than wait for someone to come out and claim it,
the officer called the bar and told the bartender that unless the owner came out and claimed the car,
it would be ticketed. And within a couple of minutes, our dopey driver did come out,
staggering, of course. And he came out to his car and right into the open arms of the police.
-To serve and protect. Ah, come to papa. But wait-- there's more. Yet another parking lot story.
But this one took place even closer to home. -How close? -Real close. A man was released from a Fort Worth jail
after serving time for car theft. He was processed and allowed to walk out the front door
a free man-- which lasted about 10 minutes. He was brought back into the jail a few moments later for attempting to steal another car
right there in front of the police department. -He wanted to get away from that place really fast.
Which brings us to our "Vidiot of the Week." NARRATOR: An officer was patrolling the interstate when
he got a call about a car headed his way going the wrong way on the interstate. The car pulled right up to the officer.
It turns out the female driver just needed directions. -Can I help you, ma'am? -Yeah.
Can you tell me where the crack house is? -Excuse me? -The crack house. -The crack house?
-Yeah. Do you know where it is? -I'll tell you what. Let me come out here. Why don't you--
NARRATOR: Instead of giving her directions to the crack house, the officer just gave her a ride to the clank house.
-Forget your license, and you may have a problem. Forget it in a stolen car, well--
An officer and his partner followed a speeding car until it stopped and the driver went into a house.
When they learned that the vehicle was stolen, they inspected the car and were surprised to discover
the driver's license on the front seat. The officers then asked to see the driver
and told him he had left his license in the car. When he proceeded to get it, they arrested him.
That's not quite the end of it, either. When he was booked, he asked the officers
what he should do with his heroin. They said not to worry about it. They would just add it to his charges at no extra cost.
Sometimes, you just have to show people what you're capable of to make them behave, like this next "show me"
story from Missouri City, Texas. -One day, another officer and I got a call on an individual that was rather mentally unstable.
He had been over City Hall whistling, screaming, yelling. We were obviously not wanting to take him to jail.
We wanted to try and find a family member to come get him or something. So while we were going through his possessions,
the other officer found a letter. And in the hopes that there would be an address of a family
member or his name on there, we were going to try to get it and find a location to get somebody to come pick this guy up.
Well, he started eating it. And so the officer started struggling with him to get the letter back.
Well, I've taught defensive tactics over the years, so while they were wrestling I thought,
well, I'm going to put an end to this little struggle. So I walked over to the pile and reached in,
and got a thumb and bent it all the way back with a pain compliance hold. And sure enough, it worked.
The fight broke up immediately. What I didn't know was I had the officer's thumb,
and not the mental suspect. And the fight was over, and the officer transported the guy down to the mental cell
down at Portland County Jail, the holding cell down there for mental patients. And he got curious on the way down there,
and he asked this guy, you were really getting the better of me. What made you give up so quickly?
And he said, man, I saw what that sergeant did to you. I was afraid what he would do to me.
-An officer from the Knox County Sheriff's Department in Knoxville, Tennessee sent us this story about a drunken duck
hunter who went afoul of the law. The man was so intoxicated, he didn't even see the officer dead ahead of him when he left the bar.
-He's going to try to leave. Staggering out of this bar. Now he knows the police are here.
Come on over here, right over here. -Right over here? -Right over there. -What seems to be the problem?
-You right now. You've had too much to drink. -No. -No, no. -You got a license? NARRATOR: The man proudly produced and handed
to the officer his duck hunting license. -This is a hunting license. -And fishing.
-And fishing. NARRATOR: When the man finally found his driver's license, the officer ran a check on it and found
that it had been revoked. The man was arrested after he failed a field sobriety test.
-The next day, the officer received a phone call from the drunken man. The man was quite agitated, and said that he could not
find his hunting and fishing license. Apparently, drunk driving and driving on a revoked license
was OK. But the man didn't want to go hunting without his license, because he was afraid the game warden would catch him
and he would get thrown in jail again. Don't ever underestimate the power of the written
word or a sweet-faced grandmother. Both figure in to our next story. We call it "The Bank Bandit Running."
A New Mexico grandmother wandered into a bank to make a withdrawal. But when she handed over her withdrawal slip,
she was unaware that one of her grandchildren had written "this is a holdup" across the top.
[indistinct talking] -Is there a problem, ma'am? -I just-- I want my money [inaudible].
-[inaudible]. -Well, I don't care. I'm not holding up a bank. I just want my money.
-I just want my money. -I'm sorry. -I'm happy to report that the scuffle ended and everything was cleared up.
Grandma was set free, the bank got to keep its money. Though I loathe to think what the punishment was for her goof
off grandchild. (SINGING) Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life's been showing you?
Chances are, if you're a dumb criminal, the answer to those questions will be no,
as this geographically challenged individual plainly shows. NARRATOR: A probation officer in Tucson, Arizona
told us he received a call one day from one of his felons letting him know that he'd skipped the country
and was now beyond the law. When the officer asked where the man had fled to, he was met with a highly humorous answer--
-Yeah, I'm in Puerto Rico. -Wow, you're where? In Puerto Rico? Well, I'll tell you what, why don't you give me your address
and stuff, and I can mail out some paperwork to you. You can fill it out, send it back to me
so we can end this probation on you. -Much to the officer's surprise, the felon did give him his address in the US territory of Puerto Rico.
And the geography class dropout was quickly scooped up by the San Juan Police Department a few hours later.
A suspect in a robbery involving two men in masks was being questioned at the Denton County Jail.
After a few moments of getting nowhere, the resourceful investigator took out a computer sketch
of a man whose face was completely obscured by a mask. -It's a picture of one of the guys
that was involved in the burglary. You recognize him? -Oh, man. -You know who that is?
-Yeah, it's a picture of me. -That's you? -That's me. NARRATOR: The stunned detective then
showed him another, also unrecognizable. -Those are my friend Johnny. -Let me get this straight.
This is you, and this is your friend John? -Yeah. -He was quickly picked up and taken down to the station
to be with his paranormal partner with the x-ray vision. It's been proven that smoking is bad for you.
But this dumb criminal found out that stealing smokes and running from the police, it's even worse.
NARRATOR: An officer witnessed a man of steal a carton of cigarettes from the store
and pursued the light-fingered loser as he exited. The Marlboro moron tried to make a break for it,
but he didn't get far. It's not that he was winded. No, he just learned a very important lesson
that the Surgeon General has yet shared with the public-- running into poles may also be hazardous to your health.
What a drag. -Kids are supposed to look to their parents for guidance. But if the parents are dumb criminals too,
then the family business has nowhere to go but down. NARRATOR: An officer in Porterville, California
was trying to find a boy who had been identified by several witnesses as the main suspect
in a series of service station robberies. But each time the officer tried to catch him at home,
the prickly parents swore their son was out looking for a job. -The officer was sure that they were hiding him somewhere
in the house, and came up with a plan. NARRATOR: He had another officer call the parents
and say that he was the owner of a local donut shop and that he had heard that their son needed a job.
The perplexed couple said, yes, set up an appointment for their son, promising he'd be there.
Later that afternoon, the slacker son and his mental mentors showed up and were quickly taken into custody.
The son was arrested for the robberies and the parents for harboring a known criminal.
-I guess the family the plays together really does stay together-- in jail. Sure, a lot of places give free samples to their customers.
But we found one liquor store in Tulsa, Oklahoma where the clerks even take care of the crooks.
Here's some actual surveillance footage to show what we mean. NARRATOR: As you can see, this man
walks in the shop looking like he might buy something. But he quickly and quietly lets the women behind the counter
know that he has a gun and wants their money. Not overly impressed with his laid back technique,
employee Jean Casey decided to see if liquor goes to the goofy gunman's head. This guy's got a hard head.
Coworker Debbie Elson tries some Napa Red. Ouch. That's wine on his forehead, folks, not blood.
This round was definitely on him. But when the final bell rang, the women stood tall,
and our wobbly wino was quickly arrested and sent to prison. -Well, our bumbling buffet is now closing.
But please join us next as we serve up another heaping helping of hapless hoodlums here on America's Dumbest Criminals.
NARRATOR: On the next episode of America's Dumbest Criminals, a loony landlord in "Shell Shock," silly swindlers
in "Swipe and wipe," a hairy hoodlum in "Heist Anxiety," a repeat performance in "Rice Man Cometh."
-You don't remember me? -I don't know you. -Three years ago. I have been promoted.
NARRATOR: All this and more on the next episode of America's Dumbest Criminals. -We have a little mountain peak around here
that's called Mount Helix where we have to close every night, and we get the lover's lane type of place.
You've got to close it down. And I had pulled up there, gotten out of my car, and left the driver's door open.
I walked around quietly to make sure nobody was around, and then I returned to my vehicle.
I climbed back in my vehicle, and I drove down the road. Suddenly, I heard a noise in the backseat.
Evidently, while I had left my vehicle alone, a skunk had climbed inside my vehicle.
I then spent the spend the rest of my shift, which is another two or three hours, driving about 120 miles an hour
with all the doors and windows down and all the windows down on the car back and forth on the freeway
trying to blow all this out. I couldn't get rid of it. I happen to have a car partner that comes in in the morning
that is the meanest deputy that you could ever, ever have. He hates everybody in the world, hates other deputies.
And he's my car partner, and I have just stunk up the car, and he's going to have to get in it.
So I get all my stuff out, and I leave a half hour early. I drive across the street to my own car, get my binoculars out,
and I wait for him to come out. The entire shift that I worked with stayed over to watch him walk out to get into this car.
In the binoculars, I'm watching him walk out to the car looking irritated. About 10 people, including the Sergeant,
follow him all the way out to the car. As he promptly, angrily because he's being followed,
gets into the car, closes the door, immediately the door opens and he pops back out again.
And of course, I have to-- I'm alive today.

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," we'll witness the "Bottled Up Robber," "Fumigation Burglar" and experience a "Rocky Mountain High."

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode highlights absurd criminal antics including a fumigation burglar and a grandmother's bank mishap.

Key points

A Pest's Fumigation Fumble. A burglar learns the hard way that fumigated homes aren't safe for looting.
The Drunken Duck Hunter. A duck hunter gets arrested for drunk driving but is more worried about his hunting license.
The Bank Bandit Running. A grandmother accidentally tries to rob a bank with a withdrawal slip that says 'this is a holdup.'
The Family Business. A slacker son and his parents all get arrested for harboring a criminal.
The Wobbly Wino. A liquor store clerk fights back against a gunman with wine, leading to his arrest.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

This pest decided to test that theory.

Narrator introducing a story about a burglar.

1:13WatchFeb 17, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

More from True Crime Files

Solve the Crime

Read a real case one clue at a time, then see how your call held up against the investigators.