America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 3, Episode 26 - Sleepy Service - Full Episode | Forensic Files

tonight on america's dumbest criminals while this waitress is counting cheap this robber is counting cash these guys
weren't waiting for a sale to stock up on a few items but it's gonna cost them when america's dumbest criminals
continues [Music] [Applause] wow [Music] [Applause] dumbest criminals daniel butler
[Music] wow you know debbie i think i'm finally convinced that people never learn why do
you look at me when you say that you're talking about committing crimes right yeah yeah you break the law you get
busted i mean it's nuts to think any other way yeah where the offense is let the great ax fall
say what that's shakespeare oh yeah i knew that oh yeah you did not know that with shakespeare
oh yeah this guy thinks hamlet is something you get with a grand slam breakfast at denny's
well yeah but with the chopped ham and onions yeah it's like a western uh i guess that's probably as close as we're
going to get to a smooth segway to our first story it involves a surveillance camera showing a waitress fast asleep
while a thief pulls a fast one yes be very quiet very quiet we're hunting a westerly wobble here's caught on camera
it's getting so a bartender on the graveyard shift can't even catch a few z's meanwhile the only customer in this
all-night vegas lounge was not a model citizen he just walked down the behind the bar
and picks up the cash out of the register he doesn't grab a run because she's sound asleep and
walks out with the cash is she lays their sleeping mr sandman tiptoed out with 800
when his victims are conscious he has to go to a little more trouble impersonating an officer he would gain
their confidence by using such methods as pretending to make a phone call to wake up a judge to ask a judge to issue
a search warrant on the case that he was currently working at this establishment
the imposter punctured a water pipe then told the bartender there was a flood in
the men's room flood you know and so i mean here i'm thinking the man is is a highway patrolman i mean you know and
i'm alone i think that's this is fine i'll go back and check it out the crook got away with 300
but he left behind his bogus business card we contacted that highway patrolman and asked him
who fit this particular description that he might have given a car to jackpot the trooper had arrested the guy
two months earlier and had given the guy his card the criminal was positively identified
by several witnesses it is not known whether the bartender woke up to testify i never trust a business guy no no you
should no hey i bet this next crook wishes that he'd never been born yeah well of course but if that was the case
he wouldn't have had anything to write his stick up note on that's true here's another case of a guy who's not going
anywhere because of his poor choice of stationary [Music] one of the funniest stories uh we've had
in recent memory was a robbery at the local diner it's the penguin diner along a major highway here and this person
pulls up in a car with some friends jumps out of the car runs in the front door to diner and approaches the cashier
with a note and on the note it says give me the money or i'll shoot and he has his hand in his coat like he has a gun
and the girl's scared to death opens the drawer but doesn't even react to stands there he reaches over grabs
hands full of money she's looking down at the note while the note's written on the back of
the man's birth certificate he runs out of the diner hops in the car when they pull the car over the man's
stolen the car and still has the birth certificate with the hold of their written on the back of
the birth certificate which uh is obviously one of america's dumbest criminals anytime there's a crime there have to be
lawyers involved right true or words were never spoken young man tonight we're going to run a couple
of legal briefs up the flagpole for your consideration the first involves perhaps
the most civic-minded sought you've ever encountered here's a new feature we call
america's dumbest lawsuits i was circuit judge a number of years ago and a man was charged with driving
under the influence his story was that he was standing on the corner and minding his own business
drunk but minding his own business when a runaway car came down the street without a driver
and uh obviously endangering the life and limb of everybody around and so being the good citizen that he
was he risked his own life as well as his probation and ran and jumped in the car and brought it to a safe halt and
then lo and behold a police officer came up and arrested him for driving under the influence just goes to show you no
good deed ever goes unpunished and speaking of dumb lawsuits a woman with a fertile mind and other fertile
parts sued a manufacturer of contraceptive jelly claiming that its product failed to do its job she stated
with no awareness of her naivete that she ate the jelly on her toast faithfully for two weeks before sexual
involvement and still managed to become pregnant as you might guess she did not win her
case talk about a story that leaves a bad taste in your mouth huh okay here's one more dumb lawsuit
in one case the plaintiff was suing the national television networks the cia and a particular judge
suing the the cia because they were stealing his thoughts watching him with their satellite technology
watching his moves his mannerisms taking his thoughts and selling them to the national television networks who
were giving his thoughts and his the way he acted to newscasters television anchors
national commercials sitcom characters and making money off of it he was suing the particular judge
because the judge had dismissed his previous case against the national networks and the cia
[Music] hey here's another dumb law in florida men may not be seen in public wearing a
strapless gown boy i bet that really puts a crimp on fashion in south beach huh all right
well i think we thought about that enough you know it's hard to find good help these days but we've learned of a man
who go to great lengths just to get work his actions are beyond the call of duty
and they put him in line for a promotion into america's dumbest excuse my partner and i were on patrol early
one morning and he observed the vehicle parked in a local restaurant parking lot
which he recognized as one that had been stolen he ran the plates determined that
it was the vehicle that had been stolen here in in boulder city two days prior i made
contact with a cook inside pizza hut and he advised me that the the car was there
when he came in in the morning that he was the first employee that come in that morning
i checked with a couple of the other employees and found that the vehicle wasn't there went back in later to
interview him again and advised him that his story just didn't didn't wash didn't make sense
after we talked to him for a while he finally admitted to the fact that he had stolen the vehicle he said that he'd
gotten off work two days prior and went over to a buddy's house and it got late and the bus stopped running so he stole
the car so that he could get home he missed the bus again coming to work and he didn't want to get fired
so he went in and took the same car that he'd stole the first time and parked it
in the parking lot of where he was working and went in and went to work i think his morals were a little bit
screwed up there he he didn't want to get to work late however he didn't have a problem
stealing a vehicle to do it so he did make it to work however he doesn't have a job there anymore
are you that committed to your job debbie no i think that's the reason why god made taxis hey have you ever seen
that old show shopping spree where people see how much stuff they can cram into a shopping cart in a short amount
of time well this next guy would probably be a big winner considering how much stuff he could stuff into his pants
he and his skulking accomplice are front and center for tonight's blue light special
[Music] just how much stuff can one guy fit into his pants well this young man seems all
prepared to set a world record he starts with a big item to clear the way in case
anything else catches his eye and it does he decides he wants this yeah that's just great and you know what it's
like eating salted peanuts because he just doesn't know when to stop but fortunately for him store security will
be glad to offer assistance in that matter what would you get if you combined ma
barker ivana trump and minnie pearl well you'd get the kind of story you're about
to see let's head up to saranac lake new york case that comes to mind that was evolving two criminals that weren't too
smart involved a jewelry store where they went into the jewelry store during business hours
well the two people came into the store and one of them was a regular customer of ours hi how are you fine thank you
i'd like to see some chains when she came in there was nothing unusual about it other than the fact that there was
somebody floating back by the door one subject distracted the clerk while the other subject commenced to take gold
change and reigns and stuff from the counter we got called after they had left the
store because the clerk noticed a large amount of jewelry missing since we knew who they were
we called the police and said so-and-so was just in here and robbed us and they live right across the street we
saw him just go into the apartment if we go over there and see if we can get our chains back
we'd appreciate it people that were in the store made a description of two subjects that lived across the
street on a way across the street we noticed the female subject walking into an apartment building started talking to
her while i was talking to her i noticed that she had large amounts of gold chains and and
earrings and rings on her body where did you get all the chains around your neck
uh that young man right there they were gifts the funniest part about this was all the stuff that she had just taken
she forgot to take the price tags off her and the price tags from the jewelry store is still hanging on
when we asked her where she got the jewelry from she said it was a gift from her
arrest at this time you're boyfriend which case by the back the female subject and her boyfriend
were both convicted for the grand marching charge now when she receives presents from her
boyfriend she receives him at the county jail [Music] coming up later a guy who should have
thunk about the pot in his trunk but now with news that requires you to pull vault across the credibility gap yeah
here's daniel with adc headlines [Applause] [Music] [Applause] an opportunist in memphis robbed a
flower shop of 40 then called the police to report himself believing that he could cash in on their
program to give a one thousand dollar reward to citizens for turning in a crook new i don't think so bucko
a 71 year old lady in carlsbad new mexico bashed a swindler selling bogus magazine subscriptions to her 89 year
old mother when she realized a con was being perpetrated she attempted to call the police but the man repeatedly hung
up the phone incensed she picked up the phone and hit the con artist in the face
with such force that according to her statement the dial went one way and the receiver went the other at that he left
very quickly and here's another story from new mexico this time santa fe a man protested being charged with driving
while intoxicated yes he admitted that he had consumed 10 beers and yes he was mowing weeds along the road on his
tractor when he unwittingly plowed down a fence dragging it and a mailbox behind
him but he argued that the tractor was technically not a vehicle and therefore he should not be charged
of course he he lost that one and that closes the file on adc headline news whip from somewhere
back of your local newspaper debbie [Music] if this man in san diego wanted to avoid
drawing attention to himself he should have just remained calm but he knew he'd been drinking too much
and that he probably shouldn't be driving and he thought the police might be on to him i suppose he was so busy
having a panic attack that he forgot to pay attention to steering the car we'll let the officer explain
i just got off a freeway off ramp and i see this car coming up a parking lot and
get onto the street and going the direction that i'm gonna be going so when my life turns green i pull in
behind him well he goes down about two blocks gets in a left-hand turn lane and i figure oh well he's doing okay so far
if he does all right in this turn into this residential area i'll just get back on the freeway well i see the guy reach
up for the rear view mirror and all of a sudden he sees me in the mirror big little look comes up on his eyes that
deer and the headlights kind of look and he's seen us in oh geez so light turns green he turns left runs right into a
telephone pole well we pull unfortunately he's not hurt say hey buddy what happened he said what's this
high and i didn't know what to do i said well you know what's the problem he says
well i've been drinking i'm not not only am i not supposed to be drinking i'm not
supposed to be in a bar i'm on probation what do you mean i just spent six months in the local
jail and only got out two weeks ago and i said well but we we have to take you to jail
you've had too much to drink says well don't take me to the city of industry jail and i said why not he says that's
the one i just got out of two weeks ago i just spent six months there i said oh i'm sorry that's the jail we gotta go to
when we walk into the jail and the deputy in there turns around look says charlie what are you doing here it is hi
deputy i'm back again he says what happened he says you know the reason he says oh geez he walks him off comes back
to me and says hey i mean i hate to see this kid back in here he's pretty good kid but obviously
he's got a drinking problem but this was the best car washer we've ever had we're
happy to have him back so what's happening now he's been in the next 18 months washing cars in the city of
industry jail hey here's another marijuana story for you this one from stillwater oklahoma a
man thinks his biggest problem is a flat tire but when help arrives he's in a world of hurt see what we mean
about a year ago i was on routine patrol and a vehicle passed my unit and as the
vehicle passed and those had a flat tire guy was driving on a flat tire so i turned around and pulled him over
he hopped out he was all upset and excited that he couldn't get the spare onto his car he didn't know how to take
his hope cap off so i went and looked at his car and saw that it's a hubcap that needed a key to
take it off told him to look in his glove box key would probably be in there he went and did it and found it and took
his sub cap off so i went to leaf to go on about my business he asked me we changed my tire man
changed my tire for me it's like no i'm not going to change your tire for you i'm leaving so i went to get my car and
you just kept begging please change my tire i said i'll help you i'll teach you how to do it
so he goes all right so i go back up there and i tend to get spare out of his car and he gets a spare out the trunk as
he gets a spirit he goes right over there in the corner of the trunk on the right hand side there's a tool to get
those tools for me so i went ahead and got the tools out for them as i reached into the component that showed me i
pulled out four bags of marijuana individually packaged for sale i took him out and i walked up to him i said
what's this he goes well that's oregano man i said oregano because yeah i sell to the high school kids is dope so i
opened up one of the bags and smelled it and knew it to be marijuana and placed him under arrest at that time for
possession with intent to distribute now let's do [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]
[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] the movies are filled with famous tough guy statements like go ahead make my day
and you feel lucky hey you do that quite well the officer you're about to meet though
coins a phrase that wasn't just quotable it was highly effective witness with us one of the most
stupendous self-arrest of all time and believe me folks we're not making this up
[Music] i was on the narcotics task force and we were executing a search warrant at a
house and we used to go in and just take over the house completely we're sitting there bagging evidence the
bad guys had already been arrested and taken to jail and the phone rings my partner kelly picks up the phone and
starts talking to one of the who's ever on the phone like he's one of the bad guys
well who everyone on the other end of the phone they talked for about five minutes and finally he realized he
didn't know who he was talking to so he asks my partner who he's talking to and kelly says well who do you think
you're talking to you're talking to the police and the guy says oh you're probably
looking for me aren't you and kelly says yo so once you reach in your back pocket grab a piece of your
butt and run down to jail and turn it in and then the guy hangs up and we all had
a good laugh well about 30 minutes later we get a call to call down to the jail so kelly calls down to the jail and the
person he's talking to at the jail tells him that some guy comes in to give himself up because kelly had told him to
and they didn't have any warrants or anything on him they wanted to know what to do with this guy
we didn't know who he was or anything kelly told him well interview him and if he admits to anything arrest him we
didn't really think this guy would do it and talk about your dumb criminal he actually goes down to jail and gives
himself up okay well it's about time for us to grab our own bottoms and get out of here thank
you for cleaning that up and thank you for riding along with us you made my bottom
and thanks to the police officers who helped make tonight's show possible hopefully that wins
law enforcement officers have a tough job consistently dealing with people who make a lot of choices that are not so
smart we thank them for all they do next week we'll be back with more good consequences for bad deeds and if you've
got a lead on a story or you just can't wait till next week for more state-of-the-art stupidity visit our
website you can find us at www.dumbcrimes.com as always we hope that we've all learned
from others mistakes but if you haven't we just might see you next week on america's dumbest criminals
[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] wow [Music] [Applause] wow [Music] [Applause]

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness a robber counting cash while a waitress counts sheep, some guys who would rather not wait for a sale and much more.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode highlights absurd crimes, including a thief robbing a sleeping waitress and a man self-reporting to police for a reward.

Key points

America's Dumbest Criminals. A series showcasing the most ridiculous criminal acts and their consequences.
Dumb Lawsuits. A look at absurd lawsuits that highlight the folly of some individuals.
Marijuana Oregano Incident. A man tries to convince police that his marijuana is just oregano.
Self-Arrest Phone Call. A criminal calls the police on himself after a humorous phone conversation.
Turning Himself In. A criminal follows through on a joke and turns himself in to the police.
America's Dumbest Criminals. A humorous recap of the week's most foolish crimes.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

You break the law, you get busted!

Discussion about crime consequences

1:11WatchMar 3, 2022

Tension

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