America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 3, Episode 1 - Best Dressed Criminals - Full Episode | Forensic Files

tonight on america's dumbest criminals joyriding teenagers desperately in need of driver's education
a look at what this season's best dressed burglars are wearing and if you think getting your hands stuck in
a toilet is bad stick around it's only the beginning of trouble for america's dumbest criminals
[Music] [Applause] [Music] wow [Music] and now welcome your host for america's dumbest criminals daniel butler and
debbie allen tonight we're going to take you from arab alabama to los angeles california
from low-tech schemes to high-speed chases well in fact we've patrolled the whole nation looking for textbook
examples of criminal dumbness and we've booked some prime suspects demian oh great does that mean you're including
the footage of me no well not the show later later thank you it sounds like the pace will be breathtaking but as you're
about to see life in the fast lane isn't always what it's cracked up to be now that's what our first criminal
discovered as his high-speed run from police coasted to a stop when he flat ran out of gas
failing to check the fuel gauge is only the first in a series of troubles for this short-sighted suspect let's watch
as our perpetrator stumbles fumbles and just falls right into justice [Music] unable to escape from the four patrol
cars and police helicopter that are in hot pursuit the suspect's car starts to slow down was he up to something
no he was down to e as in empty out of gas with cars whizzing by he starts to feel
like he's about to be road kill in sand's belt slacks then he sees his opening makes his move
and dashes gracefully across the highway before falling head first over a short fence spilling his loot now he may have
been a robber but he was no litter bug he hurriedly picks up after himself and scurries into the woods unfortunately
for him those stylish white slacks made it hard to blend in with nature before long he's face down in the dirt who
knows if those slacks will ever come clean he's going to jail who cares about the
slack i'm a mom i do a lot of laundry ok some criminals are just plain klutzes and others demonstrate poor judgment and
shallow thinking well sometimes they find out the hard way that more than their thinking is shallow see what
happens to our next suspect who is about to take a leap of faith to elude police
my name is don perriman i'm the chief of police for the saranac lake police department
one of the arrests that sticks out in our mind that we're on a foot pursuit for an individual
a river runs right through our town this person wasn't from saranac lake he ran around a local business fell off a
wall into the river we were standing on the bank and started to swim across the river until
he found that there was a business on the other side it was dark he couldn't see that well
so he swam back and says okay you got me he said he needed some help so we told him to just come back up and
uh told him to stand up he stood up and he was quite deep [Music] okay see daddy you could have walked
right across there you know i'm never going around all right i guess there was a reason for
that no jumping from bridge sign huh well let me give you fair warning now about
the photo you're about to see it was taken by a surveillance camera it shows a robber demanding money from a store
clerk now while it's neither graphic nor violent we think you'll agree with us that this picture is deeply disturbing
take a look at this story in the store he was strutting his stuff with the brashness of madonna but when
apprehended he turned suddenly shot why i have no idea did the rock close in front or in back i
have no idea did the bride gently lift and separate i have no idea okay yeah more criminals out for a night
on the town when we retire after this [Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome back to america's dumbest
criminals now you probably don't think of yourself as being as bad as say a burglar or a murderer right but have you
ever broken the law be honest now how about speeding okay ever been pulled over uh-huh your heart is pounding you
try to act calm and innocent do you remember what excuse you gave for your lead-footedness well according to police
the number one excuse that they hear is people saying that they have to go to the bathroom
they don't say however whether they felt the urge before or after they saw blue lights in their rearview mirror
well here are two of america's dumbest excuses that really exceed the limits uh chief sam mccown at the cottonwood
alabama police department uh i was on routine patrol and had this vehicle come by me and i
couldn't believe it doing a 101 mile an hour i didn't even see him he blew by me
so fast asked him why are you doing 101 mile out well i just washed my car i'm air drying it off it'd been a lot
cheaper to buy a towel you know modern technology affords us almost miraculous possibilities when
placed in the right hands but when placed in the wrong hands it can lead to a stupendously easy arrest
as two pot heads with the cell phone found out when they unwittingly helped officers place them in a cell
with no phone we received a 9-1-1 phone call from himself there was a gentleman talking to someone
and you can hear music inside his vehicle and every time there's a quiet spot in
his music we start screaming and whistling and blowing whistles and just hollering it just does no good they're
not hearing anything we're saying but we hear everything they're saying he uh had
stopped a couple of different places and uh i was in the drug unit undercover for
five and a half years and i just knew some of the things the lingo that he was saying
[Music] then jody uh called millersville and talked to them then patched them through
where they could even hear the conversation on the phone after i realized who they were they explained
everything they had an open line 9-1-1 call two guys talking about how good this
dope was and they said you want to listen and i said sure so they're talking about how
good this doobie is that they've got you know how smooth it is and how good it is
so i alert my officer to stand by 31w they were talking about getting munchies the next thing we hear on the 9-1-1 is i
think i'm gonna buy this moon pie the moon's high what they wanted was a moon pie
you are high aren't you my wife and i pulled up along beside them about the same time
and had the fortune i suppose of listening to a unique situation occur in the fact that
all of their drug dealings all of their talking all of their evidence was on a tape recording that they had no
knowledge of they're definitely part of america's dumbest criminals yeah unbelievable
thanks to the people who make mobile phones it's easier than ever to reach out and nab someone right dad
that's a good one i think you'll definitely agree that the criminals you're about to meet should have called
9-1-1 for assistance because they desperately needed help in pulling off their caper their scheme break a toll
booth gate so that it's locked shut then rob motorists who were unable to pass through but things didn't work out as
they planned watch as the not ready for crime time players present for whom the dumbbell tolls
[Music] thanks fellas now a bow but watch your head and now with news doug from the dumpster
behind cnn here's daniel with adc headlines sure sure some kids today seem to have a
lot of money at their disposal but the workers at mcdonald's thought it was just a wee bit odd when two teenage boys
in lapori indiana paid for their food with a 500 bill now even if you supersize your order that makes for a
lot of change did somebody say suspicious the manager tipped off the police who were able to link the juveniles to the
robbery of a home in the area apparently they thought they deserved a break-in today
faced with charges of felony burglary it may be a long time before these boys have another happy meal
[Music] you know you've heard the old adage crime doesn't pay well sometime it can
actually cost a man in louisiana entered a convenience store and plopped a 20 bill on the
counter and asked for change when the clerk opened the cash register the customer pulled a gun and demanded all
his money the unlucky robber must have caught the store on a slow day because his stick up scored him a grand total of
15 dollars but in his haste to flee the scene he forgot to pick up his 20. so his net earnings for the crime were
negative five dollars all right now if this jail house is rocking don't be knocking that's what
the shine could have read outside a nashville cell block eight male inmates attempting to break on through to the
other side took a wrong turn and instead of finding freedom they found free love
as they were warmly welcomed by the ladies in the women's lockup overcome by hormones they threw caution
to the wind and they're close to the floor but romance was nipped in the bud when guards discovered the coupling
couples and broke up their little love nest apparently there's just something irresistible about a woman in a
stenciled orange jumpsuit that closes the file for this week on adc headlines ripped from somewhere near
the back of your local newspaper debbie thank you dan well it was almost a scene
from ferris bueller's day off four teenagers decided to skip school a bad idea but if you're gonna skip school you
should at least have done your homework in truancy 101 rule number one is maintain a low profile but not these
four in the course of a 30 minute chase they passed almost everybody in town instead they led officers on a 30-minute
high-speed chase through heavy traffic with patrol cars in hot pursuit what drove them to drive so crazy well
they got nervous going through a school zone because they feared the policeman on duty suspected the car was stolen i
pushed his vehicle he accelerated and i had to jump out of the way and in the process of jumping that's when i got
struck in the lake he was unaware that the car was stolen but now by taking a glancing blow at a charge of vehicular
homicide the race was on when they should have been at school passing tests they were passing cars
left and right driver was going to attempt to get off 14 the opposite direction he was trying to make this opposite
direction we could have several accidents eventually they were stopped by a light
literally [Music] their day of skipping school had come to an abrupt end but their days in
detention were just beginning and the officer might want to think about another assignment considering he had
just returned to the job after being run over by another driver [Laughter] just what does one wear to a crime polo
sam's club it's hard to know unlike the gentleman in the bra we've witnessed earlier we learned of a
burglar and a robber who went to great lengths for looks that would be simple yet surprising
first let's take a peek at an outfit selected for a little late night prowling [Music]
here we see our criminal entering an electronic store with a plastic bag over his head we see him but he can't see
anything he bangs his head loses his bride and manages to set off an alarm moments later he returns with a new and
improved disguise outfitted with eye holes and a flashlight he manages to get away with sixteen hundred dollars worth
of electronics but officers recognized him as a man in uniform a mall security guard uniform once
identification was made they picked him up interviewed him and recovered the property he's a long way from being a
mastermind at doing criminal acts if they were all [Music] with this type of criminal mind we could
catch everybody that does crime you've heard that you can fix anything with enough duct tape well try salvaging
this man's ego huh probably one of the dumbest is one that i've met recently wanted to be an armed
robber walked into the place and cased it decided it was right for the robbery and uh
went outside to his truck to find some something to hide his face it was his work truck and he had no mask
or anything in there anything that would hide his face and he found a roll of duct tape and he proceeded to wrap his
face in the cape to hide his identity it seemed like a good plan until he went back inside and announced that it was a
robbery nobody can understand him because he forgot wrapped his mouth the frustration
immediately became panicked when he realized he'd also forgotten to leave a place to breathe
he began began to lose consciousness and as he did and started toward the floor two customers helped him to the floor
and held him to the police department he seemed to be really upset with the fact that the
policeman had uh been less than gentlemen when he removed the tape that's the one that kind of wins my
award for meredith [Music] yeah yeah but hey you know i mean that guy never had to shave again
but now okay now what fashion tips can we pick up from these stories all right well one your choice of headgear must be
functional two for greater comfort always choose materials that breathe and allow you to
do the same okay all right don't move a muscle america's dumbest criminals will be right back
[Music] here on america's dumbest criminals we make a real effort to stay away from
bathroom humor we do okay i make a real effort to stay away from bathroom humor but sometimes a
story comes along that just gets down on its knees and begs to be told yeah well
such is the case of a marijuana toting criminal who got down on all fours in an attempt to rescue his pot from the potty
of the local jail see how things go down the pipes from there one of the dumbest
incidents that i've ever had in my career as a correctional officer was one night about 12 years ago we had two
inmates that were housed in a slammer we were fixing to do a shakedown of their slammer to make sure
they didn't have any contraband and this one man decided he would hide his baggie of marijuana inside the toilet
the other inmate that was his roommate went to knocking on the door yelling for us to come back
so we went over there and said what's wrong with you and he says my roommate here's got his arm caught in
the toilet i said you're kidding you're kidding he's no sarge he says i'm not kidding i'm not kidding
he said he's caught in the toilet and he looked and there was this man he had his whole
arm all the way up to here and we pulled and pulled and we couldn't get this man out his roommate when he
was digging for the contraband can flush the toilet at the same time the truck in here
and just pulled his arm and hand on down in there and he was caught so then i called the maintenance man
they freed the toilet in the sink and he didn't get loose and so i called the fire department they determined that
they wanted to pick the inmate up sink toilet and all load him on a truck and take him to
their fire station where they would have to use a torch of some kind to cut him free
they got him free but it was one of the dumbest things i've ever seen i'll give perhaps it's enough for now i
think so join us next week on america's dumbest criminals win surveillance camera footage will reveal a woman
caught red-handed stealing gallstones yes i said gallstone and if you've got a lead on the story or
just can't wait till next week for more state-of-the-art stupidity visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com
we want to thank you for joining us tonight and extend our gratitude to the law enforcement officers who make this
show possible every day they lay their lives on the line to keep us safe from the stupidity of would-be criminals as
always we hope we've learned from the mistakes of others and if you haven't we might just see you
next week on america's dumbest criminals bye-bye closed captioning not available
[Music] you

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness joy-riding teenagers desperately in need of driver's education, some best-dressed burglars and a scenario worse than just getting your hand stuck in a toilet.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

Teenagers joyride, criminals fail spectacularly, and bizarre police stories unfold in this episode.

Key points

Joyriding Teenagers. Teenagers take a wild joyride, leading to a high-speed chase and unexpected consequences.
Duct Tape Robbery. A robber wraps his face in duct tape but forgets to leave a way to breathe.
Caught in the Toilet. An inmate gets his arm stuck in a toilet while trying to hide contraband.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

Life in the fast lane isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.

Introduction to the show

1:43WatchMar 3, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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