America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 3, Episode 25 - Diaper Boy - Full Episode | Forensic Files

ANNOUNCER: Tonight, on "America's Dumbest Criminals," this surveillance video of thieves in action
proves it isn't just the escalator that's going down. This hidden camera shows that more than bears
go rummaging in the woods. This guy, known as "Diaper Boy," left cards saying that he needed a spanking.
But the police thought he needed tougher discipline. Strange but true, and all coming right at you right now
on "America's Dumbest Criminals." FEMALE OFFICER (ON RADIO): Delta 1-5-2-6, give me a call.
[theme music] MAN: Duh. ANNOUNCER: Now, welcome your hosts for "America's Dumbest
Criminals," Daniel Butler and Debbie Alan. -Hi. Hi there. [laughing] -You know, every once in a while,
we receive something here at the show that's really worth passing along to our viewers.
-Yeah, a historian at the Fort Smith National Historic Site in Fort Smith, Arkansas, sent us a list of bad guys
who were left high and dry by a-- [makes choking noise] --hanging judge known as Judge Parker.
-Now we'd like to pass along the names of a few of these mangy varmints done in by the hard-nosed judge.
There was Arkansas Bill, Big Bill, Chickasaw Bill, Mesquite Bill, Sugar Bill, Hurricane Bill, Whiskey Bill,
and President Bill-- no, wait. [laughing] -OK, no, i-- ignore the last one. I'm sorry.
It was just a little-- -Hey, "bigs" were big back in the late 1800s as well, Big
Hill Joe, Big John, Big Potatoes, Big Feather, Bigfoot, Big Road, Big Head, Big Mouth, and even
three different Big Chews. -Big Chew. [laughing] -Big Chews. -And my personal favorites, Buffalo Chips,
Dirt Pot, and Mud Eater. [laughing] -That's-- this is true. Can you imagine roll call at the volunteer
fire department in that place? -Or place cards at formal dinners? -No, I don't-- if your name's Dirt Pot,
I don't think you get invited to a lot of formal dinners, Debbie. [laughing] -You're probably right.
-OK. -We're gonna learn more about this judge who did his part to tame the Wild West a little bit later.
But right now, we're headed to South Florida. -Now the teenagers in our first video
probably had colorful names too. But their bravado of robbing this department store
probably faded a bit when they learned they'd been recorded in black and white. -Here they are "Caught on Camera."
[siren wailing] DEBBIE ALAN (VOICEOVER): Sure, it looks like a carefree night at the mall.
But this energetic gang is carrying out pricey designer clothes by the armful with no signs of sticker shock.
And even though these crooks were young, officers believe that they were old pros when
it came to carrying out their mission. OFFICER: Sure they, uh, knew what they were doing.
And they had done it before. We're not sure, you know, what group they're affiliated with
and how many others they have done. DEBBIE ALAN (VOICEOVER): Before hitting the store,
they'd gone car shopping. They found three cars rented by tourists staying at local motels and helped themselves.
In fact, they used golf clubs found in the trunk of one vehicle to smash the department store's window.
OFFICER: Some evidence from the scene was found in the cars that were recovered, um, including
some sales tickets from the actual merchandise that was stolen. DEBBIE ALAN (VOICEOVER): For all their enthusiasm here,
that shopper's high vanished quickly when police caught up with them. And since they didn't pay for the clothes,
they get to pay for their deeds. -A boo-boo. -At the Galleria. [laughing] --Well, we don't have video of our next crook.
But he was kind enough to leave his card at the scene of the crime. -Now you've heard of a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, this is just like that, only completely the opposite. -What do you mean by that?
[laughing] -Well, you know. [laughing] -Go to jail free. -It's just a little "Something to Remember Me By."
[music playing] -I was working Detective Division. And during that time, we'd had a lot of auto burgs, where people
were getting into cars, stealing stereos, knives, wallets, calculators, cell phones, things like that.
And we never could find a suspect on it. Then, after we had had a bunch of these going on for months
and months, I got a call from one of the victims that said that, uh, we had-- he had something
in the car he wanted me to look at. [slide whistle] And so I went up to his place there to see what he had.
And when I got up there, he had this piece of paper. Well, he opened the piece of paper up.
It was a court notice where a guy had been to court. And the court had given him this paper.
And apparently, he had dropped it in the car. So in the meantime, I called the guy in, asked him about it.
And he denied it, and denied it, and denied it. I opened up the piece of paper, placed it before him.
He looked at it and went, oh, jeez. And you know, he had this real dumb look on his face.
And I'm sure he realized that-- how stupid he was for leaving a paper behind. DEBBIE ALAN: Uh-oh.
Well, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. But to a bumfuzzled criminal, it's
like playing Russian roulette with yourself. -Yeah, see what happens when one such fella comes
up against a very sharp officer. It's a meeting of the minds, except, well, one party showed up empty headed.
-Sort of like us.. -I'm originally from Houston. And I was working in San Diego.
And I saw a truck speeding down the roadway, pulled it over. And the driver was-- had a real strong odor
of alcohol on his breath. So I get him over and started talking to him. Well, he's from Texas.
He's driving a car with license plates that say California. But he's in the Navy.
So I asked him, well, uh, how much you had to drink? And the guy says, I haven't had anything to drink, officer.
I thought, yeah, right. So I look at his license. And I realized that I know where the guy lived.
He lives right-- a couple blocks from where I used to live. So I look at him real close in the face.
And said, you know, Principal Lomax at Sam Rayburn wouldn't appreciate you lying to me.
[boink] The guy's eyes get real big. And he says, how did you know that? I said, I know everything.
He says, oh, OK, I've had six beers. [laughing] [music playing] ANNOUNCER: Hey, check out this dumb law.
Brewerton, Alabama, forbids the driving of motorboats on city streets. [laughing]
-I wonder if that would include the barges that little old men in my neighborhood drive.
Well, if a parking meter is for parking, what do you think is speedometer would be for?
The guy holding the ticket in our next story has the answer. It's tonight's winning entry in "America's Dumbest Excuses."
[music playing] -I remember one day, I was working traffic enforcement on the highway.
And I stopped a-- a lady for speeding at about 70 miles an hour in a 45-mile-an-hour zone.
And I contact her. I said, ma'am, the reason I'm s-- stopping you is you were speeding 70 in a 45.
And she says, you know, officer it's the funniest thing. She says, my speedometer only works when I'm speeding.
My speedometer only works when I'm speeding. -I don't know. Do you buy her explanation, Daniel?
-Yeah, well unfortunately, I've lived her explanation. [laughing] -There's nothing quite like getting away
from the crime and craziness of the city. That opens up the door for you to experience
the crime and craziness of the country. That's what a number of weekend warriors discovered when they
arrived to find someone had been in their cabins. And it wasn't Goldilocks, either.
To find out just who was the culprit, one enterprising homeowner set up a video camera triggered by a motion detector.
Bingo, he bagged himself a bungalow bandit. See for yourself. [music playing] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Burglars beware.
Cameras aren't just for convenience stores and banks anymore. Even a summer cottage can be a high-tech trap when you're
dealing with a video-savvy owner. -Camera's triggered by infrared sensors that-- like the ones
that set off your flood lamps. We've, uh, went in and reworked them so they work 24 hours a day when--
even if the daylight's out. And that triggers the camera by motion. And they start rolling.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): The owner even did his own detective work, finding a name for this face
before turning the evidence over to police. -Anytime someone would take the initiative
to prevent the crime themselves or to help us out, especially with the video of the guy,
we appreciate that very much. Oh, we think it's great that he had the incentive to do this and let us have the tape.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Now this bad guy has his own vacation home with a door he can't break down.
[clinking] [slam] -What do you do if you need to flush out a suspect and you don't have time to call out the hounds?
Well, you take this approach, which proved equally effect. -I had an opportunity to meet two kind of dumb burglary
suspects one night when I was patrolling the midnight shift. Uh, the corporal that was on the shift at that time
stopped this guy walking down the road. And I was en route to back him up. And when I got there, he told me a car, just a few seconds
before that, had wheeled around and went back the other direction. I proceeded to try to catch up with the guy
and, incidentally, got in a high-speed chase with the guy. I chased him about a mile.
And he bailed out in this, uh, real remote area. When he bailed out, I-- I wasn't about to go in the woods
after him at 3 o'clock in the morning. It's real thick. Within a few minutes, the other officers got there.
And we, uh-- I hollered back to the corporal. I said, Corporal, bring that dog. Uh, we don't have a attack dog.
[dog barking] -He's-- he hollered back to the Officer Landry and said, Officer Landry, get that dog out of my car and bring him here.
We all hollering back and forth and everything. And, uh, Officer Landry said, no, I ain't getting that dog.
That dog bit me last week. I ain't messing with him no more. And Corporal Park says, all right, I'll get him.
And then he started making noises like a dog and everything, get-- [dog barking]
--getting the dog out. And then, hey, I-- I'm at the edge of the woods. And I hear rustling coming toward me.
So I draw down on him. And here I see this black male walking toward me with his hands up.
And he's got a real scared look on his face. And he's saying, oh, please don't put the dog on me, sir.
Please don't put the dog-- I'll do anything. But please don't put that dog on me.
So I ordered him to get down. And we handcuffed him and everything. And subsequently, we found out that he--
he'd been bitten by dogs before. And he was real scared of dogs. [music playing]
-Still to come, a tough-minded judge brings judgment day to bad guys in the Old Wild West.
But now with news that makes mountains out of mole hills, here's Daniel with "ADC Headlines."
[music playing] [sigh] -While investigating a car burglary at a motel in Monteagle, Tennessee,
officer Virgil McNeese found a black hat left behind by the criminal. Upon returning to the police station,
he tossed the hat on top of the evidence locker. A short time later, a man arrived to pay a fine
and said, hey, Virgil, where'd you find my hat? Realizing he'd let the Cat in the Hat out of the bag,
he back-peddled saying, wait, wa-- was-- was this used in a crime? Wait, this ain't my hat.
Too late. Uh, his admission capped off his crime spree. A woman burst into the Zip Trip convenience store in Hogeye
and demanded cash. The none too accommodating clerk would only fork over $40 and told the robber not to point the gun in her face.
Well, the crook then went to the restroom in the market, giving the clerk the opportunity to bar her
in with a broom against the door. Though she did break free before police arrived,
she was captured soon after. Mm, OK. In a New Mexico restaurant, a woman became irate because the burrito that she had ordered
was not to her liking. She refused to pay, complained loudly, and left. She later returned and threw the burrito at a waitress,
hitting her in the back of the head. Reports say, quote, "The missile was hurled in a rude and insolent manner."
So a complaint was filed against the woman. But you know, it's funny. Normally, after a burrito, rude and insolent things happen,
you know, but-- anyway, that closes the file on "ADC Headline News," ripped-- [paper ripping]
--from somewhere near the back of your local newspaper. Debbie. -Daniel, Daniel, Daniel.
[giggling] Clark Kent went to great lengths to keep people from discovering he was really Superman, right?
How far should you go to keep the world from knowing that your secret identity is "Diaper Boy?"
The answer-- a lot farther than this guy went. He even passed out cards to spread the word.
But in time, Diaper Boy chafed enough people. And officers moved in and toddled him off to jail.
Here's his more than a little bit strange story. STORE CLERK: He had shorts. An the shirt said, "Diaper Boy" on his shirt.
DEBBIE ALAN (VOICEOVER): Meet Diaper Boy. He'll even give you his calling card in hopes of getting a good spanking.
This convenience store clerk got two cards. STORE CLERK: Uh, second time he came back, it was-- he handed
me another card, um, made some comments about his rubber pants, and, do I wanna change his diapers?
And I was just like, OK. DEBBIE ALAN (VOICEOVER): Neighbors had no idea the boy next door liked Pampers.
-I'm still kind of shocked. I mean, I've lived here for over four years. And to know that someone like that lives
nearby is kind of scary. DEBBIE ALAN (VOICEOVER): It seems none of the neighborhood
moms wants to take care of Diaper Boy. -Sorry. -OK, now we encounter a prostitute
who is so anxious to drum up business that she fails to heed the undercover officer's warning.
When she keeps banging away, he lowers the boom. It's yet another case of the self-arrest
in a saga we call, "I'm Where? You're Who?" [music playing] -I'm Mike Wells. I'm a captain with the Weber County Sheriff's Office.
We're out of Ogden, Utah. I'd just got off work. I'd been working plainclothes. I was in an unmarked car.
But I had all of my police stuff, you know, Kojak light, red light, radio, badge,
and handcuffs, and all that stuff laying on the seat beside of me. I was tired. And I was heading home when I saw a gal flagging me
down down in one of the lower streets in Ogden. Well, I pulled over. And, uh, she came around to the driver's window.
As she stood there, she asked me if I wanted to go have some fun. And I told her, well, uh, yeah, I probably would.
How much is this gonna cost me? She says, well, $50. I told her OK. And she says, well, are you a cop?
And I said, well, yeah. And she says, no really, are you a cop? And I says, yeah, really I am.
She says, no, now really, are you a cop? I said, yes, I am a cop. I really wanted to go home.
I wasn't ready for this. And she says, no, seriously, are you a cop? And I says, seriously, I am a cop.
She didn't say anything. She came around. And as she was coming around, I hurried
and scooped everything off onto the floor. And, uh, when she got in the car, she, uh, says, OK.
I handed her the $50. OK. -Let's go. -All righty, you're under arrest. [boink] MIKE WELLS: And, uh--
[bleep] MIKE WELLS: --started the car. And we drove around the block, took a couple lefts,
and pulled right into the bay of the jail. And I booked her for prostitution. I can't believe she didn't see all of the police stuff
that was on the floor and in the backseat. But she either didn't, or she really was one of the dumbest criminals I've ever seen.
-So he was really a cop, huh? [laughing] Well, his name was Judge Parker. And he provided the local undertaker
with a thriving business of dying customers. Nobody in the Old West back in the late 1800s
dispensed with more dumb criminals. Here's a little history lesson "ADC" style. [music playing]
JULIE GALONSKA: Uh, we're at Fort Smith National Historic Site. And Fort Smith is known for the federal court for the Western
District of Arkansas, whose most famous-- [gunshots] --jurist was Judge Isaac C. Parker.
Parker served between 1875 and 1896. And it was known as the "hanging judge" because under him, 160 people were sentenced to hang.
79 of those were actually executed here in Fort Smith. It starts off in November of 1874
when a dead body is found in the Creek Nation in Indian territory. It's a young man, about 19 years old,
with a bullet through his head and no shoes or boots on, barefooted. Witnesses in the vicinity testify
that they saw this young man and another man traveling around together and that this young man was wearing boots
with high heels and fancy tops. A few days after this, they arrest another man, Daniel Evans, who is wearing boots that
match this description, uh, take him back to Fort Smith, where the federal court is held, and try to--
[gavel banging] --have a murder trial and convict the man in December of 1874. Ends up in a hung jury.
Wait a couple of months. Retry him in May of 1875. And this is one of the first murder
trials under Judge Parker. First day of testimony opens. Government doesn't have any new witnesses, any new evidence
at all. Go through the whole day. And that night, a man comes up to the district attorney
and says, I'm the father of the murdered boy, the victim. And I'd like to tell you something about these boots.
Goes on to tell that-- about the boots being purchased for his son shortly before he left Texas.
But his son had to do some repair work on them, namely putting on the left boot heel-- um,
back on after it had fallen off with three horseshoe nails. District attorney is thrilled.
Next day in court, puts him on the stand. The man tells the same story. And at that point, the district attorney
calls the defendant, Daniel Evans, before the jury, asks him to hold up his, uh, left
foot so that the jury can see it. And lo and behold, he's wearing boots with high heels and fancy tops, and there's
three horseshoe nails in the heel. This time, they end up with a guilty verdict,
largely because Daniel Evans ended up wearing his victim's boots into court. [music playing]
-When does a poacher become a thief? Well, this tale of pilfering makes it hard to know.
-A man is seen dragging a deer across a road. A little unusual, but not unheard of.
But this was no game to the people involved. -Listen as the officer details where the buck stops
in tonight's trophy-winning episode of "We're Not Making This Up." [music playing]
-One night on a midnight shift, about 11:30 at night, my partner and I were driving down a street.
And we saw this man dragging something across the road. He looked up and saw us and ran.
We found out it was a deer. We, uh, backtracked afterwards to find out the owner of the animal and, uh, where the animal had come from.
And he had walked up and cut the deer down off the porch, and then used the man's own dragging rope to take the deer.
We caught the individual and brought him back and arrested him for the larceny of the deer.
The street that we caught him on was Fawn Street. -Oh, he didn't make it up, either, huh?
-Might've been Bambi. Well, that's it for tonight. But there's more dumb to come next week.
-Before we say goodbye, we wanna say thanks to all the law enforcement officers on tonight's show.
-And a great big thank you for watching the show tonight. -We appreciate the fine work done by police officers
here at home and beyond, to infinity and beyond. Can you do-- [laughing] -Yeah, just wrap it up, though.
-And we appreciate you tuning in to watch this show. -And if you've got a lead on a story
or you just can't wait till next week, for more state of the art stupidity, visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com.
-As always, we hope that we've all learned from others' mistakes. -But if you still haven't, we just might see you next week
on "America's Dumbest Criminals." -Buh-bye. [theme music] MAN: Duh. [music playing]

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness a video proving the escalator won’t be the only thing going down, a camera showing more than bears in the woods and a diaper-fitted criminal who earns a spanking.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

Teen thieves, "Diaper Boy," and a hanging judge highlight this episode's bizarre criminal stories.

Key points

Teenagers Caught on Camera. A group of teenagers rob a department store but are caught on surveillance footage.
Burrito Missile Incident. A woman threw a burrito at a waitress after being unhappy with her order, leading to a complaint.
Diaper Boy's Strange Story. Meet Diaper Boy, who handed out cards asking for a spanking. Officers eventually arrested him.
America's Dumbest Criminals. A humorous wrap-up of the show, encouraging viewers to learn from mistakes.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

Can you imagine roll call at the volunteer fire department in that place?

Discussing the names of criminals from the past.

1:59WatchMar 3, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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