America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 2, Episode 4 - Dial-A-Narc - Full Episode | Forensic Files

greetings law-abiding viewers i'm daniel butler and this is america's dumbest criminals
[Music] on this episode of america's dominest criminals dial an art hey what's up yeah
who's this you only live vice scales on the roof what do you call this second time around
base not what not who threw that turkey at me and out on a limb on america's dumbest criminals and now
here's your host daniel butler going to an atm to get money has become yet another necessary chore like doing
laundry washing the dog and mowing the lawn wouldn't it be nice though if we had an atm right in our own home
well these three cheese wizards gave it the old dumb criminal try they immediately spray painted the glass over
the camera lens before they got started but they didn't notice that they had knocked that very glass off while trying
to pry the machine from the wall the camera was able to capture their bungled bank job complete with
flattering close-ups of their frustrated faces as they attempted without success
to dislodge the concrete cash cow from its corner by attaching a chain to the bumper of their very photogenic
automobile and like the movie face-off the boys only managed to get away with the face of the helpless atm and in
return it kept their faces on tape for the police to view a few minutes later most of the time when the missouri
police respond to the hold up of a liquor store they don't expect to get much more than a description of the
robber in this particular instance though they even got his name and address give me the money
push him push the money do it push out man you see when they questioned the victim
as to how he came to know the criminal's name and address he promptly told him oh
he used to work at this liquor store the saying don't dirty your own doorstep obviously only applies to clever
criminals by the way this stunts was picked up at his home where he was sitting at the kitchen table counting
the stolen cash go figure usually when you dial the wrong number it's no big deal right oops sorry wrong
number the worst thing is you call them right back and then they get a little ticked off but that's just normal people
wrong numbers when a dumb criminal dials one he dials a whopper it all started when a drug dealer named
wayne called what he thought was the pager of his supplier hey what's up yeah who's this hey i need a quarter pound of
good stuff yes wayne not only didn't get his drug supplier he also dumb lucked out and
called detective jim porter of the bend oregon narcotics division of course porter knew all the drug lingo and since
wayne didn't recognize his voice he was able to set up a sale telling the buyer that he wasn't well and would send his
nephew instead hey what's up you got the right stuff in yeah wayne i got the right stuff
problem is you got the wrong number you're under arrest he crazy i've been doing business for
you for six months and what's up with that now it took three hours to convince the push button pothead that he had
gotten the wrong number and when detective porter realized what digits had been switched he was also able to
arrest wayne's actual supplier go hey dudes talk about a bad connection bummer [Music]
for an undercover police officer it's hard to do a return engagement after an arrest has been made
but with dumb criminals around you can always try for an encore detective sergeant sean matheny of akron
ohio was working undercover for the vice unit when he saw a prostitute he'd arrested for solicitation just two
months earlier maybe she liked his familiar face but matheny soon had grounds for yet another arrest not a bad
deal listen um i need to ask you favor when we're done could you drop me at the county jail if
you could believe it or not the woman was going to serve her sentence from the last arrest
i'll tell you what why don't we just go why don't we just go now you're under arrest you're under
arrest you know i really have no i'm really offended my last date same thing yes she was once vice two times a lady
of the night we need your help on this next story because it is unconfirmed if you are a witness to this crime
please contact us immediately the man driving the expensive black mercedes has the gnawing feeling that he
had forgotten something when he left his house he was still trying to think of what it
was when a rookie officer pulled him over is there a problem officer yes there's a problem i think that you have
a controlled substance in your vehicle uh that's crazy i don't know what what proof do you have well this scale here
it looks like a measuring scale that's not mine sir want you to step out of the car
a subsequent search of the man's vehicle revealed 36 one ounce baggies of cocaine
what do you call this that that that's not mine that doesn't belong to me sir well
you're the one driving this car and this kid was sitting on top of the motor vehicle sorry i don't i can't say
anything now what started out as a good deed ended up in the arrest of a local drug kingpin
that the police had been searching for for months what are the odds you have the right to remain seated
you have the right to remain seated and now crimes of the week with daniel butler and beaumont bacon welcome to
another edition of crimes of the week i'm daniel butler and this is beaumont bacon you know our first story
highlights a car a bar and a dummy who didn't get far that rhymed what it did that was pretty while on patrol two
officers on foot patrol spotted a suspicious looking car it was suspicious because the front window was broken out
upon further inspection they realized that the steering column had been jimmied even before they could run the
tag number though a man approached the car and opened the front door the police asked sir is this your vehicle yes it is
he replied the officer responded with well we have reason to believe this car's stolen at which point the man
openly confessed okay you got me i stole it just like that immediately as it turned out the man had indeed
stolen the car from a house two doors down it wasn't very far no apparently our perpetrator had stolen the vehicle
and driven all of 25 yards before he spotted a tavern and decided to whip his wrongdoing whistle
i do that if i see a beauty parlor i just have to stop and just go get a manicure
you got to keep those fluids guess so speaking of coming up short though in nebraska listen to this when police were
in hot pursuit of an armed bank robber when he suddenly stopped this robber just stopped and he checked into a motel
only one mile from the state line now of course it was he was apprehended immediately the police were right on him
but they had to ask him excuse me dummy why did you stop he needed a map he needed i guess
all that criming i guess so he explained to the police that i can't stop and i can't cross the state
line that would be a violation of my my parole that's what he said i know but how about violating the laws of
physics that's a little bit harder well but their plan was simple enough break into the steel and wire manufacturer
back their heavy duty pickup truck up to the loading dock roll the huge spool of copper wire worth
over forty thousand dollars onto the back of the pickup truck and drive away tas locker decent uh right now that's
just happening everything went as planned until the 10 ton spool of copper landed in the bed of
the half ton pickup truck collapsing it under its way one thousand pound pickup truck used a
car to weigh 20 000 pounds of copper do the math okay needless to say with all the shocks
broken and the four tires flattened their getaway was impossible the only copper these two dummies left with was
the arresting officer that was funny good thank you it sounds like a case of two goofballs not worth their
weight in gold or story daniel more here's a story about a california counterfeiter that we we just had to
check him out and his plan was flawless a man with printing experience plus he published his own phony checks drawn on
a phony bank account now the workmanship was perfect it was foolproof except that
that this fraud had printed his real name and address on the checks that's what he did now when the first check of
many of course bounced the man was easily found and arrested okay small mistake i hope he didn't try and write the check
to post bail for that i think he did and uh thank you for remembering to bring that up he did he was right back he was
right back where they found him all righty it's time now to look at our video of the week
a small dallas bank called investigator bill mcdonnell two days after a robbery dead certain that they had the suspect
in their office again yeah i'd like to make a positive question what are you looking for it wasn't so
much as build or voice that gave them away as it was the ink spots and that's a musical group
yeah but he didn't have uh four guys with him it seems that the dye pack you know in the bag of
money that he had stolen had gone off and our oblivious oddball's face hand hairs and his hot cash were speckled
with the telltale die for the officer it was clearly a case of connecting the dots and it made a pretty picture of the
liberty bell i heard it made his mug shot that's nice one two three four that's okay and that's how many years
i'll be spending in jail i don't teach him to clean up his act they're go please visit the laundromat
he was inky until proven guilty and our dirty dummy wound up first in the crime blotter
and then where else but the state pen the earlier one was better i think i should have stopped i could just do it
back there back up until next week danielle [Laughter] [Music] a little friendly warning to those dumb
criminals thinking about breaking into a van the contents may be under pressure a lot
of pressure lapd officer david barnett and his partner were in an unmarked van working
overtime staking out a murder suspect in a bad part of town while barnett and his partner waited two
less dangerous but much dumber criminals thought the van looked like a good score
not wanting to ruin their stakeout the officers laid low while the vandals poked around
finally they used a screwdriver and broke into the van when one of them opened the door poof there were the cubs
whoa police hold it down holy oh barnett and his partner flash two guns and two badges in the bad guy's face
before you could say fantastic smart people know that you should never drink and drive and if you've had a
drink you should always have a designated driver however these dumb criminals obviously had their own
interpretation of the law an officer noticed a car recklessly drive by him he immediately pursued the
vehicle he saw the car suddenly stop ahead of him now he's in a park and then obviously drunken man got out of the car
well we're parked what are we gonna do now an equally sloshed female passenger comes around and takes his place at the
wheel oh no no no well she's gonna drive away i don't think so the officer finally pulls them
over and gives them both sobriety tests you can't have those lights on hold it right there lady the snockered
woman felt it her friend was in no condition to drive and insisted that he let her take over as it turned out her
condition was no better and the officer was able to get two duis for the price of one everybody loves a bargain even
the cops go back to the couch and assume the position fink rat stool pigeon just some of the
colorful names the criminals call the witnesses who testify against them but for the brainless boob you're about
to meet he could only use those words on himself brace yourself for sheer stupidity as we take a trip to court
a los angeles man was standing trial for the possession and sale of narcotics sir
do you recognize anyone in this room and if so do you recognize the person that sold you the narcotics it was me
yep it turns out the biggest rat was the big cheese himself the brainless tattletail was charged with the
possession and selling of narcotics don't tell anyone you know the turkey was almost our
national bird and it's still a great symbol of thanksgiving and yes we all have lots to be thankful for but in our
next story the dumb criminal would have been more thankful if the turkey had acted like stuffing and stayed put
as you can see it was a pretty slow evening on the beat at scotland foods for store detective marianne
then she noticed a shady lady near the frozen foods doing a strange sort of duck walk
marianne made note of them but wasn't too concerned but then all of a sudden some decidedly foul play occurred
dropping like the ball on new year's eve a frozen turtle flu from the woman's flowing dress who threw that turkey at
me it was you you did it didn't you the real turkey flinger was never found but the woman got her wishbone and
wasn't arrested either you know it's it's important to wear sensible clothes to work a clean press
shirt maybe a tie comfortable shoes and a pair of pants that won't interfere with your job
this dumb thief in mission viejo california got hung up on one of those rooms officer steve kehoe was responding to a
burglary call at a residence he pulled up and met the frantic neighbor waiting in the front
he was told the suspect was in the backyard he took a deep breath and prepared himself for a long pursuit
however he wasn't prepared for what he was about to find let me see your other hand buddy
what are you talking about hey you dropped all your stuff here various household items were strewn
around by the back fence and above them was our horizontally challenged crook hanging around on the fence seems he
couldn't get himself upright and hadn't thought to simply unfasten his pants and
drop out of them with all the blood rushing into his empty head it was probably hard to think
this bungling bank robber got a little more color than the green he had bargained for in a job he pulled in a
philadelphia suburb the security dye pack exploded during the heist leaving him with thousands of dollars worth of
unusable cash thinking he could clean it up in bulk the red-handed robber washed his very
dirty laundry in public however an employee noticed the stained simoleons and notified an off-duty police officer
who was in the area an arrest was quickly made yeah but his money was still in the spin
cycle and he was taken to the local jail to sulk in himself [Music] if i were you
i'd drop the remote now officer cliff thailand recounts a story about a woman who gave a one too many
details about a fight with her boyfriend i went to a domestic violence call and when we got
there it was apparent the boyfriend had assaulted the girlfriend and the other officer was questioning her about what
had happened and she was telling him he had punched her in the face well how did he do it trying to get the
description of how he did and she says i'll show you and she hauled off and nailed my partner
right in the face and i saw him go real and backwards and we're kind of both in shock and they got
her handcuffed she says uh she's well don't you want to hear what else you know happened i said we'll get that
after you're done being bought now generally it's a wise thing to be a man of your word but when it comes to
making good on promises of illegal acts to come that's best left to the experts in the
field america's dumbest criminals an example here's the true story of a bozo of real integrity down
in prattville alabama the man who wasn't armed with a gun or much brains to begin
with tried to rob the store once but was rudely interrupted by some real customers
this isn't robbery give me the money from the safe uh oh oh uh i'll be back have the money ready after these people
leave the confused clerk called 911 just in case this joker was serious about his
encore and sure enough he was you know white shirt freeze drop tonight but this time the police were waiting
for him and the false start robber was arrested boy i'm never coming back here again
a lesson learned a bit too late [Music] here's a shady story about a burglar who
tried to elude the police by jumping out of a window into a nearby tree but as newton proved what goes up
[Music] you can see a variety of officers trying to shake the son of a birch from the
ground below he kept leaping from limb to limb until finally mother nature extended a hand
the nut landed in a pile at the officer's feet where they quickly raked him up and petaled him off to jail it's
just leave it at that that's all for this week i'm daniel butler saying remember there's no right
way to do a wrong thing we'll see you next week on america's dumbest criminals don't forget to watch for these big dumb
stories on next week's episode of america's dumbest criminal yeah i'm not doing anything just waiting on the bus
too lame liars in aside alabama a chimney creep in santa claus dangling dummy in swinging singles
diamonds are a kid's best friend now i believe they are these stories and more next week on america's dumbest
criminals life in the dumb lane [Music] belmont b-a-u-e give me bill marie it's that head for the
incredible egg i thought you said this is supposed to be funny it's god's little irony
and wasn't arrested either then what did i just say i haven't a clue who was the wishbone i don't know
oh i felt like ivana trump today okay i feel like linda hamilton pierce brosnan [Laughter]
now i've never read through any of this just that first read through it comes out like a professional i'm sorry
camels

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," culprits will "Dial-A-Narc," remind us you "You Only Live Vice," discover "Scales on the Roof" and go "Out on a Limb."

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode covers failed heists and ridiculous criminal blunders, including a drug dealer's wrong number and a botched ATM robbery.

Key points

America's Dumbest Criminals. A comedic exploration of foolish criminal antics.
The Wrong Number Drug Deal. A drug dealer mistakenly calls a detective, leading to his arrest.
The Case of the Stained Cash. A robber's dye pack explodes, leading to his capture while doing laundry.
The Confused Robber. A robber interrupts his own heist and is arrested after a failed encore.
The Robber Who Couldn't Escape. A burglar jumps into a tree to evade police but is quickly caught.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

You only live vice.

A humorous take on criminal behavior.

0:45WatchFeb 17, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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