America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 2, Episode 23 - An Indecent Proposal - Full Episode | Forensic Files

-Hi. I'm Daniel Butler. Welcome to another edition of "America's Dumbest Criminals."
[theme music] [glass breaking] [tires skidding] [tires screeching] NARRATOR: On this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals."
-Yeah. -Most of you guys are-- -What? -Lousy actors. NARRATOR: A man adds more than sugar to his coffee.
A Yuletide burglar gets caught with his pants down. -No smoking in here. NARRATOR: A loser picks the wrong place to light up.
-Hey! NARRATOR: A stoner makes an indecent proposal to a cop. -Hey, what's going on, guys?
-Hey, listen, man, what's up? -Hey, what's up? -Want some? -Oh, wow. NARRATOR: All this and more, on this week's episode
of "America's Dumbest Criminals." Here's your host, Daniel Butler. -Mm. Ah. There's nothing that people look forward
to more than that first cup of coffee in the morning. But as this next surveillance tape shows,
there's a lot to be said for switching to hot tea. [door creaking] Workers at a factory in St.
Joseph, Missouri, had been wondering why their coffee had been tasting so bad in recent weeks,
and decided to set up a camera to see what was brewing. They were shocked-- [splashing, whistling]
DANIEL BUTLER: --to find out that one of their disgruntled employees had been coming into the office
and routinely adding more than just a spoonful of sugar to the pot. Ugh. How 'bout those Dodgers, huh?
Phew. [music playing] -There are many vendors with the "no questions ask" refund
policy, but how many crooks extend their victims the same courtesy? Here's one yo-yo who struck out after making a dumb deal.
A clerk in a St. Peters, Missouri, convenience store was just about to call the cops after being robbed
of $100, when to his surprise, the crook came back. -OK, man. I need a jump on my car, OK?
If you give me a jump, I'll give you back the money. Look, ju-- just give me a jump on my car.
If you give me a jump, I'll give you back the money. -OK, OK. -OK? DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): But that wasn't all the crook
wanted for his hot hundred. He also wanted a 40-minute head start, and didn't want the clerk to write
down his license plate number. Considering that the thief was armed, the clerk complied.
[tires skidding] -But he couldn't resist sharing his new-found knowledge with local authorities, and the bargaining
burglar was quickly caught. [music playing] -Sometimes dumb criminals don't seem to realize just how stupid
they look when they commit a crime, and they seem genuinely surprised when an officer stops
them, like this guy in San Diego. -I got a guy round-- again, around between 3:00 or 4:00
in the morning, walking down one of the-- residential streets. Uh, nobody else on the street.
He's the only one walking in the dark, and he's carrying a cash register. -Hey, buddy.
JIM LOBEL (VOICEOVER): And-- and the first-- the first question they always ask you, when you-- when you stop to talk to 'em,
is why are you stopping me? And I explained to him-- -Come back here. JIM LOBEL (VOICEOVER): --because you're carrying
a cash register, and it's between-- -Stop. JIM LOBEL (VOICEOVER): 3:00, 3:30-- -What?
JIM LOBEL (VOICEOVER): --four o'clock in the morning-- -Where you coming from? JIM LOBEL (VOICEOVER): --you know?
Where'd you get the cash register? -Just over there. -Well, uh, I-- I don't really know where I found it,
or I found it, you know, or somebody gave it to me. And it turned out to be that he just-- he just burglarized
a business no more than two blocks away, and he stole the whole cash register. And he was walking down the street,
carrying the whole cash register. -A cop in Merrimack, New Hampshire, got more than crumpets and polite conversation
from this group of lunchtime losers. While on his usual patrol, our undercover officer
noticed a shady group of guys make their way around the back of a building. He casually followed them, and struck up a conversation.
-Hey, what's going on, guys? -Hey, listen, man, what's up? -Hey, what's up? -Want some?
-Oh, wow. - --more where this came from. -Right. Hey, listen. I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Uh, there's a lot of cops around here. -Chill out, dude. Don't worry about it. The cops are on their lunch break, man.
It's all right. -Not all of 'em. -Not all of 'em. You're all under arrest. -Aw, man. -Let's go.
-No, man. -The bummed-out bonehead was less than stoked about his bread-and-water value pack, served down
at the station a few hours later. [music playing] -Just so you know, dumb does not stop on the Canadian border.
In fact, in this case, it speeds up. [siren] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): An officer from St. Catherine,
Ontario, tried to stop a suspicious car that ignored the emergency lights and sirens,
and sped away at speeds of over 100 miles per hour. The hoser shut off all of his lights,
thinking that the officer wouldn't be able to see him as he made a variety-- -Northbound to--
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --of turns through the neighborhood. - --Birmingham. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): That plan might have worked if he--
-Subject is slowing and he-- DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --hadn't used his turn signals at every corner--
- --appears to be-- DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --until he got to his home, allowing the officer to easily follow
him, and arrest him within moments. Now "lights out" means something completely different
than it did when he wasn't in jail. I'm Daniel Butler, and this is Beaumont Bacon in Mosaic.
BEAUMONT BACON: Hi. [laughing] Hi, Daniel. A guy in Idaho had found a pair of shoes
that he liked, and took them out of the box, and replaced them with his old, smelly pair.
And he ran out of the store. -In his new pair of hot heels. -[inaudible] his hot heels.
Luckily, the store clerk recognized him as a window washer that worked for the area, and immediately notified
the police, and-- once she had realized what had happened. -The hush puppy poacher was brought in for questioning,
but-- surprise, surprise-- denied any wrongdoing. That is, until the detective pointed out
the suspicious shiny new shoes on our footwear filcher. They kicked him to the curb.
-Yeah, I bet you they did. I would've. -Well, at least he was wearing his stolen goods
on the outside of his body, unlike my next story. -I'm afraid to ask. -A 28-year-old bank robbery suspect
was caught a few hours after pulling the job. He immediately denied robbing the bank.
-Oh, naturally. -Mm-hm. The officers quickly noticed that the man was unusually padded in his jeans, and immediately strip-searched him.
As he bent over to remove his pants, they noticed that he had over $2,000 worth of bills stuffed into his underwear.
-I hope it was worth it. DANIEL BUTLER: Mm-hm. -Where can I get a pair of those pants?
DANIEL BUTLER: I wish I knew. --[laughing] Which brings us to our "Vidiot of the Week."
-From all of the stories-- -All the stories-- - --that we've received this week--
- --that we received. - --this is our favorite. An impatient burglar in Van Nuys, California,
got a little nervous while waiting for a jury to finish deliberations, so he decided to make a run for it.
BEAUMONT BACON (VOICEOVER): Uh-oh. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): And he might have made it
if his getaway car hadn't been delayed-- -Come here. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --between floors.
-Get your ass back to the-- BEAUMONT BACON (VOICEOVER): He probably should've pressed the button repeatedly.
That always makes the elevator come faster, you know. -Never works for me. -That's 'cause you're tall.
[music playing] -You should never drive drunk. You know it, and I know it, but this woman
must've decided that it didn't necessarily apply to her this day as she rolled up to a stop sign,
with a cop right behind her. An officer noticed a car waiting at a stop sign a little longer than normal.
He casually pulled up behind the car, hoping another car might wake the driver from her daydream.
Suddenly, her car slowly rolled back slightly into the front of the cruiser. She immediately pulled forward and stopped again.
OFFICER: What is her problem? DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): However, instead of proceeding,
the car rolled back into the officer's car again. He knew something was up, and was about to get out and talk
to the woman, when she rolled back into the cruiser a third time. Well, the third time is always a charm.
[car horn] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): And the officer pulled her over and discovered that she was very intoxicated,
and having trouble staying awake. He helped her park her car off to the side of the road
and gave her a lift down to the station, where she napped. [music playing] -An 82-year-old woman made the mistake
of running through a stop light, and then failed to pull over when a police officer flashed his lights.
[sirens, helicopter] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): She got onto the freeway, ignoring the irritating red flashing
lights and sirens behind her. She was soon surrounded by over 20 California Highway Patrol
and LAPD cars and a police helicopter. She eventually got tired of all the noise,
and using her turn signal, finally pulled over, asking the officers what all the commotion was about.
After they determined that Miss Daisy was harmless, they asked her why she never pulled over.
She claimed that she did nothing wrong, and therefore didn't see any reason to. She was sentenced to baking five to 10 years' worth of cookies
for all the officers involved. [music playing] -It's definitely true what they say.
There's no business like show business. How else do you explain the fact that Robert De Niro's name
alone helped the Boston police make over 50 arrests in one afternoon? The police department sent out fake letters to people,
asking them to be extras-- $200 a day extras-- for the "Rocky Marciano Story," directed by Robert
De Niro. -Who's next here? DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): These folks all had two things in common.
One, their love of show biz. -OK, listen up. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): And two, the fact
that they all had outstanding-- -Listen up. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --arrest warrants.
-Cut. -That's a wrap for the set. -Great. -Yeah. -Great. -Most of you guys are lousy actors.
-Hey. [laughing] Yeah? -And you're under arrest for outstanding warrants. -Hey, what? [inaudible] [bleep] [interposing voices]
-Whoa, whoa. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): And there you have the true story of "Caging Bull"--
when dumb criminals get knocked out by their own egos. [music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: Everyone will tell you that the only way for any business
venture to succeed is through teamwork, everyone coming together to achieve the same goal.
Unfortunately, these three business partners came together, just at the wrong time.
Our shopaholics, seen here in a clothing store near Chicago, decided to pick out a couple of outfits
with their five-finger discount. However, as they attempted to leave the store with their bag
of goodies, a security guard stopped them. This is when the dumb criminal motto came in to remind--
-Hey. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --them of their dedication-- -Freeze, guys. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --to each other.
-What's up? DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): One for all, and all should run. -Wait, stop. Stop.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): At which point-- -No, wait. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --the two men--
-You guys! DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --immediately fled-- -Come back here. -Wait a minute!
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --leaving the woman with the stolen goods. Now before you women out there throw up your hands and say,
that's just like a man to leave the woman behind to clean up, they do redeem themselves, sort of.
The gutless goomba showed up at her court hearing to post bail, but didn't plan on the store security guard being there--
-It was me. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --who immediately identified them as her accomplices.
-Hey, hey, what are you-- -I'm sure it was a tearful reunion for the trio as they were led out of the courtroom,
linked arm to arm, to discuss their new venture together-- License Plates R Us. [music playing]
-Many cops have to moonlight to make a living, but this next officer got extra cash, and comic relief,
from his second job. -It's obvious we're dealing with a group of people here who-- who, uh-- for whom planning is not a strong point.
Some of 'em are-- are chemically compromised, I'll say. Uh, we've got a-- a particular guy at-- at one of the stores
where I work, comes into the store just kind of stumbling, and-- and, you know, the minute you pick this guy up on camera,
even if we didn't know him very well from the-- the eight previous arrests, you can see the guy's troubled.
He stumbles back to the meat counter-- he's hungry today-- picks out a very large pack of-- of steaks.
They're four tenderized round steaks, so this package is like two feet long, and probably 14, 16 inches wide.
He tries to stuff it down the neck of his sweatshirt, and it won't fit. So then he sticks it up underneath his shirt, and it--
it looks like he has taken a-- a TV tray, and stuffed it up in his shirt. You can see the outline of this meat package
where the corners and edges are protruding from his shirt. And then he-- he starts to walk out.
I guess he-- he's planning to be cool at this point. And of course, we snatch him at the front door,
and we take him into the sec-- security office, and we're processing him there. And I ask him, I said-- We're getting
all of his background information. I ask him where he lived, and he told me he was homeless.
He lived on the street. And I said, well, man, if you're living on the street, how did you plan to cook three pounds of raw meat?
And he looks at me, and he gets this really kind of sheepish look, and he just-- he kind of gives me
this little chuckle, like, well, I hadn't thought about that part. -You know it's dangerous, and yet you think about it.
You know it's illegal, and yet you try it anyway. You know you should wait, and yet you don't.
Like this woman. An officer in Rosenberg, Texas, stopped a woman for driving through the railroad barricades--
-Well, ma'am-- DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --one afternoon. - --you can explain that--
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): She refused-- - --to the judge-- DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --to believe that it was illegal.
-No, I'm not signing any ticket. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): The officer argued with the woman for a few minutes,
and finally wrote her the ticket, at which point-- - --to appear in two weeks-- DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --she refused to sign it,
stating that it obviously wasn't against the law. - --or explain to the judge. -I'm not signing any ticket.
I'm telling you. -Ma'am, let me ask you something. What is it that you don't think is
against the law with what you just did? -Sir, I just don't understand. If it's against the law, why do they
have that space there for me to go through? -There you go, ma'am. -Needless to say Choo Choo LaRoux
got a one-way ticket to court. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): There's an old musical standard
that our parents all knew, "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." Nowadays the places where a person can enjoy a cigarette
are numbered. Our next walking chimney could not have picked a worse time or place to light up.
A young man in Metairie, Louisiana, was concerned about a pal who had been put in jail
over the weekend, and walked into the city lock-up, and asked about him. Ignoring the fact that it's a jail
in a smokeless public building, he decided to smoke a little pot to relax-- -There's no smoking in here.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --sharing the experience with the policeman at the information desk by blowing some--
-Hey! DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --smoke in his face. He was caught one block away with some
of the weed in his possession. From our smoker's point of view, one good thing did happen.
He finally got to spend some time with his friend. [music playing] -The mind of a criminal can often
come up with a strangely different sense of logic. Let's look, for example, at our next case.
The Petaluma police were trying to coax a known criminal out of a trailer home, and had even threatened
to send in the K-9 unit. However, the criminal did not emerge. Eventually, two of the officers entered
the trailer, which at first seemed empty. Their canine counterparts soon sniffed out our perpetrator--
[dog howling] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): --who had tried to hide in a large animal carrier.
When questioned as to what he was thinking, his answer was, I didn't think the dog
would pick up my scent in there. [music playing] -We all know how hard it is to keep the kids from getting up
at the crack of dawn to open their Christmas presents. But what do you do when it's not your kid?
On Christmas morning, in Chevy Chase, Maryland, a couple called the police to report a burglar in their home,
who was downstairs attempting to stuff their presents into his pants and sneak out.
Police quietly entered the house and arrested the little elf, who must been looking for a pair of suspenders
that he obviously misplaced before leaving the North Pole. He was last seen decking the halls at the local jail.
[theme music] -Well, our bumbling buffet is now closing, but please join us next week, as we serve up another heaping
helping of hapless hoodlums, here on "America's Dumbest Criminals." NARRATOR: On the next "America's Dumbest Criminals."
-Your reason you're driving so fast is because you're running out of gas. -Oh, no.
I should have half tank. NARRATOR: A Halloween hoodlum picks the wrong clerk to hold up.
-Let go, let go. -Uh-uh. NARRATOR: An arguing couple lets a cop settle their differences.
-Let's go, uh-- let's go take a look at that, miss. NARRATOR: A bank robber gets robbed
himself during his getaway. A crook gets caught with the goods after a car accident.
All this and more, on the next episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals." -Wait. -I was working, uh-- working night shift, oh, about--
was about eight years ago, nine years ago. And, uh, we got a standard call, an alarm call, over, uh, uh,
in an industrial area of the city. Um, that late at night, it's not uncommon to get a, you know,
a burglar alarm call. Uh, I responded and, um, heard the alarm going off, uh, walked
up to one corner of the building. Um, I was familiar with the building, and-- and knew that we only had an entrance and an exit
to the building. All the windows were covered by the-- the metal grates, the fire bars.
Uh, the doors were covered, and the windows were covered. Well, as I looked into the window
to see what was going on, uh, what was activating the alarm, as I looked in, the same time, the suspect who was inside
looked out, so we basically went face to face. And I think we actually scared each other, uh, more than I
think either one really knows. Um, I kind of jump back. Uh, he-- he jumped back and went into building, further
in the dark where I couldn't see him. I pulled back, away from the building, and called for additional units.
Uh, in the meantime, I was checking the doors from my point of view to make sure that he didn't get out,
and in the back of my mind I knew he couldn't get out, because the doors were-- were grated,
and they had the bars in front of 'em. So the only way to get in would be through the roof.
Uh, while I'm waiting for the, uh, responding units to-- to come, I heard a loud crash.
Uh, I ran back up to the side of the window to look inside, and I found him laying on the floor.
And he was laying there, and he has gloves on-- like I say, he had his gloves on-- and he had the, uh,
the dark clothing, which would be typical for a burglar at nighttime. Uh, it, uh-- it was apparent that he broke his leg.
Uh, he had his gloves still on his hands, and apparently the screwdrivers he had in his pocket had-- had
basically poked him in the legs, and he was bleeding. Uh, we called for an ambulance and the fire department
to come, because we couldn't get entry inside, because of the fire bars. Uh, while we're waiting, I decided
to take a picture of the guy while he's lying on the floor, so I could use it later on in court as evidence.
So I took a Polaroid picture of him laying inside, uh, the closed business, and you could
see the hole in the ceiling. And he was laying on the ground with-- with the gloves on,
and the, uh, the screwdriver stuck in the side of his leg. And his leg did appear to be broken,
and he was hollering and screaming. So I took a picture with the Polaroid, and, um, when, uh, the fire department got there,
we made entry, and gave him medical aid. When it came time for court, I produce the, uh,
Polaroid picture to the judge at court, and basically, the-- the judge says, you're not gonna fight this, are you?
And he said, no, I'm not gonna fight this. So basically, it never went to court, never went to court,
because I had everything on the Polaroid.

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," a man adds more than sugar to his coffee, a yuletide burglar gets caught with his pants down, a loser picks the wrong place to light up and a stoner makes an indecent proposal to a cop.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode highlights various foolish criminal acts, including a coffee tampering incident and a Christmas burglar caught red-handed.

Key points

Coffee Conundrum. A disgruntled employee adds more than sugar to the coffee pot, shocking his coworkers.
The Robber's Return. A robber returns to a convenience store asking for a jump start after stealing money.
Elevator Escape. A burglar's getaway is thwarted when the elevator gets stuck during a jury deliberation.
Caging Bull. Criminals are arrested on a movie set for outstanding warrants.
The Christmas Thief. A burglar is caught trying to steal Christmas presents from a family's home.
Burglar's Injury. A burglar is found injured with a broken leg and bleeding from screwdrivers.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

There's nothing that people look forward to more than that first cup of coffee.

Daniel Butler reflects on the joy of morning coffee.

1:17WatchFeb 17, 2022

Tension

40/ 100Low tension

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