America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 2, Episode 10 - Crate Escape - Full Episode | Forensic Files

-Hi. I'm Daniel Butler. Welcome to another edition of "America's Dumbest Criminals."
[music playing] ANNOUNCER: On this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals"-- MAN: Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa. Check this out. Look at that sign. ANNOUNCER: A creeping crook in "Crate Escape," a couple
of bungling boys in "Bad News Boobs." [explosion] Gotta be the shoes. MAN: Hey, I didn't steal these shoes.
ANNOUNCER: A couple of perps make a pit stop. All this and more, coming up on "America's Dumbest Criminals."
Here's your host, Daniel Butler. -When entering a room, it's always wise to be aware of the exits, just
in case you need to get out for any reason. But as this surveillance tape shows,
dumb criminals don't always think that far ahead. A man entered this convenience store one evening
through an air conditioning vent. He immediately began picking up items as he crept from aisle to aisle.
Soon, he had bagged enough, and with the alarm blaring all around him, decided to make his escape.
However, the simpleton didn't plan a way to get out of the store. So he quickly assembled a stack of crates,
stepped up on a shelf, and made his assent. Unfortunately, that plan didn't hold up.
Neither did the crates, as you can see by his graceful landing. Then, in a desperate move, he tried
to kick the locked door open, with no results. Frustrated and sweating from the hat,
he pulled his mask off for all to see and quickly climbed a nearby shelving unit
and managed to crawl back up into the air conditioning unit just as the cops entered the store, which is right where
they found him a few minutes later. He had turned himself around in such a way that he was unable to get out of the vent.
They arrested him and put him in a cell that had only one entrance and no exits.
[music playing] Maybe criminals wouldn't break the law if they understood the legal terminology a little better.
A deputy was transporting some prisoners to court when they questioned the charges being brought against them.
-Receiving stolen property? -Yeah. You know that property you got last week was stolen.
That's why we're going to see the judge. -Um, I don't understand though. I mean, we stole--
-Oh, you stole the stuff? WOMAN: Yeah. -Oh, that's even better. Be sure to tell the judge that when you talk to him.
-After confirming their guilt so quickly, they got to take the express lane to jail.
You know, the one for people with 10 brain cells or less? [music playing] Most dumb criminals are guilty of setting
their goals way too high. But this next pair actually overshot their mark in this story from Captain Don McWilliams.
-The bad guys drive up to the teller window. And they pull up too far. They pull past the teller drawer so they can't reach.
He reaches, the driver reaches out his window to try to stick the note in. And he's pulled up too far.
So he throws his car in reverse and backs into the car in back of him. Then he gets out and he gets in a cuss fight with the guy
behind him, whereupon the man who was behind him backs his car up. He backs up where he can reach the teller drawer,
sticks the note in. And the teller who's working there is training a brand new girl.
And she takes the note out of the drawer. And she goes, oh my god. This is a holdup.
Get down. So bloop, bloop. Their little heads go down behind the counter. And the bad guys sit there for a few seconds thinking,
well, they're going to stand up in a minute and give us our money. We just know this is gonna turn out good for us.
When it becomes obvious they're not coming back up, they think, maybe we should leave now.
So the driver throws the car in gear and guns it. And the car goes, barrump, barrump, and dies.
So they bail out of the car and actually leave on foot. They run across the parking lot and just leave on foot.
Well, they have not had sense enough to steal a car to rob this bank. It's their car.
[laughter] So when the city cops show up and they tow it, they just run the registration and go to the guy's house
and arrest him. [music playing] -You know, sometimes when you gotta go, you gotta go.
To jail, that is. These two guys should have taken care of business before they left.
Two officers were standing on the sidewalk in front of their station when they noticed
a car pull into the parking lot. It circled for a few moments, then decided to make its final stop a few feet
away from the officers. The obviously intoxicated driver got out of the car and went into the nearby bushes for a, heh, little break.
One of the officers approached the tipsy trespasser, who immediately panicked and ran back to his car.
However, he jumped into the back seat, and started screaming to the officers that he wasn't driving.
His friend while. The officer noticed the passed-out passenger in the front, still securely fastened by his seat belt.
The driver was escorted into the station and relieved of his driving duties. ANNOUNCER: And now, "Crimes of the Weak,"
with Daniel Butler and Beaumont Bacon. -Hi. I'm Daniel Butler and this is the sugar-cured Beaumont Bacon.
Beaumont? Is something wrong? -Oh. I'm sorry. It's my first story. And it made me think of something.
And now I have drawn a complete blank. -OK. -I'm telling you, it's team, my ATM number and I cannot
remember it for the life of me. -Well, I'm sure it'll come to you. Why don't you just tell the story and--
-4429! That's what-- 2944. -OK. -No, that's my Social Security number. -A guy managed to get a hold of a friend's ATM card
and tried to use it to get quick cash at a nearby teller machine. However, he had forgotten to get the friend's PIN number.
-That would help. That's the-- 4422! That's it. All right. I'm happy. -OK. Well, he marched into the bank and demanded
to know why his card wasn't working. The teller told him that she would check and discovered that the card had been reported stolen.
-Ha ha. -She notified the security guard, who kept our card-carrying klepto company until the cops arrived.
-Oh, people can be so helpful. -Serve and protect. -Serve and pro-- S&P. That's what that is, right there.
Like this woman who helped the police nab a ninny who she saw rob her bank, then flee across the street to the hotel
where he was staying in while he planned the entire heist. -That was handy. -That was handy.
No getaway car, no mad dash through back alleys and rooftops, just a quick dash through the hotel lobby,
around the gift shop there. Picked up a pack of gum. And then right there at the ice machine
is where the police picked him up. And that's where they put him, back on ice. Which brings us to the Vidiot of the Week.
A Texas police officer was in line in uniform at a local gun shop when the clerk pulled him
aside and showed him something very interesting. On the mandatory federal questionnaire that gun buyers
must fill out, the customer had answered honestly, correctly, and dumbly, that, yes, there were
outstanding arrest warrants in his name. When the officer asked the man why he had answered truthfully,
he had a dumb smart answer. -The form says it's a federal crime to lie on a form.
And I'm only wanted by Texas. I didn't want the federal-- -Makes sense in a way.
But the truthful, truant crook was too honest for his own good. He filled in the blank.
And now he'll be filling in a jail cell. [music playing] -They say it's good to focus completely on your work.
But in case of a certain dumb criminal, that kind of tunnel vision is likely to have you seeing bars.
In Reynoldsburg, Ohio, this sergeant and his partner nearly ran over a peeping Tom in a hotel parking lot.
SERGEANT: Check this guy out. What's he doing? PARTNER: Man, I don't know. Let's check him out.
DANIEL BUTLER: Oblivious to the rest of the world, the man was still unaware that he was being watched too.
SERGEANT: This guy has no clue we're even here. PARTNER: He doesn't, does he? SERGEANT: That's great.
-And that was the end of the peeping Tom who couldn't hear a peep. [music playing]
Back in the old days, when lie detectors were first coming into use, only the big police departments had them.
However, the smaller departments were known to use many different tricks of their own
to fool dumb criminals into admitting their crimes. The trick you're about to see may
be one of the most outrageous ever used. The officers, however, were convinced that this particular genius was just about
bright enough to go with the program. The metal hat on his head is actually a colander,
which has bogus wires running to the back of the photocopier. CRIMINAL: I was at my girlfriend's house,
just hanging out. [copier starts] POLICE OFFICER: Whoa. PARTNER: What the hell is that?
POLICE OFFICER: I've never seen it act that way before. I think it's telling me that you're lying.
DANIEL BUTLER: Every time he answers a question with what the cops believe to be a lie,
they push the copier button, and out comes a copy saying, "he's lying." PARTNER: I want to know, is that you coming out
of the back of the liquor store. CRIMINAL: Yes. It's me. It's me. OK? Is that what you want to hear?
It's me. That's me. POLICE OFFICER: Looks like he's telling the truth this time.
-After confessing to the crime, the copycat was able to take off his metal cap and replace it with the county-issued dunce version.
[music playing] Sometimes when it comes to evidence, it's gotta be the shoes. Plus, the really dumb criminal who's wearing them.
An officer was following up on a tip of a pair of shoplifted basketball shoes. He went to a nearby pickup game and approached the suspect.
But before he could say anything-- POLICE OFFICER: Mind if I talk to you for a second?
-Hey, I didn't steal these shoes. POLICE OFFICER: I didn't say you did. Why don't you come here a second?
-What's up? POLICE OFFICER: Why don't you put the ball down? -Huh? POLICE OFFICER: Turn around for me.
Put your hands behind your back. DANIEL BUTLER: The officer shoots and scores. The crowd goes wild.
And the heel goes to jail. From bad to worse, from stupid to stupor, that could describe this encounter
behind a keen-eyed beat cop and a mindless motorist. He had forgotten to fasten his seat belt.
So how did this turn into a felony arrest? The Harlem, New York, officer had intended on issuing a warning.
But the driver had no license. And a check of motor vehicle records showed six license suspensions and a slew
of other infractions. Fearing another stiff fine from a traffic court, the driver went for his gun.
A gift, he said, if the officer would forget the whole thing. It's a clever crook indeed who can turn a routine traffic
citation into a trip to the slammer. He's now serving time for bribery, illegal possession
of a firearm, driving without a license, unpaid parking tickets, and violation of the New York seal belt law.
[music playing] Look in the Yellow Pages and you're not going to find any listing for smart criminals.
However, there's a good chance you'll see something under D, because, as an officer in Baltimore told us,
the dumb criminals are starting to advertise. A police officer and his partner we're
working in a plainclothes unit. His partner began to laugh a lot. PARTNER: Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa. Check this out. Look at this guy. Look at that sign. DANIEL BUTLER: Not only was some sap publicly admitting
he sold narcotics, but he also had a problem spelling the plural form of the so-called marijuana dime bag.
[laughter] POLICE OFFICER: What are you selling here, man? [laughter] Are you selling girls?
Where are the chicks? -The officers quickly confirm the dopey dope dealer's identity and made the arrest, fouling up
this fool's notion of a not-so-free enterprise. [music playing] The key to pulling off a successful crime
is preparation and foresight. What do I need? What could go wrong? OK. I've cased the joint.
I have a car. I have gas. I have a weapon. Great. I've got the money. Now I've got to get out of here.
The keys. The key--- where are my keys? I know I had them a minute ago. Maybe if I kick the car it'll start up.
Uh-oh. Thanks to a quick-thinking citizen, another dumb criminal's career has just been switched off.
[music playing] In a sound marriage, couples share the good times as well as the bad.
However, this man will probably have a couple of discussions with his wife after he includes her in one of his bad times.
While working a sobriety checkpoint, an officer pulled over a vehicle driven by a man who was obviously very intoxicated.
After confirming that he was impaired, the officer arrested him. And he was about to put him in the backseat of his cruiser
when the man said-- MAN: If you think I'm drunk, you should check that lady out back there in that car.
It's my wife. She's twice as hammered as me. DANIEL BUTLER: Sure enough, the wife's vehicle showed up.
And they gave her the same test. And the husband was right. She was worse than he was.
They were both arrested. When the officer asked the man why he told them about his wife, the guy said--
-I wasn't gonna listen to her nag, so I figured she might as well get caught too.
-The Surgeon General claims smoking is linked to a high incidence of cancer, heart disease, and lung degeneration.
As evidenced in our next story, it also sucks the brains out of criminals. Escapee George Shelton was half-way home
after scaling the fence of North Carolina's [inaudible] Correctional Center. He had only to wait until dark, then steal a parked car
from the diner across the highway. But George was a heavy smoker. And in his hasty flight, he forgot
to pack a book of matches. Now, addiction to any substance destroys the reasoning process.
It rearranges priorities and leaves the addict in the hopeless haze of a mental mush.
And when the addictive substance is legal, temptation lurks at every corner. Like a dog at the sound of a dinner bell,
George relinquishes motor control, drawn to the scent of smoke. What's the price of a puff?
Well, for this guy, it was a return trip to the cell block. [music playing] I enjoy parlor games, charades, Monopoly,
Pictionary, 20 Questions. It doesn't matter. It's always fun to win, unless of course the prize
is a free trip to the big house. Am I male? Yes. Am I over 18? Yes. Is that my joint.
Sure. Do I admit possession of that joint in the presence of a uniformed officer?
Mm-hmm. Have I just incriminated myself for possession of a controlled substance?
Yes. Am I one of America's dumbest criminals? Yes! [music playing] Spring training started off with a bang
as juvenile detention centers in Harris County, Texas, began recruiting for inmates.
[explosion] DANIEL BUTLER: Strike one, one year of probation. Strike two, do the crime, we'll guarantee the time.
Uh-oh. Traded to the Texas Youth Commission for one year. Strike three, transferred to the majors,
as this ambitious arsonist is over the age of 18. He signed up for five years for felony
theft and damaged property. And with this woman's discovery, they are outta there!
A less than stellar season for the Bad News Boobs. But an impressive lineup for the Texas Incarceration Facilities.
Yay. Go Boobs. [music playing] A smart crime is hard to find. But there's no shortage of dumb criminals.
See you next week on "America's Dumbest Criminals." ANNOUNCER: On the next episode of "America's Dumbest
Criminals"-- MAN: He took my marijuana plants. POLICE OFFICER: Your marijuana plants?
MAN: Yes. ANNOUNCER: A goofy guard caught off-guard, a silly squirrel nut speeder.
-You sped up to avoid hitting a squirrel. WOMAN: I didn't want to hit it. ANNOUNCER: A confused crook in "Not Out of the Woods,"
a running robber in "One Moment, Please." MAN: I suppose you're gonna make some kind of federal case out
of this or something. ANNOUNCER: All this and more on the next episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals."
-On a particular day, I'm working at the store. And there are two of us working.
There's one guy who works down in the parking lot and in the store, just walking, being visible.
And there's a guy who sits up in an office watching this bank of monitors. There are 41 cameras up there.
Well, this guy comes in, starts loading up a basket. My partner's watching this guy loading this basket up.
And he's loading it with beer and meat, which are expensive items. A basket full of them can run in several hundred dollars.
And he's in radio contact with me. He's telling me to basically be ready outside the front door.
Well, this guy loads the basket up, rolls it by the checkout stand up front, and runs.
And he's literally skating with the basket. He's got one foot up on the crossbar on the bottom.
And he's, he's pushing off with the other foot. And he's building up some speed doing this.
And he's headed for a car in the parking lot. Well, my buddy and I converge on him from different directions.
And we snatch him off the back of the basket. Well, just as we grab him, his buddy, his getaway driver,
is five, six feet away from us. And he literally makes eye contact with us, whereupon he guns it.
He burns rubber out of the parking lot and just leaves his friend standing there with us, which made his buddy a little, a little angry,
let's say. But it got worse. We take him upstairs to the security office. And we sit him down in a chair.
And he turns around and looks behind him at the 41 TV cameras. And he says, oh, man.
He told me y'all didn't have cameras in this store. [laughter] Well, about an hour and a half later, his buddy comes back.
This guy's got a basket. He makes a beeline for the meat department at the back of the store, starts loading it up steaks,
comes up the beer aisle, loads it up, and does the same thing, rolls up past the registers.
And we snatch him up standing right outside the door when he tries to make his break for it.
We get him upstairs and we ask him, you know, what's the deal? And he explains that they were going to this party
and these guys evidently were on the refreshment committee. [laughter] [music playing]
[music playing]

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," deliquents will attempt a "Crate Escape," show off their "Bad News Boobs," try on their "Gotta Be the Shoes" and then make a "Pit Stop."

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode highlights various dumb criminals and their failed antics, from a man stuck in a vent to a drunk driver blaming his wife.

Key points

Crate Escape. A crook's plan to escape through an air conditioning vent goes hilariously wrong.
Express Lane to Jail. Two prisoners hilariously admit their guilt while being transported to court.
Dumb Criminals and Their Goals. A pair of robbers overshoot their mark in a bank heist, leading to a comical failure.
The Honest Criminal. A man tries to use a stolen ATM card but forgets the PIN, leading to his arrest.
The Peeping Tom. A peeping Tom is oblivious to being watched by police, leading to his capture.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

Gotta be the shoes.

0:56WatchFeb 17, 2022

Tension

40/ 100Low tension

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