America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 2, Episode 21 - Follow-the-Loser - Full Episode | Forensic Files

-Hi, I'm Daniel Butler welcome to another edition of "America's Dumbest Criminals."
[theme music] NARRATOR: A this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals." -Woof! Woof!
NARRATOR: A couple of kids have a counter-fit. [crash] A man enjoys his room with a view.
[siren blaring] Cops play a little "Follow the Lower." -I just took zeros and pasted on a $1 bill.
NARRATOR: A woman shares her arts and crafts secrets. -You're guilty. [gavel bangs]
NARRATOR: All this and more, coming up on "America's Dumbest Criminals." -Stop or I'll shoot.
Bang! NARRATOR: Here's your host, Daniel Butler. -When most of us think of getting away from it all,
we think of drinking Mai Tais on some remote tropical island or taking a cruise around the world--
or perhaps setting up a hammock in a communications tower, about 300 feet off the ground.
This is exactly why you were told to read the fine print of any budget vacation package.
This guy did get a room with a view, but his hammock was quickly traded in for bunk beds and bars on his window.
However, the exercise yard is a great place to meet people. [music playing] -Some kids think that they can get away with anything
and that they're smarter than the adults who supervise them. That isn't always the case.
A rebellious runt in St. Paul decided that he would take a little joyride in a stolen car.
Officers chased him for quite a ways until he pulled over and jumped out of the vehicle.
The officer doubted that he could catch the kid and decided to try something on a whim.
-Stop! Stop, or I'll shoot! Bang! -Oh, man! Stop shooting, man! DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): The officer tried his best
not to shoot off his mouth to the kid again as they took a little joyride to the station
in his cruiser. [music playing] -Officers Pace and Dias were called in on an armed robbery
which had just taken place at a local gas station. Since the thief had just left the scene of the crime,
and a very detailed description of the thief and his motorcycle was given, it wasn't hard for the police to spot him.
As they suspected, he had headed for the freeway. -So I just, you know, give it the gas,
and-- and I catch up to this motorcycle, and it's just-- you know, the description
is a black jacket and black helmet. And then I line him up with the lights for a stop,
and that's when he just takes off. -The foolish fugitive gets off the freeway and, hoping to lose Dias, hops the curb.
But he doesn't make it. -At that time, we-- we stop right there where the bike is.
There's money flying everywhere and there's a ski mask on the ground. So I'm thinking, hey, this looks like the right guy.
We chase this guy on the freeway, around this one tree, and finally we end up jumping him and getting on top of him.
-Put your hands behind your back. -And I asked Steve here to go ahead and bring the witness.
-We get the clerk. I bring him on down. On the way down there, I'm telling him, hey, you know, this may or may not be the guy.
You know, take your time. You know, just take a good look at him. And they pull the guy, the crook, out
of Officer Dias's car and set him there. I light him up with my spotlight, and the clerk tells me-- he just kind of drops his head
and says, "Yeah, we were in on it together." He says, "That's my friend." I pat-searched him down.
He had a big roll of $20s in his pocket, which was part of the theft, as well. -And he picked up the phone and called
911 as soon as his friend left. -The guy still must've been in the driveway when he was picking up the phone,
because it was that quick. -I'm sure his buddy was a little upset. They're probably not even friends anymore.
[music playing] -The police are on your tail. No matter what, you can't lose them.
Where does a genius in a getaway car go? [tires screeching] It started with a bank robbery in Durham, North Carolina,
with police in hot pursuit. -Unit Alpha 31, pursuit continuing. We're going out to Circle J Ranch Road.
Green Camaro. 3, Victor, Echo, Papa, 744. [tires screeching] [sirens blaring] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): When it looked
like he was about to be caught, our dumb driver turned into a precinct parking garage.
-Alpha 31, he's now entering the underground parking structure, number B. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Even if we hadn't robbed the bank,
he would have been ticketed for illegal parking and operating heavy machinery without his brain.
OFFICER: (SHOUTING) I want to see your hands! Put your hands in the air! Stick 'em out the window, both hands.
Don't move. NARRATOR: And now, "Crimes of the Weak" with Daniel Butler and Beaumont Bacon.
-I'm Daniel Butler, and this is Beaumont Bacon-- but we call her Buttercup. -[inaudible].
Hello, Daniel. -You're blooming. -Hi, Daniel. -A couple in Montgomery, Alabama, didn't think that anything was wrong when their dog began
barking around 2:00 AM-- until they woke up the next morning and found a burglar asleep on the floor
in their spare bedroom-- -[snores and whistles] -Surrounded by many of their personal belongings.
-[snores and whistles] -Well, after police arrived, they found out that the man had been drinking heavily
and broke in through a window, claiming that he was in his house. -Now-- now if those other people would only move,
it would be his house. DANIEL BUTLER: It would. Well, they did. They moved him into his own cell a few minutes later.
-Well, the guy in my next story also had a very rude awakening. A Colorado resident was found wandering the side
of the highway, holding a live diamondback rattlesnake at arm's length. -Oh, just taking it for a walk.
-Like there's any other way to hold a live diamondback rattlesnake. It's the boa.
It's the little boa thing, there. He claimed he had been bitten while walking down the highway.
But upon further questioning, the man broke down and admitted to having driven his car
off the road and into a huge ravine. -I take it this man was not stone cold sober.
-(LAUGHING) No. More like stone cold stupid. When the car stopped rolling, he crawled out
and hoped to get some distance between himself and the car. You see, he'd already been arrested once before on a DUI.
DANIEL BUTLER: Mmm. -He got about 500 yards away and he decided that he would just
go to sleep and sleep off that buzz he had. Unfortunately, he was not alone, and upon awakening
he rolled right into a rattlesnake. DANIEL BUTLER: Ooh, talk about waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
Ouch. Well, that brings us to the Vidiot of the Week. -From all the stories-- -All the stories.
-We received this week. -This week. -Every one of them-- this is our favorite. A retired court clerk in New York City
attempted to open up a charge account using a million-dollar bill. [whistles] -The problem is, there is no such thing.
-Ma'am, where did you get a million-dollar banknote from? -I made it. JUDGE: Would you care to share your secret?
-Oh, um, I just took zeroes and pasted it on a $1 bill and then ran it through a color copier.
-Ma'am, you made 194 more bills as well, I understand. -It-- it's a hobby. -Ma'am, are you aware that the US government does not
make million-dollar banknotes? Furthermore, it is illegal to make your own money.
-Um, Your Honor, um, I think in this case, it is legal. -You're guilty. -The clueless crook was convicted of fraud
and quickly lost her instant millionaire status. -Where's Ed McMahon when you need him?
-Hey. -Showing up with flowers-- -He's doing a sitcom. -And a-- oh, he is? -Yeah, with Tom Arnold.
-Good for Ed. -Beats going to door to door. [music playing] -In all the stories that I've heard,
none have been more bizarre than the following. A prisoner at a Mississippi jail slipped out of the kitchen door
one Saturday night to go see his girlfriend. His plan was foolproof. All he had to do was jam the door open with paper,
and he could slip back in unnoticed without risking his upcoming parole. That may have worked, if the wardens hadn't found the paper
and blocked his return route. -Hey, guys, let me in! [knock] Come on! I want to get in?
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Well, he went back to his girlfriend and called the prison himself.
"Hello? Yeah, is this the warden? Hey-- hey, Warden, you're not going to believe this,
but I can't get back in. [laughs] No." And actually, they were more than happy to oblige him.
[music playing] Research has recently proven that taking a quick cat nap during a long workday can produce
a variety of positive physical and psychological benefits to many workaholics. This dumb criminal decided to test that theory.
Officers in Dallas arrived at a residence that had been recently burglarized. The distraught woman had no idea who
might have done such a thing. The officer happened to notice a van parked on the street in front of her neighbor's house
and asked the woman if she recognized it. She said no. Officers went over to the van and found
the driver sound asleep at the wheel. They also noticed many of the household items all around him.
[snoring] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): He had evidently worn himself out robbing the house and fell asleep
before he could drive away. However, the nap did refresh him, and he had all the energy he needed to fill out
his paperwork down at the station, with just enough zip left over to get into the top bunk of his cell.
Police responded to a rather unusual call of a convenience store holdup. It was an armed robbery, and two suspects
had been shot, apparently by each other. Sources revealed that three teenagers suddenly pulled out
guns and told the cashier to hit the ground. He was not going to argue. -Give me the money. Give me the money.
-Get down! -Get it all. Get it all. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Then-- [gunshot] [gunshot]
He heard two shots. Somehow the armed eggheads had managed to shoot each other. Both were hit in the right leg, and the second in the hands,
as well. Bleeding and cursing their good aim, they grabbed money from the register and fled.
About an hour later, police received a call from the local hospital, saying the two teens had been brought
in with bullet wounds, allegedly from a drive-by shooting. Needless to say, Scary Hurley, and Bo
were quickly arrested and put in separate cells so they couldn't do any further damage
to each other while waiting for their trial. [music playing] Everyone knows you should stay away from the powdered white
substance that was stolen in this next segment. But some people are powerless in its grip.
It's a popular water-soluble compound whose street name is sugar. This detective and his partner on the Athens, Georgia Police
Department were investigating a break-in at a local elementary school's lunchroom
when they found the sweetest clue in the history of the job. -What do you think?
OFFICER: Looks like sugar to me. -Looks like sugar to me. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): A 50-pound bag
of sugar was missing from the cafeteria. But the police felt confident that they
were equal to the task of catching the culprits and didn't think they'd have to search
"sweet and low" for them. -Know something? You got the right to remain hyper. -We didn't do anything.
We're innocent. It's your fault. -It's your fault. -Yes, you can catch more flies with honey,
especially if the flies stole the honey. [music playing] So you think you're going to get away, do you?
Would you believe I'm sending in a SWAT team to get you? Would you believe I'm sending in a backup unit to get you?
Would you believe I'm sending in my partner to get you? Would you believe I'm sending in my dog to get you?
-Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! -Come on out! Our dog's here. He's gonna bite you. You better come out now.
Keep your hands out in front of you. -Just keep the dogs away, man. -Would you believe you're one of America's dumbest criminals?
[music playing] Officer Pat Worrell tells us of an introduction to rudeness resulting in an arrest for stupidity.
He was caught behind a driver stopped in the middle of the traffic lane at a shopping mall.
The man was carrying on a conversation with his girlfriend in the car ahead. Officer Worrell and his friend waited a few moments
before letting the driver know he was holding up traffic. -Finally my friend honked his horn at him and, uh,
the guy turned around and-- and told us where we could stick the horn, and the he was gonna-- he was gonna hurt us
if we didn't just leave him alone. And so finally, I just got out of the car and I started walking up towards him,
was going to have a discussion with what is your problem? And just as I'm getting there, he reaches up over the sun
visor and pulls out a big, long hunting knife, you know, and he's hanging out the window,
saying, "You want some of this? Come on, get this. Get this." So I just reached under my shirt and pull out
my off-duty weapon, and told him-- I said, "You know, you better put that knife away,
'cause you done brought a knife to a gun fight." He-- he looked at my gun and he looked at his knife,
and then he looked at his knife and my gun, and finally he put it away. And I told him, "Look, you're under arrest."
I identified myself and arrested him. -Since he was off duty, Officer Worrell told the arresting officer to take his prisoner down
to the station and cuff him outside the captain's bench. He went home, changed, and then headed back to the station
to book the bozo. However-- -When I got there, I asked the captain-- because the bench was empty-- you
know, "Where's my prisoner?" And he told me that they had taken him back to Narcotics.
And I said, "What happened?" He said, "Well, when the other officer was inventorying
the car, they found these three pills in the glove box. And they asked this kid what it was,
and he told them it was mescaline. -Evidently the prisoner had boasted about how he had just
gotten a great deal on some mescaline and was very irate that the officers had taken the three pills from his car.
A narcotics expert analyzed them, then went back to the prisoner and made a rather unusual proposition.
And he says, "Well, I'll tell you what I want you to do." He says, "You take this pill.
I'm gonna give it back to you. And you take it home and you put it in a glass of milk.
That makes a very, very nice drink. It's called chocolate milk." He had bought Nestle's Quik in a tablet.
[laughter] -You know? So-- so at least he was lucky enough not to get charged with narcotics, because all he had
was Nestle's Quik. [laughter] -This dumb criminal takes the phrase "sleeping on the job"
to a whole new level. An officer in Port Orchard, Washington received a call about a man sleeping in a citizen's truck.
The man woke up when the officer opened the door to question him. -Sir? MAN: What?
-Why don't you come on out? MAN: For what? -Come on out, sir. Is this your truck?
MAN: Yes, it is my truck. -Why don't you come on out? Step outside. MAN: Can't a man sleep?
-No. Is that your cell phone? -Yes. -Here's a checkbook. Does this checkbook belong to you?
MAN: Yes. -You're under arrest. -Sure enough, it had the caller's name and address on the checks.
The guy was arrested and put in the back of the cruiser, where he promptly fell asleep again-- with visions
of prison dancing in his head. [music playing] Cops spend most of their time driving
around, looking for dumb criminals. But once in a great while, the dumb criminal
finds them-- as this officer found out. An off-duty police officer was sitting on the steps of his building one day
relaxing when a guy comes up and asked him for a favor. The slime-stein didn't want spare change.
He didn't want directions. What he did want was for the officer to watch for the cops
while he broke into cars. The officer said, "OK," and watched in amazement as the dunce went about his business.
As soon as Beavis slid out of the car with the radio, the officer slid the cuffs on him
and asked him to watch for the cops this time. After all, one favor deserves another.
[music playing] This next surveillance tape shows a group of kids who should have eaten their spinach
before they went to work. While one person watched the door, the other two ran into the store and immediately
went behind the counter to the safe and attempted to swing it over the top. [clank]
However, the 500-pound safe was a little too heavy for the guys, who accidentally knocked
the entire counter to the ground. [crash] They frantically grabbed the safe again and headed out
to their waiting car-- which is where they were caught a few minutes later. They are now safe-ly behind bars.
[music playing] -Well, our bungling buffet is now closing, but please join us next week as we serve up another heaping helping
of hapless hoodlums, here on "America's Dumbest Criminals." NARRATOR: On the next episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals."
[thud] A drunk does some local landscaping. DRUNK: Nah, I was just going the liquor store.
I was just gonna get a beer! [siren blaring] NARRATOR: A crook takes an unusual pit stop.
A burglar dresses for success. A suspect gets the last word in court. -Now who's stupid?
NARRATOR: All this and more on the next episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals.
-I do recall a traffic stop one time, many years ago. I stopped this lady, and I think for speeding.
I don't recall. It's probably been 25 years ago. And I stopped her, and I went up,
and she rolled her window down. And I asked for her driver's license and informed her why she'd been stopped.
And she had a small child with her, probably five or so. And that was in the days prior to-- everybody absolutely
had to buckled up all the time. And her son was standing on the floorboard in the back seat
with arms up over the seat, up near the window, so he could hear. And I was talking to this lady and telling her
what she had done, and that I was going to issue her a citation. And this kid come about halfway out that window
and he started screaming and hollering at me about, "You better leave my mommy alone
or I'm gonna fight you," and this and that. And I finally said, "Look, lady, just--
just go, but just slow down. And pull him back inside, you know? [laughter] It just was not worth the grief, you
know, being attacked by a five-year-old. [theme music] [music playing]

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," a couple of kids have a counter fit, a man enjoys his room with a view, cops play a little follow-the-loser and a woman shares her arts and crafts secrets.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode features absurd criminal antics including a man in a tower, a joyriding kid, and a burglar asleep in a home.

Key points

Rattlesnake Encounter. A man wakes up next to a rattlesnake after a wild night.
Counterfeit Cash Scheme. A woman gets caught trying to use a million-dollar bill she made herself.
Sleeping Criminal. A burglar falls asleep in a stolen van after a robbery.
Dumb Criminals Shoot Each Other. Two armed robbers accidentally shoot each other during a heist.
Knife vs. Gun. An officer diffuses a situation with a man wielding a knife.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

I just took zeros and pasted on a $1 bill.

A woman explains her counterfeit money scheme.

0:56WatchFeb 17, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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