America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 1, Episode 22 - One Way Ticket to Jail - Full Episode | Forensic Files

DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): This is an ADC Warning. The crimes you are about to see are true.
Only the names were changed to protect the ignorant. [theme music] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Tonight,
see the dumb criminal who just couldn't blend in, surveillance camera footage of a bro in a bra,
and some dumb criminals who deconstruct. All this and more on "America's Dumbest Criminals."
-Welcome to "America's Dumbest Criminals." I'm Daniel Butler. You've probably heard the phrases dumber than a post
and can't tell his elbow from third base and couldn't think his way out of a paper bag.
Well, our show features the people who inspired these phrases. Join us in dredging the muddy bottom of the river of humanity
as we open files on America's dumbest criminals. First up, a large butt and a red suit
gets blitzened in "Santa Claws." -This particular Christmas, a citizen called in.
And his house had been burglarized. And when I arrived, he give me a description.
He says a big man, about 400 pounds, black hair with a beard. When I pulled in the driveway, he
ran out with an armful of Christmas presents from under the tree. Of course, he could not see.
-Santa, you're going the wrong way! Bring the presents back! -He proceeded to run across the yard,
high over an embankment that was about 20 feet high into the ditch. -Ho. Ho, ho, ho.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Kids, this is not the real Santa. We repeat, not the real Santa.
ADC quick number 180. A convenience store robber in Pennsylvania was easily identified by his disguise.
What did the robber wear? Was it A, a bright red bandana; B, a fake mustache; or C, a big bunny rabbit costume?
The correct answer was C. The rest of the barnyard gang was on the lam and were later apprehended.
Next, two undercover officers recall a sleeping simp with his hand out. OFFICER 1: Did an intensive patrol
through the public housing units, and we had a crack-buying corner that just-- we could sit there.
We'd sit there in the alley, and they'd come up and buy crack. We had this guy that would come down there every day,
had no license, was usually drunk. And we'd arrest him. Every day he came down there with no license.
And we came up on him one time. And we, uh, came up behind him, put the blue lights on him.
He's sitting there in his car, and we can see him holding money out the window. And he's not moving.
We can't figure out what's going on. And we walked up to him, and this guy's passed out in the window with this $20 bill
hanging out the window like that. OFFICER 2: With his car running and beer between his legs.
OFFICER 1: Car's in drive, and he's got his foot on the brake. And he's passed out.
[laughs] -Hey. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Now actual surveillance cam footage of what we call bro in the bra.
The suspect in the picture is male, six feet tall, 200 pounds. And-- oh, yeah. He is in touch with his feminine side.
Yes. He really is wearing a bra, cross my heart. The men in the picture walked into this convenience store
and demanded money, obviously so he could purchase the matching undies. When officers responded to the robbery,
this dumb criminal fired at them and missed before he was arrested. Later, he excused his bad aim, saying
that the strap in the back was riding up. Now, Buddy Tidwell meets a rocket scientist
on a one-way ticket to jail. -My partner and I were called to the scene of a burglary attempt
in some apartments near the public housing area. When we arrived there , a workman told us he saw a man
come in, uh, and take a microwave oven. -White t-shirt, tan khaki pants, toting a microwave.
I hollered at him. I take off after him. He's running down the street. -So my partner and I went toward the general area
that the man fled, and we began to look for him. -What you doing, man? What's the deal?
TIDWELL (VOICEOVER): The description the man gave us was a white t-shirt with khaki pants.
And we looked, and there were eight or nine people on the street wearing a white t-shirt and khaki pants,
dressed identically. We drove up to about the third guy we talked to. And he was perspiring profusely, and he
was very nervous about talking to us. And we had an idea that this might be our man.
So we asked him if he would accompany us, that we were investigating a crime and we wanted him to take a ride with us.
-Me? OFFICER: Yeah, you. Just step in the car. It won't take that long. -See, Mr. Officer, my-- my auntie
got me doing a job for her. OFFICER: It won't take that long. You can come right back.
[sighs] OFFICER: Just jump in the car. -I got to. OFFICER: You can come back. -I don't have to?
OFFICER: I just need to take a look at you. Yeah, you have to. -I have to? OFFICER: Yeah.
-He said as long as it didn't take-- it didn't take much time, because he had someplace
he had to be in just a few minutes. And we agreed to that. So we got him in the backseat of the patrol car.
And we started back to, uh, the witness to see if the witness could identify the man.
And my partner, in his haste to get back over there, accidentally took a left turn where
he should have taken a right. CRIMINAL: Y'all need to turn right. -And he inadvertently directed us right back
to the house he had broken into. [laughs] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Later, see three fudge
for brains in action in a compellingly dumb mental block. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Next up, an anonymous ignoramus
introduces himself in "Meet John Doe." -About two or three weeks ago, a younger officer made an arrest
on a transient for loitering and prowling. And he didn't have any proper ID on him.
So he was going to book him at the county jail as John Doe. And, uh, so he went to put him in the car.
And the transient told the officer, said, no, sir. Please let me go back to my tent.
-I need to go back to my tent and get my photo album. -Please get in the vehicle.
-I just want to get my photo album. -We'll talk about it. Get in the car. OK? -My pictures are all of family and my friends, officer.
I really wish you-- -OK. Just get in the vehicle. -I could just go-- -Where is it?
-Just right in the tent, officer. -OK. All right. I'll be right back. -You just turn left in the tent, right next to my library books.
-All right. -You can't miss it. -So the officer said OK. And put him in the car, and he went back to the tent
to get it for him. And when he brought it back, the transient told him, go ahead and look through it, if you want.
-I insist. You gotta look inside. -OK. -Look, there's my uncle and my Aunt Zelma.
I'll tell you what, their cooking. You'd love their cooking. -Yeah. She's pretty.
-Let's see. Well, there's me on my summer vacation. And then that-- look, there's my little John, my cousin.
-Yep. -We used to play football together. -Oh yeah? -And then, let's see. Oh, look at me right here.
I was-- we were-- what were doing there? OFFICER POTTS: He sees in the photo album
a picture of the suspect in the back of his car on a Wanted poster, fugitive from justice
out of another state. [laughs] So he found out his name, and he-- and he served the warrant on him.
-5'11". -No. That-- that must be someone else. Could be my cousin or something. -I think that's you.
-Where'd you get that album anyway? -The suspect had put his own Wanted picture in the scrapbook, and he was a fugitive
from justice on felony charges. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): In Georgia, it used to be against the law to ride on a public bus
if you stink, unless you bought enough gas masks for everyone. Now, a big maroon tries to fence his hall when "Robber Returns."
Investigator Connie Isom responded to a woman's call at a local shopping center in Florida.
Someone had broken into the woman's car and stolen some merchandise that she had just
purchased from an electronics store. Investigator Isom took down a detailed report
and began to look into connections to other thefts in the area. Less than 24 hours later, Isom was
called back to the electronic store. -I need to bring this stuff back. Man, I need a refund.
-OK. Um-- -Hey, wait! Wait, wait, wait. This-- look-it. This is my stuff. Where did you get this stuff?
-Hey, lady, quit that. -Look-it. This is mine. Look. -I need a refund. Lady, quit messing with my stuff.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): It seems the woman had returned to record the exact value of the items for an insurance claim.
While she was in the store, a man came in and requested a refund on several items, all of them
matching the merchandise stolen from the woman's car. [arguing] DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): When Investigator Isom returned,
the dumb criminal didn't try to deny the obvious or his bad luck. -Oh! -Sir, you're gonna be OK.
You stay there. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Investigator Isom rescued the dumb criminal from the woman
and placed him in protective custody. Now take you inside the courtroom for trial and error.
From actual courtroom transcripts, a numbskull's day in court turns south in "Give Him the Finger."
-Mrs. Ballinger, what did you do when the robber approached you with his hand concealed in his pocket?
-After he demanded the money, I politely asked to see his gun. -And is that when he drew it out?
-Yes. Then we both looked at his pointed finger. [whispering chatter] Then he turned around and walked off.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Later on tonight's show, these two lumps of lard get fried in "Need a Lift?"
Next, from Charlotte, North Carolina, Jim May tells us of a story we call "Hey Ray."
-One night we got a call on a break-in in progress at a warehouse. So I was pretty far off, so I started that way.
And another officer coming from the north end of the county, he met me. I go in this warehouse, and I'm walking
in this pitch dark warehouse. I was calling my partner. And I said, Ray, Ray. OFFICER MAY (ONSCREEN): Ray?
OFFICER MAY (VOICEOVER): I was looking for a light switch. I kept calling my partner.
I said, Ray. Ray. OFFICER MAY (ONSCREEN): Ray? -I finally got to the very back of the warehouse,
and I was still calling out this officer's name periodically. I said, Ray. OFFICER MAY (ONSCREEN): Ray.
Ray? -What? -All right there, guys. Don't move! [bleep] -That's my name, isn't it?
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Watch closely, and we'll show you the ins and out of dumb criminals at work.
The four men running towards the front of this establishment are dumb criminals.
They open the doors and run in to rob the building, passing by witnesses, who, nearly a few seconds
later, run out to call the police. Once again, four dumb criminals run in and let an equal number of witnesses run out.
In and right back out. Later, one dumb criminal bragged the operation couldn't have
gone quicker if they'd used a revolving door. In Pensacola, Chip Simmons remembers a mental midget
with faulty memory chips in "You Again!" -I'd been working, uh, this one particular informant.
He was providing me information about the drug dealers in a specific area. Well, um, you know, so we drove by there routinely.
And at this one point, I decided that I would dress up in an army shirt and grab an army
truck out to this specific location. Well, this guy was hounding me about all the people
selling dope in this one area. So I said, well, let's go back to this area, because this informant, named by name,
was telling me about all the crack that was being sold over there. So I drove over there.
Basically, I didn't do anything except for drove a different truck and ended up contacting
this guy that's at the corner. And, uh, he sold me crack cocaine. -Let's see what you got.
Let me see it. Yeah. Keep it down. Keep it down. What's wrong? -You got some rock for me? -Yeah.
I got it. I got anything you need, man. -All right. -Take a look at this. -Yeah, yeah.
You just take a look. Keep it down. -That's good. -All right. All right. -Here you go.
-Get the money. Thanks, man. All right. I can get you anything anytime you want, man.
Anytime you want at all, all right? That's what I can do for you. OFFICER SIMMONS (VOICEOVER): And then the officers
swooped in and got him and was trying to find out that that was my informant who didn't recognize me.
And, uh, I just talked to him, like, a couple hours before and told him we were fixing to go out there.
But, uh, he was dumb enough to sell it to me anyways. He kicks himself in the butt every time
he thinks about it now. He laughs. Every time I see him, he just laughs. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): In Colorado, it
used to be against the law for a hospital to deliver a baby without its mother, except on Father's Day,
of course. Now a man with a small mind and a big mouth answers the question "Need a Lift?"
-We had been searching for an individual, uh, as a suspect in some burglaries. Um, and we found out that he already
had an outstanding felony warrant on him for failure to appear on a burglary. Through dealing with this individual,
we knew that as soon as he found out that we were after him, it would be like chasing a deer.
I mean, there was no way that we could catch him. -We had previously been through this with him before,
and there was-- he'd go for months when you couldn't catch him, because we were on his home territory.
And you could not catch him whatsoever. Nobody was as fast as he was. -So we went to his house.
He wasn't-- wasn't there. Went to several other houses where we thought he might be,
and we just were having a problem locating him. So later on that night-- I guess it was about 8 o'clock
at night-- we turned onto one of the major roads. And we passed two individuals walking up
the road, one of them carrying a gas can. OFFICER (VOICEOVER): So we went back up to where they were walking.
And, uh, I said, hey. You run out of gas? He said, yeah, officer cops. And I said, well, how about we give
you a ride down the gas station? And, uh, he said sure. So I opened the door, and the person
we were looking for that had the felony warrant on him jumps in the backseat. I slammed the door shut and told the other guy,
I said, he's under arrest. And that's how we ended about a four-month search looking
for him. [laughs] Gave him a lift, being the, uh, helpful officers that we are. And he still had his prison shoes
on from where he'd just been paroled several months before. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): Next, an officer
gets his moron in "Door to Door Crime Buster." In Savannah, an officer developed a simple approach
to drug bust, simple enough to fool simpletons. [knocking on door] -Hey. -Whoa. Whoa.
I know this is strange. Everything's cool. Everything's fine. Um, listen, I gotta be careful here.
Uh, one of the guys down at the station said that you have got the primo dopo in town.
And, uh, you imagine-- everything's cool. I'm all by myself. I had to bring the car.
I'm -We don't have-- I don't have any dope. -But I promise I'm cool. Can I come in?
I look a little suspicious in here. Thank you. -But we-- I don't have any dope. -Listen, trust me.
I got,uh-- I heard 60 bucks. That's what the word was. Is that right? 20, 40, 60?
All US currency there. -But you're a cop. -No, no, no. No. Yes, I am. But, you know, hey, we gotta do our thing, too, you know?
Uh, you know, you don't realize how hard it is for a guy like me to find the right stuff.
You know what I mean? What do you think? Um, can we give it a try? -Just give me a sec.
-Let me look at what you've got. I hear it's good. What do you think? Whew. -Yeah.
I probably need to get moving along here. Oh, boy. You think this is hard on you.
This is really hard on me. Oh, man. That looks like some good stuff. -Mexico. -Mexico.
Woo! Whoa. -60 bucks. -Yeah. 60 bucks. -60 bucks. -Put this away. Ah, this is a lifesaver, guys.
I'll tell you what, if this works out, I will be back. OK? -OK. -Here you go. I appreciate it very much.
Good, huh? OK. And, uh, you're under arrest for selling dope to a uniformed officer.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): In Oregon, it used to be against the law for a woman to drink coffee.
Instead, they were encouraged to roll hula hoops downhill. Jerry McIntosh recalls the night of living
stupidly in "Mental Blocks." -We had an alarm go off at Bakka Drugs. And, uh, the drugstore sat on an old city road, ground level.
And then he had a driveway going around to the back. Well, in the back, because he had so much flooding,
he built like a-- maybe a six-foot high retaining wall. But it was the same color as the building.
Evidently, our three burglars or would-be burglars. Had came in from the back, thought
this was the back of the building. If you went over this retaining wall, you would be on his roof.
[sirens] And then when the people caught him, and we caught him, they had spent roughly 45 minutes
breaking through a wall that was going to not do anything but put them on top of the business.
And they thought they were breaking in the back. [laughing] And that disgusted them more
than us catching them. -Folks, if you'd like to get a look inside the dumb criminal mind, take a flashlight.
It's real dark in there. High thanks to all the courageous men and women of law enforcement.
Without their stories, we'd never know just how dumb criminals can be. And thanks to you for watching.
I'm Daniel Butler saying, don't be dumb. Don't break the law. [theme music] [theme music]

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," we'll witness the dumb criminal who just couldn't blend in, surveillance camera footage of a bro in a bra and some dumb criminals who deconstruct.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode showcases absurd crimes, including a Santa burglar and a robber in a bunny costume, revealing the foolishness of criminals.

Key points

America's Dumbest Criminals. A humorous look at the foolish actions of criminals, showcasing their blunders.
Santa Claws. A large man in a Santa suit steals Christmas presents but is hilariously caught.
Bro in a Bra. A male suspect robs a store while wearing a bra, leading to his arrest.
Meet John Doe. A transient's photo album reveals his identity as a fugitive from justice.
Need a Lift?. A wanted man unknowingly jumps into a police car, ending a long search.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

Only the names were changed to protect the ignorant.

Introduction to the show

0:11WatchDec 2, 2021

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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