America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 1, Episode 18 - An Affair to Forget - Full Episode | Forensic Files

DANIEL BUTLER: This is an ADC Warning. The crimes you're about to see are true. Only the names were changed to protect the ignorant.
[music playing] Tonight, two criminals who absolutely never met, surveillance camera footage of a new dance step,
and a dramatic dumb criminal drum roll. All this and more, tonight on "America's Dumbest Criminals."
Welcome to "America's Dumbest Criminals. I'm Daniel Butler. We believe that every criminal, no matter how long his career,
will eventually wake up one morning and find that he is the dumbest guy he knows.
And then that night he'll see himself on this show as we open another file on "America's Dumbest Criminals."
Now, Anthony Underwood of Birmingham has a mind numbing story we call "Run and Hit."
UNDERWOOD: My partner and I had stopped at an area Huddle House, and we noticed a individual,
and he was accompanied with a female. And it dawned on me that this individual had presented
some fake ID to me on a prior call, you know, at a domestic call we got. I walked up to him.
I asked him his name. He gave me some fake name. He presented some fake ID. -I will talk to my husband--
-Excuse me, ma'am. Can I see some ID please, sir? -Give him your wallet. So we had made contact with dispatch
and we gave the birth name that I knew him under, and the birthday. And she came back and said that he was a wanted person,
you know, with the County Sheriff. So, uh, his girlfriend got excited. At that time she, uh, recited his first name.
that I knew him under. So he took off running. -Who do you think is lying? -Hey Mike, wait!
UNDERWOOD: And he hurdled a fence, and what he didn't know it was a hill going downgrade from the fence
immediately as you clear that fence. Well he did any traction on the hill and he just slid into the alley and continued
across the paved alley into a neighboring house. We heard the thump, and he was laying stretched out.
MAN: Smack. -Smacked right into the house. [music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: ADC quiz number 927--
When Jesse James tried to rob the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota, the townsfolk stopped him.
How long did it take the people to get their money back? Was it A, seven minutes, B, two weeks, or C, 15 years?
The correct answer is A, seven minutes, which is less time than it took him to make the money disappear.
Next, Detective Anthony Lewis recalls a drug dealer who was the dumbest face in the crowd.
-We were working in the city of Oakland Park assisting them in a reverse sting, and we had just made an arrest.
There was about three marked police cars there, and, uh, several unmarked police cars.
And the guy walks up alongside the police cars-- walks up to Mel, the police officer that sells the rocks.
His, uh, sign that he had just make a deal was to take off his hat. And I noticed Mel-- he was looking right at me,
and he took off his hat, which is the signal that he made a deal. DANIEL BUTLER: Now if you're a drug
dealer what's wrong with this picture? How many places can you spot obvious signals
that you're in the presence of many police officers? Um, there are several. -And I couldn't believe that this guy is buying
a rock with all these police officers. There must have been six or seven police officers there
in uniform, along with the officers in plain clothes, but they did have their guns and badges on.
So I ran up behind the guy, grabbed the guy, and the guy had actually bought a rock with all the police
officers there in front him. [music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: Folks, we've said it before
and we'll say it again. There are surveillance cameras everywhere, like the floorboard of this car, which was just waiting
for this guy to break in and hotwire it. By the time he spots the camera it's already caught him on tape.
Even though he shuts it off, he gets out and get back in, reactivation the camera.
Now what have we learned? When you break the law you will get caught. You will feel really dumb.
James Claiborne of Knoxville recalls the time he gazed into a picture imperfect.
-I was on patrol in the western end of the city, and I noticed a car that had a-- a break light out.
I pulled it over on the side of the road. I asked the gentlemen-- well buddy, I said, do you have any ID?
And he said, uh, yes sir I do. And he handed me a, uh, college identification card of a man
who was 15 years his junior. I looked at the photograph and I said buddy, I said, this is not you.
-Sir, um, this is not your ID. -No no, that's me. -This as you? -Yes sir, that's me.
-Sir could you tell me please how it is you got to be 15 years older and six inches taller?
-Traffic accident. -And I told him-- I said it must been a hell of a wreck. Later on we found out he had stolen the car
and broken into a business and was using the man's identification who, uh, had had his car broken into
and his wallet stolen. -I got my chin in the steering wheel, and that's where I stretch my neck out because my legs was
pinned down, and it cut me all up. DANIEL BUTLER: The guy was either ready for "Ripley's Believe It Or Not," or he was absurdly dumb.
Later tonight-- a dumb criminal who almost breaks a law. DANIEL BUTLER: Next up, Officer Darryl Price revisits us
with "Breaking, Breaking, and Entering Halfway." DARRELL PRICE: And one night on third shift an officer
had spotted a subject breaking into a building, and it was a transmission shop he was breaking in.
But the problem was this guy was so drunk he couldn't get through the window. I mean he had already busted the window out
and he kept rolling this big barrel up to the window and he'd crawl up on to be able to crawl through the window.
And the barrel would fall and they'd both roll back down the hill. By the time he finally got into the window about an hour
and a half had passed. It had gotten to the point where we were just ready to arrest
him for being a drunk because he was just wasting our time. Finally when e got about half in and half out the window
we decided he had committed enough of the act to go ahead and make the arrest. Well when we grabbed him and started pulling him back
out the window one of the officers realized that the door next to the window was open.
He just opened it, walked in, and pushed him back through the window. He had actually broken into an exterior bathroom.
It was open all night long, and there was no business that he had broken into. We basically couldn't even charge him with the breaking
and entering, just the damage to property from breaking the window. [music playing]
DANIEL BUTLER: In Maine it used to be against the law for a man to tickle a woman with a feather duster,
but you could count their vertebrae with your fingers and get a good chuckle. Has the man arrested in our next story turned away
from a life of dimwittedness or is he still a lightfoot? In Lawrence, Kansas, a man robbed an all night market then
fled into the night. Police responded quickly and soon picked up the felon's trail.
Twice the man was certain he had lost the officer and twice they uncannily honed in on him.
-How do you guys keep following me? -Years of police training, of course. DANIEL BUTLER: The officers show him the light.
-Your shoes light up, kid. DANIEL BUTLER: Red lights, to be exact, on the heels of this tennis shoes,
blinking on and off every time his feet hit the ground. [music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: We take you inside the courtroom
for Trial and Error. From actual courtroom transcripts-- a grandmother who won't cover for her grandson.
-Ms. Jones, would you please recount the car wreck as you remember it? -The police were coming toward me.
They were chasing another car. I noticed that the driver of the other car suddenly ducked his head down.
And then he couldn't see, and he swerved, and he ran right into me. -All right, this is when the police
took the car thief into custody? -Yes, but not before I gave that no good grandson
of might a good piece of my mind. DANIEL BUTLER: Later tonight-- a dumb criminal who really cleans
house and does interior decorating in jail now. All on "America's Dumbest Criminals."
-Drug crimes are among the most destructive, eating away at the social fabric like so many glassy eyed moths.
It's comforting when one of these low-lifes is exposed as being dumb as dirt. DANIEL BUTLER: An undercover officer
remembers a forgetful dope dealer in "An Affair to Forget." -I was asked to work in an undercover capacity
and buy $200 worth of crack cocaine from a man that had been arrested several times
and that I was familiar with, and he should have known who I was. We met in a motel room.
We had already wired the room, and the gentleman-- a little leery at first-- -No, I-- you don't know me.
-You look familiar. -If-- if you knew me then I would know you. And if you, you know-- if you recognized me
I'd recognize you. -Yeah. -So you don't know me. I don't know you, you don't know me.
-But I'm almost sure-- -You don't know me. I don't know you, right? If I knew you then you'd know me.
Are you going to deal? Are you a guy who is here to deal? Because I'm the only person in this room to deal with.
-OK, OK, OK, Yes, OK. All right, all right. That's OK. -OK? -Yeah, you're sure. -I'm sure.
-OK, all right. Let's do this then. UNDERCOVER OFFICER: So he accepted that. The deal was made.
As he exited the room he was taken down by the officers. He just said I can't believe you did that to me.
I said I can't believe you didn't know me. [laughter] [music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: You know, Hollywood
has portrayed drug dealers as villains with cat-like grace and style-- a certain savoir-faire, people
that move within a certain rhythm. But this is actual surveillance cam footage of a drug deal.
What how he moves when the police bust in. All right now, let's see that one more time,
because I think there's a dance here. One, and two, I'm gonna bust you. One, and two, I'm going to bust you.
One, and two, and oh, please let the officer lead at all times. How well do you really know your neighbors?
Ray Briggs recalls the boneheaded saga of "Home Swipe Home." RAY BRIGGS: We were investigating
some burglaries that had occurred. And they were kind of odd burglaries in that they were in a neighborhood
where normally there weren't any burglaries-- complete sets of furniture, dishes, refrigerators, things that you
don't have taken during the normal, run of the mill, everyday burglaries. You didn't lose just your television.
You came home and found your house completely empty. -Oh no! It's all gone! It's all gone.
-Then several months later we had a occasion where a used furniture truck pulled up to this house,
and some of the neighbors noticed that the guy got into an argument with these people
from the used furniture place. And we call the used furniture dealer, and he says-- I don't know what's wrong,
but this guy got mad at me. He must be greedy or something. He didn't like the price I gave him
for the furniture he was trying to sell me. He was trying to sell me basically everything in the house.
So we, uh, got the furniture dealer to agree to send an undercover officer back out there with him
to look at the furniture and stuff. Lo and behold, it was the stuff that had been stolen out
of all the other houses in the neighborhood. They had taken all-- basically had furnished
the entire house with stolen property. -This stuff wouldn't be stolen, would it?
-Stolen? Jim, where'd you get this guy? He's a real comic. Look at this TV. OFFICER: You're under arrest for possession of stolen property.
-Oh, come on. RAY BRIGGS: What got him caught was-- is that they didn't like the price they were
getting for their stolen merchandise. [music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: In Kentucky it use
to be against the law for reptiles to attend Sunday school, but it was legal for chickens
to attend revivals. In Peoria, Illinois, police responded to a house burglary to find that none of the usual items had been stolen.
The TV, VCR, and stereo system were all still in place-- sort of. The items had been slightly moved so that the burglars
could swipe something else-- the rug. Worried that tracking a stolen rug would be difficult if not impossible,
the officers left the house with little hope. -Charlie, come here a minute. Take a look at this.
DANIEL BUTLER: Then they noticed a trail, a furrow through the snow in the yard.
Following the suspicious trail, the officers came to the front door of the house
located directly across the street. [knocking] -Good evening, sir. We need to ask you a question.
-Yeah? OFFICER: Where did you get the rug? MAN: Uh, oh that-- that rug? -Yes sir, that rug.
-Um, Christmas gift. -Really? Well we got a Christmas gift for you too. Come along.
-Come on, no really. My aunt Lerlene-- she's loaded. [music playing] -An armed robber steals more than money.
He takes a bit of his victim's dignity with him. It's only right, then, that we now
remove what's left of the dumb criminal's dignity. DANIEL BUTLER: Next, an undercover officer socks it
to the bad guy in "You Shoes You Lose." UNDERCOVER OFFICER: And we go riding round-- a buddy of mine
and I-- looking for prostitutes. And we were in the western section of town one night,
and a guy flags us down. -What are you look for? A little, uh, you know-- a little weed?
What do you need? -Yeah, that's what I need. -Well, I can help you out. Just give me $20, and I'll go around the corner,
and I'll be right back. I got some really good weed for you. -That's it? $20? -I don't have it on me now.
I just need to go around the corner. I'll be right back. [inaudible]. Just give me $20, and I'll be right back.
You'll be very happy with it, I promise you. It's just in it's good stuff. What's the problem?
Come on, now. Don't mess around with me. -You need the leave the shoes. -Leave the shoes?
-You need to leave the shoes. -My shoes? -Those. -You want my shoe-- oh, oh collateral.
Look man, I'm an honest guy, but I tell you what. I tell you-- it's sort of cold out here, but I tell you what.
I'll leave the shoes. UNDERCOVER OFFICER: He says it's cold out her. I said I know you'll be back.
So, uh, he takes off his tennis shoes. So, uh, I give him the $20 bill, off he goes.
And I guess about 10 minutes later here he comes back, and he's got the cope. And, uh, he says, uh--
-Pretty good deal for $20, now where's my shoes? -They're in the back seat. -Back seat?
What do you mean it's in the back seat? They're all the way over there, man. Let me get my damn shoes out of here.
UNDERCOVER OFFICER: And he leans in, and just as he gets leaned in my buddy jumps in the driver's side.
We drove off with him. We took him to the city jail, processed him, and he was arrested for distribution
of a controlled substance. DANIEL BUTLER: And then he got his shoes back. No brains, cold feet, but nice hat.
In Pennsylvania, it used to be against the law for a housewife to hide dirt under a rug.
It was also illegal for a housewife to slurp spaghetti loudly. Now, a scuttle-headed bank robber
becomes overdrawn in "Enough is Enough." When Janice Patterson left the bank and got into her car,
she didn't suspect that she had an appointment with stupidity. -Give me the money. Give me the money.
Hurry up, give me the money. -All I have is $10. That's all I have. -Come on, you got more money.
-No, I just moved here. I'm in between-- -Hey lady shut up, this is a robbery, not a commentary.
You got any credit cards? -I-- they're all at-- I don't have a thing. They're in my husband's name.
You wouldn't-- -Everybody got credit cards, lady! -I call her the dragon. -Come here, write me a check.
Write me a check. -I'm out of checks. I-- I'm totally out of checks. I'm trying to find a place to live.
You know any nice neighborhoods I should look for or look at? -I don't anything about no neighborhood?
What do I look like, huh? [inaudible]? Hey guess what? Guess what? Guess what? DANIEL BUTLER: Janice didn't bother to tell him
her account balance was less than $100. That check would bounce if anyone cashed it,
but no one would since she hadn't signed it. -Bring some money for me, all right?
You got to help a brother out. [music playing] -And with that we come to the end of another show.
Our continued thanks to police officers across the nation for their stories. I'm Daniel Butler saying don't be dumb.
Don't break the law. [music playing] [music playing]

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," we'll witness two criminals who absolutely never met, surveillance camera footage of a new dance step and a dramatic dumb criminal drumroll.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode highlights foolish criminals caught in absurd situations, including a wanted man, a clueless drug dealer, and a drunken burglar.

Key points

America's Dumbest Criminals. A humorous take on the foolishness of criminals caught on camera.
Run and Hit. A criminal's clumsy escape leads to a hilarious mishap.
Breaking, Breaking, and Entering Halfway. A drunk burglar struggles to break into a shop, only to find the door was open.
You Shoes You Lose. A drug dealer loses his shoes as collateral for a deal that goes wrong.
Enough is Enough. A bank robber finds himself in a ridiculous situation with a clueless victim.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

When you break the law you will get caught. You will feel really dumb.

Daniel Butler's advice on crime.

5:00WatchDec 2, 2021

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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