America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 4, Episode 25 - Not-So Clean Getaway - Full Episode | Forensic Files

NARRATOR: Tonight on "America's Dumbest Criminals," can what a dog left be used as hard evidence
in a bicycle theft? How can waiving your right to remain silent earn you the right to wave bye bye?
And if this looks like a clean getaway from police, you're as lost as the guy behind the wheel.
Brace yourself. You've merged into the high occupancy lane crowded with "America's Dumbest Criminals."
[theme music] -Now, welcome your hosts for "ADC," Daniel Butler and Debbie Allen.
-Hi there. I think you all know my co-host, the unknown comic. -No, wait. How do you know I'm not the masked magician, huh?
-Not enough sequins and studs. Besides, a guy tried the same thing in one of our stories
on the show, and it doesn't work for him, either. -Would I stick out in a crowd looking like this?
-Maybe not if you were hiding out in Appalachia. -No, no, no. I think it's a great look to blend it.
No, let me show. You let me show you, all right? All right. Everybody? Smile! -Oh, good grief!
-Huh? DEBBIE: This looks like a dentist's worst nightmare. -Actually, I'm here with the Bulgarian cast
of "A Chorus Line." You-- you come here often? Yeah, me too. -Daniel, Daniel. Get back up here.
-OK. -It's gonna be one of those shows, people. Well, we're hoping to deliver plenty of smiles,
but I'm not sure if I can stand that in this crowd. -OK, you've just missed a tragic mishap.
-What happened? -I just yanked on what I thought were those lady's Bubba teeth, emphasis on what I thought were her Bubba teeth.
I'm really sorry, ma'am. I'm sorry. Are these yours? -Moving right along, let's brush up on our first story.
It may start a little slow, but it ends with a bang in Jacksonville, Florida. -And wouldn't you know it, it was caught on camera.
-I have occasions to investigate numerous robberies. This robbery was hilarious because the individual
walked into a Southside convenience store, went to the cooler, picked up by Coke,
brought it to the counter, gave the clerk $10. As the clerk opened the cash register,
the perpetrator pulls out a fake gun and goes behind the counter, and starts yelling, give it up.
The clerk at that time pulls out a real gun and begins shooting at the perpetrator.
The perpetrator begins to flee the store, and as he flees the store, he points his fake gun
at the clerk and starts yelling, bang, bang! He was subsequently arrested from his prints off
of the Coke, and he gave the clerk $10, and lost his $10. -Dog poop. -I beg your pardon?
-Dog poop. That's what it takes to get a confession from a suspect in our next story.
-But you'd never guess how and why it possesses the power to bring a criminal to justice.
-Haste makes waste as we find Something To Remember Me By. -I interviewed a guy that had been involved in a fight,
and in the course of the fight, a bicycle was stolen. And the bicycle was located near where he was staying.
We had developed the information that he had gone over to the house. We could put him at the house, but couldn't
put him stealing the bike. I knew that we had to get him to claim that he had taken
the bike, and he wasn't coming off of the story. The bike was a distance away from him in the patrol
division, and he couldn't see the bicycle pedals. I said, tell you what we're gonna do.
I said, let me have your shoes. He said, what do you want my shoes for? -On the bottom of your left shoe,
if that dog feces matches the dog feces that's on that left pedal, then we're gonna
have to talk a little further. He reluctantly gave me his shoes, and that's when he looked at me and just dropped his head,
and said, OK, it was me. There was no feces on the pedal. -It pays to have friends.
-Yes. And it especially pays to have friends who will bail you in an emergency, especially if that emergency involves,
say, bailing you out of jail? -But as you'll see, the guy who's being released really
needs to broaden his circle of friends. Take a look. -Detective Anderson and I got a call one morning
to do a follow up on a breaking and entering at the local legals club. The coolers had been broken into,
numerous amounts of liquor, beer, wine, so forth had been stolen. As we're going through it and collecting evidence,
they say, we have a videotape. And we were looking at it. Gee, we recognize this knucklehead.
Who's the other guy? We couldn't figure out who the other guy was. He had a hood up, had this goofy looking striped coat.
These fools went in three times during the night. They kept going in, getting a load, coming back.
They'd get their nerve up. Back and forth. A few hours after they break in, we see them walking into city hall wearing the same clothes,
same goofy striped, hooded coat. And we yell at them, tell them to stop, and the one guy says, well, hey, could we
use the public restroom? So, well, sure, you can use the restroom in the police station.
Come on in. We bring them in, sit 'em down. We show them the videotape. The guy looks at the tape and he goes,
hey, that guy looks like me. Gee, where'd he get a coat like mine? Finally they confessed.
NARRATOR: According to a Connecticut law, in order for a pickle to be a pickle, it must bounce.
-Marriage values generally include staying together for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health,
but I'm not sure if this next wife isn't pushing the limits, or at least her husband's patience
when she offers a scam cut from the heart of America's Dumbest Excuses. -I was on patrol one day.
I saw a car weaving across the center line, and so I put the blue lights on 'em and pulled her over,
and it was a woman driving the car. So when I walked up to the car and asked the woman
for her driver's license, she handed me a driver's license which was a white male named Roger Harris.
And I said, ma'am, I need your driver's license. She said, that is my driver's license.
I'm Roger Harris. I said no, ma'am, I said I your driver's license. And she said no, I'm Roger Harris.
And I said ma'am, you're not Roger Harris. She said, yes I am. I am Roger Harris.
And so I looked at the picture real good, and I looked at her, and I thought, well, maybe she's a cross dresser.
So I looked, and it didn't look a bit like her. I placed her under arrest for DUI and no driver's license.
We brought her to docket, and when I looked through her purse, I found her real name.
I didn't charge her for the false name. In all the years I've been out on patrol,
I've had all the excuses given to me. I've been given false names and false IDs,
but I've never had one before ever tell me they were the opposite sex. I guess it doesn't hurt to try.
-In our next story the fire department extinguishes a blazing automobile, but it's the car owner who's really put out.
Understand why as you watch our Blue Light Special. -I remember an incident in which we received a fire call.
When I arrived on the scene, the owner of the car was screaming, hurry up, hurry up.
I've got a lot of valuables in the trunk of the car. And I said, well, the fire company's not here yet.
I said, give me the key, and we'll open up the trunk and get your valuables out.
The subject refused to give me the key and left the scene. The fire company got there, we put the fire out.
Since it was a rental car, we towed the car in. We called the rental car agency, got permission
to enter the trunk, because they were technical owners, so we didn't need the search warrant.
When we opened the trunk up, there were 250 lbs of marijuana in five different bundles.
50 lbs in each bundle. The firemen were all laughing that we should have let it go a little farther, we'd have all been high.
-Napoleon once said, put a rogue in the limelight and he'll act like an honest man.
You won't believe what happens when this rogue from Brunswick, Georgia had his moment to shine.
Take a look. -Several years ago I'd been working narcotics. I'd make some buys in different areas of the community,
guys were arrested and charged. A few days later their preliminary hearings came up.
We were in the courtroom and the defense attorney for one of the defendants was asking me some questions.
-Now, officer, was this powder cocaine or crack cocaine? -I paused a moment to think and refresh my memory.
-It was crack cocaine! -Sit down! Be quiet! Be quiet! -I think we've heard enough.
-And he went to jail. -Beunos dias, and here's the man who could mess up the news in two languages, Senor Daniel with ADC Headlines.
-Our first headline, town rebounds with clown crackdown. Officers in Astoria, Oregon aren't laughing about clowns
who think the whole world is a circus, , and act accordingly. They've been known to disturb the peace
by incessantly honking the horn of their little clownmobile, causing other motorists to pull over.
Officers warned that further infractions would result in their baggy pants bottoms being tossed in jail.
So they began to behave. What do you do when you're lost in a strange town? You ask directions.
And if you're a pair of dumb criminals in a stolen vehicle and you're lost in Barnstable, Massachusetts, what do you do?
You stop a police officer and act exceedingly suspicious when you ask for directions.
Not only did the perceptive officer recover the car, he mapped out a plan for the duo's immediate future.
Dopehead dumbo leaves jumbo gumbo. That's the story from Charlotte, North Carolina,
where a drug trafficker was caught transporting 720 lbs of marijuana in a truck, along with 43,000
lbs of frozen okra. The seizure was bad news for the smuggler, but there was bad news for the police department as well.
The intended recipient no longer wanted the thawing vegetables, so the department had to dispose of it quickly
before both time and slime ran out. And that closes the file on ADC Headlines, news ripped from somewhere near the back
of your local newspaper. Debbie? -A cocky driver being pursued by police in North Miami Beach
thought he could tell the law where to get off. But obviously, his directions were wrong, thus providing us
with this high speed special delivery. -This is a story of which way do I go? One of our officers heard a BOLA,
which is an announcement over the radio. Be on the lookout for a vehicle. This vehicle was just involved in an armed robbery.
Well, all of a sudden he sees the vehicle and he starts chasing it. The vehicle makes it to I-95 and starts heading northbound.
And I-95 down here is about a five lane road way each way. But they are darting in and out of traffic,
and Ben is following them very closely. And all of a sudden as they approach the Golden Glades
Interchange, where there's many different ways to escape and get lost in the interchange, what these guys do
is they make a sudden lane change all the way over to the left hand lane. Unfortunately, that's a high occupancy ramp that just goes
up and over the Golden Glades Interchange, comes down on the other side. These guys thought it was off ramp, or another ramp
to get away from the officer, and they're waving goodbye to the police officer and laughing, having a great time.
Well, once Ben saw them get on that, he knew he had them. So he just drove real quickly to the end,
blocked off the traffic, and here comes these guys over the ramp. And they come right down, and there's
the police car waiting for them. That was the end of that chase. So unfortunately, which way do I go?
They took the wrong way, and they wound up in the right arms of the law. -All right.
It's only a disguise if you wear it properly, but apparently this robber failed to read the operating instructions.
Take a hard look. -Late one night, a gentleman walked into a Time Saver, put on a paper bag with two little eye holes cut out,
walked behind the counter with a knife and demanded money from the cashier. The cashier asked him, you know, didn't hear what he said.
Asked him to repeat it. He said, you know, give me your money. Cashier said, man I can't understand what you're saying.
So the gentleman pulled up his bag. -Give me the money, man! Hurry up! -Cashier gave him his money, the gentleman exited.
We arrived, spoke to the cashier. Cashier said, I know exactly where he lives. I can tell you right now where he lives, who he is.
I said, well, how do you know that, sir? He said, I was in jail with him last week because I got a DWI.
I said, all right. So we did a photo line up, of course, and identified the guy,
and arrested him. He is doing 20 years now. NARRATOR: Now, let's look back at one of ADC's Greatest Hits.
When you think of safe cracking, you normally think of some nimble fingered crook
listening intently for tumblers to fall. Well, these guys get the fall part right,
but don't do so well with the cracking. At least not until they push this convenience
store safe over a wall. To get their haul of cash, they're forced to haul off the safe, which
is recovered when the men are captured. But there were telltale signs of trouble early on.
OK, right here. Keep an eye on that guy's pants. Oops. I mean, if a man can't keep his pants up,
how's he ever going to make it in this world? NARRATOR: In Illinois, it's illegal to catch
mice without a hunting license. -I pulled a vehicle that had a burnt out headlight.
And as I approached the vehicle, the young lady asked me, officer, why did you pull me over?
And I says, well, your lights. You have one of your headlights off. -Aw, shoot. Again?
-She says, officer, there's something wrong with the wiring, because it keeps going on and off.
-Yep. That's a problem. -And she says, well, can I try to get it on? I says, oh, ma'am, if you can get the lights back on,
I'll give you a break. So she gets out of the vehicle-- -It's happened before. I've done this plenty of times.
This is not-- -As soon as the headlight comes on, 10 bags of crack just fall from her legs.
And I told her, well, you're under arrest for possession of a controlled substance.
She says, officer, it's not mine. I told her, I says, well, it might not be yours,
but you're in possession of it, so that's what I'm arresting you for. I handcuffed her, and towed the vehicle,
and she was under arrest. She plead guilty, and she served some time. -Our final story comes from Roswell, New Mexico,
and judging from its weird nature, I'd say it comes from Area 52. -Oh, you mean Area 51.
-No. Area 51 is just a decoy for tourists, OK? The real action is over in 52. -Oh.
-OK? See what I mean. Here's We're Not Making This Up. -I was at the US border patrol checkpoint
between Alamogordo, New Mexico, and El Paso. A guy came into the border patrol checkpoint by himself,
border patrol looked him over, let him go. I got in behind him, he slowed down to, oh, 25,
30 miles an hour. Something wasn't quite right, so I found a lit area and I pulled him over, and walked up to him,
and asked him how come he was running so slow. And he said his truck had been overheating.
So I asked him to turn the vehicle off and step outside. And as we were talking, I kept hearing a-- [knocking]
on the vehicle. Just this knock. And I asked him, I said, what's-- what's wrong with your car?
Where's that coming from? He said, well, I think I'm fixing to blow a rod in my engine.
And I said, well, that's funny. Your truck's off. So I walked over, and I just kept hearing this knock.
And it was coming from underneath the hood of the vehicle, so we opened the hood, and Lo and behold,
an illegal alien was underneath the hood of this old pick up. The guy had ridden from the checkpoint
to where I pulled him over underneath the hood of this six cylinder pickup, holding on to the valve cover
and having his feet up on the motor mounts. Very hot and very mad. Come to find out after the border patrol talked
to the gentleman, that he had about a half mile before the checkpoint, had crawled under the hood
to come around to come through the checkpoint. When they got on the other side, he
was to stop, get out, and go on about their merry way, but I screwed that up for him when I laid in behind him
and followed him all the way into Alamogordo, about 35 miles. -Before we go, witness Debbie's maiden voyage with Bubba teeth,
and the end of her relationship with all of her former sorority sister. -Are you ready?
-You ready? -Mm-hm. -Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the lovely Gingervitis.
-With these teeth in, I feel like I should date my cousin. -Hey, baby, with those teeth in, it
looks like your parents were your cousins. -We need to say our goodbyes. -They were cousins.
Yeah. If y'all got one of them computer gizmos, hop on up there internet, y'all come to our websites.
It's wwww.dumb. dumbcrimes.com. -We actually should-- excuse me. We actually should be serious.
-Yeah. -If I can get it out. -There you go. -We should be serious for the part where we thank you for watching at home,
and say a special thanks to those who work in law enforcement. -Yep. You're out there every day watching our backs,
keeping order in a world that's a lot scarier than we'd like it to be. -I'm glad they're watching our backs, and not our teeth.
-Mm-hm. Yeah. -As always, we hope that we've all learned from others' mistakes. -But if you haven't, we just might see you next week
on "America's Dumbest Criminals."

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness a fella whose sense of judgment goes up in smoke, a guy on the run who called 911 to check if he has any warrants and an officer with a trick up his sleeve.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode features ridiculous crime stories including a bicycle theft confession involving dog feces and a DUI arrest with a false identity claim.

Key points

Dog Poop Confession. A suspect confesses after a clever police trick involving dog feces.
High-Speed Chase Gone Wrong. Criminals think they found a getaway, but they end up in police custody instead.
The Paper Bag Robber. A robber's disguise fails when the cashier recognizes him from jail.
Illegal Alien Under the Hood. A surprising discovery is made during a routine traffic stop.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

Dog poop. That's what it takes to get a confession.

A surprising twist in a criminal investigation.

3:31WatchMar 10, 2022

Tension

45/ 100Some tension

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