America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 1, Episode 17 - Beer Box Bandit - Full Episode | Forensic Files

NARRATOR: This is an ADC warning. The crimes you are about to see are true. Only the names were changed to protect the ignorant.
Tonight, you'll meet a bandit with a beer box for a brain, surveillance camera footage of the shortest workday
in history, and the dumb criminal who cashed and burned. All these and more tonight on America's Dumbest Criminals.
-Hi, and welcome to the show. I'm Daniel Butler. You know, contrary to the popular image of graceful cat
burglars, most of our crooks make a lot of noise-- breaking glass, knocking over trash cans,
yelling as they fall down elevator shafts. We've heard them all. But these chimes of crime are always drowned out
by the clanging of the jail cell door. After all, they are America's dumbest criminals.
NARRATOR: Retired officer David Hunter tells the story of the "Beer Box Bandit."
-Probably the most inept criminal that I ever encountered in my career we came to call the beer box bandit.
He and his girlfriend went out to rob a convenience store. When he got there, he didn't have
a mask, so he ripped the insides out of a beer carton, pulled it over his head so he had
to turn sideways to look out the crack. Went into the store and actually robbed the clerk.
And five minutes after the robbery, she drove by about 15 police cars. And he threw the money bag out the window.
They still had the beer bottles when they caught him. A week later, he's out on bond.
He decides to do another daring robbery at the same location, because nobody will expect it.
This time, with the beer box in place over his head, he stumbles towards the door.
But the clerk from the previous robbery recognizes him. She locks him out of the building.
He tells his friends, we'll go rob another convenience store while they're here.
The only thing was, this was a new store. The clerk was locked in a bulletproof cage.
And when he went in and took the pistol out, she locked him inside the store with an electronic door lock.
And that's where he was when the officers arrived to take him into custody. NARRATOR: And he was a founding member
of the witless protection program. ADC quiz number 444-- after handing the teller
a holdup note, a reluctant robber changed his mind and fled in a hurry. He left something with the teller
that led police directly to him. Did he forget A, the holdup note with his fingerprints,
B, the keys to his getaway car, or C, to think? The correct answer is all of the above.
Of course, having the world's largest getaway car didn't help either. Next, Patrick Adamson tells ADC about a dumb criminal
who picked the right house. -Broken residential burglary. I had a bunch of burglaries involving silver dollars.
So I contacted all the convenience stores in the area and told them if anybody came in with a bunch of silver dollars
to let me know. I knew what house, and I also knew who it was, but I didn't have enough evidence to get him.
Well, it wasn't 30 minutes later, the store calls me and says, this guy came in with a bunch of silver dollars.
So I rounded him up and got the money. And I took him by the house I thought that he had broke in to.
-Is that the house you robbed? -No. No. It's the next block. Go down here, turn left.
-He said, no, no, that's not the house I broke in to. And he took me to the house that he actually broke in to.
NARRATOR: Now, actual surveillance cam footage of a dumb criminal's answer to the one-minute manager--
it's one-minute labor. Here you see a government employee showing up for work and taking the cover off the time clock.
Now he's adjusting the time and about to punch in. Well, now it's off to work for a busy morning of-- oh,
about eight seconds of real labor before it's back and time to manipulate the time clock again.
And you know what? Hey, I'm feeling kind of hungry. Yeah, I think I'll punch out for lunch now.
Yeah, it's been about 20 seconds. Time for lunch. And after a healthy lunch, it's time to punch out for the day
and put the cover back on the old time clock. You know, in the private sector this guy might have been fired.
But since he works for the government, he's just finishing his third term as a US senator.
Next up, a dumb criminal grins and bears is at all. When a small mom and pop store was robbed by a lone gunman,
the prime suspect was quickly spotted by everyone in town. The fleeing felon's first explanation of his nude jogging
was very interesting. -Howdy. -How are you doing? -I'm fine, thanks. -What are you doing today?
-I'm just out for a jog. Just like in tune with nature, you know? -You don't have any guns, knives, anything on you,
do you? -No, ma'am, I don't. -No weapons? -No. I'm just out for a jog. -We're here.
-What have you got there? -Just some lunch, you know. -Just some lunch? NARRATOR: The officer received a radio call about the robbery
down the street. -What have you been doing this afternoon? -Just jogging. -You didn't by chance rob a market, did you?
-I-- -What are you doing running around naked? -I figured nobody would recognize me.
I wouldn't be the guy with a black shirt and green pants. You know, I'm just-- I'm naked.
NARRATOR: The naked truth of the dumb criminal plan. Case clothed. Later tonight, an outdoorsman turned
dumb criminal goes fishing. -You know, when we steered our mobile crime unit towards Birmingham, Alabama, we received
a warm southern welcome and a whole gaggle of dumb criminal stories. NARRATOR: Next up, a bean-for-brains in Birmingham
finds out he's been "Bed-Framed." -Call a guy one time, we went to his parents' house.
The parents said he wasn't there. We looked for this guy, and we looked for him.
Looked under the bed, over the bed, closets, everywhere. So we look under the bed and don't see him,
we look across the bed and we don't see him. And my partner just happened to walk to the side of the bed,
and there he was up against the wall, and had the mattress and the bed push him up against the wall.
-Let me see your hands! -I can't get up. Help me out. -Let me see your hands! -He was stuck and yelling at my partner, help me out.
My partner said, I didn't help you get over there. You have to get out of that by yourself.
NARRATOR: He was definitely downright dumb. In Ohio, it used to be against the law for a woman
to wear patent leather shoes. But she could wear latex rubber jumpers and spandex muumuus.
Paul Heaton recalls a car thief with a Novocaine brain in "Forwarding Address." -About two months ago, I got a call
for service to go to a parking lot. Caller called in and said there were several teenagers
around a car in the lot that they thought was probably stolen. So as soon as the police cars started to arrive,
these three teenagers took off running. I happen to catch one of them after a short foot chase.
And as soon as I had handcuffed him, the first words out of his mouth were-- -Why?
What are you doing, man? I didn't steal no car. -I said, I haven't said anything about a stolen car.
This kind of threw him off a little bit. So I led him back to the parking lot where my car was
and where the stolen car was still parked in the lot. And he's back there in the back thinking
that he's under arrest for running from the cops. I haven't mentioned anything about a stolen car.
-Man, am I going to jail? -Yes, you are. -Can I get my hat and my mail first? -Where is it?
-It's in my car over there. -Well, of course that was the stolen car. So I said, OK.
I went over there and got about five pieces of mail with his name and address on it, and his toboggan.
I came back and said, these are yours? Yep. I said, all right. Thank you. -Thanks.
What about my hat? -You sure it's not stolen, too? -Within a week's time, I believe,
they had linked him to between 10 and 20 other larceny involvements. NARRATOR: Now, actual surveillance
cam footage we call "Truck Trap." This is a dumb criminal in action. Why? Number one, he's committing his crime in broad daylight.
Number two, he broke the glass with his bare hands, number three, he had trouble unlocking the door,
number four, he rummages around the cam rather than driving off, which allows the police time
to arrive, which leads us to number five, he gets busted. And now, inside the courtroom for "Trial And Error."
From actual courtroom transcripts, a butter brain gets toasted in "Jam It." -Officer Gillette, at about what time did you arrive at the bank
and see the alleged robber? -4:30 in the afternoon. -I see. And at what time did you place the robber
into custody one block away? -5 o'clock, twilight. -Sir, why would it take anyone 30 minutes to travel one block?
-We got stuck in rush hour traffic. NARRATOR: Later tonight, two world class dumbos take their buns and run on America's Dumbest Criminals.
NARRATOR: Next up, Rory Morgan guest stars in a story we labeled "The Name Brand Robbery."
When a woman approached a bank teller in Bowling Green, Ohio, no one suspected she was anything
more than another customer. But suddenly, the stakes went up. Brandishing an electronic handheld device,
the woman threatened the teller and the lives of everyone in the bank. -Everybody freeze.
Lady, give me all the money. This is a remote control to a car bomb out here. I will level this place, and I mean it!
Don't move. NARRATOR: The bank employees glanced nervously at one another. It was not a threat to be taken lightly-- or so it seemed.
-I'm not giving her anything. NARRATOR: But suddenly, one of the tellers grew surprisingly and defiantly bold.
The teller walked out from behind the counter to confront the would-be bank robber.
She wrestled the woman to the ground, and the police were called to the scene. What made the teller think that the woman
wouldn't detonate the bomb? Maybe it was the brand name printed plainly on the end of the garage door opener--
which she can now use to close her cell door. Now, actual footage of the amazing "Tuna Shield."
A dumb criminal approached this store with a loaded pistol. Once inside the sore, he demanded money from the clerk
and aimed his pistol directly at the clerk's chest. When the clerk grabbed this box of tuna enhancer,
even though it was just cardboard and uncooked pasta, the tuna enhancer was strong enough to deflect the bullet
and save the clerk's life. The dumb criminal was thwarted by a quick and easy meal.
-Maybe this stuff when it's dry like this, maybe it's just strong. I don't know.
NARRATOR: David Jones of Wilton Manors tells the flock-headed truth in "Freeze--
We're Not The Police." -We made a couple control purchases out of a house, and we were drawing up a search warrant.
We executed this particular search warrant. We had our usual raid gear on with our vest and our guns
and all the attire identifying us as police. During that time, a female comes to the door,
knocks on the door. And we answer the door in our police shirts, four, five-inch letters, police across our chest,
ask for the particular person we have already arrested and transported to the jail.
We said, he's not here. What do you need? She wants cocaine. So she comes in the house and she starts looking at us,
and she's looking, obviously, at what we're wearing, not to mention the vest and the guns
laying out on the couch and the counter. You guys aren't police, are you? Said, no, we're not police.
We're just taking over what's his face. And she says, well, all right. Give me a half gram.
Well, let me see some money. So she hands over the money. We say, we lied. We are the police.
She went to jail, too. NARRATOR: In Florida, it used to be against the law for children
to be stubborn. But you could make them nauseous at will. Next, a [inaudible] moron lets the big one
get away in "Gone Fishing." In a small town in East Tennessee, the infamous Greenback Bank sat on the main road, which
was the only road in or out of town, which made it very easy to catch bank robbers.
-This is a holdup. Fill the bag. Nobody move. Hurry. Nobody move. NARRATOR: One day, a local fisherman
decided to rob the bank on foot, and he made a clean getaway. -Hurry. What you looking at?
NARRATOR: Knowing the area well, the fisherman hid the money in an old tree by the creek, then settled
in his cabin to wait through the winter until spring when he could finally spend
the money without raising suspicions. Come spring, the thawing ice and snow had made the river flood
and carry most of the stolen money out of the hollow tree. -I got a gun. Did y'all catch any?
-Yeah. I got four 20s. -I got a 50. -That ain't nothing. I got two C notes in the cove.
-Well, heck with a lemon. NARRATOR: The fishermen were pulling in the really big ones
before the police put two and two together and arrested the fishing guy. together and arrested the fishing guy.
Next up, two dumb criminals go from fast food to jail food in "Take Your Buns And Run."
One cool summer night, two dumb criminals who were hungry and broke decided on a quick way
to remedy both problems-- with their shotgun. Unbeknownst to the burger burglars, a passing canine unit
noticed that the two men waiting in line were holding large guns. -Give me everything!
Hurry up! -All right, dog. You don't [inaudible] so long, man. -If we would have gone to Fat Moe's, man,
we would have had our money and burgers by now, dog. -[inaudible]. -Oh no, you got [inaudible].
-He got to tell you? -Hurry up. NARRATOR: In their haste, the two dumb criminals
dropped the money but took the burgers, the scent of which led the canine unit straight to the men.
In Virginia, it used to be against the law for a horse to appear in public without a halter.
It was just considered rude to eat lobster without a lobster bib. Next up, Randy Stull recalls someone
who gets what he deserves-- "Cash And Burn." -We were having problems with a young boy that
turned to arson as a trademark. He tried to do a bank job one night, and things didn't exactly turn out the way he had planned.
And you could tell that he had given it some thought. He had stolen a car, and he cased out
a bank that had a glass front and even a glass rear. He took the vehicle and he crashed it
through one of the big plate glass windows. Evidently, there was no alarm activated.
As he ran in the bank, this had to be a quick job just in case there were motion sensors.
So he skirted around the bank, and he found several bank bags. He grabbed them. Well, he ran back up with his loot, got in the car,
and went several blocks north on the same street. And when he got further up in the residential section,
he had opened up the bank bags and discovered that the back of the bank was no longer a bank section,
but it belonged to a real estate company. The bags that he had basically had worthless documents and receipts in it.
-Well, we're out of time again. Our continued thanks to the policemen and women for their stories.
I'm Daniel Butler saying, don't be dumb. Don't break the law, or we'll see you next time
on "America's Dumbest Criminals." [music playing] [music playing]

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," we'll witness a bandit with a beer box for a brain, surveillance camera footage of the shortest work day in history and a dumb criminal who cashed and burned.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode highlights absurd criminal antics, including the Beer Box Bandit and a thief who hid money in a tree.

Key points

The Beer Box Bandit. A criminal robs a store using a beer box as a disguise, but it backfires hilariously.
Naked Jogger's Excuse. A robbery suspect claims he's just jogging, but his story doesn't hold up.
The Name Brand Robbery. A woman threatens a bank with a bomb, but the teller fights back.
The Tuna Shield. A clerk uses a box of tuna to save himself from a bullet during a robbery.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

The crimes you are about to see are true.

0:08WatchDec 2, 2021

Tension

40/ 100Low tension

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