America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 3, Episode 3 - Funeral Flare-Up - Full Episode | Forensic Files

tonight on america's dumbest criminals a small town terrorized by a big pig a hard-hitting reminder about why you
should always wear a helmet and a flare-up at a funeral home for high-octane entertainment don't move a
muscle you're about to witness america's dumbest criminals [Music] [Applause] [Music]
wow [Music] now welcome your host for america's dumbest criminals daniel butler and
debbie yeah sure confessions time what you have something you want to share no it's your
turn no oh no yes okay think back when you were in college did you ever engage in a panty raid
oh no not in college a couple of weeks ago but no no no i never i know i'm not really a stand outside a dorm and yell
for someone's underwear kind of guy no i probably would have stood outside and yelled for someone to do my laundry you
know but no no not that but did did you ever get panty rated did you ever drop underwear down you've got to understand
i went to a very conservative school i think i would have gotten kicked out of my college for even saying the word
underwear oh okay but you could say under and where but not together not together okay okay our idea of
rebelliousness i think was loud whispering in the library too that was conservative so obviously we are not
people who live on the edge but there are those who grab for the gusto and for other things as well if you need
evidence check this out the man you're watching is under surveillance by undercover officers in
the underwear division of the new sewickley pennsylvania police department and yes he is conducting a panty raid he
even confronted our victim the very first time they looked each other in the face and had this amazing shock upon his
face but he still came back the trap was set after the owner filed a complaint that this guy returned on a weekly basis
you can see him grabbing the panties and that's when you seen two men of course i dressed in plain clothes we
dodged out the door yo please free stop the police clotheslined him and hauled him in at first he claimed that the
lingerie made good slingshots but eventually confessed to the theft and was placed in the beaver county jail
daniel that's true that is true continuing our revealing look at the relationship between the underworld and
under garments we moved to delray beach florida where law enforcement officers have an unfortunately close encounter
with an ex-con they call the perpetrator hi i'm jeff messer with the dory beach florida police department and i've got a
dumb criminal story for you guys several years ago we had a gentleman do a burglary and while in the home
doing his burglary he was confronted by the homeowner when confronted he kind of uh
lost control of himself i guess we could say and had to leave the home in a hurry he
ran from the home [Music] he unloaded his pants and his underwear left the underwear put his pants back on
and fled the area we found his underwear and the evidence we thought we needed in
the underwear along with the underwear we found that they were his prison underwear with his name and prison id
number etched in them and we eventually caught up with him and he was given the nickname the pooper
trader from there on [Applause] the first rule of getaways is this never leave a man behind so if indeed there is
honor among thieves you should be able to count on the driver of the getaway car to come back for you even if it
takes a while it's that by-the-book thinking that resulted in these guys getting booked
when they had every opportunity to flee the scene several years ago when i was assigned a
patrol division as a lieutenant we had an occasion of a break-in call at a business local business one night
officers responded over there pretty quick and were able to catch one suspect still at the scene
two others at least had run from the scene we felt certain but the one suspect was apprehended
there and we got his car the same so we left the scene transport our prisoner in
and we assigned officer hayley smith the police department to drive the suspect vehicle in as evidence of the crime the
vehicle was going to be impounded and used later on in court officer smith was driving the car in two
to three blocks from the location of the break-in on fisher street here in burlington we got a radio call from him
on his walkie-talkie indicating there was some problem people being stopped by some individuals out
there on the street it turned out the two suspects that fled from that occasion had been hiding in
the bushes in the area saw the car coming they apparently thought if we seize the car we'd be towing it in by
wreckers and driving it in they thought their getaway man had somehow gotten away from us and were driving down
fisher street and flagging down in order to get away from the theft scene we of course arrested those two along with the
initial person had all three of our people rounded up very successful case the great thing about cell phones is
that they allow your friends and business associates to catch up with you anywhere well the bad thing about cell
phones if you're a criminal is that they allow your pursuers to catch up with you
anywhere see what we mean several months back we had a rookie riding with me training and we were
going out one of the small streets out west and uh watched a guy take off my resume popped in a couple of
ways on a motorcycle just driving over echoes through he went through a red light
so i decided to stop and go probably just he's gonna just wind up getting a warning or you know for the way he was
driving i turned my lights on he turned around looked at me and he just took off
he ended up chasing probably 20 25 30 miles uh he wrecks out in a little country area
north of our jurisdiction and he wrecked in the curb before we get to the curve he just slid off the road and
we never saw him we went right on by and someone another officer come up and found the motorcycle so we all fanned
out and the county agencies were out there and we surrounded the little wooded area he
was in and went through the woods and couldn't ever find it i stand on the perimeter of the woods
and we heard a cell phone ring so we was all looking in this area and heard it ring again and i heard somebody
say hello hey he's up here and sure enough he gets up in the tree and uh we told him we said you need to come
down on a tree i'm not coming down to the news crews leaving you're up for free you don't really have much of a
choice you know you can either come down here and check the treatment at that time we
cordially coached him down the tree and took him into custody and brought him back in and booked him into jail
[Music] while we're looking at the greatest dummies on two wheels let's stick off in
another direction we're going to la to pick up on a reckless chase with an ending that is anything but reckless
a reckless guy on a motorcycle breaks every rule in the driver's manual including zooming along at up to 130
miles an hour in a futile attempt to escape from police realizing that speed alone was getting
him nowhere fast he opted for an off-ramp and then he caught a bus you'd have thought he'd throw in the
towel but he still resisted a rest eventually he was cuffed and taken away suffering only a contusion to his
forehead even though his speedometer froze at 55 miles an hour upon impact amazingly dumb huh
next thing you know i'm looking at the rear view and i see them collide with the bus
that's what it hits just bounced so it's just not that hard i've been hit harder
we doubt the guy on the cycle could say the same if you think he's got headaches check
out this next couple well on routine patrol on 5 15 98 it was given a call of a domestic
dispute on 479 metcalf street upon arrival found a female standing in the yard being rather
belligerent he's not going nowhere yes he is he can leave we cannot make him stay and
neither can you i can press charges you're not listening to me ma'am you cannot make him stay here no but i need
him to go to jail for domestic battery if both of us have to drink both of us she said she wanted him to go to jail
and i said i didn't have grounds to take him to jail again when i finally got the husband over and talked to him
i noticed his shirt was somewhat in disarray and torn just chill out now there and everything's gonna be cool
okay when i asked him what had happened and he stated that she had ripped it off
of him and i come up here to get the rest of my clothes she hit me in my face five times and i'm a man they don't
nobody hit me in my face she said well what about all the drugs he's got in the house
okay what about him do you want to see him yes we confiscated drug paraphernalia seeds
three-potted plants with marijuana and a white substance we didn't have enough evidence to ascertain
whether it was cocaine or not we'll have a seat in my car yeah you are possessing the drugs both of y'all are
listening run out there and hit his drugs he says he goes to errands and smokes with him and his daddy aaron said
that's all the lies all he's doing is lying listen listen your daddy don't want you son
she just wanted him to go to jail she was telling us about this was funny in a way she kept telling us about
all the uh charges he had against him in florida for child abuse etc and we kept telling her that has nothing to do
with what's going on here you know she wanted us to find some reason to take him to jail so eventually she gave
us the reason [Applause] and now with news that dan rather had rather not report here's daniel with adc
headlines [Music] the debate continues over the value of private citizens owning firearms but
what about your right to own vegetables a man in new york drew 18 years to life in prison for robbing his
victim with a concealed vegetable yes the robber brandished a zucchini under his coat
leading his victim to believe he was being held at gunpoint at the sentencing justice justice randall ing scolded the
accused saying quote you added to the climate of fear we have to live in now so and also some innocent bystanders
scream look out he's got a zucchini and he knows how to use it a bank robber in virginia beach virginia
forced a tiller to fill a plastic grocery sack with money unaware that a dye bomb was placed in his hall as well
the crook then shoved you guessed it the bag into his pants and fled moments later the dye pack activated a
chemical reaction which according to police creates about 400 degrees of heat witnesses to the robbers getaway told
investigators they saw the explosion taking place inside the man's pants and the crook immediately shed his trousers
which were confiscated with a hole seared through the i guess you could call it the crotch
as of this report the criminal has not been apprehended but is most certainly a marked man
if it's a problem to get to the criminal ask the criminal to come to you that was
the thinking of police in keene new hampshire when they were alerted that a parole violator in their midst was
considered armed and dangerous upon discovery that the man had taken a job delivering pizza
the officers simply placed an order and waited for him to arrive at a specified address
he was easily taken into custody and according to published reports miraculously the small cheese pizza was
returned to the pizza parlor unharmed that's a wrap for abc headlines what do you got david daniel how many times have
you seen that tense scene in a cops and robber movie where a police officer says
to the criminal put your weapon on the counter and move away well we've got some surveillance camera
footage that's like that only there's no police officer just a crook who seriously underestimates his victim
this robber thinks he's big stuff with his rifle in his hand but what happens when he and the clerk
engage in a little role reversal suddenly the robber is even more motivated to leave the store than he was
to come in and that's in spite of the fact that the clerk offers to return the criminal's
weapon one bullet at a time in the old tv show the dukes of hazzard the good old boys were always on the
lookout for boss hogg well citizens in anniston alabama had their own boss hog to contend with except this troublemaker
was a real pig we got a call several calls about some animal unknown creature going through gardens
tearing up the gardens they thought it was dogs going through and tearing up their garden we
got calls of garbage being turned over of course she assumed dogs and we searched and searched could never
find any loose dogs never saw any loose animals of any kind that we could find but it was all in the same neighborhood
the people that were calling and complaining only lived about a block from this ravine where the where the
actual perpetrator was residing and for probably a couple of weeks we were on the hot trail of an animal
that was unknown to us at the time it was coming up in a residential area that was
getting in the garbage cans eating items out of people's gardens tearing up trash and things like that it
turned out to be a individual's pet which was a pot belly pig early in the in a very heavy travel
residential area he was stopping traffic we jumped him several times uh actually could not catch him yeah around
by this time the pig had gained some notoriety uh one of our local radio stations k-98 had
put a bounty on the pig's head said uh he'd get paid anybody 98 dollars that could bring the pig up there and
let him pet it and people were calling every day asking you know have you caught the pig have
you caught the pig everybody that saw me in town have you caught the pig have you
caught the pig we had some people that were real concerned for the pig you know it's going to get hurt and some other
people just having fun with it so we took out the k98 prize van we took out the pa system we had hog calling
contests everybody trying to call the hog in suey pig you know and with the help of the citizen
after the end of about two weeks it was caught by the citizen his wife who later adopted the pig after we got
her you know she i she's such a nice pet you know we just kept her you know she's
unbelievable [Music] [Applause] you know some things seemed like bad ideas from the start like playing in
traffic or swimming during a thunderstorm yeah you in the wnba or place blessing that's a bad idea it would be i
mean come on but placing complicated food orders at the drive-thru window true why is that so hard oh you don't do
that do you well no but i do like certain things i like my condiments stacked in order
lettuce pickle onion tomato martha stewart okay you're asking for trouble well if that's asking for trouble then
our next crooks ordered a double helping of danger watch as tonight's edition of
we're not making this up provides strong evidence that man has not evolved well through the centuries we're on location
at gobert funeral chapel last fall we had two individuals decided they needed some gas
they decided to stop by here siphon some gas out of the van they didn't have any luck cycling so they
took a gas can stuck it up under the van took a big buck knife poked a hole the gas tank
about that time a lady that works here drove up they ran around here to the side of the
building and hid in the bushes stayed in the bushes until the lady left which was about 10 minutes at that time
they came back around to the van one of them had a zippo lighter and they couldn't see how much gas it had and can
so he couldn't dip a lighter out of his pocket ignited the gas both fans caught on fire
they tried to stomp it out and at that time he got away from them they decided they ran got in the car and
left both vans bearing up funeral home burnt they're done seeking thousand dollars
worth of damage to the funeral home a lot of dumb things happen in the line of police work
so far this one takes the cake it's last one flashlight comes in heaven we don't always go out in a blaze of glory
but it looks like we will this time join us next time when we'll find a burglar who hopes to get rich but ends up
getting the shaft and if you've got a lead on the story or you just can't wait till next week for more state-of-the-art
stupidity visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com we want to thank you for joining us and
extend our gratitude to the law enforcement officers who make this show possible every day they lay their lives
on the line to keep us safe from the stupidity of would-be criminals as always we hope everybody has learned
from others mistakes but if you haven't we just might see you next week on america's dumbest criminals bye-bye good
night [Music] closed captioning provided by [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]
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you

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness a small town getting terrorized by a big pig, a hard hitting reminder of why should always wear a helmet and a flare-up at a funeral home.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode highlights absurd crimes including a panty raid, a troublesome pig, and a botched gas theft at a funeral home.

Key points

The Zucchini Robbery. A man was sentenced for robbing someone with a concealed zucchini, causing panic.
The Great Pig Chase. A runaway pot-bellied pig terrorizes a neighborhood, leading to a community hunt.
The Funeral Home Fire. Two criminals attempt to siphon gas and accidentally set a funeral home ablaze.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

The first rule of getaways is this: never leave a man behind.

Advice on criminal getaways.

4:10WatchMar 3, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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