America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 3, Episode 21 - Saucy Saga - Full Episode | Forensic Files

[music playing] ANNOUNCER: Tonight on "America's Dumbest Criminals," some sectors of society are headed for the toilet,
and they're carrying large wrenches. He's wearing just his birthday suit and a smile,
but he won't get any birthday wishes granted from this undercover officer. And we'll whip up the saucy saga of a lucky man
and the grocery item that saved his life. Pull up a chair, and enjoy a heaping helping of stories
sure to fortify your worst beliefs about "America's Dumbest Criminals." [police radio chatter]
[music playing] Now, welcome your hosts for "America's Dumbest Criminals," Daniel Butler and Debbie Alan.
-Hello. -I'll get you through this. Now, I've just learned something about my co-host, Debbie,
that I think everyone would like to know. -Tell me you're not going to do this. DANIEL BUTLER: Well, now, now, now.
We were talking about our closest brushes with law breaking, and Debbie had a very interesting story to tell.
Go ahead, Debbie, come on. -I would like to comply with the committee at this point,
but I cannot recall. -Oh, no, no, no. Come on. -I don't know what you're talking about.
-It was something about you and your husband Bruce, and illegal picnicking? -[laughing] I didn't--
-All right. -Daniel Butler. -But it makes a perfect introduction to our first story, which involves a naked man.
So please, please. -Daniel, you have the floor at this point. -Maybe, maybe, maybe later in the show.
Are home videos available? --[gasp] Da-- do I look like Melissa Sue Anderson? -No, no, no.
Melissa Sue Anderson was on "Little House On the Prairie." You mean Pamela Sue Anderson.
Right? From "Baywatch"? -[laughing] -Yeah, you are the only person who would confuse the little girl on "Little House
On the Prairie" with a "Baywatch" woman. Yeah. -Oops. Just please get on with this, OK?
I'm sorry. -OK, fine. As promised, it involves a man who was most definitely not dressed for success.
-Here's a revealing look at a man who'd certainly rather not be caught on camera, like me.
-I'm an undercover officer for the Ocala police department in Ocala, Florida. And on occasion I get to work as a prostitute
walking the streets of Ocala. On this particular occasion, a white male drove into the parking lot where I was at,
and I approached the vehicle, which is pretty normal. What's not normal, is as I approached the vehicle,
I noticed that the white male was not wearing any clothes. We-- we had a conversation, and we made a deal,
and I directed him to meet me at the parking lot across the street. As he drove away, I informed the units that he was undressed.
OCALA OFFICER: Put your hands up, buddy! Hands up! UNDERCOVER OCALA OFFICER: And he was
arrested without his clothes on. DANIEL BUTLER: OK. -What was that boy doing? I don't want to know.
-Don't ask me. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. -Hey, you've probably used a brick or a chair
to prop open a door, and not thought much about it, right? -Well, yeah. But our next burglar, robbed of his senses,
definitely did not think much about what he used as a door stopper. And it quickly signaled an end to his crime spree.
-Here is something to remember me by. -When he started, we had-- it wasn't that long ago,
a computer business in our town got broken into. And officers get there, there's not a whole lot
evidence as to who did the crime. And while doing the investigation, they found that the person who broke into the business
had left some cardboard in the door to keep the door from locking, and that's how he got in and out of the business.
And they're looking at the cardboard, it turns out they're motor vehicle summonses
that this person had gotten recently by an officer in our town. And they-- all's they had to do was take the summonses,
match them up to the summons that was written day, the ticket, which led to this person, who
used to work at the business. And they went to his house, and he said-- he was shocked.
He said, how did you know that I was the guy that did it? And they said, well, we have your tickets that you just got.
And the pieces of the ticket that led us directly to you. And, otherwise, if it wasn't for the fact
that he was so dumb to leave the tickets in the door, we never would've probably found out who did the job.
-Hey, you know, when nature calls, you better pick up. But what you do when you're ready to go potty, only
to find out that the potty is already gone. -Well that's what happened in New York, when thieves began
disassembling toilets and stealing their shinier parts to sell as scrap metal. -Shinier parts?
-Yeah. [laughing] -I'm guessing you didn't take shop class, right? -I sure didn't.
-You're definitely not a plumber. You majored in perkiness. I can tell, didn't you?
-Oh, get back to toilets. We're going to find out how they became a hot commodity in this next story.
Do you know where your flushometer is? In the New York City commode caper, a thief has been nabbing important fixtures from urinals
and toilets of men's rooms in city owned buildings. -We think either he'd sell them to a plumbing warehouse,
to a plumber's shop, or even just for scrap. -The price of copper must be very high.
DEBBIE ALAN: This bathroom bandit has stolen about 100 handles. A lot of trouble for something that only cost about $4.
The crook even took the mayor's flushometer. Is he a weirdo trying to make a statement?
-Typical New York. DEBBIE ALAN: Luckily, the city has a sense of humor. -Until we get a handle on the situation,
we won't be able to flush the perpetrator out. People say that we're stepping in it,
some people say that this device is the hardest working device in city government.
ANNOUNCER: Check out his dumb law. In Memphis, it's illegal to drive a car while asleep.
-Apparently, our next guy was more than wide awake when he got a speeding ticket.
According to what he told the officer who stopped him, he was terrified that he and his car
would end up a nervous wreck. So what does he do? Well, among other things, he earns a spot
as tonight's installment of America's dumbest excuses. -Dumbest excuse I ever heard for speeding
was a couple years back. I was working radar on George Washington Highway, very dangerous route in the city of Chesapeake,
if not in the whole state. Working the radar, a vehicle came through, it was traveling
80, 90, went up to 95, went to 100 miles an hour. I turned, went after the vehicle, a number of miles
before I caught up to him. I caught up to him, I was going to give him a chewing as well
as a ticket, and I approached him, and I said, you know this is one of the most dangerous roads in Chesapeake?
He said to me, I know officer, I know. This road's so dangerous, I don't want to spend any time on it if I don't have to.
He got the ticket. -Yeah. Every once in a while, you hear about a big company on the news, getting fined for price fixing.
But there are little guys who've come up with their own version of price fixing.
They take a price tag off a cheaper item and place it on something more expensive.
Well, our surveillance footage from a sporting goods store has the goods on two such thieves.
First, you'll see a couple of teenagers conducting their own price check on aisle three.
Then a boy who's a hoodlum in training. Let's go to the store for tonight's blue light special.
ANNOUNCER: These guys think there's smooth operators, but they could win awards in looking suspicious.
They twitch, they look side to side, they turn their backs when someone approaches, no wonder
security guards are watching their every move. Look as they conduct their own mark down on that ball.
Heh, too bad they aren't such good sports when they're bounced downtown for booking.
Now here's a rookie, trying his hand at price switching. Stupid tag won't come off.
He should take the hint. But instead, he keeps trying. Oh man, now I messed up. Uh-oh.
But he eventually succeeds. And when he tries to make his purchase, he learns that he's facing a much
stickier problem than gummy price tags. -Mm-mm. I hope that boy doesn't try that trick again.
You know, generally, we consider it a blessing to be unique. To stand out from a crowd.
Well, the fellow in our next story would probably have preferred to blend in with everybody else.
But his original way of speaking and spelling became a trademark he couldn't trade in. [chuckles]
See what we mean. -Several years ago I got a call to investigate some forgeries at several local convenience stores and banks.
Apparently some checks had been stolen from a residence in a burglary, and the checks were being passed.
When I got to these establishments, all of the checks had been misspelled. The word hundred had been spelled as hunnerd,
h-u-n-n-e-r-d. I worked the case for a couple weeks, and finally developed a suspect.
Found the guy and picked him up. I interviewed him and also took handwriting samples,
and noticed that he was also spelling hundred as hunnerd on the hand writing samples.
So I went ahead and arrested him, he went to jail. A few months later, a year later,
I learned of an armed robbery that had taken place at a convenience store. While I was talking with the investigator,
he mentioned that the guy that had come in had misspelled the note that he had given the clerk.
It said, give me all of your hunnerds. His misspelling caused him to go to the penitentiary.
Can you spell penitentiary? -Coming up, people who have a tough time controlling their controlled substances.
But now, with news from a man considered the Jim Carrey of journalism, here's Daniel with ADC headlines.
-His crime in progress was jaywalking. But this suspect was already wanted by the FBI
for a number of serious charges. It just so happened that the agents had a wanted poster
with his picture on it on the seat of their car, when he walked right in front of them.
In no time, they'd taken this jaywalking menace off the streets and to the penitentiary.
They must've thought that they were hot shot bandits, because upon leaving the store in Santa Ana, California,
this trio took time to fire a few rounds from their pistols into the air. But moments later, with the police car approaching,
they opted for discretion. While trying to quickly tuck his gun into his waistband, one
of the men fired a shot that it, well, it changed his life, OK? Phew. Two teenagers, on the run from police in Larkspur, California,
scaled a chain link fence in an attempt to get away. But it proved a poor choice.
The fence was actually part of the outer perimeter of San Quentin Prison. Ah, I hate when that happens.
And in no time, they were given a warm welcome by prison guards. And that closes the file on ADC headlines,
news ripped from somewhere near the back of your local newspaper. Debbie? -I like shoes as much as any woman.
But I don't know of any woman who loves women's shoes as much as this next man. Maybe he was a tortured soul, or maybe just a regular heel.
At any rate, he's going to be walking the straight and narrow, thanks to a little friendly
encouragement from police officers. Try on this story for size. -I think it's absurd.
It's crazy. DEBBIE ALAN: She's talking about this man, known as the shoe bandit.
He would knock women off their feet, and I don't mean with charm, to grab their shoes to fuel his footwear fetish.
-Originally, he would go to shoe stores and actually purchase women's shoes. At some point, he would then approach women on the street,
offer them money, from $1 to $300 to buy the shoes right off their feet. -Very bizarre.
That's one of the strangest things I've heard. DEBBIE ALAN: To catch him, police set up a sting, here.
Using two undercover officers posing as shoppers when they thought he might be tiptoeing around.
Sure enough, he took the bait and followed one. -She walked to various places to see what he would do.
He did follow her. Then she decided that she would walk to her car, which is where
all the previous assaults had taken place. When she did, he followed her. As she approached her car, he gets closer and closer.
Just before we believe he was going to attack her, a media van pulled in, he saw it, and he ran away.
DEBBIE ALAN: Police tracked him down and found several pairs of stolen shoes in his possession.
Mm-hm. That ought to let the air out of his pumps. -I think it's absurd. It's crazy.
-Heck, yes. Maybe you've heard of the Cannes Film Festival. It's a trendy industry event held every year in France.
Well, tonight we bring your the canned film festival. A showcase of people who got canned
for the same fumble finger mishap. You've heard the expression, dropping acid? Well, all of these folks dropped their drug of choice
in a most inappropriate place. Roll 'em. -I had made a traffic stop one day, a guy that was speeding.
And when I stopped him, after I told him why I'd stopped him, I'd asked him for his driver's license and insurance.
So he had reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet, and inadvertently he also pulled out a bag of marijuana.
And I guess he realized this at the same time I did, and tried to kind of hide it
under his wallet in his hand, and still trying to dig out his driver's license. I asked him, what have you got in your hand?
And he said, well, my license. I said, no, your other hand. He said, my wallet. So I guess he'd realized about that point,
that his magic act had failed, and the bag of marijuana hadn't disappeared, so we got the pot, and he went to jail.
-My name's John Dryden, I'm a captain with the Anniston, Alabama police department.
One evening, one of our patrol Sergeants had stopped at one of the local convenience stores
to purchase something. He walked up to the counter, and there was already one subject
standing at the counter, making a purchase. And as he pulled out money from his pocket,
a semi large bag of crack cocaine fell out of his pocket. At this time, the Sergeant inquired to him, uh,
did you drop something? And from there, he was taken into custody, charged on felony
charge of possession of crack cocaine. -I was working in a marked police cruiser,
and I had a partner with me, and we see these two guys in an alley at 3 o'clock in the morning.
And we ended up stopping them for various reasons. and my partner grabs a hold of the guy,
and he's going to pat him down for weapons, but he doesn't have a good hold on him.
And the guy takes off running, and he drops his fanny pack. And I chased him a short ways, but I didn't even
know what we-- what he was running for. So I went back to my partner, and we talked to the other guy,
and picked up our-- the guy that ran away's fanny pack. And we open it up, and there's a bindle of methamphetamine
in the fanny pack, and it's attached to the guys driver's license. And along with a pawn slip that's got his phone number.
So the guy that stayed behind told us, he says, well that's not where the guy lives, but he lives
in the general area of this one apartment building. So the next night, I was with a different partner,
and we went over to the apartment building. We had no idea where the guy lived. The phone number was an unlisted number.
And we called the phone number, and some gal answers the phone. And we ask her to step outside, we want to talk to her.
So she steps out, and allowing us to identify which apartment it is. And then we ask her, is he here?
And she says, no. And I-- would you mind if we look? And she says, no. So we come inside, and we find him hiding under the bed.
OK, put your hands up where I can see them. So we hook him up, and we take him into the jail.
And I call my partner from the night before, and I get his answering machine. And I tell him, hey Pat, we've got that guy that ran away
from us last night, he's got something he wants to say to you. And I hold the phone out, and I said, apologize to my partner
for running from him. And the guy goes, oh, I'm sorry, Officer Such. I didn't mean to.
I'm sorry, and I want to wish you a merry Christmas. And it was Christmas Eve, so we'd not-- not only
was he dumb enough-- he leaves us his phone number. And he leaves us his picture, his identification,
and his methamphetamine. But his girlfriend's also dumb enough to walk out and show us
exactly where he is, and allow us permission to come in and get him. -They call the product "Tuna Helper."
But in tonight's final story, it's a real lifesaver. -As you'll see, these noodles provide oodles of protection
at just the right moment. And that savory sauce, well, I suppose that's an added bonus, eh?
-Well, right off your grocery shelf, here's an easy to make, easy to serve entree of we're not making this up.
Super Jim's super noodles slow down a speeding bullet and help save an employee's life.
The hero was a box of Tuna Helper. -Apparently the bullet went through the corner of the box,
and straight through the box, and then it hit him directly in the chest. DEBBIE ALAN: Forget what the health gurus
say, processed food can save your life. -Maybe the stuff, when it's dried like this, maybe
it's just strong. I don't know. -Hm, OK. -That's wild. Saved a life. -Wow. But you know, you can throw it up on the ceiling after you
boil it, and it's-- no, well anyway. Tuna Helper can do anything, you know. But what-- imagine what Beefaroni could do, huh?
-[laughing] -Could stop an Uzi. -Do you want to do this again? -No, he won't stop.
-Why don't you work on that and get back to us? -I will, I'll do that. -That Beefaroni part, OK?
-And I'll also be back next week. -What a coincidence. Hopefully, I will too. -Hopefully.
-And when we return, you can count on us to have a number of people with numerous counts against them.
Hopefully, one day, they'll wise up. -It's probably the most important thing we do on this show, is take a moment to honor
the people who work in law enforcement. We like to have fun on this show, but we know crime fighting is serious business.
-We thank you for all you do, and especially thank the officers who took time to tell us their stories tonight.
-Especially the guy with the moustache in front of the boats. I liked him. -[laughing] You like him.
-Well, all right. We also want to say thank you to everyone watching at home, and remind you to be back next week.
-If you've got a lead on a story, or you just can't wait 'til next week for more state of the art
stupidity, visit our website. -The address is www.dumbcrimes.com. -As always, we hope that we've all
learned from others' mistakes. -But if you haven't yet, we just might see you next week
on "America's Dumbest Criminals." Everybody over to Debbie's house for Tuna Helper!
Come on! -Oh, please! [music playing] [music playing]

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness a toilet-bound wrench-wielding sector of society, a man in his birthday suit caught by an undercover officer and the saucy saga of a man saved by a grocery item.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode covers bizarre crimes including a naked man arrest, a burglar's cardboard mistake, and a shoe bandit caught in a sting operation.

Key points

The Naked Man Encounter. An undercover officer shares a wild story about a man caught without clothes.
The Shoe Bandit. A man with a shoe fetish gets caught trying to buy shoes off women's feet.
Tuna Helper Saves a Life. In a bizarre twist, a box of Tuna Helper stops a bullet and saves a life.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

I don't want to know.

Daniel Butler's reaction to a story about a naked man.

3:16WatchMar 3, 2022

Tension

40/ 100Low tension

More from True Crime Files

Solve the Crime

Read a real case one clue at a time, then see how your call held up against the investigators.