America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 1, Episode 20 - Tooling Around Town - Full Episode | Forensic Files

DANIEL BUTLER: This is an ADC warning. The crimes you're about to see are true. Only the names were changed to protect the ignorant.
[sirens] [music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: Tonight you'll meet two dumb criminals with an extremely short term memory,
actual surveillance camera footage of two women dressed for arrest, and the crime that's all in a small family.
All these and more on "America's Dumbest Criminals." Hi, and welcome to the show.
I'm Daniel Butler. You know, all crimes are dumb, but some are dumber than others.
And then some crimes are the dumbest. So what does that say about the criminals who commit the last type of crime?
Well, they're America's dumbest criminals. First up, Anthony Underwood remembers how a blockhead
tripped up in "Below the Belt." -Partner, we stopped in, into an area convenience store.
You know, just making a business check. And as we walked in, uh, it was this male uh,
with his back toward us, toward the front door as though he was purchasing some store goods.
In his left hand, there was a large plastic sandwich bag, and it had a dark green, leafy substance inside of it.
And I looked at my partner, he looked at me. And I said, no, this ain't real. As he turned to go out, he saw us.
And it was in plain view what was in the bag. So he just hurriedly pushed the door open and he broke and ran.
MEN: [laughing] OFFICER ANTHONY UNDERWOOD: At that time, his pants start coming down.
MEN: [laughing] OFFICER ANTHONY UNDERWOOD: You know the youngsters these days? He had a belt, but it wasn't adjusted enough
to hold his pants up. And he was still holding the dope in his left hand. And he was trying to pull his pants up
with the right hand at the same time. DANIEL BUTLER: May we suggest suspenders? Or just get belted.
ADC quiz number 372. After burglarizing a house and loading his car with the stolen
contents, a thief in Fair Oaks, California made one last trip inside. What did he go back in for?
Was it A, the kitchen sink? B, the family dog? Or C, to draw a warm bath? The correct answer is C. He had a warm bath.
It is a great stress reliever. Almost as good as grabbing your rear and throwing yourself off a diving platform.
Now David Jones spells it out for "Speed Reader." -I was running radar and I stopped this--
it was like eight o'clock in the morning-- I stopped this lady. And she, before I can even get out of the car,
she's running back. -My son is late for school! I, I gotta go now! OFFICER DAVID JONES: So she starts running back to her car.
I was like, "Wait a minute! I'll give you a note!" So I wrote her a ticket and she signed it.
MEN: [laughing] -She had her-- -Drive careful. DANIEL BUTLER: And now, actual surveillance cam
footage we call "Dressed for Arrest." These two women are shoplifters, but not just any shoplifters.
These two are masterminds. They're suspected of shoplifting $60,000 worth of clothing across 11 states.
Having been warned of their arrival, officials first spotted the two getting off a plane,
then followed them to the mall where the two set up shop shoplifting. These ladies took numerous articles of clothing
into the fitting rooms, but when they came out, they had none. They just had suspiciously bigger, bulging purses.
Police trail them back to their hotel room, where they found another $2,500 worth of clothing,
a bag full of anti-theft tags, and about 30 fake driver's licenses, plus a map of their next targets.
These two are currently dressed in gray and unable to check out. Now Paul Heaton teaches a numbskull
that "It's All Relative." -One particular evening, I had a warrant to serve on an individual who had about six brothers.
All these brothers would interchangeably use each other's name when stopped by the police.
Only one of them I knew definitely. I knew him by face and knew his real name. So I went and knocked on the door, and one of the brothers
came who, uh, I did not recognize. And I gave the name of the one that I knew. -I'm here to serve a warrant on a Mickey Miller.
Is that you? -No. OFFICER PAUL HEATON: You could see the relief on his face when I gave the other name.
He said-- -I'm Randy Miller. -Randy? -'Cause he knew he didn't have to lie. The warrant wasn't on him.
Well, it was. -No. [laughs] I'm, I'm Randy Miller. -Randy Miller. Nice to meet you.
You're under arrest. -Oh no, come on, man! -Yep. -Ouch! -Well, no. -Come on, that's my brother!
-I said, "Come on." MEN: [laughing] DANIEL BUTLER: Later on tonight's show, you'll see the profoundly ignorant tooling around town.
-Due to a typographical error, we erroneously reported last week that many of the criminals portrayed
on this show are members of the Mensa Society. What we meant to say was that most
criminals are a menace to society. Next up, an undercover officer gives a dumb criminal the finger.
-My partner and I were in a known drug area and we spotted a white male who was riding
a motorcycle and a white female in a car. The man was following much too closely for her.
We decided to pull him over and ask him to quit following so close. We turned on blue lights and sirens
and um, attempted to pull him over. He attempted to turn off on another road and lost control
of the motorcycle and went down. FEMALE OFFICER: Stay right where you are, sir. UNDERCOVER OFFICER: He jumped right up
and there was a small fence that obviously he didn't see. -Get down on the ground!
Stay right there! -So I pointed my fingers at him, and I said, "Sheriff's Department!"
My partner said, "Shoot him!" The man said, "Oh my god, no! Don't shoot me!" -Don't shoot me!
-Shut up! -Don't shoot! Don't! -Roll over! You're going to jail! You are going to jail!
-That's your [bleep] finger! -We found out why he was running. He had three warrants out for his arrest.
And I got him with this. DANIEL BUTLER: In New Mexico, it used to be against the law for a taxi driver
to force a customer into a cab. Fortunately, it's still against the law for a pilot
to force a passenger out of a plane. Next, a tipsy mush-for-brains gives a policeman
a ride on the "Merry-Go-Round." When Officer Tony Jordan sighted a pickup truck driving
erratically, he directed the intoxicated driver into a mall parking lot. However, the chase didn't end there.
At least, not exactly. The officer got out of his car, approached the pickup truck,
and then the driver continued to drive. At 10 miles an hour. In a circle. Right in front of the police officer.
He was discreetly trying to get rid of any evidence. By throwing beer cans out the window as he guzzled them.
Round and round he went on the merry-go-round of life, drinking and driving, driving and drinking.
Eventually, the man was caught. He was charged with DUI, driving on a suspended license, stolen
tags, resisting arrest, and littering. -Hey! Come over here! Hey! Come over here!
DANIEL BUTLER: Not only was the man wearing a bad wig, but he was also dizzy. And now, Bruce Harper of Las Vegas
tells us a story we call "Door Knockers." -We got a call of a, of a, a family fight
at one of an apartment complex. And uh, we went to the complex and we were-- we didn't know exactly where it was at.
Someone said, an unidentified caller said it, somewhere in the complex they're fighting.
So as we go around, we hear doors slamming. So we hear door slam. So we start identifying where it's at from the door slamming.
So we walk up and we finally pick out the apartment that uh, it's coming from. And we hear the door slam and, and stuff fall off the wall.
So we knocked on the door and we take a position on each side, not knowing what we're gonna find.
We knock on the door and this lady opens it up stark naked, and starts yelling. Said, "It's about time you--"
Apparently, whoever she was expecting was running late and she was getting impatient.
And when she, we came to the door, she thought we were her uh, date. So she, she's standing there looking at us while I,
she's grabbing stuff to cover herself. She was quite surprised when we showed up instead of her date.
DANIEL BUTLER: Now we take you inside the courtroom for Trial and Error. From actual courtroom transcripts,
an officer tells us about some car thieves who went just a little too far. -Officer, at a previous hearing you
stated that the suspects had stolen a number of cars in the past two years, correct?
-Yes, ma'am. 25. -And what happened at that hearing? -Well, they were released from custody,
realized they didn't have enough money for the bus, so they stole number 26. [gavel rapping]
DANIEL BUTLER: Coming up later, a high speed chase that the police really love because it came complete with visual aids.
[music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: Next, Jerry Potts recounts glaring doltishness in a case called "Late Again."
-We stopped the individual coming across the Bay Bridge locally here. He was speeding.
And as the officer stopped him, got out of the car, walked up there to him, uh, he asked the guy.
He said, "Why were you going so fast?" And he looked at the guy-- officer-- and he said, "You know, I was going to the courthouse
to pay the last ticket. I'm late." [laughs] DANIEL BUTLER: And now actual surveillance
cam footage of "The Door Man." Normally this surveillance camera pans the entire parking lot.
However, now it's broken, stuck on one small section. Knowing this, the security guard parked his own car
in the one spot where it would be on camera. So guess which car a dumb criminal decides to break into?
The thief acts fast, running up to the car, opening the door and jumping in. Then to his dismay, he's unable to hot wire the car.
So he decides to steal the radio. Unfortunately for him, in tearing apart the dashboard,
he turns the lights on. His attempts to turn the headlights off only cause the lights to boost up to high beam.
Finally, he pulls out the radio and hands it off to a friend. At this point, officials were still
unsure of the identity of the suspects. That is, until they pulled up in the camera
in their own vehicles. The police instantly recognized the automobiles of a car theft
team they had arrested just last month. Next, Officer Buddy Tidwell takes us out
with a truckload of dumbos in "Tooling Around." -Not too long ago there were some unfortunate
transient uh, thieves going along the interstate. And uh, one night they decided that it
was time for them to get off the interstate. They went to the rear lot of this roofing business
and saw that there was a truck there loaded with tools. And it was fairly easily accessible,
so they got into the truck, hot wired it, broke out with the truck full of tools, and left.
[engine starting] -Well, the following morning the roofing company called and asked for a policeman to come by and take
a report on the stolen truck and tools. So a policeman I know was going there. -So uh, you guys in the roofing business too, huh?
OFFICER BUDDY TIDWELL: He had gotten a second call as he was responding there. And, uh, the burglars had shown back up with the roofing
company truck with the same logo on the side, attempting to sell the truck to the people they stole it from.
Apparently, they didn't know that, the area that well and they'd only seen the back of the business.
So when the officer arrived, they, they locked them up. MEN: [laughing] DANIEL BUTLER: In North Carolina,
it used to be against the law for a women to wear shorts in public. The punishment was a swift kick in the butt.
Next, Steve Parnell recalls a meeting of the half minds in "AKA." -I was working a wreck.
Man, it's all confusing and everything. I mean, the car is in the middle of the street.
And there was witnesses that saw the wreck. They were standing on the side. I got traffic going uh, north and south,
traffic coming up Second Avenue. Traffic just going everywhere. [laughs] So finally we got to the witnesses, right?
This one girl, she's like, "I, I know what happened. I know what happened." So I goes up to her with my pad out, and I say, um, "OK,
did you see what happened?" "Yes, I saw everything that happened." -You see this fool in this gray truck right here?
He goes flying around the corner, man. And just said, boom! And went dead smack into that clown right there!
OFFICER STEVE PARNELL: I said, "What's your name?" She says, "You want my real name?"
-You mean my real name? -And she said, "Well, I didn't know if, I didn't think, I didn't want to give you my real name
'cause I didn't know you just gonna run me in or not." And I say, "Yes, I want your real name!
What you think? I don't want your play name!" Hey, I ain't seen a damn thing. Ask them!
-That was the dumbest thing I heard in a while. [music playing] [music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: Our legal department
has advised us to make the following announcement. Some meat heads referred to on this show
may actually contain up to 50% soy filler. Now Doug Baldwin of Pensacola takes a bite out of crime
with "Dogged Determination." -We were chasing this car one day. This guy had just uh, committed a narcotics transaction
and we started chasing this car. So uh, during the chase, the guy stopped the car
and jumped out of the car and started running. And during the chase, he ran into this fenced in compound
where there are signs all around that says, "Guard Dog on Duty." So I saw him through the fence line,
but I'm very hesitant to go inside the compound because of the guard dogs. And he comes back towards the fence,
and I jump over the fence and I handcuff him. And as we're walking out the compound,
these two attack dogs started running after us and we took off running, both of us.
I did the best I could to keep him from uh, being bit. But you know, there's signs all around the compound
and he chose that compound to go in. And I thought that was pretty dumb. [laughs]
DANIEL BUTLER: Arf, arf, arf. Dumb. In Rhode Island, it used to be against the law for a woman
to take a cigarette from a man. So men found other ways to take their breath away.
Next Floyd Hyde takes us on an unintentional high speed chase. -OK, I was dispatched to a personal injury accident.
And um, course, when there's somebody that's injured in an accident scene, that takes priority, priority over everything else.
Uh, so to get to the accident scene, the shortest distance, I was gonna use the interstate system.
And as I merged onto the interstate running blue lights and siren, I fell behind this Trans Am.
And when I did, it, uh, he was doing the speed limit, but he suddenly sped up, and it was evident
that he was starting to try to outrun me. I couldn't pursue him. I was on my way to where somebody was hurt.
Well, as I got up to my exit, I, I figured that he would continue on the interstate.
Instead, he made the exit also. Well, that was fine. I kept telling the dispatcher where we was at.
But I wasn't gonna change my response route to the collision scene. When we got off the exit, he turned left.
That's the way I needed to go. We continued on to my next turn and he made the same turn.
Well, every time that I needed to make a turn to get to the accident, uh, he made the same turn.
And this, this continued all the way through in a pursuit mode, as far as he was concerned.
But I was still responding to the wreck. I wasn't gonna change my route. And uh, as we got to the accident scene,
there was another officer that got to the scene just before me, and he was there to take care of the injured.
So I was gonna continue with the pursuit. But when we got to the accident scene,
I saw smoke and fire coming from his engine and he blew up his engine. So he had to stop at the collision scene also.
And then um, the only reason he was running is he had a suspended license. That was it.
If, if he wouldn't have sped up when I fell behind him, I would've passed him, went on to the collision scene.
If he would have stayed on the interstate, I would have let him go because I had to get to the collision.
Uh, but he took every turn that I needed to take. He was just going my way. DANIEL BUTLER: In criminology, this is known as dumb luck.
And with that, we've reached the end of the line up. Our thanks to the men and women of law enforcement
who gave us the stories. And please join us again next week when once again we open the files
on "America's Dumbest Criminals." I'm Daniel Butler saying, hey, don't be dumb. Don't break the law.
Goodnight. [music playing] [music playing]

In this episode of "America's Dumbest Criminals," we'll witness two dumb criminals with an extremely short-term memory, actual surveillance footage of two women dressed for arrest and a crime that's all in a small family.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode highlights foolish criminals caught in ridiculous situations, including shoplifters and a man fleeing police with his pants down.

Key points

America's Dumbest Criminals. A comedic look at the foolishness of criminals and their antics.
Dressed for Arrest. Two women shoplift $60,000 worth of clothing across 11 states.
Late Again. A speeder claims he's rushing to pay his last ticket.
The Door Man. A thief breaks into a car with a broken camera, only to be caught easily.
Dogged Determination. A suspect runs into a guard dog compound while fleeing from police.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

You know, all crimes are dumb, but some are dumber than others.

Daniel Butler introduces the theme of the show.

1:02WatchDec 2, 2021

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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