Jean Harris and the Murder of Herman Tarnower (Part 1) | Morbid | Podcast | Forensic Files

hey weirdos I'm Ash and I'm Elena and this right here you [ __ ] is morbid you [ __ ] it's
[Music] morbid it's Valentine's day it is sounded pissed about that I'm not it's
[ __ ] Valentine's Day it's Valentine's Day yeah no I'm I'm happy about the the Valentine's Day of it all I love
Valentine's Day not because like we do anything really no we're not like we'll do like a little something like I woke
up to a cute little like array on the counter this morning oh see that's cute yeah we don't always honestly I I got to
like be real here Drew is a lot better at Valentine's day than I am like I I usually wake up to something and then
I'm like oh [ __ ] I didn't I'm going to like run out later and get you like discount candy I don't know why I said
candy like that but this year I did really [ __ ] good hell yeah I went a little I went I like ued the atie this
year see John and I usually like go really hard to like make the kids like a cute little Valentine's thing I feel
like when you have kids it becomes more about like the holiday and it become it becomes like super fun again CU like it
becomes like super kid again and that's always fun I know the magic of all the holidays like obviously like Christmas
is like insane when you have kids but even just like Valentine's Day and St Patrick's Day even yeah like we so I
always um like our bathroom that they brush their teeth in that's like essentially like you know the kid
bathroom yeah it like cuz they've demolished it oh did you decorate it I decorate it for all the holidays so like
I'll and I don't go like you know it's not like I go nuts like I just get stuff like some little banners and like you
know sometimes I'll throw like a balloon in there if I like the dollar section has a lot of
cool stuff so like it's super easy to be able to do it or like Michaels has a lot
of stuff in case you guys are thinking I want to do it yep the little things are
what I literally just put a banner up that says be mine and some of this like tinsel like this like red tinsel cute
and then I think I had like a little heart uh like stuffed animal on the counter I love that and just in their
bathroom so we do it for like everything like we try to like just throw like a little Banner in their bathroom just to
make like the morning exciting when they brush their teeth I like St Patrick's Day when you put Green dyee in the
toilet and you see the leprechaun peed and they FL they [ __ ] love that I'm I'm colling that when I have it's so
easy and it's they love it yeah and we do like you know we do uh leprechaun toast for that like where we just put
like Lucky Charms and like frosting on toast so they could have like a wild ass breakfast that's the [ __ ] I can't wait
for it's fun and then like I stayed up until uh 2: a.m. last night um making cuz I got a cricket this [ __ ] is a
cricket Inus Enthusiast it is fun as [ __ ] when you figure out how to do it it is so satisfying and so I stayed up
until 2:00 a.m. I found they had like the girls already had like plain pink shirts like long sleeve shirts that they
never really like grab or they're just sitting in their drawer and I was like oo I can bedazzle these let me make this
a shirt you want to wear sat up until 2: a.m. making them little Valentine's Day
shirts and they were psych this morning a so it was like and then then I made their lunches all like uh heart themed
like I got the little heart cut like Cutters for their sandwiches and they make them like into uncrustable so
they'll like seal off the sandwich it's they're really cool you can find them on
like anywhere really I [ __ ] so heavy with an uncrustable and it's fun to make your own cuz you can make in different
shapes and stuff yeah you can put whatever want it just makes like a fun lunch and then like I just got some like
heart- shaped [ __ ] and like pink stuff and all that did you cut the strawberries into little heart shapes no
I didn't do that this morning cuz I did a trail mix instead of strawberries today but it was like a pink themed
trail mix hell yeah brother yeah it was fun let's go it's a lot of fun and then John usually and I always forget he'll
get me flowers oh yeah course A lot of times like he'll have them delivered and then I end up forgetting and being like
oh we don't cuz we're always like we don't do anything I know like why'd you do that and he's like I have to no it's
relatable yeah I feel like you know you just do what you can you do what you can
I got Dre like a random Lego set so I love that big into Lego so I'm like any occasion I'll just get your [ __ ] Lego
set yeah usually it's just as you get older and as you like kids come into the picture or even if they don't I feel
like it just becomes one of those like it's a nice day yeah it's just fun yeah I want to get one of those um Dunkin
Donuts donuts today that has the brownie batter in the middle oh [ __ ] yeah why
didn't we get those cuz I got I'm getting something delivered I already ordered it what she just she just raised her
eyebrows at me and Mikey and Mikey is shimmying right now which is exciting did you just see the full mobility in my
eyebrows they move now guys I stopped getting I stopped getting it I'm I'm in recovery from from Botox yeah you're
you're I love your face thank you that's so nice I'm working on loving it too you
should I should um but yeah I ordered some kumble cookies Oh yay and they're all fun Valentine's Day I'm excited
there's one that's like a strawberry cake oh [ __ ] on the it's like you know when you get a cupcake and you like rip
the bottom off and you make it a sandwich it's like that yeah I love that yeah hell yeah well we have you know
that this is an exciting day and [ __ ] it's been an exciting week or two yeah so I'm I'm I'm without words what's
happening this week retweet so the last episode you guys probably noticed that Andrew McMahon was on the show [ __ ]
wild Andrew McMahon from Something Corporate Jack mannequin Andrew McMahon in the wilderness all of the above you
know posters when I was 16 in my room yes those as well uh I have a Something Corporate tattoo is my first tattoo I
ever got uh he came here to the stew like he came he's I we had such a blast with him like he flew from California
here um we went out like we went out to dinner we got to hang at the studio like
he was amazing sh out to Andrew I know like immediately I was like wow I do feel like I've known you since I was 16
you kind of have and I've known him since I was six for going by that logic yeah it was great and it was it was very
funny because like um he was telling us that he listens to the show so like hopefully you're listening now hi Andrew
because it was very like surreal to me oh yeah to cuz I was such a big like something corporate fan when I was
younger and I still am and Jax Manakin Andrew McMahon in the wilderness and it's funny that like to be in that phase
of life and then to sit with him and talk about being parents together yeah is like surreal in a way can't describe
like 16-year-old Elena if you told her you're going to sit in your house or at dinner with Andrew McMahon and talk
about parent [ __ ] together I'd be like what are you talking about like what what cannot compute like what are you
talking about it was just it was really lovely and he was lovely and it was a great experience it was a fun episode a
very fun episode we talked about dancing plagues if you haven't listened to it go
check it out it's you know it's interview and it's also we talk about some like funny like and crazy dancing
plagues of history and he did the interview he had great biting NS answers oh absolutely it's a great episode
biting nuns and we talk about [ __ ] the devil a lot so you should definitely listen to it you know like a regular
episode regular episode doing butt stuff with the devil or [ __ ] the devil so that was [ __ ] amazing and I hope you
guys enjoy that episode a lot and you know hopefully someday we have him back on because it was a blast yes and we
forgot to have him sign Andrew if you're listening we do have to come back we forgot to have you sign our hand you
know if guys not our hands but the he's like no thank you he's like I think I'll
I'll not come back the hands that we have people sign when they come into the office if you guys have seen the movie
talk to me which if you haven't go watch it cuz it's an Australian film horror film and it's [ __ ] brilliant a24
right I think it is yeah is it yeah yeah it is right I was like wait uh there's a
hand in it that is like a main plot device of the movie and we have the hand in the office and we've been having
people sign it like we had sign it when she came uh and we were going to have Andrew sign it cuz we're trying to have
all our guests sign it and we forgot so now you have to come back so we'll we'll
have Choice we'll have our people call your people U so that happened that was amazing and then we have another amazing
thing happening you guys are getting a bonus episode yes this week in fact tomorrow it's coming out wide to
everybody uh wide and isn't it wide and it's a simultaneous release so it's everyone's getting it at the same time
it's a bonus episode on top of our two episodes Happy Valentine's Day happy [ __ ] Valentine's Day because guys
well I guess it'll be later but this is a [ __ ] Banger of an episode I'm it's going to be we haven't actually recorded
it yet so it's going to be really interesting to see if Elena's alive afterwards yeah you're going to have to
see if I survive this one because that's all we can say I'm very excited to record it we're going to be recording it
in the next few days and it's a big deal so like be on the lookout if you're listening to this
episode right now set an alarm know that tomorrow in the future theut tomorrow a
banger of an episode is being released to everybody as a bonus big things are happening it's our our gift to you and
also a gift to me when they say treat yourself elen went I treated myself when bigger went
home she did not go home yeah I did not I went big it's wild so on the lookout for that it's very exciting very awesome
this has been a week that I can't quite grasp I don't think you ever will no I think that's all of our bid nasty yeah I
think so AKA business bid nasty yeah and with that we'll get into this let's go it was a very exciting intro and super
happy we're like oh my God it's Valentine's Day this is a story about two lovers um it's not happy or
celebratory or any of the above but it no one expected that I think yeah I would hope not you came to the wrong
place if that's what you were looking for um it is an interesting story and it I'll tell you up at the top it's going
to be two parts um part one is definitely going to be a little bit longer than part two because there's a
lot of kind of setup that we have to get through okay um so this is going to be titled if you're uh listening Jee Harris
and the murder of Herman tarau so we're going to start with Jean first Jean was Jean struven was her
maiden name she was born April 27th 1923 she was the second of four children born
to Albert and Mildred struven struven isn't that a fun last name like that stren yeah from her early age she felt
like she could never really live up to the high standard of her older sister Mary Margaret who was described as the
family's good girl Mary Margaret just seems like a good girl name she's got to be
despite feeling like the underdog a lot of times Jean did remember her early life fondly Albert and Mildred raised
the family in Cleveland Ohio and they were definitely wealthier than most families at the time they had a maid a
laundress the kids all went to private school oh damn yeah they were doing well in 1983 Jean said I was raised by my
mother but my father was almost never home which is sad that is sad and while she looked back on most of her memories
from childhood with a certain fondness it wasn't without its traumas her dad Albert by all accounts was a very
brilliant very successful man but he also was remembered by most as a quote Champion Tyrant bigot and snob oh so
like not somebody I want to hang out with I was going to say none of those things sound good at all but but go off
but successful I guess uh yeah that's usually the case his temper was Notorious and bouts of anger rage were
set off by by very minor inconveniences which is not great when you have children cuz I'm sure that comes with a
lot of inconveniences I also think that's such like like get it together yeah whenever adults like go off the
handle at the smallest thing I'm like I don't know children can figure it out so
why can't you like I we don't tolerate that from children so I don't know why we're tolerating it from adults and as a
parent your kind of entire job is to teach kids not to do that so how are you going to teach them not to do that when
you're doing it yourself yeah just like figure out emotional regulation man yeah
it sounds very the time though oh for sure very a father of the time very of the time yeah shortly before her dad
died in 1980 Jean put it pretty simply when she said my father should not have had any children that's so sad it is
especially as his child saying that yeah she did love him she admired his intelligence but she also recognized
that he was a very unhappy man and a lot of his anger and temper came from basically like taking out his own
disappointments on other people like his his feelings of unfulfillment kind of thing yes exactly one of Jean's oldest
friends said I think Jean admired her father very much and she also hated his guts he was cold ever complaining
impossible to please autocratic and nasty it's so sad that like like children just Auto like have this
natural thing of loving their parents even when their parents are like it's so awful to them you know what I mean like
it's it's like it's almost sad CU like you have to learn I think sometimes to unlove your parents for your own
I can peace of mind like wellbeing that was a deep statement it was a little bit
deep you know and relatable but yeah anyway the home environment in general mostly thanks to Albert was one of
constant competition because he set his kids up against each other and just tension because he was always angry yeah
the only one of his kids who he seemed to approve of was Mary Margaret ah she was the oldest and like I said earlier
Jean just could never measure up to her no matter how hard she tried which is really sad hate that idea of kids like
trying to measure up to each other in a you should all be equal and you should be loved your own thing yeah like you're
your own entity and we love you because of that that should be the message but this type of environment was probably
where Jean developed some of her worst and what would become most harmful instincts especially when it came to
pleasing men yeah I mean things like that are set up in child she's being programmed to yeah that's her whole life
is trying to please a man mhm but at the same time she also developed veled more
positive perspectives especially from her mom when she was young I love this her mom would tell her a curtsy doesn't
mean one dog on thing I want you to always look people in the eye and tell them the truth measure people from the
neck up Jean yeah [ __ ] she sounds like a bad [ __ ] I love that that I think that quote is [ __ ] great damn yeah
you measure people from the neck up a curtsy don't mean one dog on thing that's badass I like that I love dog on
no not one dog on thing Noe so while her father was um pretty terrible overall Jean's mother was Stern but in a
different way and she could learn a lot from her and it was from milden that she
learned to treat others with respect and kindness and to actually value things like intelligence and talent over just
money and social status I love that they had money and they had social status but
her mom was like these these are important things but intelligence and kindness and respect going to take you
far are more important yeah so for the rest of her life these two very enormous INF uences would be at War inside of
Jean and play a pretty critical role in her adult life yeah cuz they're very like uh conflicting very conflicting
ideals yeah in elementary school for example she studied hard she did really well but she never wanted to let her
intelligence be seen as a bad thing but the lessons that she learned from her parents that helped her succeed
academically kind of became a hindrance when it came to making friends she was smart she was very pretty very
well-liked to a degree but there was also distance between her and her peers one classmate who seems like a very
surface level individual were called I never could be fond of Jean because she wasn't interested in clothes styles all
the giggle dumb things that we used to do and boys she hardly seemed to care about them at all it's like okay first
of all not everyone is attracted to the opposite sex Jee was but like that's a weird thing to go off it's just like
that I don't know if that really should be part of your and like entire personality style like like your
likability is based on whether you're like obsessing over boys and your like makeup and [ __ ] it's like uhoh
good luck with that damn school though quickly became Jean's Refuge where because there she got the approval and
praise that she was really craving from her father yeah but never got later she would say I loved school I loved having
a star on my forehead when I was little I loved sitting in the sun room of our big house and doing my homework and I
loved my teachers oh which really tells you that like she got everything she needed there and then going home like
creped that which which also kudos to those teachers hell yeah we love te teachers but she threw herself into
academics and extracurriculars she joined as many clubs as she possibly could attended as many school events as
she was able to mostly as a means of avoiding her dad yeah but ultimately she built up a really impressive resume by
the time she graduated high school good for yeah I have no idea what this case is by the way so I am just like fully
riding this way I literally don't know what happens never heard of this yeah just putting that out there so if I'm
sitting here being like good for her I don't know if she does something later I don't know what happens well it's very
you know like it's like when we say you can be sad for the child or you can you can say good for her for who she was at
one point before all whatever happens happen I will Jean lost her way okay but it's a lot more complicated than that
okay it's this is a very layered story I ultimately don't agree with what she does ever um but there's a lot of layers
to it there's a lot of layers to it this is not there's a lot of gray area in the
story yeah I just wanted to be clear that I'm like I don't know what no honestly good you say that at the top no
no one think I'm like praising someone that I know what they did no and well and right now you're praising her for
the good things that she did that's all you know and when we get when we get to the we're going to get to a part and I
think you and I are going to feel well and I think you and I are going to have very similar uh opinions okay there's a
there's a fall from Humanity oh wow yeah so after but we're not there yet after her graduation in 1941 Jee enrolled at
the Smith college in Massachusetts oh [ __ ] she studied economics there and she
actually minored in Spanish damn uh like her High School experience she threw herself into those studies completely in
her free time she sang in the Glee Club and she joined the water ballet team water is that just like a I think it's
ball the water I don't know thing probably probably I didn't know water ballet was a thing sounds beautiful but
now that I think of it is that at the Olympics synchronized swimming synchronized swimming I I could be wrong
maybe it is called water ballet artistic swimming so yeah I think it used to be called synchronized swimming yeah but I
think artistic swimming sounds better for sure it definitely does it's definitely more what it is when I guess
you could probably do it solo yeah cuz then technically it wouldn't have to be synchronized yeah so look at us we
really worked through that there look at us we logicked our way through but while
she wasn't engrossed in her school work she spent her time writing to her boyfriend Jim Harris who she'd started
dating while she was still in high school after graduation Jim went and joined the Naval Air Corp and was
stationed in the South Pacific so they really stayed in touch primarily through letters and toward the end of Jean's
junior year at Smith Jim got leave and arrived on the Smith campus to surprise Jean and asked her to marry him once the
war was over wow which is so romantic that does sound very romantic it's very shortlived oh no but she happily agreed
in 1946 when she was 23 they did finally get married and they settled down in uh
Michigan Jim's parents were thrilled to add a daughter-in-law to the family they
loved Jean but Jean's father could not have been any more disappointed in fact he made zero zilch null attempt to hide
oh no he was outright with the fact that he did not like this guy uhoh according
to journalist Shaina Alexander Albert was Furious he warned Jean that she was throwing her life away he was certain
Jim Harris was not good enough for her and he made sure that Jim too knew how he felt oh boy which is shitty well it's
also hard because he spent a lot of time her life basically making her feel she's
not good enough for him and now he's saying this this guy isn't good enough for you and she's like I thought you
didn't to give a [ __ ] about me she's like what do you mean like where's my standing here right yeah it's just a
conflicting message well and it's also just it's kind of a continued message of like nothing you ever do is good enough
you can't even pick a guy right yeah it wasn't only that Albert disliked Jim Harris but he actually thought the
entire Harris family were ignorant fools damn mostly because of their Progressive
political opinions and support of the Roosevelt administration damn tells you a lot damn damn damn the damn damn
whether or not Jean was throwing her life away was obviously a matter of opinion but in hindsight she did
recognized that her marriage had a lot less to do with love than it did uh with Defiance of her father she she wanted to
go against she liked that it was bothering her yeah she said when I got married I had no conception of Love
defying dad was the main reason I married Jim also unlike dad he was very quiet which is kind of a baller
statement she's like again I say d she's like listen my dad sucked he didn't like
this guy this guy's quiet I can do what I want this guy is quiet this guy's quiet this guy shuts his [ __ ] mouth
he's going to let me live I appreciate that about him and I love that she's like unlike my loud ass naie
[ __ ] of a dad this guy's quiet this guy shuts the [ __ ] up wow yeah so obviously in the 1940s women didn't have
a ton of options for Independence so if Jean wanted to get away from her dad and
her family home which she very much did marriage was the easiest and the fastest
way to do that for sure and at the very least she did choose somebody who treated her with kindness and was
entirely predictable okay yeah it's a safe life yeah to those who knew her well though Jean's marriage to Jim
didn't make any [ __ ] sense she was very smart she was an independent woman we know she loved the art she loved
culture she was the ultimate conversationalist she was passionate she had a lot of Big Dreams Jim had smaller
Ambitions and he didn't seem to want a lot out of life he was he was a simple guy yeah you know yeah he's just Jim
well people are different we all want different things out of life it doesn't make him a bad guy for not no for not
like you know for just wanting a simple home life you know yeah whatever fulfills him yeah Je friend Leslie
McDougall recalled she was desperate to marry Jim Harris I never understood it he was a little man in every way Jean
had intellect she was brainy everything she got into she did well he loved to putter to trim the Hedge as she got more
interesting he got duller oh and in the notes Dave wrote damn what a Savage read
I was dying honestly yeah yeah Chin Chin that is like [ __ ] I was like after the
wedding though Jean settled into married life life and she was determined to be the perfect housewife but she also
wanted to keep her regular job uh which was she was a teacher at Gross Point Country Day School and she also found
the time to keep a spotless home she cooked all the meals she kept up with all her appearances that she needed to
do she was doing doing it all yeah now while the schedule was uh without a doubt exhausting very taxing it was
important to Jean that she apply her training and her intellect to a job that she saw as valuable and to her there was
nothing more valuable than helping to mold the minds of children she loved teaching oh I love that and she loved
being a part of kids lives well and it sounds like she had so many like influential teachers in her life you can
tell when a kid has great teachers because they immediately are like I want to be a teacher because they see what
happens MH exactly my kids have like this [ __ ] like the uh older girls have an amazing [ __ ] teacher oh she's
a queen she's a godamn queen I wish we could like literally say her name but we I would love to say her name just
because she's so amazing but she's she's amazing and they one of my kids is like
I want to be a teacher like bu I love that and it's like that's a sign you've done the right thing yeah I also teach
you're one who says that would be the best teacher ever oh my God yes she's so patient and sweet especially with like
be amaz hour also if you're looking for anybody to follow on Tik Tok we haven't done a Tik Tok follow like go Mr Mr
Williams on Tik Tok his name is tell Williams we love Mr Williams with our entire heart and soul he is a [ __ ]
phenomenal follower yeah follower follow and and he's a preschool teacher and also a therapist yeah and he does it all
he does it all he really does he also does savage reads he does savage reads he's hilarious I remember watching him
in the beginning of Tik Tok and being like I want him to be my child's preschool teacher like he was he's so
good and you can tell he cares so much prek pause prek pause he always starts with that uh go follow him cuz he
deserves all the follows he he's Mr Williams on Tik Tok and you will not regret it you will not he's hilarious
even if you don't have kids great follow exactly he's a great follow no matter what yeah well back to Jean her domestic
responsibilities increased a year or two later when Jim's newly widowed father moved in with them Jean really loved her
father-in-law and she never complained about living with him but according to several Neighbors Albert Harris expected
to be treated as a guest in the house rather than an occupant who contributed to the work of a running home ah which
you know what you live that long you lose your wife your kids's got to take care of you at some point at this point
he's probably like you know what [ __ ] it like treat me like a guest I get to a
certain age and I've raised you all up you know yeah you you treat me like a guest yeah come on but also it doesn't
sound like Jim was like really doing a lot and it's his dad so that's a little tough yeah but the workload increased
again 2 years later in 1950 when Jean gave birth to their first child David and then a couple years later a second
child Jimmy so they had their hands full yeah the expectations of motherhood were
made even more stressful by Jean's postpartum depression after Jimmy's birth and remember this was not a time
even now I feel like we don't have a full understanding of postpartum depression truly picture it in the
1950s that that sounds nightmarish they'd give you like some meth about it yeah that's a that's a night marish
scenario in the 1950s it's sad so a lot of times Jean found herself crying over what most people would consider very
small things or no reason at all like she didn't know why she was crying she just was oh that sounds awful it's very
sad but fortunately her postpartum didn't last super long but even after it passed friends did notice changes to her
behavior I think it left it you wonder what yeah it probably leaves some kind of Mark I I fortunately did not go
through it I I know people who did though and I can't if you're going through I'm really sorry yeah you you'll
get on the other side I promise it's one of my biggest fears like when I do end up having kids well people don't take it
like I feel like it doesn't get taken seriously a lot no when you try to get help for it it's scary it's very scary
yeah but one friend said she made it uh such an enormous effort but she was extremely volatile we had a cup of tea
together every single day and I never knew whether I'd find a happy woman a sad woman or an angry woman o that's
tough so it sounds like I I think I shouldn't have said that it didn't last very long because I really don't think
there's a way of measuring how long she was going through it I think she might have just got better at managing it I
was maybe she was just pushing it to the side but it was still affecting her in her daily life but although she never
hesitated to join the PTA or engage with neighbors and parents of her kids classmates her ability to integrate with
others did remain somewhat of a problem into her adulthood okay at the time Gross Point where she was uh living and
teaching it's a suburb of Detroit was home to some of the automotive Industries wealthiest families and there
was a very rigid social hierarchy that was all based on wealth of course as a school teacher and the wife of a middle
class husband she never really cared about material things and since her childhood she actually really tried to
find Value outside of monetary terms yeah but because of the way that everything worked she was a little bit
of an outcast among everybody else that makes sense yeah and she really struggled to make strong connections
because of that that's rough in the early 60s Jean's dissatisfaction with her life was becoming even more apparent
to those around her her friend her friend Bob scripts recalled Jean did not lead a very exciting life here her
marriage to Jim was a real drag he was a genuine tightwad and very conservative really a man of no imagination whereas
Jean had so much WoW everybody's really reading that's the thing I'm like I couldn't find anything to like outright
say that Jim was an [ __ ] so I'm just like it just sounds like he was kind of like a he was just kind of like a plain
Jane a plain gym you know yeah a plain gy yeah just just VI to his own beat I'm like wow nobody likes you nobody thought
you were interesting like that's rough that's sad I know I feel I feel a little bad for Jim yeah did does Jim do
anything that I shouldn't feel bad for him no okay cool not that I know I didn't I couldn't find it that's the
thing I couldn't find anything that I could call him like truly negative like like he's abusive or something like that
no it doesn't sound like it like by the sounds of it I'm just like you know don't care when everybody else thinks
Jim you know I feel like he needs like a high five I want Burger I'm like come on
let's let's you be happy with you Jim okay I want to take Jim to a theme park and be like let's find a little
excitement here I'm like you know what Jim like there's these things called booknook that you can make I think you
would love them here you go you sit down he strikes me as somebody love booknook
the very minimal amount I know about Jim I think he would [ __ ] heavy with a booknook yeah and I'm saying that as
somebody who [ __ ] loves book notes I sit down and do them at night so love that's not a read on book notes no it's
not I got Elena multiple book Nooks for her birthday hell yeah but uh by then by
that point Jean had started taking courses in a master's program where she was finding a lot of purpose but when
she thought about her future as a housewife and a mother in Gross Point that idea became increasingly
unsustainable she was finding a lot of purpose kind of like pouring into her own cup yeah but I think she kind of
like took a little like a scope out and was like I don't know if this is gonna if this is gonna last like yeah so her
life with Jim didn't exactly end it kind of just fizzled out there wasn't a lot of drama there wasn't a lot of anger
everything just fizzled it just kind of was like this isn't going to be forever yeah all right by 1964 she came to the
conclusion that she did not want to be married anymore and she reached out to her friend and lawyer jeepa Sherman I
think it is who helped her navigate obviously a pretty complex divorce process at that time yeah Sherman said
some people should never marry and Jean is one of them she's a superior person and there are not too many suitable
matches for a person like that jeez I know people are really talking her up they they do yeah so Jean and Jim's Mar
uh Jim Harris's marriage officially came to an end in 1965 and while it wasn't the most amical
divorce in the world I don't really know if there are many there are few I feel yeah Jean said Jean was said to navigate
it with a remarkable Grace her lawyer said she was never accusatory about Jim Harris everyone knew what he was he was
never guilty of false advertising about himself but jean would never say a word against him she was an admirable client
in a real rotten divorce so it all and in that sense it like it seems like he wasn't a bad guy it just wasn't going to
work and maybe he didn't want to divorce so it probably got kind of gnarly then messy yeah but it's like when she won't
even say like a bad thing about the guy it's like yeah feels like he just wasn't
a bad guy it just didn't really work yeah they just weren't meant to be I don't think they were meant to be no it
doesn't sound like that and like obviously there are relationships where like it's your high school sweetheart
and works out but like for sure not all the time but it's a tough one and the older you get and the more life changes
you you change a little bit with it yeah yeah but by that point everybody could see how unhappy Jean was in her life so
when it came to an end to the divorce and the marriage everybody was rooting for her yeah so after leaving uh gym
Jean and the kids moved in with one of her close friends Dodie Blaine she needed to move in with a friend to make
it for a while and Dodie had also gone through a divorce around the same time so they spent a lot of time reflecting
on And discussing what had gone wrong in their respective marriages and they both
reasonably concluded that they had just simply chosen the wrong man which I'm sure a lot of people who get divorced
can relate to but this of course led to the question if their respective ex-husbands were the wrong man then who
was the right man who is he who's the right man who's this man's for me Well jean had given this matter a great deal
of thought oh had she and she said her answer was very simple she said very probably he was a Jewish doctor I I like
that she's just like I know I know who the right man for me is it's giving Charlotte it is Charlotte York from sex
city absolutely it is during one of their many talks Jee told Dodie being Jewish he'd be a man of superior
intelligence and education and that his quote semetic background would also make
him warmhearted and passionate yet protective she said Jewish husbands really take care of their women wow she
really thought this went through she did yeah I like it so her desire to find the
right man might have fueled her fantasies but she never let it interfere with the responsibilities of her real
life after the divorce she felt a lot of guilt for disrupting her two sons lives
and she tried every chance she could to make it up to them she wanted to make sure that they had the best of the best
and that they would have a great start to their adult lives once they were done with high school for yeah she seemed
like a good mom it's good to hear that yeah for a lot of women in her position it was possible to rely on your their
parents for help and raising kids as a single parent yeah but not the case with Jean Albert her father seemed have uh
about as much fondness for his grandsons as he did for their father and quote flatly refused to contribute to the cost
of their education this is their maternal grandfather and I'm sorry I think about how rad it must be to be a
grandparent all the time all the time because like I love being a parent yeah like it's fun it's obviously it's like
hard but well that's it's so [ __ ] fun but when when you're a grandparent you don't even have the hard stuff it's
being a parent without any of the responsibilities so it's just really like you know I which I guess there's
your answer right there it's like if you like being a parent my goodness you're going to love being a grandparent cuz it
takes away any of the stress that you even were fine with but it doesn't sound like he loves he did not like being a
parent and it's like but it's like damn it sounds so fun what do you mean I think it's really shitty to he didn't
like their dad and he took that out on them yeah it's like sure that's their father and like that's half of who they
are but yeah it's like that's not their fault though well that's the thing that's not their choice so why are you
holding that against them yeah it's just it's strange to me yeah it really is but
also Jean hadn't requested any alimony during the divorce process and she was only getting about $200 a month in child
support which for two kids was not a lot no so if she wanted to ensure a bright future and this world class education
that she wanted to give her sons she was going to have to find a way to increase
her income dramatically mhm so now singularly focused she put her own PhD work on hold and contacted the
vocational office at Smith college for guidance and finding a better job cuz she's an Alum there yeah she told them
she wanted to move on from teaching and work her way up to school administration
because obviously she knew that paid better before long The Vocational office got back to her and they had an offer of
a position of director of the middle school at Springdale which was an elite all girls Prep School in Chestnut Hill
which is a wealthy suburb of Philadelphia okay and this would pay about $112,000 a year which right now
would be about $117,000 wow so that's that's a great annual yeah she eagerly AC accepted of
course and started making preparations to move to the east coast so a few months later she was settling into her
new life in Pennsylvania and was already thriving at her position in Springdale while she was dedicated to the new
position and dove in with a lot of enthusiasm she still managed to find the time to make sure that her kids were
also adjusting to their new home keeping up with their requirements cuz they were
both on scholarship you know helping with their school work Mom duties and late December though she called up her
old friend Marge Jacobson in New York and Marge was like girl you got to come out to New York I am throwing a dinner
party this weekend and you know you got to relax a little bit you got to let loose you got to come to my party oh
damn and Jean was like I don't know like it's going to cost money to go and you know we just got the kids settled But
ultimately she did agree to go to the party good yeah she needed it a little bit yeah I wish she had gone to like a
different party but uh oh the part is fine but you know so among the attendees at marg's party that night was Dr Herman
tarau he was a prominent New York cardiologist at the time and obviously a friend of the Jacobson Jean didn't know
a lot about him uh other than the fact that he was a friend of Marge and Marge's husband yeah but she was
immediately captivated by him he had quite the presence he was very Charming he had that like commanding presence it
seemed everybody around him from his friends to his patients had an unyielding Devotion to this man oh he's
got Charisma Charisma uniqueness NB and talent so that night Jee and Herman spent the entire evening chatting they
were obviously each trying to impress each other with intellect and quick wit Banta B when the party came to an end
and they parted ways Jean assumed she'd probably never see this guy again but a few days later she was at home in bed
with a backache and a gift unexpectedly arrived from doctor Herman tar hour oh girl and when she opened the small
package it contained a book on Israeli art and a brief note that read it's time you knew more about the Jews he was a
Jewish man okay yeah although she had only spent one night talking with Dr tarau Jean was completely taken with him
and was convinced that she had finally found that quote unquote right man that she described to her friend Dodie all
those years earlier she nailed it he he's a Jewish doctor he really he fits the bill that she described and then a
few days after the little gift the book B arrived at her house a card arrived in
the mail from Dr tarau and it read you were a delight to be with kept wondering if you could keep up with the pace also
whether or not you were a good dancer okay I don't love that note okay thank you I was like okay um it's a backhanded
compliment kep wondering if you could keep up with the pace like okay that would be my all right that's very
condescending and also oh we get it like oh yeah you're so you're so quick wted you're such a hot shot like I wonder if
you can keep up with me oh [ __ ] off yeah I very different time that would not Tickle My Fancy no that would not get me
but jean jean was Swept Away by this time hey to each their own you know so this was Jean's thing and she was very
excited when another card arrived a few weeks later this time from Kenya where Dr Town hour was visiting asking whether
or not she'd be interested in getting together with him in New York in March as it just so happened Jean was actually
planning to be at a conference in New York that very weekend sounds Kismet sounds kmit so she eagerly agreed to
meet him for dinner now throughout her marriage to Jim one of the things that really irked Jean about him was his lack
of initiative and like creativity yeah he didn't really have any ideas or wants of his own which made it so that she had
to always decide everything yeah and I can understand why that would be frustrating yeah so to her Delight
Herman was the exact opposite he was decisive and firm happy to choose the restaurant or the evening's activities
and high as she began to call him was thoughtful adventurous and very romantic So within a few days of the dinner in
New York flowers arrived at Jean's office and her house two sets of flowers and high called to check back in it was
like everything she wanted in a man like she described to Dodie a few years earlier had materialized and been handed
to her it really sounds that way yeah so a few a few weeks later Jean was back in
New York this time to celebrate High's 57th birthday and over the course of the weekend they saw a Broadway show
together they saw all the New York landmarks ate at some of the nicest restaurants unlike her ex-husband whose
interests were according to her pedestrian and vapid at least to Jean hi was cultured and seemed to pursue his
interest with enthusiasm which is again exactly what she was looking for yeah so
within a few months of dating Gan and hi had completely fallen in love and hi disclosed to his friend Marc Jacobson
that he was planning on asking Je to marry him wa by then Jean had met a lot of High's friends at the Galas and the
country club events that they went to on weekends or at the dinner parties that he would hel hold in his very opulent
home to those who knew them their affection for one another was obvious so it came as no surprise to Marge that hi
wanted to marry Jean even though their romance had been pretty short up to that point yeah it feels that way it was like
it wasn't a surprise but it was like a little like right now just like oh are you sure okay all right right like I saw
this coming but like I would have talked you out of it yeah I saw this coming but
I was thinking maybe like a little more down the road yeah but in a letter dated
uh March 1967 to Jean from high he expressed those feelings in writing so he said darling I love you very very
much how can I tell I miss you and want to share so many things with you sharing
that must be love are most people who marry in love yes I hope so what happens so few are really happy you will give me
all the answers this weekend drive carefully you will be transporting valuable cargo wow yeah he is he that's
that's [ __ ] molasses thick yeah that he's laying it on it's giving I'm on a place of Sex in the City it's giving
Richard oh my God yes it's got Richard Vibes Richard wow I kind of loved Richard you can't not love Richard
that's the thing you got to hate them later but you yeah I hate them at some point but you'll love them till then I
get it did so that spring and summer the romance deepened which was reflected in
their regular Communications hi wrote in a letter another letter in the spring darling my love for you grows deeper all
the time I feel that we could be very very happy together may I suggest we try to spend a very very long weekend
together around Memorial Day to see if you can really put up with me for more than a few hours without getting
terribly irritated or bored I love this it was clear from the letters that hi was building building up
to ask Jee to marry hell yeah and over that long Memorial Day weekend he did just that giving her an emerald cut
diamond ring proposing in a very traditional fashion love that I love an emerald cut I love an oval cut that's
what I have but I also love an emerald cut you're like just to be clear I'm like I love both hi's proposal came as
kind of a shock to everybody who knew him best and had seen the way that he had dodged commitment time and time
again in the past Mrs Arthur Schult a friend who had known high for years said he always had very attractive women
friends he was always very generous with time and money but he never married Jean
on the other hand though thought little if anything of High's history with women
and just happily accepted his proposal which you can understand yeah since the early days of her marriage to Jim Harris
she fantasized about having a partner who was her intellectual equal but who could also provide a sense of security
and she felt like she had found that in high yeah but the problem though is that
fantasies don't usually hold together when they're subjected to all the complexities of the real world no they
tend to bend Under Pressure they do and you know we're going to get there but jean was ecstatic about ha's proposal of
marriage and despite the fact that marrying him would require uprooting her life and starting over in New York she
didn't hesitate to say yes in the moment what she hadn't thought about though was
how uprooting that life would affect her teenage sons who had already had their lives disrupted by their parents'
divorce just a few years earlier yeah you're right but it did occur to her at a certain point that summer during a
visit with Marge Jacobson the reality of everything started to sink in for Jean and she said Marge I cannot marry high
for a year I cannot take those children out of school again I took them away from their father already well that was
I mean that was thoughtful yeah and I feel like that speaks to the kind of mom that she was yeah but you know her
concerns were reasonable but they turned out to be actually completely unnecessary in August just a few months
after he'd proposed Jean raised the issue of setting a date for the wedding so she could make longer term plans and
to her surprise hi hesitated something that he rarely did in conversation and said Jean I can't go through with it I'm
afraid of it I can't go through with it and I'm sorry wow yeah I didn't see that coming yeah
everyone who knew Jean expected hi's response to come as a big shock to her actually like it just was to you but she
responded very coolly she told friends it hurt for a while I suppose but I'm not very surprised he isn't a marrying
man I don't really know what all the reasons are huh yeah so interesting yeah it took quite the turn it was like I
feel like it was so you know hot and heavy for lack of a better term for a while and like really reached a Pinnacle
Point and it burned out like yeah but it doesn't burn completely out eventually it does but it kind of like burns out
then goes it's like a heartbeat monitor where it's like up down up down you know
and then it kind of flatlines for a minute forever yeah okay so with marriage off the table Jean put her
engagement ring back in its box wrapped it up and sent it back to high not wanting to reveal her disappointment to
her former fiance damn but to her surprise hi called the moment he received the ring and insisted that she
keep it and a few days later he actually drove down to Philadelphia himself ring
in hand and again insisted that she keep it wow that night according to Jean's Sons she and hi locked themselves in the
bedroom and argued about the future of their relationship for hours from hi's perspective Jean deserved to be with
somebody who wanted to marry her and that just wasn't him he just simply didn't want to be married so in his mind
the right thing to do was to remove himself from the equation his decision not to get married appeared to put an
end to the relationship altogether but in the weeks that followed they did continue to see each other from time to
time and in the meantime and between all of that Jean threw herself completely into work to try to distract herself
from just the disappointment of it all and at the same time her chronic back pain which she had actually struggled
with for most of her life started flaring up worse than ever it seems like stress yeah anxiety and stuff yeah as
soon as hi heard about Jean's back pain from Friends he called her immediately and recommended a new painkiller and
even went as far as sending her a prescription for the pills so the distance from high the painkillers altoe
appeared to have given Jean some clarity around their relationship and she started to consider if she might be
willing to compromise her wants especially if it meant that she was is not going to lose him
forever what seems to have occurred to Jean was the fact that ha's desire to no longer see her or marry her didn't mean
that he didn't love her just that he wanted to protect her reputation from anybody who might see their not being
married as somehow abnormal because at the time you didn't have like a long-term partner you got married you're
living in sin yeah living in sin after all though high tarau was a fiercely independent strong willed man who rarely
compromised and that aspect of his Pro of his personality was probably not going to change so late in life and she
knew that so one night a few months after they separated Jean wrote High a letter saying dear High what a strange
and wonderful and awful three months these have been and what a lot of soul-searching thoughts they have evoked
I know a letter from me is not what you want most in the world but there are so many important things to say everything
about us is important to me hi because I've never experienced love before until you and love i' I've discovered means
wanting to share every thought and sensation and in fact needing to share as far as never seeing you again is
concerned I won't let it happen however much you protest if your social engagements continue to be as pressing
as they are this weekend perhaps you could work me in during office hours wow yeah also I just want to write letters
again I know this whole letter writing thing I'm like wow this is so much more like passionate yeah and dramatic and
all that I love a letter yeah Shaina Alexander the journalist I mentioned early wrote to Jean the letter was a
proclamation that she was a modern woman to Herman it may have seemed a license to resume his lifetime Bachelor habits
but whatever the case the letter worked yeah hi called a few weeks later and did
arrange a date to see her and the children in New York in the winter of 1967 thus beginning a new phase of Jean
and High's relationship H it's impossible to know what Dr Herman High tarau understood his relationship with
Jean to be but it is clear that they probably would have described it in decidedly different terms M to Jean
everything that was starting back up again was a restoration of the way that things had been even though it was on a
restricted schedule where she could only see him on the weekends or holidays or when he had time to see her yeah for hi
on the other hand Jean's apparent compromise seemed as Shane Alexander suggested to have been interpreted as
her implicit permission for him to carry on his bachelor lifestyle and just be able to casually see her when their
Lifestyles or when their schedules would allow Yeah so basically she was like it's just going to be that I'll see him
on a limited schedule and he was like it's just that I'll see her on a limited schedule and in between then I can [ __ ]
whoever I want yeah this just doesn't sound like this doesn't sound good yeah basically it became an open relationship
without ever having a conversation about it yeah which is never good it feel yeah
I'm an open relationship I'm sure it can work but there's got to be to each their
own a sit down conversation like both be on the same page parameters are set up yeah no matter what you both have to be
on the same page your relationship is you're in a relationship exactly so tah High's closest friends the turn in in
his relationship with Jean and his selfish desire to carry on exactly as he pleased did not come as much of a
surprise when she learned that the marriage had been called off Marge Jacobson reached out to hi to find out
what had happened and she really only got a basic explanation he said Gan understands that we won't marry but I
have promised her that I would take care of her and I mean it she's Remembered in
my will so she was in his will damn yeah this is so this is so like it's kind of
progressive it's very interesting it's Progressive but uh but not at the same time but like
the complete opposite of progressive because it's Gan giving in to him you know yeah yeah so like it it it comes
off as this very like wow like they're so forward thinking and they're kind of like removing boundaries to make make
this work for them and it's like but it's not and well and ultimately that's not not working for half of them you
know like one of half of them is completely compromising while the other one is not at all right and it doesn't
sound I couldn't find any information to see that Jean had other relationships too that she you know filled her time
with when she wasn't seeing high so it was kind of like a one-sided open relationship which yeah that's
definitely not ideal yeah and and again it's not I don't think it's what she UL imately wanted I think she just didn't
want to lose him that's this is this feels like desperation yeah so she yeah she gave up her own wants and needs yeah
which was really unlike her yeah but to Marge the response was characteristic of
of Dr tau's typical cold Detachment years later she said the truth is I think ha was incapable of loving he had
tremendous family feeling but without love hi only loved himself and was quite insensitive to everybody else oh that's
sad I know that's a sad way to be it is and you wonder what he came from I was going what led to that yeah yeah for
Jean High selfishness was one of the things that actually made him such a great man in the eyes of others though
he was driven to succeed despite the odds and that drive had pushed him to become one of the most well-respected
doctors in New York she once told a close friend hi is great to be with because he's so selfish he does what he
wants and that makes him a damn good company is there anyone worse to be around than some self-made martyr
forever telling you I did it for the children's sake it sounds like she was convincing
herself and I think I'm sorry what I think a lot of people can relate to this sentiment of convincing yourself that
you're 100% that a terrible quality in somebody is actually their best quality it's actually it would be awful if they
weren't like this it's like that's that that is like the most like desperate please just believe me that
that this is totally fine and that I would hate this any other way to say like somebody who's selfish is the best
kind of person to be around no they're actually they're the worst kind of person to be around that's just like
diabolically untrue and it's also like it's like this weird form of self-sabotage it really is
cuz it's like no it's you be selfish yeah if you think that's a great quality possess it for a little bit be selfish
do what you want to do Jean that's the thing you know and and you don't even have to be selfish to do that no but he
is you know he was being selfish yeah and I just you feel it's it really is like it's like a form of Stockholm
syndrome it really is it is well it's complicated because she let it happen absolutely so I there are a lot of men
that if they're allowed to be selfish they're going to be there's a lot of women I was going to say and on the flip
side there's a lot of women who are super selfish and crazy yeah so anyway going back to the story one woman who
dated Dr tarau described him as quote a Jewish Bachelor Prince accustomed to being pursued but at the same time hi
seemed to proudly reject the need for love and connection as a human weakness Shan and Alexander wrote I don't love
anybody and I don't need anybody became his proud and ofp Credo oh man yeah which clearly something happened along
the along the way very clearly yeah maybe something in childhood maybe something there's got to be something in
that yeah maybe like a a first relationship for sure something is there yeah it's possible that Jean's
perspective on high uh High's personality was some kind of a defense mechanism like we were just saying or
it's also possible that she just completely romanticized his behavior to make it more tolerable I think it's a
mixture of both I think it is too but whatever the case it seems unlikely that she expected high selfishness or his
callousness would extend to his romantic relationships when it came to the emotions that he claimed to have
loved yet in the years that followed as they continued to see each other on a truncated schedule Dr tarau was carrying
on relationships with several women during the week while Jean was in Pennsylvania it's also like isn't that
like it's just sounds like a lot of work I mean yeah aren't you tired but it sounds like a lot of work but it also
sounds like it was filling his cup in a different way and again I think it points back to I think he actually
needed to be loved on a on a different Lev yeah and I think I'm looking at it probably he's not looking at it through
an emotional lens no so it's not a lot of work no cuz there's no heavy lifting in the emotional department and he's
kind of getting he's getting everything he needs having his cake and eating it too so it's like for him it's really not
a lot of work he's not carrying on full-blown love affairs with people you know what I mean it sounds like no he
kind of is or like his version of A Love Affair which is just to me it sounds like the flowery language and everything
kind of comes naturally to him like he's a the charm thing like when he goes right doesn't sound like a lot of work
he goes right up to the point of commitment and sometimes even makes that commitment and then backs out I mean
proposes well listen to this yeah there was act in in some cases these relationships that he was carrying on
were short-term casual relationships but some of them were what I'm sure the women considered to be serious there
were two women that he proposed to one in 1970 and one in 1971 for ultimately calling off those
engagements just like he had with Jean damn so like he would get right there and I do Wonder um I I I could see this
going both ways I could see it as he maybe was like I I I want to get married like I'm supposed to get married this is
what I'm going to do or it's what those women needed to stick around for the extra mile like he knows what he needs
to do to to keep it going for as long as he wants to keep it going or maybe he thought that that's what he he wanted
who knows decided to call it off pure speculation cuz you know we I don't know him and he's not here to say
unfortunately oh so whether he was just completely oblivious or cruel can never be known but hi seemed at least on
certain occasions to be under the impression that Gan did share his casual attitude toward their relationship in
the two instances that he proposed marriage to other women in 1970 and 1971 he actually called Jean to announce his
engagements which is a little cruel in my opinion but I don't know if he thought yikes you
know we're in an open relationship I'm also like did you think that like those women were going to be down for that
it's like he cuz I'm like is he just trying to like abide by the quote unquote open relationship of it all and
be like you need to know when I become cuz who knows if they had they did talk about a thing and again pure speculation
possibly had a conversation maybe they had a conversation where it was like if you are getting serious about someone I
need to know yeah so you need to tell me so maybe he's like I'm I'm getting the most serious that's absolutely possible
you never know I don't it's possible I don't think that was yeah it doesn't sound like there was a lot of like
discussions around this the form of this relationship but I also and again pure speculation I think this became a little
bit of a game yeah and I think there was some satisfaction in stringing along and
pull holding off and some I mean some relationships like like these kind of toxic style relationship that's the
thing they become addictive and you become addtive yeah to the the drama the back and forth and the drama and the you
know the the love bombing when you make up and how everything's great and then you know like the ups and downs become
this like ride that you just can't take yourself off of yeah exactly well to most who knew him those those around him
this you know calling her and being like hey I'm engaged oh that didn't work out
but I'm engaged again was just further evidence of his tendency to be a little cruel and a little thoughtless but jean
tar hour's consumate apologist tried to maintain a sense of humor about it at least in public situations she once
joked to a friend when he told me she had four children I knew he'd never marry her wow it's just like oh
damn again I say damn I know as time went on though Jean took whatever H was willing to give but otherwise focused
her attention on her career in 1972 she left the school she was working at for a
position as head mistress at the Thomas school another all girls private school uh this was in I think it's rowon
Connecticut but the relocation to Connecticut brought her closer to New York and a lot of her friends speculated
that that was not an accident but she probably took that job so that she would have a shorter commute to see hi that
makes sense it should he want to see her though oh cuz it was like she's he told
her when they were going to get together yeah yeah anyway oh I just know this I can I know
this yeah I know this relationship like it's just I'm I'm listening to it I'm like it's sad and it's so the
desperation on the other side is that's rough well and again like going back to her childhood think about what was
ingrained in her yeah like I mean she she grew up with somebody who was a man who never saw her who never made her
feel like she was enough and who she had to always constantly beg and fight for the attention or any
kind of like pat on the back or any kind of compliment and it's like it does carry into yeah you know well and then I
and going even further so that was her whole childhood and then she married a man who she felt was the complete
opposite of that and that didn't work out so she went right back to square one yeah and she was like how do I how do I
manage to keep this you know and I'm sure she saw it as like a her problem when obviously it wasn't for sure it was
just it was kind yeah sometimes you don't even need to have that kind of upbringing or anything
like that to fall into that no you know what I mean I think it just adds a layer
when you do but you're right yeah like sometimes that just happens I have a great father oh papa [ __ ] rocks
thinks I'm the bees knes and always told me I was the bees knes and like was great and is great and remains great and
will be great forever and I still dated somebody and there was a similar kind of
relationship where it was like I was constantly trying to hold on to this awful situation and it kind of was like
I'll see you when I see you which was literally like I have control of the situation kind of thing so it's like you
don't even need to have that background but when you have that background I'm sure it's if that was if and I'm only
thinking of my own thing yeah if it was that was hard to get out of for me who has no psychological reason to be
trapped in that way of thinking to have a background and a trauma that builds upon that that's keeping you there must
be like being in quicksand oh yeah I can relate to it not my dad is not Jean's dad by any sense but we have a strained
relationship and I he wasn't a huge part of my childhood and you know like I love
my dad but it's not my my relationship with my dad is not my ideal relationship no and my relationship with my mom as we
all know is not super Fuego no so not super Fuego in my early years like in my teens and like very early 20s I was
seeking out relationships where I would get the most attention but they weren't great Relationships by any any attention
yeah any attention was good attention even like you know yeah but then you you either realize that that's a pattern and
you divert from that pattern which I did because Drew is the most amazing man on
the planet or you stay on that road and it difficult but it's hard yeah it is cuz when I mean I didn't understand like
my John I didn't understand why he was being so kind and why he was saying like truthful things and being open I was
like totally Avers to it cuz I was like I what like who are you well you know what I also think obviously the father
is a big part of the way that women pick Partners I also think other experiences
in life for sure like not to like bring it to a dark place but you were bullied yeah your first relationship was not
iconic no and then your second one was even less of a ban relationship but then you you get older you do you can di
again divert from that path and kind of start to find the things that you like about yourself yeah and then when
somebody is then you know confirming those things that they like those things it can be a little jarring at first cuz
you're like but then you're like oh [ __ ] I do deserve this yeah that's the thing
I think I I hope and I I wish that every woman or person got to that point well that's why I'm like I'm like everyone
listening you deserve it you deserve if you think you don't deserve it and you're being like this person's too nice
I don't deserve this you deserve it you absolutely deserve it shut up yeah everybody deserves some kind of yeah
take it we've been so like self-help lately we yeah cuz I just feel like it's just necessary we're in a place of
positivity we're trying to I'm trying to bring more positivity more light around
everywhere yeah you know we need it the world needs it yeah well so back to the story I know we're really going off it's
like old school today but some some of you guys missed that so this is for you I and we missed that we miss that and
we're allowed to go off track so [ __ ] here it is I do what I want so most of the
time uh like I so she took a new job and again she took the job at least in part
to be closer to to be a little closer so she took her new job at the time of her
move private schools around the country were going through kind of a rough period there was a n a national
recession going on and obviously widespread financial difficulties were causing enrollments to drop which of
course then dramatically affected the budgets at the Thomas school and others like it in her time at Springside where
she used to work Jean had actually gained a reputation for being a very tough but very efficient administrator
so the offer of the new position at the Thomas School came with the understanding that she would be expected
to turn things around for the struggling institution okay and one of the big things that they needed from her was to
improve enrollment among other things yeah so that was a very high stress very high pressure job and at I think in a in
a previous point in her life it would have been a great job for her at this point in her life it did not suit her in
the slightest she had always been a little bit Moody and kind of you know uh irritable at times but after taking the
job at the Thomas School everybody noticed that she was becoming even more unpredictable she would often lose her
composure and even scream at students over the slightest things and things at the school were a lot more dire than she
even anticipated and she was very much in over her head it was a lot more than just one person was going to be able to
in 1975 the Thomas School actually closed permanently oh damn and Jean found herself out of work and she was
forced to take a job with the Allied maintenance corporation which was a janitorial supply company it paid well
the job but for Jean who always wanted her work to contribute to the betterment of children it was a slog yeah and even
worse it didn't really carry any of the prestige or social status that she enjoyed as being a head mistress at an
elite private school so while her professional life had become mundane and disappointed pointing her personal life
was really in no better shape things with high hadn't changed and her chronic back problems were persisting even
getting worse and actually caused her to develop a heavy Reliance on daoxin which
was a prescription painkiller prescribed to her by Dr tar hour oh uh it's an interesting choice of a painkiller yeah
throughout the 1970s and into the early 80s doxin uh a brand name for the generic drug methamphetamine was
technically approved for the treatment of ADHD but was also approved by the FDA for the off label treatment of obesity
and narcolepsy among other things essentially they said just do meth about it that I was just I was like
they were so Wy back then like they were just like just do meth about it and when you
think about it this is the 70s that's like not that long ago I mean now now it it really is [ __ ] we're all thinking of
it in like 2000 I I think of everything yeah 50 years ago damn cuz I always think the '90s were 10 years ago so it's
like this is but I would be it's hard for me to comprehend yeah I'd be like 12 if that was the case or like even
younger or just not even exist I don't know math but let's get back to the meth like many stimulants disys oxin AKA meth
had some uh serious physical and psychological side effects including yeah I would think it's a last resort
for a lot of people at this point yeah but uh back then well back then they were just like here
do this but the side effects included increased heart rate rapid breathing Tremors restlessness increased body
temperature Euphoria but unfortunately dysphoria as well grandiosity repetitive and obsessive behaviors the list goes on
oh boy these side effects also tended to be more common in people who were not diagnosed with ADHD because this was a
medicine to treat ADHD so if you don't have that the side effects are going to be worse yeah for sure gan experienc
many of those uh side effects listed above because she did not have ADHD and she even experienced other side effects
as well oh man according to sha Alexander daoxin is not just speed but high speed it hits the central nervous
system 5 to 10 times faster than ordinary amphetamines rather in the manner of cocaine wow so it's snap
instant like it hits you oh that's so scary it is it absolutely is yeah so aside from that yeah things started
looking up in mid 1977 aside from the meth aside from the meth of it all things were looking up in mid 1977 Jean
learned about an opening for another head mistress position at the madira school which again was one of the most
uh the nation's most prestigious private schools in Washington DC the job actually paid less than what she was
making at Allied maintenance and would require her to move further from New York and that meant further from high
turnar hour but for somebody in her field the job was considered a crowning achievement because of the the
prestigious nature yeah thanks to the dis oxin Jean's back pain was manageable and helped her accomplish far more than
she might have otherwise been able to which impressed the board at madira and soon she was installed as the school's
new head mistress damn so the job was a welcome distraction for her because her life had become really lonely at this
point her kids had left for school for college and after college they you know went on to starting families of their
own going to find jobs that whole thing so she was by herself and when she wasn't at work she spent a lot of her
time just alone and on the increasingly rare occasions when she and hi did spend
time together it was clear that things between them had really changed yeah once assertive and vibrant Jean was very
demure now in hi's presence and didn't participate in a lot of conversations the way that she had in the past and for
his part hi seemed more distant and cold with Jean than he had ever been oh no he
rarely told her that he loved her and actually according to people who knew them kind
of seemed to Delight in withholding affection from her that sucks I think it got to his head a little bit Yeah like
the the nature of their relationship yeah yeah I yeah I could see that you know so the change for that to happen it
is yeah the change in Dr tarnower's attitude towards Jean may have had something to do with his ongoing
relationship with a woman named lineros who was his lab assistant at the Scarsdale Medical Group Lynn and hi
dated kind of casually for a few years but by the time Jean started at the madira school in
1977 Lynn and hi had become more serious like his other relationships hi's relationship with Lynn was not a secret
and obviously wasn't something he was trying to keep from Gan but in the past Gan had always M tried to maintain a
casual attitude about high dating other women including Lynn herself but the more and more time they were spending
together Lynn and hi it was clear that something was different here yeah the relationship seemed far more serious and
for probably the first time in her relationship with him Jean started to feel uncontrollable jealousy oh no which
I'm sure the meth didn't help I'm sure that did not help probably not Jean's feelings of jealousy were often
exacerbated by the overlapping presence of she and Lynn in Dr tarnower's Life yeah for instance be hard oh yeah like
for instance on one occasion in July 1976 Jean was was spending the weekend at High's apartment in New York and Lynn
just arrived to the apartment with her kids to use his pool o so his kids just hop in the pool and Lynn starts painting
the patio furniture where like around where Jean was sitting so Jean tried to ignore her for a little bit but finally
turned to Lynn and said does it not seem bizarre to you Lynn that you are here painting his furniture while I'm here it
seems real bizarre seems bizarre the whole thing seems bizarre to me Jean Lynn apparently didn't understand what
she meant and Jee rephrased the question and said Lynn why the hell are you here
and in response she said Lynn said I'm here because I'm allowed to be and she kept painting oh damn I'm like
girls why do you want this yeah ex it's like girls that's when you do what what I did you B together up you get those
girlies together have you ever oh my God if anybody is looking for like a good like it's not even like a romcom I hate
to say this but it's a chick flick yeah The Other Woman oh yeah such a good remember we watched that with ma once
yes it's such a good movie we absolutely did I love that movie I'm telling you best thing you can do band together and
ruin his life yeah that's all not in this case but no so Lynn has never uh spoken publicly about her relationship
with Herman tarau and Dr tarau is unable to speak for himself so we only have Gene's interpretation of events which
are probably biased yeah but still to the outside Observer it did seem that while he might not have orchestrated the
run-ins between Lynn and Jean Dr tarau still got a certain amount of pleasure that came from the drama you know yeah
uh in fact according to Alexander many observers surmise that tarau deliberately encouraged each woman to be
jealous of the next in order to feed his own ego he encourages Jean to think of Lynn as a [ __ ] to Lynn he evidently
portrays Jean as a bothersome old lady oh man by the way that's a quote that's not my words yeah in 1977 shortly before
she started her job at the madira school Jean actually started getting harassing
phone calls at home from an anonymous caller sometimes it was a woman's voice on the other line and sometimes it was a
man's but it was never a voice that she recognized rather than a prank call from
some random person though the calls seemed to be targeting Jean specifically telling her that she was old and
pathetic quote unquote and that she should quote unquote roll over and die holy [ __ ] other times the caller would
describe a explicit sex acts that Dr tarau had performed on other women oh and the caller suggested that Jean
should quote take sex lessons implying that like she wasn't pleasing him anymore wow so she started with getting
these calls at home but before long she the call started coming in at work where
the anonymous caller would leave a phone number with Jean's secretary and request
a return call and when Jean would call the number they would start up again with the harassing comments and just
hang up abruptly wow yeah also what are sex lessons I don't know I'm sorry that's just like imagine
I'm literally taking it to a place of Sex in the City again that's not even a good like that's not a good read you
should take some sex lessons like I'd be like that's stupid that's I would say dumb thing to say remember though in Sex
in the City when they go to that tantric sex class that's all I can think of that's I feel like that's a sex lesson I
guess so but maybe there's more but what a bad that feels like something you say
when you when you ran out of you didn't plan ahead yeah you didn't plan your insult ahead yeah take some sex
lessons stupid it's like where okay where are those oky do oky do oh whenever Jee received one of these calls
she would immediately call Lynn and accuse her of making the calls even though she didn't recognize the voice or
she she figured maybe Lynn arranged for somebody else to make the calls but every time Lynn claimed she had nothing
to do with this and demanded that Jean just stopped calling her she even went as far Lynn went as far as complaining
to hi that Jean had been harassing her and hi took Lynn's side and demanded that Jean stop the foolish Behavior or
he would end their relationship you got to end the relationship then it's if he's taking another woman's side you
he's declared like that's you've heard all you need to hear move forward he quiet quit he kind of he ABS he like
loudly quit and it's like that's get out of there yeah well the calls were soon soon followed by obscene letters sent to
uh Jean's home and office which were always written in a very unfamiliar handwriting in time she changed her
phone number actually multiple times but every time this caller managed to get the new number and the harassment
continued jeez you have to assume it was somebody that he was seeing absolutely CU I don't think Lynn and Jean were the
only people he was seeing so sound I'm sure he had some kind of um what rodal is that like what it is where you like
write rodex Rolodex I like your version though what did it say r Rota Roo oh we had a Rolodex at mom's
office house I remember picture it I used to flick through it when I was little um but I'm sure he had one of
those 100% and would write down Jean's new number and someone would get it yeah but before long the stress started
taking a toll on Jean which only exacerbated her depression and anxiety and one day in 1978 she got a
call from a former cooworker at the Thomas School uh psychiatric social worker Sig Gart wondering if she might
be planning to be in New York City soon Gart always respected Jean and really loved working with her he said to me she
represented everything I think an educated woman should be but for all her professionalism he could tell that she
was in distress he said later she was in great fear of something like she was paranoid so he had no immediate plans to
be in the city but he told Jean that if it was important he would make the time and go see her so she declined to take
him up on the offer immediately minimizing her needs he said she wouldn't wouldn't open up she wouldn't
tell me what it was and I never heard from her again H but it was very clear she was not doing well no it doesn't
sound like it yeah the mysterious phone calls and letters which would literally never be solved weren't the only
harassment that Jee experienced at the time in 1979 after returning home from a trip to the Caribbean with high she
found several pieces of her clothing that she kept at his apartment had been slashed and ripped and it also appeared
that several items of clothing had been speared with something quote brown and sticky that Jean concluded was
feces [ __ ] that yeah yeah nothing's worth this everybody it's not nothing and no one is worth
this yeah no that's right if feces on my clothes I'm out yeah you got that's if there that's that's where it is I mean
my personally mine is way before that but like your boundary should be there yeah that should be really when you yeah
that's when you should you know what we we did what we had to do we said what we had to say this is not fun if
it's getting to a point where [ __ ] is getting smeared on my clothes I'm going to go when it's rule of thumb to a point
of feces I'm I'm not peace out I'm not I am ride or die until feces become involved and then I'm then when feces
enters the chat you leave the chat I yeah that's when I leave the conversation that's really upsetting it
is and you just wonder who it was that's the I'm like who the [ __ ] did that we
never find out God I don't want to at I yeah I don't even want to know but like the harassing phone calls Jee herself
concluded that Lynn was behind the D the destruction of her clothing of course but she could never say with complete
certainty she never would be able to but she would devolve a lot further into madness I would say and a lot of
just other really sad things that we're going to get into in part two oh man I think we really set the scene there we
you got to know je in her early childhood and and we're we're on a downward trajectory now so we're going to save
that for part two I feel like it's I feel like the pressure cooker is strategically placed and I think it's
coming yeah it's on and it's full of feces Oh no yeah no there's no more feces in good I was like oh no can you
imagine tell me there's not a ton of feces here no that's it uh so in the meantime we hope you keep listening and
we hope you keep it weird you want to do it so weird that you join us for our bonus episode that's going to come out
tomorrow on uh March 7th and it's going to be a [ __ ] Banger please stay with us even though
we said feces a lot feces is funny it's better than [ __ ] come back tomorrow see
you sh [Music] [Music]

When Jean Harris met Herman Tarnower in the winter of 1966, she quickly fell in love the charming doctor. Having just come out of a disappointing twenty-year marriage, Harris was desperate to find the love and stimulating partnership she’d long dreamed of, and believed she’d finally found it in the intellectual Tarnower and the two would live happily ever after. But fourteen years later, Tarnower was dead and Harris was on trial for his murder, her fantasy of happily ever after having crumbled around her.

Thank you to the Incredible Dave White of Bring Me the Axe Podcast for research and Writing support!

References Alexander, Shana. 1983. Very Much a Lady: The Untold Story of Jean Harris and Dr. Herman Tarnower. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster.

Clendinen, Dudley. 1981. "Jean Harrids as a witness: sad, humorous, cutting." New York Times, January 28: B2.

Faron, James. 1980. "'Scarsdale Diet' doctor slain; headmistress charged." New York Times, March 12: A1.

Feron, James. 1981. "Defiant Jean Harris sentenced to mandatory fifteen years." New York Times, March 21: 1.

—. 1980. "Hard questioning is screening out Tarnower jurors." New York Times, November 13: B2.

—. 1980. "Jean Harris jury told of clothing found 'slashed'." New York Times, December 3: B1.

—. 1981. "Jurors in Harris trial re-enacted night of murder in deliberations." New York Times, February 26: A1.

—. 1980. "Policeman tells how Mrs. Harris described fight." New York Times, December 12: B1.

Haden-Guest, Anthony. 1980. "The headmistress and the diet doctor." New York Magazine, March 31.

The People of the State of New York v. Jean S. Harris. 1981. 84 A.D.2d 63 (Appellate Division of the Supreme Court of New York, Second Department, December 30).

United Press International. 1981. "Juror says Mrs. Harris's tesimony was the key to murder." New York Times, February 25: B2. Connect with Wondery http://wondery.com/shows http://facebook.com/WonderyMedia http://twitter.com/WonderyMedia http://instagram.com/WonderyMedia

Brief Summary

Ash and Elena share Valentine's Day stories and begin the dark tale of Jean Struven and the murder of Herman Tarau.

Key points

Valentine's Day Reflections. Ash and Elena share their thoughts on Valentine's Day and family traditions.
Bonus Episode Announcement. A surprise bonus episode is coming soon for listeners.
Jean's Dual Influences. Jean struggles between her father's expectations and her mother's teachings.
The Struggles of Motherhood. Jean faces postpartum depression after the birth of her second child.
Divorce Reflections. Jean and her friend reflect on their failed marriages and the wrong choices they made.
A Captivating Encounter. At a dinner party, Jean meets Dr. Herman Tarau and is immediately drawn to him.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

It's a nice day, yeah, it's just fun.

Reflecting on the simplicity of Valentine's Day.

4:32WatchMar 6, 2025

Tension

60/ 100Some tension

More from Morbid | Podcast

Solve the Crime

Read a real case one clue at a time, then see how your call held up against the investigators.