America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 4, Episode 3 - Up In Smoke - Full Episode | Forensic Files

[music playing] [police radio chatter] [music playing] ANNOUNCER: Now, welcome your hosts for "America's Dumbest
Criminals," Daniel Butler and Debbie Alan. -Thank you. Welcome once again to "America's Dumbest Criminals," where
we make the strangest things appear before your very eyes. -But before we get to our first story,
the great Hou-Danny has a trick to perform. Go ahead, Danny. -Thank you very much.
Normal cigarette. If you notice, that's a cigarette. OK? All right. Place the cigarette in my hand like this.
You see the cigarette? See the cigarette Debbie? -I see, I see. -There is a cigarette. All right, watch the cigarette.
Very closely. OK. OK. -I am not impressed. -Where's the cigarette? Look, a rat. And there it is.
These people over here-- -And now for your next trick, can you make yourself disappear?
-Plbbbt. OK, no. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I was going to s-- -Better than you worked on that cigarette.
-I was going to saw you in half, but it looks like somebody already beat me to it.
-[laughing] Oh. Belittling me again. -No, no, no. I'm just noting the obvious Debbie, come on.
-Well, enough of your hocus pocus. We're going to go on to our first story, which finds
a fellow whose sense of judgment seems to have gone up into a puff of smoke, and he's caught on camera.
-I was contacted by the Mark police department concerning a subject that they were in the process
of paying a mental health warrant on. As we followed this subject around, he pulled into a local restaurant
here that does serve alcohol. While at the restaurant, I began sobriety tests, because it was
obvious the subject was on something. Uh, I asked him if there was any pot in the car,
and he said, sure, up there above the right visor. As the officer began to enter the inside of the car
to look for the pot that the guy told us was there, the guy told us, said, well, I lied, at which time
the other officer went and looked in the right visor, and sure enough, there was pot.
This time the subject was arrested on the mental health warrant. We later obtained warrants for possession of marijuana
and felony warrants for possession of a firearm on a licensed premises. -You know, ever since people have memorized those three
little numbers, 9-1-1, thousands of lives have been saved. -Unfortunately, people sometimes misuse that emergency system
for situations that really aren't life or death. -Yeah. And in our next story, a fellow on the run
discovers it's really the wrong number to call. Let's dial up tonight's installment
of something to remember me by. -We received a call one evening, where somebody had called up
on 911 because they didn't put a-- want to put a quarter in the pay phone. So when he called up, he inquired whether he had
any outstanding warrants on him, and come to find out, he had two outstanding warrants.
So we had the dispatcher stay on the phone with him. We sent a patrol unit over and-- which
handcuffed and arrested him. He might have saved $0.25, but it might have cost him 25 years, you never know.
-You never know. DANIEL BUTLER: You never know. -The term is pawnbroker. But the three young guys are the ones
doing some breaking in what you're about to see. -All right. Let's watch to see how they bruise their egos
and hock their reputations. -Uh, basically, there was these three guys. They were riding around in a car.
It belonged to one of the guys in the car, the actual-- the driver. And he had no registration on the car.
Had no tags on the car. The-- he goes up to his friend's house, which was with them in the car, takes the tags
off his deceased father's car, puts them on his car. And he didn't secure them very tightly.
And they were riding around, drinking some beer, and they wanted to do a break-in.
The score was going to be a pawn shop. They wanted to do a pawn shop. So they parked their car nearby.
They walk over, they go to the pawn shop. Check it out, make sure everything's OK.
Then they get in the car and they go back to the pawn shop, drive across the grass, and they ran the car
into the side of the building, knocking a hole where the door was. They knocked the doorway out, and in the midst of the driving
in the window, or driving in the door, the tags in the vehicle falls off, lays on the ground, they go in, load up with guns
and-- and watches. Got back in their car, left the scene before we arrived. The tag's still laying on the ground,
right by the door where the break-in was at. Things were not really doing well for them
during this break-in. They broke down on the way home and had to leave on foot. We ran the tag, got the address, went over to the house
and arrested the suspects. NARRATOR: In Waterbury, Connecticut, it is illegal for a beautician to hum, whistle or sing
while working on a customer. -We hear a lot of dumb excuses from talking to police officers all over the United States.
Now occasionally, we hear one that just goes stranger with each word from the suspect's mouth.
And such is the case with this story from Gilbert, Arizona. Here's another one for the record books
of America's dumbest excuses. -When you're working the night shift, a lot of the times
you're looking for drunk drivers. And on-- on this particular night, that's what I was in fact doing.
And I observed the car that was driving along and began to drift towards the right side of the road.
And I saw that there was a car parked on the right side of the road, and this vehicle almost struck the parked car,
swerved just before she got to it. I caught up and closed in on the car, and thought,
well maybe she just had a-- a lapse. And well, I'd just follow and see. About a block down the road, there
was another parked vehicle, and just before she got to it, she almost struck it.
I stopped the car, walked up and asked for the driver's license, insurance, and registration.
As the woman looked for the paperwork, I asked her-- I advised her that I had stopped her because I
thought maybe she was intoxicated. I asked her what was wrong. And she said, well, I'm legally blind.
I said, OK. How is it that you can drive? She said, well normally I drive during the daytime
when I can get right on the back of another car, and just-- because I can see things up close,
I'll stay on the back of another car until I get where I'm going. I said, well, I understand.
Um, I'm still going to need to see your driver's license. She said, no, I can't get a driver's license.
I'm legally blind. -Now, although we look on the lighter side of things on "America's Dumbest Criminals,"
there's no question that police work is serious business. Things could have gone very wrong in this next story.
But fortunately, the good guys definitely win in the end. A story of a suspect with questionable judgment
makes tonight's blue light special. NARRATOR: It all begins with a familiar question.
And over the course of the next 25 minutes, there will be many more questions. Like, why were you doing 78 when the speed limit is 65?
Why don't you know the person who owns this car? Who played Uncle Charlie in "My Three Sons"?
There are questions like, why does my drug dog go nuts when I approach your car?
Is there anything you'd like to tell me about? What was the capital of the Byzantine Empire?
And, why is the right side of your car sagging? Why do they call your friend Tiny?
What restaurant has the best all you can eat buffet? And who can forget these gems.
Do you realize I haven't said you can go? Do you see this pistol in my hand? How far do you think you're going
to get if I blow out your tires? And here's one for the math lovers. If a suspect leaves a scene, traveling at 30 miles an hour,
and 15 seconds later a patrolman comes after him travelling at 70 miles an hour, how long will it take
the officer to overtake the suspect? [buzzer sound] Time's up. Questions are getting less amusing.
Haven't I seen you somewhere before? Do you enjoy trying my patience? Did you know it's safer to lie down
in the emergency lane than the freeway? And now these final questions, have you met my associates?
Do you mind if they handcuff you? -OK. No more questions. Here's the magical story we hinted about earlier.
We find an officer with something up his sleeve, and a suspect primed with pure grain gullibility.
Presto change-o, we're off to Glenn County, Georgia. -When I was a deputy in New York State years ago,
I had a fellow I had to book on DWI, Driving While Intoxicated. And he was adamant that he wasn't drunk.
Stated it, even though with slurred speech, everything else he had. He just said, he wasn't drunk.
And there was nothing that I could say would convince him. Well I took him down to the booking room.
And this guy was beginning to become obnoxious. So I told him, I said, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I'm going to give you a field sobriety test. If you pass it, you get turned loose.
But if you fail it, you get booked. Deal? He said, yeah, I'll be fine. So I took my little handkerchief out, like this, and I said, OK.
I want to watch. What color is the handkerchief? He said black. I said, all right.
Watch. What color is the handkerchief? Watch. He said, black. And I said this two or three more times,
as I tucked it into my hand like this. And finally, I said, OK. Now for the test.
What color was my handkerchief? He said, black. I said, nope, didn't have one. He said, on no, don't book me, I'm drunk.
-And now for a man who boldly goes where no self respecting newsman would ever go.
Here's Daniel with ADC headlines. -Two women broke into a home in Harkers Island, North Carolina,
and stole a cat from its owners. The cat nappers then called its owners and demanded they cough up $18,000 in ransom.
It just wasn't a $20,000 cat. But the owners got their backs up when they recognized the voice of the callers.
It's Tammy, honey. And soon, police officers had the feline felons in their claws.
Go figure. Officers in Richmond were tracking a deadbeat dad, when they approached a home.
The lady who answered the door said that she knew nothing about the man. But when police talked to a neighbor,
they quickly realized that the woman had plenty to hide, including the fact that she was, in fact, the man
they were seeking, and routinely dressed up in order to avoid paying $40,000 in child support.
It might have been wise to ditch the disguise before he landed in jail. Know what I mean?
Perhaps you've heard the expression, dumber than a door knob. Well, it turns out that you couldn't find a more fitting
description for a New York thief who pilfered antique doorknobs and door plates and door knockers from more than 100
homes, which he then sold for drug money. But police got a handle on his modus operandi,
and put his favorite target area under surveillance. They closed both the case and the cell door right behind him.
And that closes the file on ADC headlines. News ripped from somewhere near the back
of your local newspaper. Debbie? -All across the nation, thousands of people participate in neighborhood watch programs.
It's a friendly way to make things safer for everybody. Except when one man noticed some funny business
going on next door. Now, he had no idea that reporting the trouble would really hit home.
Here's our special delivery. -I received a call. A man reported that his neighbor was throwing
a bunch of stuff over the fence into his yard. -Was it a lot of stuff or just a little stuff?
-There was a lot of stuff. There was clothes, and a phone, and a briefcase, so this man
and I are in the back yard, looking at the stuff, when out of the back door of the neighbor's house walks a woman.
-And she's related to who? -She's apparently related to the person I'm speaking with.
-So-- so this is his wife, right? -Yeah. He whispers to me that he hasn't seen her in about four hours,
and he had no idea where she was. -And he's got to be thrilled at this point. -He's a little embarrassed.
So I asked her, you know, why she was in the neighbor's house. And she said, they were on vacation,
and she was supposed to go in and clean. -And of course she wasn't intoxicated, or medicated,
and very intelligent. -Well, she had taken a few too many Xanax, I believe. Maybe-- maybe a little too much vodka.
But uh, she said that Rosa, who was the woman next door, had given her a list of things to do.
I asked her for the list, and uh, she said-- -And let me guess. It was thrown out and it was in Spanish.
--[chuckling] Boy, you're pretty smart. Yeah, she said that it was in Spanish, and that she had thrown it out.
What I told her to do is lock up the house, get out of the house, and go home. And if I receive a call from the neighbors
later on in the day telling me that their house was broken into, I'm going to come back and lock her up.
Less than two hours later, I got a call. The neighbors called and said their house
had been broken into. They're missing clothing and jewelry-- -And a briefcase and a phone.
- --and a briefcase and a phone. And I went next door and locked up the woman. -Who had not left the house, right?
She's still there waiting. -She was still there waiting for me. -I just hope that my future wife doesn't do anything like that.
-Well, I guess the life you save could be your own. But nothing could save a dope from sealing his fate.
It was his destiny, as well as density. He had every opportunity to avoid getting caught,
but plowed ahead like the Titanic encountering that iceberg. All right. Watch with me and see if you don't get a sinking feeling.
-Three gentleman came into the courthouse. As they approached my desk at the front scanner,
I took them one at a time, and they lined up. The first young man, I asked him to empty his pockets,
walk through metal detector. He came through fine. The second young man I advised to him, empty out your pockets.
Walk through the metal detector. He did so and was fine. The third young man stood there and waited patiently in line.
And when it was his turn, I noticed that he had on a fanny pack. So I advised him, sir, put your fanny pack on the desk for me.
Make sure all your pockets are empty, and walk through the metal detector. And I began to search the fanny pack.
And in the middle compartment, I saw stack of bills standing on end. And my fingers touched plastic.
When I started to pull the plastic up, out came a Ziploc sandwich bag that was half full of marijuana, and half a bag of cocaine,
and 21 $20 bills. And I looked up at him, and I said, is this what I think it is?
And he said, yes Ma'am. Front scanner to CH-1. I need you and two male deputies to assist
at the front scanner asap. I said, the very fact that you stood there in line and waited your turn with all this junk on you,
when you could have walked right out the door, you were not under arrest, but because you had,
by your own admission, did a line before you came into the courthouse, it didn't even occur to you.
I said, this is the most graphic example I can think of of how it burns your brain cells up.
-We had a burglar who was working the upper class neighborhoods. He was looking for Hummels and antiques and collectibles
and so forth. We couldn't figure out at first how he was doing the burglaries. Finally it dawned on us that he was following the society page.
He would look for obituaries, he would look for clubs installing officers, and so forth.
The next death we had in the city of a prominent individual, we asked the family if we could sit in the house,
and they agreed. The second night we were there we heard a noise. We kept hearing a pry on the-- first on the window
and then on the door. As the subject came into the house, my partner and I didn't know where to go.
It was a very, very small house, and my partner's 6' 5", and weighs about-- over 300 pounds.
-John sat in the chair, and I stood behind him, behind this curio cabinet. The one guy was looking at us, and he couldn't see real well
in the dark, and he came almost face to face with us. -He got closer and closer to me until he
was oh, about this close. I turned on the flash light, he screams, turns, runs. -One guy fell to the floor, and the other gentleman
ran right across his back and made it outside. -My partner and I managed to scramble over and grab the one
on the floor as the responding units, who had the perimeter secured, grab up this guy who runs out the door.
-We went to court. I was on the stand. He had fired his attorneys and was representing himself.
-He's questioning my partner, and he asked him, officer, you were in the house the night I broke in, correct?
And my partner said, yes. And then his next question is, well, what did I look like?
And my partner says-- -Same thing you do now. The same heighth, the same weight, the whole bit.
-OK. There's an old line that goes, what good does it do for dogs to chase a car?
I mean, what would they do with it if they catch it? Well, we have the criminal equivalent of that thinking.
-It involves a thief who found an item completely irresistible. And the officer who found him totally arrestable.
[chuckles] Honest folks, we're not making this up. -We were out patrolling, and I had one of my guys
over here assisting with the crowd, the local club just let out, and it was a large crowd in the street.
And I was driving by, and what happened is I saw a subject on the front side. So I went up on the side to see what he was doing,
and it appears he was breaking into our police unit. When I pulled over, he saw me, and he jumped out of the car,
and he more or less just looked at me, put his hands up and played like he was arrested.
And at that point, I just waited to pull the wires from underneath his shirt, and it appeared
that he stole our radar unit out of our car. At that point, I said, you silly goose, you're under arrest.
and that's all we have time for for now. But if you've got a lead on a story, or you just can't wait until next week for more state
of the art stupidity, visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com. -You putting magic tricks on there too?
As we've seen tonight, the people who work in law enforcement have a tough and sometimes dangerous
job. We want to extend our gratitude to the officers who made tonight's show possible.
-And express our appreciation for the work they and their coworkers do every day.
It's an important job, and they don't often get the credit they deserve. -As always, we hope that we've all
learned from others' mistakes. -But if you haven't, we just might see you next week
on "America's Dumbest Criminals." -Good night. [music playing] [music playing]

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness a fella whose sense of judgment goes up in smoke, a guy on the run who called 911 to check if he has any warrants and an officer with a trick up his sleeve.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode covers absurd criminal blunders, including a 911 call leading to an arrest and a failed pawn shop robbery.

Key points

A Call to 911 for a Quarter. A man calls 911 to check for warrants instead of using a payphone, leading to his arrest.
The Blind Driver. A legally blind woman drives by following other cars, leading to a police stop.
The Catnapping Ransom. Two women steal a cat and demand ransom, only to be caught by the police.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

You never know.

4:06WatchMar 10, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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