America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 4, Episode 6 - Walking Nightmares - Full Episode | Forensic Files

ANNOUNCER: Tonight on America's Dumbest Criminals the search is on as the police get hotter and hotter.
While elsewhere, another criminal gets colder and colder. And quite by accident, a DUI wakes up
from a dream to a real nightmare. Don't move a muscle. It's time to watch crooks get the hook
on America's Dumbest Criminals. [theme music] Now, welcome your hosts for America's Dumbest Criminals--
Daniel Butler and Debbie Alan. -OK, Daniel. I've got a shocking statistic for you.
-Really? What is it? -Well, according to the FBI, someone breaks into a home about every 15 seconds.
-Wow. Why don't those people move? -Who? -Those poor people who have someone breaking
into their house every 15 seconds. -No-- I'm not talking about one family! -It would have to get old after a while.
Plus the loot would all be picked over, you know. -Daniel, it's just an average.
-You mean sometimes it happens more often than that? Shee-- there must be burglars bumping
into each other left and right. -Daniel, statistically-- can you say that?-- statistically speaking--
-You know, we could do a whole show on those people. We could do a whole season at their house.
-I think I figured wrong by even mentioning that. Would do y'all think? Let's move into the stories that we have planned,
and it does involve a burglary. At least maybe it does. -Now watch as things really heat up for a lady
in North Carolina, who breaks into a cold sweat when police set out in search of her stolen television.
Take a look as she's Caught On Camera. -We received a call that a lady over in one
of our residential areas has had a break-in, and somebody's broke into her home and stole her VCR.
So the police go over there, and the house has not been cleared, which means nobody has searched it
to see if there's anybody inside. Our officers go inside, and they start searching the house.
We search closets. We search cabinets. We search everything. And then we notice there's a pull down attic,
and we think maybe they've gone up in there because it looks like it's recently been opened.
So we start to pull down the doors, and she's going, no, no, no, I don't think they're up there!
I don't think they're up there! Well, you know, we'd rather see, we'd rather check and make sure.
So we pull down the attic stairs and go up there, and she has an elaborate marijuana growing system up
in the attic. The blue lights, the plastic, and this huge, nice marijuana plant.
So instead of recovering her VCR and her bad guy, she becomes the bad guy and is put in jail.
-The crime is called breaking and entering. I guess I sort of assumed that there is also exiting involved.
-Well, yeah. But some super sleuths in Elgin, Illinois didn't let any details of a caper escape their attention.
And as a result, they caught their man cold. Their story provides tonight's episode of Something
to Remember Me By. -It was a cold winter night around 2 o'clock in the morning. We arrived.
We checked the facility. It was a bar. Doors were locked. Windows were all secured.
But as we went around and surveyed the scene, we noticed that the kitchen vent, the exhaust fan, was off.
It's on top of the roof, and it's-- there was like a dumpster that was placed there.
We looked around and we saw some muddy footprints in the kitchen. So we checked around, and we didn't see anyone.
And like I said, all the doors are secured and all the windows are secured. And as we were standing there, I thought, you know, I
haven't checked the freezer yet. So I just kind of-- just to make sure, I checked.
I opened the freezer, I noticed four wooden boxes just stacked on top of one another.
Of course there was beer and other booze in there. But as I looked down, I saw a pair of Converse
hanging out from one of the boxes. I yelled out, hey, I got someone. Perpetrator stood up holding a tomato and a bottle of beer.
That scared me a little bit. I drew down on him. He's like ah! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
So we processed him, and we booked him. But I go to find out when we processed him,
he just got released from Kane County about two hours ago for residential burglary.
He was released on bail, and then he hitched a ride to Elgin and went back into another business.
-You know it's not uncommon for police to chase cars racing down the street. But in this case, it was a real race car.
-Oh yeah. The driver thought he'd won the day, but the officers on the case weren't
willing to forget about his checkered past. It's time for a little surveillance pit stop.
-One of my officers on patrol saw a white vehicle that looked real suspicious, was acting suspicious.
The officer states on the film that he believed that the subject was casing houses for a burglary.
We initiated a traffic stop. The vehicle took off and initiated a high speed chase.
Thing that makes this unique is that the car was outfitted as a race car. It had the inside completely stripped.
There was no seats other than the driver's seat in it. Officer was driving a Chevrolet Caprice
that had a Corvette engine mounted in it. So this is a pretty good match. As the chase progresses, you'll notice
that the car the officer is pursuing accelerates much faster than the police car.
But in return, the police car goes a little faster, and I'm sure they reached speeds of 140 miles an hour.
You can see the cars as they go around the corners, and it looks like dust in the film,
but it's actually smoke from the tires-- that they're turning the corners and accelerating.
At at least two parts during the chase, the cars come off the ground and hit with such force
you see the sparks fly up over the car. This officer chased this car for a good ways.
The only way that we was able to make an arrest on this case was by getting a warrant for the arrest of the car.
We had no idea who was driving. The officer saw his face, but he didn't know who it was.
After we found the car, we called a tow truck. And the tow truck arrived and started hooking up the car,
and the guy driving walked out and wanted to know what we were doing with his car.
So at that time the officer knew who it was and an arrest was made. ANNOUNCER: In Pocatello, Idaho a person
may not be seen in public without a smile on his or her face. -Our next story takes place at a donut shop,
but there are more holes in this guy's story than in the shop's pastries. Here's a really flaky addition of America's Dumbest Excuses.
-About three o'clock one morning I was patrolling when HQ gives me a call at the Duckett doughnut shop.
They told me there was a customer in there that had a gun shoved in the waistband of his pants.
As I'm in route to the donut shop, I get another announcement from HQ that the individual with the gun had just left, gotten
into a car, and he was eastbound on Beach Boulevard, which is a main throughfare for the beaches.
Being about three o'clock in the morning, there's not a whole lot of traffic, so wasn't too hard for me to locate the car.
I pulled it over. I do a felony stop. Get the suspect out the car, shake him down.
He doesn't have a gun on him. I have a back up at that point, so I start talking to the subject.
I asked him about the gun. He said, I don't know what you're talking about. I said, you were just at the Duckett donut shop
and you had a gun in your waistband of your pants because the management called us and told us about it.
And he denied it. And we went back and to for several minutes. And I said, look, I know you're lying.
They described your clothes and everything else. I said, now where's the gun? At which point he looks at me kind of exasperated
and he says, I don't know what you're talking about. I just stole this damn car.
-All right. Tonight's Bluelight Special takes us up to Edmonton, Canada, where a real loser
tries to be a contest winner. Based on his thinking, we think he qualifies for a booby prize.
Let's take a peek through the surveillance camera. ANNOUNCER: Here's a lesson in the importance of choosing
a good accomplice, something the long-haired guy didn't do. While rock and roll dude scopes out a six pack of brewskies
at this liquor store, his not-so-bright partner feels lucky. So he grabs an entry form for a contest
and begins to fill it out. Duh! Let's see, Name-- oh, oh, I know that one! Address-- I think that means where I live.
Phone number-- Uh oh. This is tough. I've never been good with math, but I think that's right.
Okey dokey. I'm ready to win. Then he drops the form in the entry box, and yes-- he provided his real name,
address, and phone number. His partner pays for his beer, and then watch carefully.
As they exit, they make off with some bottles left right next to the door. Fortunately for the police, the would-be contest winner
gave a fine description of himself before he even committed the crime. And he did win-- in a way.
He got a fabulous, all expenses paid vacation courtesy of local authority. -You know, if you've got car trouble,
the arrival of a patrol car is usually a welcome sight. But for the guys you're about to meet,
their troubles were just beginning when an officer happened by. Take a look. We responded to call of a vehicle being stolen.
The owner of the vehicle heard a noise outside, and he went to look. And he saw two subjects pushing the car out of the driveway.
We were about two and a half blocks from the house when we noticed the vehicle was still being pushed.
We stopped the car. Detained the two subjects. And asked them what they were doing.
They said, well they couldn't get their car started. We got to looking at the vehicle,
and it was clear that they had tried to hot wire it. They had broken the steering column open,
the wires were pulled out, and in fact we found pieces of the steering column and the lock mechanism
in the pockets of one of the subjects. We spoke to them about the fact that we knew the car was stolen
from just two and a half blocks away. They admitted to the crime. And I couldn't help but ask, well,
if you couldn't get the car started, where were you going to go with it? And they simply didn't know.
They were just going to push it until they got where they were going, I guess. Since the car they chose to steal wouldn't run,
we gave them a ride. To jail. -And now for a guy who couldn't globe-trot without tripping,
here's Daniel with ADC Headlines. -Good morning. Apparently there's no mandatory age
for retirement among career criminals. After only one day of freedom, a 70-year-old man
robbed a Denver bank. Faster than you can yell Bingo! he was back in the big house.
In Seattle a TV reporter was broadcasting live from a bar to get reactions to a news story.
Among the interviewees was a man wanted for grand theft auto. A detective who was watching the newscast
recognized the suspect, hurried to the bar where the clueless man was still hoisting brewskies.
The story of his capture was on the late news, but I think at that point he had no comment.
Sure, Santa knows if you've been bad or good, but do you know a bad Santa from a good one?
It seems two unsaintly St. Nicks in New York claimed they were collecting money for charities,
but they were pocketing the proceeds. Caught in a sting operation, they were charged with criminal impersonation
and barred from joining in any reindeer games. And that closes the files on ADC Headlines,
news ripped from somewhere near the back of your local newspaper. Debbie? -Now we have a variation on the helpful police officer
story we told you about earlier. This one comes from Carlsbad, New Mexico, where
a rattle under the hood tattles on the hood behind the wheel. It's tonight's Special Delivery.
-Working the night shift one night in Carlsbad, a car pulled up behind me flashing his lights-- brights,
dim, brights, dim. So I motioned him around because I don't like people stopping behind me.
He gets in front of me, I stopped him. He gets out and has a problem with his hood.
Can't open his hood. That's pretty rare because most people when they drive a vehicle, they know stuff about it.
He said he didn't know how to open the hood. Well, I just reached over, and naturally it popped right open.
No problem with it. I talked with him. I said, how long have you had the problem?
He said, well not very long because I just borrowed the car. I asked him who he borrowed it from.
He didn't know the guy's name. Asked him where he'd been. He said he'd been back East.
Real general. In talking with him, he didn't know where anything on the vehicle was.
Just where to put the key and start it, basically. Got permission from him to check the vehicle.
Ended up finding $20,000 cash under the backseat, and I seized the money and the vehicle.
He was what you call a mule. A mule is somebody that will take narcotics or stolen
property from one place to the other for money or for favors owed to somebody. People that trusted him with all that money,
he lost it for them. And the vehicle. He basically arrested himself. I just did the paper work.
-There's nothing quite like a harrowing experience to sober you up and get your adrenaline pumping, you know.
And there's nothing quite like the harrowing experience that this drunken driver thought he was having.
Take a look. -It was about 3 o'clock in the morning. I was on routine patrol. And I was driving down highway 190
and I noticed where a vehicle had run through the ditch. Upon closer examination, I saw the vehicle actually parked.
Lights were on, and the engine still running, it had exhaust fumes coming out of the exhaust pipe.
I figured I had a DUI when I saw it. So I came up to the driver's side window. He was in the front seat.
He had the seat reclined all the way back. He still had a beer in his right hand.
And he was just passed out. So I started tapping on his window trying to get his attention.
The guy just wouldn't wake up. He was comatose. And we started shining flashlights in his face.
Still couldn't wake this guy up. We didn't know how to get him up. So we set the two flashlights on the hood.
OK? He had all the doors locked, so we couldn't get him out of the car. So I went and got a door tool out of my trunk.
We were going to pop the lock on the door, so we could open it and get him out. When I'm working on the door, another officer goes back
and he gets on the back bumper and starts jumping up and down on the back bumper.
This guy's shaking back and forth, and he finally wakes up. I mean, he turns white as a ghost.
His eyes get this big around. And he grabs the steering wheel and stands on the brakes with both feet.
And he's jerking the wheel back and forth screaming No! No! He thinks he's driving, and he thinks these two flashlights
on the hood are a vehicle that's coming he's about to have a head-on collision with.
When we get his attention, then he looks at us and he looks down at the ground to make
sure he's not still driving. And then he gets this embarrassed grin on his face and gets out of his car.
We tell him, look, we got some good news, and we've got some bad news. The bad news is you're going to jail for DUI.
The good news is you're going to live. ANNOUNCER: Now let's look back at one of ADC's greatest hits.
Wouldn't it be nice if we had an ATM right in our own home? Well, these three cheese wizards gave it
the old dumb criminal try. They immediately spray painted the glass over the camera lens
before they got started, but they didn't notice they had knocked that very glass off while trying
to pry the machine from the wall. The camera was able to capture their bungled bank
job complete with flattering close-ups of their frustrated faces as they attempted--
without success-- to dislodge the concrete cash cow from its corner by attaching a chain to the bumper
of their very photogenic automobile. And like the movie "Face/Off", the boys only
manage to get away with the face of the helpless ATM. And in return, it kept their faces on tape
for the police to view a few minutes later. In Marietta, Georgia it is illegal to spit
from a car or bus. However, spitting from a truck is allowed. -You remember that commercial from a few years
ago with the old lady going "Where's the beef?" Well, we've got the answer to her question.
-And it turns out to be a bloody mess for a would-be shoplifter. See how she butchers her chances of getting off scot
free in this week's episode of We're Not Making This Up. -A lady goes into a local grocery store to, I guess,
purchase some items. She goes into the store to the meat section. It's a big roast.
Puts the roast on top of her head, and she's wearing a hat. The hat's covering the roast.
So as she's walking up to the checkout counter, the roast meat juice starts to leak.
It looks like she's bleeding profusely from the top of her head. She's acting like nothing's happening.
It's obviously-- the blood from the meat is pouring down her face. Well, the checkout girl behind the counter sees it,
and she thinks the lady's got a traumatic brain injury. Thought she fell in the store and got hurt.
So what they do is they get on the phone, dial 911. -Hi. We have a situation here.
-Paramedics show up. When the paramedics get there to help her, because she's acting like she's wounded, because she honestly
still feels that they think she's hurt, and they don't know she's got the roast on top.
So paramedics get there and take the hat off, and they see the roast, and the gig is up.
She gets arrested. Can you believe that? -Well, I've got a roast in the oven, so I need to go.
-That's exactly where the roast belongs. Well, it's just as well, too, because we're out of time.
-Yep. But between now and when we get together again next week, why don't you visit our website address is www.dumbcrimes.com.
-You can pass along a lead on a story and much more. -We want to thank you for joining us
and extend our gratitude to the law enforcement officers who make this show possible.
Every day they lay their lives on the line to keep us safe from the stupidity of would-be criminals.
-As always, we hope we've all learned from others' mistakes.

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness a fella whose sense of judgment goes up in smoke, a guy on the run who called 911 to check if he has any warrants and an officer with a trick up his sleeve.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

Criminals face hilarious failures, including a woman with a marijuana attic and a roast shoplifter.

Key points

Shocking Burglary Statistic. Every 15 seconds, a home is broken into according to the FBI.
Caught On Camera. A woman’s attempt to cover up her crime leads to her own arrest.
The Roast Incident. A shoplifter's clever disguise backfires when her meat leaks blood.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

Don't move a muscle.

ANNOUNCER introduction

0:23WatchMar 10, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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