Episode 791: MAY BONUS EPISODE- Breaking Dawn (Part 1) | Forensic Files

Hey weirdos. I'm Ash. And I'm Elena. >> And this is a bonus episode of Morbid. >> It's bonus.
[music] It's bonus. It's on top of the other two this week. It's on top of everything.
Batch, you [music] guys. Oh my god. Breaking Down Part One is the worst movie I've ever seen in
[laughter] my entire life. The book is also wildly rough. Oh my god. I >> wildly rough.
>> I remember reading this book. I was probably like 13, maybe when this one came out, maybe 12. And I was like, this
is the sexiest thing I've [laughter] ever read in my life. And now I'm like, [laughter]
what the [ __ ] It's >> It's a trip. It's It's a trip. being almost 30 years old and looking back I'm
like why the who let me read this? >> That's the and and I got I got my postits back out in the book.
>> I love watching Elena prepare for these episodes because that [ __ ] whips out a
po a pack of postits and she just goes to tow. >> Yeah, cuz you got to we got to do book
and movie and illustrated guide >> and website. >> The website >> got some off the website.
>> I got a lot from the website. I was I was surfing through that website and there's just so many things I have to
say. >> Stephanie Meyer is a trip. Stephanie, you are a trip. [laughter] Like, you
just really are. >> I just need to say this cuz it's ticking me off. At one point, she writes like
somebody else is writing for Stephanie >> in in on the >> on the um website, like her fan site or
whatever you want to call it. And then she writes like she's writing it, but it's within the same couple of
paragraphs. >> It's confusing. So I said, "Who the [ __ ] is writing this if not you stuff?"
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. It's a big It's a It's wild. >> Yeah. >> It's a wild ride all the way through.
>> I feel like I now I can't remember breaking down part two, at least like the movie cuz I when we were watching
this I was like, "Oh, wow. I don't remember like any of this." I specifically didn't remember that Edward
delivers the baby via his teeth. >> Yeah. >> Which [clears throat] is hard to forget.
It's wild. >> It's I think that was actually a trauma response for sure. I think that was in a
box somewhere in the deep back part of my brain. >> Yeah, your brain really protected you
there. >> But now I'm like, "Oh god, what are what's going to happen when we do part
two?" >> Part two just has a lot of funny lines in it and like deliveries. >> Okay.
>> And then there's like a pretty cool fight scene. I'm pretty sure if I remember correctly,
>> there is a cool fight scene. And I remember I don't know why we're getting like into part two right now, but I do
remember that Bella has that like force field thing she can do. >> Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I actually
completely forgot about that. That was >> I remembered that >> out of there. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah. Uh >> okay. But this part right now. >> Well, and before we get into that, we
wanted to announce our next um morbid book club. >> Period. >> Pick. It's going to be Victorian Psycho
by Virginia Fedo. >> I'm very excited. >> We're very excited about it. >> We have a special guest joining.
>> We have a special guest joining for it. It's going to be fun. >> It's going to be great.
>> It's an author. >> An author, you say? It's a horror author. >> Horror. >> Uh, and we're very excited about them
coming and we're excited to talk to you about it. Uh, it's a pretty it's a it's a book that's on the shorter side, so it
should be pretty >> pretty easy to get through. >> Yeah. I think even if you're like um
like an audio listener, I think the audio book's like four hours for sure. So, >> so check it out.
>> And it's supposed to be great. I'm excited to read it. >> Yeah. That'll be what the end of June
that comes out. >> Yeah. >> Mikey, does that come out at the end of June? Oh yeah, it'll be the end of June.
>> That'll be the end of that in. It's kind of funny. >> So my game, [laughter] you know what? I should just start
yelling at Mike Jones. Do you [laughter] remember that? The Gang Twins. >> Yes, >> you [gasps] absolutely should.
>> Um, so yeah, that's the business that we have. Um, also, since we're talking about books, if you want to pre-order a
book, you should pre-order the uh, Butcher Legacy, >> Cat and Mouse, >> cuz it's there.
>> Yeah. >> And you should order it. >> Yeah. I read >> the prologue of it the other day after
not reading it for a while. And I said, that's not that bad. >> She said, wow, [laughter] I don't even
think I suck at this. And I was like, I'd actually venture that you're pretty good at this.
>> So, I'm telling you, I said to Drew and he goes, does she realize she's been on
the New York [laughter] bestsellers list twice? And and he was like, and like at
the very beginning of her career, >> it's it's a thing that will never >> He was like, that's of pretty high
esteem. >> I'll constantly be like, oh yeah, I think I'm getting better at this. you
know, >> you are >> uh always improving, you know, >> and I think you you have a natural
talent to stuff. >> Thank you. I appreciate that. So, yeah, go get go get that if you want to. You
can go get >> So, and my UK babes, some specials coming for you, too. So, stay tuned.
>> Oo. Is that the thing you showed me the other day? Yesterday. Nice. >> That's only for UK.
>> Yeah. >> That's so cool. >> I know. >> I'm going to get one, too, though. >> Hell yeah.
>> Can I Oh, can I have one? >> Yeah. >> Cool. [laughter] >> You guys will find out.
>> Hey. >> Oh, I didn't even mean to make that. so so spoily or like or like exciting, but
I that's a cool thing. >> See? >> Okay, >> so yeah. So that's all the business and
now it's time for breaking down part one because >> it's time >> this one >> is wild, y'all.
>> I forgot how truly I think I we saw this together in the movie theater. >> We did.
>> I think we might have been with my mother. >> Maybe. I mean, you mean Renee? >> Yes. [laughter] No. watching this movie.
I said that would have been my mother if she was invited to my wedding. >> She went, "Good night."
>> That would absolutely be. >> We [laughter] will be getting into that >> with the disheveled hair and all. She
looked wild. >> She was good. She said, "Everybody at this wind get [laughter] toy."
>> She did. >> She did. Charlie speech the best. >> I love Charlie to an unhealthy degree.
>> I love when he walks in and he goes, "Yeah, I know. I look hot." >> And I was like, "You do?" I said you
really do. >> You're looking good, bud. >> You really do. >> All right, let's start. Where are we
starting? [laughter] >> So, we got to start with one thing that makes me [ __ ] so annoyed.
>> Oh god. >> So, and it's the overarching theme of this whole thing. >> Okay. >> So, obviously in a lot of these things,
we find that Stephanie Meyer goes against her own lore that she created cuz the illustrated guide will say
something, the book will say something, the movie will say, they all collide into just like a [ __ ] crazy thing.
Now, in the illustrated guide, she says Stephanie Meyer says that she understands that people won't accept or
get the whole vampires and humans having babies. >> Mhm. >> Like that that would be like, "Wait,
what?" Like, >> well, yeah, >> cuz you've never brought it up before. >> Yeah. >> Like immortal children have been brought
up, but that's like a different thing. >> That's like when they were creating vampire children, baby out of like kids.
>> Yeah. Which is so funny. What kills me is she says but to her her and I quote
scientific reasoning is enough for her. Huh? Is she doing experiments? [snorts] >> Scientific reasoning.
>> She do the scientific method on this. >> Nothing about this. And here's here's
again where it doesn't make So you say whoa. Okay. So you're science. We're science here. That's now science in case
everybody's wondering is based in reality. Yes. >> Right. We're firmly in reality right now
cuz that by her own words >> here we are >> two feet in reality. >> Okay. >> So she says she went against her own
previously set up lore obviously because like you know that happens and instead of saying like you know cuz I would
respect this if she said I wanted this plot point you know I felt like it was going to be a good direction. It felt
important to me. it goes against the lore, but like I just went there because it was really important to go here.
She's like making it canon. >> Yeah, I can at least respect that that you're saying, you know what, I'm going
against my own lore, but it's important and I think it's going to be worth it. >> Yeah.
>> But instead, she says first that her scientific reasoning is enough for her for this to work. And then she says,
>> "Guys, it's fantasy. Vampires are real." >> What? >> Oh, boy. >> Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
>> She really said [ __ ] y'all. So, you just told me with 10 toes down in the realm
of reality that it's based on scientific reasoning and then in the next breath you say to me, you believe in vampires?
That's so cute, you >> idiot. >> That's so cute, you [ __ ] freak. Like, it's just like what? What? And she's
like, no, this I can make it up as I go along because this is fantasy. And it's like, no, I know that you make the world
and that like you can make it whatever. >> Then you have to follow your own rules.
But the problem is you made lore. And not only did you make lore, you made an illustrated guide that you didn't need
to make. >> I think she might forget that she made that. >> You made this illustrated guide that no
one made you do cuz there's also another big thing that happens with Jacob. >> There's a few there's Yeah, there's some
glaring issues. >> That one is glaring to me. >> Yeah. Like it's And it's such an easy
out to say it's fantasy. Vampires aren't real. >> But it's like but you made this. And
it's like, but also >> but you're taking it so seriously. And it's like, and it's okay if you take it
seriously because it's your world you created, >> but in the same breath, you're telling
me that's [ __ ] weird that you believe this, >> but believe this, please, and care about
it. It's like, no, you can't have it both ways. >> No. Also, I do feel like it's kind of
misogynistic that vampire guys, it's like how like men can [ __ ] until they're 70 and like be a dad, but women are just
like that. It's not nice that she was like, "Vampire guys can impregnate human women, but vampire women empty."
>> Oh, I'm stuck. >> I'm going to get frozen to that >> because I like that. >> What bothers me about just like to go
back to this one thing is >> like I love fantasy. >> Yeah, >> fantasy is fun. >> Yeah,
>> I will fully envelop myself in a fantastical world and I will believe it for the moment that I'm reading it. And
it's like but you and and she as somebody who's writing fantasy like if I was writing a I love fantasy so much
that I wish I could write a fantasy novel. It just seems like a lot of work cuz you have to have a lot of not that
I'm like adverse to work but I'm just saying like >> we know >> creating a whole lore and like magical
system is like daunting I imagine. I'm very impressed with that. >> Obviously tough because as it as it
builds and builds and [clears throat] builds you have to remember all of the rules. Exactly. It feels hard. Like
maybe I'll try it someday cuz it does seem fun. And now that I said that, I don't think I could do it. Now I feel
like I have to do it. >> She has to prove it to herself. [laughter] >> You know why? Because she's a Virgo
rising. That's not even Capricorn coded. That's Virgo coded. >> There you go. But if you are writing
something like that, I imagine that you take it very seriously and you take the the world seriously and to you it's in
that moment very real and you want readers to feel like it's very real while they read it. So then to to kind
of cop out of [ __ ] up against your own lore with you think this is real guys real like you silly goosees. Like what
are you doing? I'm like no you can't do that. You can't make readers feel stupid
for being enveloped in this world when you've given me every reason to be enveloped in this world. Like that's not
cool. >> No. >> Like you can't just be like it's [ __ ] fake. No, we know that. >> Like don't bring me back to reality.
That's not what we're looking >> rooted in this world. >> And again, if you just said, "Yeah, you
know what? The story just had to go this way. I felt very passionately about it going this way." I'd be like, "Okay,
girl." Like that's I can respect that. >> Yeah. >> But to to use the you guys are silly for
believing this and caring so much is like, >> "Okay." Like you don't blame your readers,
>> Stephanie. >> Yeah. Don't blame your readers for giving a [ __ ] about your stories and
remembering your lore. >> Yeah. >> Huh. Like [ __ ] She also said that this was inspired by The Merchant of Venice
and A Midsummer Night Stream. And I just >> which are both in the movie, by the way.
>> I just want to state that. >> Yeah, that's all. [laughter] >> I'm I'm just going to leave that there.
>> Like, damn. >> What? >> Yeah. I don't know. >> I don't know. I don't really know. I'm
not sure about that. >> I'm not really sure. Anyways, >> and also why cuz we're like four movies
in at this point. >> Mhm. >> Why do the Cullen's wigs change so much? >> The wigs. Where's the wig police when
you need them? Tom Link. >> Where's Tom Link with the wig police? >> Tom Link would say, "What the [ __ ] is
going on here?" >> He would cuz also [clears throat] what bothers me is I'm like so many
questions here. One, why are their why is their hair changing when it's very much drilled in our heads that they are
frozen? >> Yep. >> Frozen. >> Rosalie's hair in particular goes through such a [clears throat]
>> character arc. >> Yeah, it really does. >> Like her hair has a [laughter] character
arc. Um, so does Carile's >> Carile's hair. What happened? Cuz he he looks so beautiful in like the first two
and then I don't really feel like you see that much in the first couple is sculpted out of stone. I mean, he's
beautiful. >> He's gorge. And I'm not saying he's ugly in the later ones. But his hair, his
hair, here's the thing. His hair looks ugly. And I'm willing to say that cuz it's not his hair.
>> It's not good in this one. >> It's like what did you say? Draw yellow. >> Draw yellow. And it's like parted. over
to the side but not like quafted at all. It's just like mushroom hanging in his face mushroom.
>> It just doesn't make any sense. And then Jasper's hair, who [ __ ] knows what's
going on with that? >> Jasper's hair is crazy. >> I saw a couple Tik Toks of him hosting
like Twilight discussion things and he's really funny. Yeah, >> like the the actor who plays Jasper. Uh
he's played by Jackson Wthbone. >> Yeah. See, no. >> Uh I was like, "Wait, I figured out."
No, that's just the character. He's hilarious. I was like I was very impressed. I I should have just gone
with it. [laughter] Uh but yeah, one of the like going back to what you were saying like one of the things cuz I'm
like they're all supposed to be frozen cuz also where are the wigs from season from movie to movie? I was asking like
where'd you put them? >> Even Mikey has a wig drawer. >> Yeah, that's the thing.
>> We're production company and Mikey has the same wigs in that drawer 24/7. >> Rosalie's wig who has it from the first
movie. Where'd it go? I don't know. Where is it? >> Muggy is opening his wig drawer.
>> Yeah. And putting on >> That one looked so scary. That's That's the Sherry Moon zombie wig [laughter]
>> from when I was Sherm Moon. >> When I was Sherm Moon. >> Oh my god. >> There you go. Same. [laughter]
>> Honestly, that looks like one of the Collins wigs. >> And but I really want to know if you're
out there and you have those wig where are where did you >> Where are they? >> Where are they? Cuz they change every
every movie. >> No, it's true. Like there's no chain of custody for these [laughter] wigs.
>> There's no there's there's no chain of custody for anything. Cuz also Alice's
hair in the first movie is like super super like not super long, but it's like longer.
>> Yeah. It's like a a [ __ ] ass bob. >> And then it gets cut and then it's like
long again and then it's got and I'm like, >> but their hair is not supposed to grow.
>> That's the thing. And I'm like when you cut it into a pixie, you're committing
to that hair. >> I love Alice's hair at the wedding. The way she like sculpts it up. It's her
like 20s. I really did love that. >> But Alice in this movie pisses me off. Like she's a creep.
>> She's a creep. >> Alice does kind of piss me off. >> Alice is a creep because she
everything is her way or the highway. >> The whole wedding. >> She plans the whole thing, which I
realize like the whole thing is supposed to be like, well, ballet doesn't want to
and she doesn't like this stuff. And I'm like, but honestly, >> why is she getting married and having a
huge wedding? >> Well, and honestly, I don't even think [clears throat] she's ever given a
chance to. >> No, it's true. She doesn't even get a chance to say that >> because as I've said many times before,
she is baby girl. >> She is baby girl. >> So baby girl. So baby girl. So I got a
bone to pick with Bella. She's a selfish [ __ ] >> She is a selfish motherucker.
>> Honestly, the poor Cull-in family. >> The poor Cull-in family. >> Truly. >> Their lives have been in danger
[laughter] the entire time she's been around. >> Yeah. >> They had to up all of them had to up and
move because Edward was like, "Can't do it." >> Yeah. Sorry. >> And then they were like, "Nah, come
back. We're in love." And also going to void the treaty we've had for a zillion years with the werewolves. Now
they're going to try to kill us. Oh, also >> piss [laughter] off the piss off the
Vuri. And now we're going to have to deal with all those. Oh, and also all the other covens are going to have to
get involved and all their lives are going to have to be upended by this. And they're going to have to fight the Vuri,
too. >> And she doesn't care. And this is all because Bella just had to [ __ ] as a
human. >> Say it. >> She just had to [ __ ] as a human. I have to have that one human experience. It's
going to cause a lot of problems. >> Also, can I just do it after? You're both going to be ungodly beautiful after
that, too, brother. >> So, why not? And also, I bet vampires I just watched Tara and Franklin [ __ ] on
True Blood, and that look I mean, she's not a vampire yet, but that looked incredible.
>> Of course, >> I think if you were a vampire as well. Oh my god. >> Yeah. Like, oh my god.
>> Sparks will fly. >> I know you wanted that human experience, but babe, >> you kind of gave that up when you when
you decided to marry a vampire. >> And also, Edward didn't really want Sheil like guilted him into human.
That's weird. >> And if you just waited until after you were a vampire, you wouldn't have gotten
pregnant with a half vampire baby >> who tried to kill you. >> Who tried to kill you and it wouldn't
have avoided all the treaties and pissed off all the vari. So, girl, >> I feel like this was this was a problem
for everyone. >> It's lit in this and it's very selfish. >> This is Bella's world and we're all just
living in it. And I may I venture to say this? I think Stephanie Meyer hates Bella. [laughter]
>> I think Stephanie Meyer hates Bella. >> See, I think Stephanie Meyer thinks Bella is like right. But I think she
hates her. Do why? I just think she hates her because she puts her in all these crazy ass situations and also I
think Stephanie Meyer really loves Edward. So like Edward always getting upset with Bella but like
>> it like can't stay away from her all at the same time. >> See, but I think she kind of sees a
little bit of herself in Bella. >> Maybe. Well, yeah. No, I think she does cuz I she's kind of like said that
before. >> So I think these crazy situations that were like, "What the [ __ ] are you
doing?" She's like, "No, that's great." >> [sighs and gasps] >> I think and that like
>> maybe I just hate Bella. >> Yeah, I think [laughter] >> maybe maybe maybe I'm just like maybe
that's maybe I'm just a hater. >> Maybe that's it. And to go back really quick just to what you were saying
earlier with the how completely sexist and misogynistic this whole thing is. When you really dive into this,
>> she there's some serious internalized misogyny >> 100% >> that just never should have been spat
onto the page in my opinion. In her words, her website in Breaking Dawn part one, she says that vampire men can have
babies. >> Uhhuh. >> They can >> because they have a they have a a fluid similar to seminal fluid.
>> Oh yeah. Their [ __ ] works pretty much the same way, which is wild. >> Really [ __ ] up.
>> And if the venom/sperm comes in contact with an OAM, they can conceive. But that
and you say, "Oh, wow. Okay, so vampires can conceive." Oh, no, no, no. Because yes, the male vampire [ __ ] works right
the same. But women, they can't because when they turn into vampires, they are frozen.
>> That's so [ __ ] up. >> And their system stops working like a woman's body should work is literally
what is said >> is that's like essentially what's being said here. women's bodies, in her words
in the book, quote, don't have that like vampire women, quote, don't have what is
needed to accommodate a growing child. So, you're telling me men are still pew pew can shoot sperm everywhere, every
which way. Sperm like, it's not even sperm. It's sperm like and it still creates life.
>> Still works. It still creates life. >> Pisses me off even more. Not even sperm.
>> It's venomous sperm and it still creates life. >> Yeah. But we when we get turned into
vampires, everything just freezes in place. >> And we become frigid, barren, just we
can't accept a baby. And it's like, what the [ __ ] is that? >> That's [ __ ] >> It is [ __ ]
>> That is so >> It is [ __ ] >> [ __ ] And I also have a problem like just coming off of that with because
obviously Rosalie is a great example of this when she explains that all she ever
wanted was a baby and all she ever and that's why she's also pissed at Bella for wanting to become a vampire cuz
she's like, "Hey [ __ ] you're not going to be able to do that." >> That's also why she's pissed that Bella
did become a vampire cuz she was really hoping she would die and that she could keep that baby.
>> Exactly. But she's also she made Rosalie >> the stereotype of an infertile woman.
Mhm. >> And this is coming from somebody who went through infertility, so I can speak
on it. >> As a previously infertile woman, >> I [ __ ] hate when they are portrayed
as frigid, mean like typing over control, like Jennifer Garner and Juno. Like her husband's such a cool guy. I'm
like, "Oh my god, he's so cool. He's a [ __ ] predator, by the way. >> Put up with her."
>> But what a cool guy. And then she's portrayed as this very frigid, uptight, like, well, I can't have a baby. And
it's like, nope, nope. Why are we portraying that? Like, why are we And it >> goes right into this. She's [ __ ] mean
for no reason to Bella. She's nasty. She's like a frigid [ __ ] Y >> and she just comes off as being like,
well, I can't have a baby, so I'm mad at everybody. And it's like, that's literally not reality.
>> No. And then it like goes further with this movie and this book because now all
of a sudden she has a change of heart to Bella because now Bella has become a [ __ ] vessel to her. She doesn't give
a [ __ ] about Bella. >> She doesn't. >> She cares. All she cares about is cool.
You that baby's going to kill you and claw its way out of you and then I get to have my baby. That's also not reality
of like an infertile like somebody going through infertility is like, "Oh, I'll just look at everybody else like a
vessel and I can just watch them die and steal their baby." Like that's what a weird way to portray her.
>> It's crazy. >> And I feel like it [ __ ] up her character cuz she also has a cool like
she has a backstory that's really like traumatic and crazy >> and like she's badass. She gets like
stifled down to to just that uh facet of her personality. >> Shoved into this box as just being like
baby obsessed lady who can't have a baby of her own. And it's like that's icky cuz you've made her like she's a strong
character and it's like and she really dumbed her down. >> She's such a badass. Her backstory like
you were just saying like in Eclipse it's so cool and we I think we said it when we went over Eclipse they didn't
even go that far enough into it. >> No. I wish they had. >> Yeah. But going back to the beginning of
the movie, because we'll like try to hit some of the stuff in the beginning, one
of the things that I noticed in the movie is in Bella's room when she's like packing up her [ __ ] Why is there just a
painting of a dog next to her bed? >> I wondered that, too. >> And it's not like a wolf dog.
>> I wondered that, too. >> It's like a floofy dog. >> Yeah, it's like a beehon.
>> Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. >> Just like a sheep dog. >> I don't think it was there before
either. I don't know if it was there. Maybe it was and I just didn't notice it until the room was empty. But I'm like,
>> why? Maybe she has like a desire to become one of those ladies that like shows those dogs.
>> That's I'm like you didn't give me any like you never mentioned that she had a
dog. >> Yeah. >> There's just this very distracting big painting of a fluffy dog.
>> See, I was too upset about the fact that she literally gets into bed wearing jeans and a belt. Oh, I literally have
that in all caps right here. Why does she get into bed with jeans on? >> And also Edward is going to break her
house. And at least she acknowledges that. But it's always like, "Oh no, nobody knows that Edward is here." I'm
like, "Charlie is a cop. Charlie is the the sheriff. He knows that Edward has attached himself to the house."
>> Yeah. Like when he jumps on, it's like [laughter] like it's like every time. >> And then EMTT and Jasper are like
>> going on the roof. Knows that you have people over. >> Like Charlie's a smart guy.
>> Yeah. >> Charlie's smart. He's handsome. He's capable. >> And he knows he's hot.
>> He knows he's hot. >> I know I'm hot. [laughter] But yeah, you're right. He knows every single
time. >> Come on. What are you doing? Going to sleep in jeans, you freak. >> Oh god.
>> At least take your belt off. >> Just what are you doing? What are you doing? And then Renee, the mom, getting
the wedding invitation. >> Oh my god. Like Charlie reacted appropriately of having like a somber
moment to himself being like, "Fuck, I really [ __ ] up here." >> Yeah. >> Renee is literally like she's standing
in her green screen beach. That green screen beach [laughter] was dia [ __ ] molecule. fulfill who we
don't see. And she's just like, "Girl, it's happening." Like so happy that her 18year-old daughter is getting married
after dating this guy for oh 4.5 seconds. I don't need How long have they been together?
>> They haven't been together that long because she transfers. >> I don't I think they're like I mean
>> they go to prom so I think she had to have been like a junior when they first
got together. So two years. I don't even know if it's two. I'm looking it up because I don't even know if it's two
years. >> I don't know. >> Well, also it can't be because she transferred in the middle of the school
year. >> Yeah. >> 14 months. >> 14 months. >> 14 [laughter] months. >> Jesus. >> They met in mid January of 2005 and
officially started dating in March of 2005. He left her in September. They were separated for 7 months and then
they reunited in March 2006 and got married on August 13th. It's not even It's like seven months
>> that they've actually been together. >> Some people count the break. Some people
don't. No. >> If it's 14 months. >> Yeah. >> And you weren't together for seven of
us. >> Seven of them. That's half of that time. >> That is half of that time. >> We are going to count that one as as a
break. >> Seven months. I didn't realize. >> So technically they have only physically
been together for seven months. >> Let that sink in. >> Everybody let that. And then I want you
to picture Renee on her green screen beach >> saying they're it's happening and it's
like >> you're a bad mom. >> You're a bad mom, Renee. >> I mean Renee, you hear me? You're a bad
mom. Based on the illustrated guide alone, she's a terrible mother. >> She's terrible.
>> She let Bella take over the bills when Bella was like 12. >> Doing the books.
>> No, she I think it literally says Bella started doing the books because Renee
couldn't. >> Yeah. >> Like hello. It's gnarly. >> It's so funny because she's so
parentified. That's why she's so baby girl because in [laughter] the book she was so she was a parentified child and
then she met Edward and she said, "Fuck that." >> She said, "He's a thousand. I get to be
the kid. [laughter] >> Let's go. I don't want to do this." >> Yeah. Like, damn. >> Yeah. Then we go to the wedding, which
>> Oh my god. >> I love her dress. I will say >> the back of her dress is stunning.
>> One thing I do have to say though, in the beginning she's practicing walking in like gigantic heels. Yeah,
>> her you don't. Her dress covers them. She could have worn [ __ ] fuzzy slippers if she wanted to.
>> You can't see the heels. >> Yeah, but also as she walks down the aisle, I said, "Babe, people are taking
pictures of you if we're considering this a real wedding." >> She looks she looks like a deer in
headlights. >> So horrified to be marrying this man. And I love it cuz when they go out like
she's like, "Just don't let me fall." And when And I love when Charlie says like never or whatever he says. It's
really sweet. I just love Charlie. >> Cute mom. [laughter] Cute cute kid and dad moment. This is just going to be me
loving Charlie. Period. >> Uh, it's the only good thing about this. But in that moment, I was like, if I was
Charlie, I'd be I'd be like, I'd gesture broadly and be like, I've already let you fall.
>> He already did, babe. [laughter] >> You know what? Sailed, babe. Here we are.
>> He got involved in our life too late. I think like like more involved too late.
And there's a part where like when she's trying on the shoes too with Alice that
when she walks away in the movie, she does this one little skip and then like hops off and Deb Deb was the one who
noticed it and I had never noticed it before and I was like >> why did she do that?
>> Why did she do that? >> Just like just a skip and then she's just off. >> I don't know.
>> It's very strange. And then we do get like um when she's packing up her [ __ ]
we get Edward doing a flashback to like why he's still trying to convince her not to become a vampire before the
wedding. >> Because Edward still wants her to die of old age so he can go get it with someone
else apparently. I'm sorry. That's like the most unromantic thing to me is a vampire not wanting to change the person
he's in love with. >> It's a really annoying trope, too, because it happens in like every vampire
movie or TV show and it's like >> it's very unromantic to me. >> It is. If you really loved me, you would
not want to live without me. And you wouldn't want me to die someday. >> And if you think I'm so beautiful, why
not freeze me in this gorgeous state? >> Yeah. >> Hello. >> You just shouldn't ever want to be
without me. No. >> So why you're just going to wait me out? >> Also, how about my own autonomy? I'd
like you to change me. Do it. >> So, I think it's dumb, but he's in there being like, "Let me tell you about when
I turned into it." I'd be like, "I literally don't care." >> He also tells her his whole backstory
like he's a monster. I said, "First of all, you were hella hot back then. makes them even better.
>> First of all, sick haircut. I love it. >> Edward in the 20s/30s. >> Woo! >> A+ A+.
>> A+. >> Honestly, men's looks in the 20s. A+ personality is probably not great.
>> Uh, >> but he tells her all about his backstory and how like he basically murdered
monsters. Like he was he was going very Dexter. Exactly. And he says that like that who you want to be with?
>> I'd be like, "Yeah, >> yes." like that would make me want to marry him more. >> Yeah.
>> She also he's like what what does he say? He says like what do you want to see when you look in the mirror, Bella?
And she's like you. >> And I'm like >> what what >> I said this romance is more [ __ ] up
than I thought. >> That's weird. You're not becoming one. >> She actually said I want to wear your
skin in a weird like to wear your face. So >> what? >> Um but yeah, that was weird. But I liked
the flashback because he looked really good in that flash. >> He saves a lady. He does
>> a lady in a great outfit. >> It's true. Cuz it was like the 20s, 30s. Yep. Um, and at the reception we meet
like those blonde vampires from Alaska, I think it is. >> Yeah. I remember they played a much
bigger part in the book. Yeah. Because people tried to like set Edward up with Arena, right?
>> Well, and Arena apparently was like with Lance. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Like, and then obviously the
wolves ripped him apart because he was going to kill Bella. >> Yeah. >> Like, you know, it happens.
>> But she doesn't believe that. >> And at first, here's the thing. At first when I saw this scene, I was like, I'd
be pissed. I'd be like, "Get the [ __ ] out of my wedding." Cuz she's like, "I don't believe that." Like, and she has
the way this this actress plays it. >> Yeah. >> I know there's not a lot to work with
here, but like you got to do what you got to do. It's like very dramatic, but like the face she's making me laugh
every time cuz she's so intense. >> It's like when Kim K cries. >> Yeah. It's pretty gnarly. And she's like
And you know, they're like, you know, Laurent was going to kill Bella. Like there was really nothing I could do.
She's like, "I don't believe that." I'd be like, "And then get the [ __ ] out of
my wedding. Like, why are you here? >> Support me." >> But then I'm like, "Well, breaking down
part two is actually going to bring like a pretty big headache." >> Yeah. >> To all of these covens because Bella
just had to [ __ ] as a human. >> So now I'm [laughter] kind of like kind of on Arena's side here. Like cuz she's
even like she's bring a lot of problems. Well, not to think. >> All the vampires [laughter] are looking
around like, "You're really going to like throw it all away for this bitch?" >> And it's also like, "Just turn her."
Yeah, just [ __ ] go. >> Turn her, baby. Ask the Vuri. The Vuri wants you to do it. She's got the
[ __ ] shield. >> Mhm. >> Like, do it. >> Yeah. >> The [ __ ] This could all be fixed.
>> It could be. >> But then Jessica's speech. >> Jessica's speech. I'm still thinking
about it. I will never I will cringe until the end of the earth. or the hair as I call him. Or the hair as everybody
calls him. I was like, >> she said as I call him. Just just Jessica. That's her pet name for Bella's
husband. >> And when they like flashed Edward, his wedding hair is [ __ ] >> It's awful.
>> Complete [ __ ] I'd actually be so angry at John if during our wedding he had the
worst hair of his life. >> It's very floppy. Like an Well, and he did nothing with it.
>> No, John. No slick nothing happening. >> He might not have even washed it. >> I don't think he did. That might have
been on Robert Patson though because [laughter] he did admit that he went 6 months without washing his hair once.
>> He also has admitted in interviews that he had a strange body odor that smelled
similar to crayon wax which I don't know if I know what that smells like. >> But then wasn't like wet crayons.
>> I think I might have been wrong about that. Just crayon wax. Um they were dry.
But then [laughter] Kristen Stewart said I think he's overplaying that. Like no he smells he smells fine. He smells
really animalistic. He's got like an animalistic musk. And I said, "My dog pretty much never smells good." So,
[laughter] I'm not sure >> I don't know what if that's like a defense or not. >> I don't know if I've ever thought of
John having an animalistic musk, >> but it is rumored that people on set like the crew was like, "Why you so
stanky, Rob? >> Why you so stanky?" [laughter] I love that he's just like >> he didn't care. Maybe it was a cuz him
and Kristen were in that like like early 2000s indie grunge era. >> It was like a little grungy. Yeah.
>> Yeah. >> So maybe he really hadn't done it. >> Maybe that was it cuz it didn't seem
like it. And just her being like and like could have been me. Didn't notice me. I was like who does that at a
wedding? Like that's not I know. Once again as Stephanie Meyer would say it's fantasy. You believe that? I'm like but
this is supposed to be the real part of it. >> I know they actually did get married.
Like I'm like you nobody would do that. >> No. >> Like no you can make her have a weird
speech without being that was just so off the rails. Weird speeches all the time but to me no one would say that.
>> She wasn't even president of the glee club or the school council. >> Yeah. Like like basically like you could
have had me >> like no one's doing that. >> I don't know. >> I was like damn. And then
>> Renee singing >> go with her sleep >> batshit crazy hair. >> Go to sleep when you wake up
>> and Bella loves it. She's like, "That's my mom." >> She's just sitting there like, "That's
my mom." And I'm like, "Damn, >> that's," you know why she likes it? Cuz she only sees Renee a few times a year.
She's like, "Wow, there's another story to tuck in my back pocket." >> So, see you in six years, Mom.
>> I'm glad I don't have to do your books anymore, [snorts] you crazy [ __ ] >> You crazy [ __ ] Go back to your [ __ ]
green screen beach where the hell that is. >> Jacksonville, maybe. >> Yeah, it is.
>> Uh, but yeah, that was that was gnarly. >> Oh my god. And then uh uh what's his
name? Edward is like, "I have another gift for you. It's here. Yeah. >> And you're like, "Oh my god, yay." Like
gift. >> Edward gives Bella Jacob as a wedding gift. And that just feels weird to me.
That just feels weird to me. >> He even lets him have a moment alone. Oh, a very inappropriate moment alone.
As far as I'm concerned, >> there are canoodling in the moss, as you said. Too much can you say when we
[laughter] were watching? >> I said, "Why are you dancing with another man in the moss at your
wedding?" >> And I stand by that question. >> She like leaves the wedding. Yeah. She
stands in the moss in the forest >> as he like lifts her and twirls her. >> Oh yeah. And she like is has her head on
his shoulder. She They're canoodling. >> They are canoodling in the woods on her
very wedding day. >> It's like the way the fact that Edward's just like and he's so happy. He's like
this man. >> I know you love this werewolf so much. >> He's kind of a cuck. >> God. He is a little bit like do you want
a chair to sit down in [laughter] like >> would you like to sit among you anything
for the fellow? [laughter] >> Like truly would you like to put your feet up? >> What the [ __ ] is going on here?
[laughter] >> The wedding party's like hello. >> They're like what's going on? >> This wedding's getting weird. We're
going to leave. >> Like in the last few movies and books, Jacob has been so disrespectful of their
relationship. Bella has been so disrespectful of their relationship. He has outwardly admitted that he would
kill Edward if he could just to snake his gal. >> He says and he's like, "You're not good
enough for her. I'm obsessed with her. I want to [ __ ] her. I want to marry her.
We're supposed to be together." Like, he said this several times. I'm hotter than
you. He said, "And now you're just presenting him as a gift at your wedding." >> It's really weird.
>> On what planet, Stephanie? >> Cuck planet. >> Like, on what? And in the book, Jacob is
so [ __ ] unlikable in this part. >> Did you say in the book that he proposes being a thrpple?
>> At one point he does. I don't know if it's in the first part or like doesn't propose it. It's implied.
>> Okay. >> I think Edward is the one that kind of >> implies it. >> Did we just unlock a theme in this book?
>> I'm not positive. I need to look it up now. Which one? >> Oh, [snorts] it's Yeah, it was at the
end of Eclipse. He tells her he's willing to accept whatever relationship she feels she needs to have with Jacob.
Oh, so he's kind of being like kind of inforac if you feel like you want to be with him
as well as like I will understand which is essentially him suggesting or not suggesting but being open to the idea of
like whatever you want. >> Yeah. Like an an arrangement. >> Yeah. Okay. >> Those happen.
>> Which I don't think he wants that which is even sadder. He's just like I just
love you so much that I'll accept it essentially. And it's like, Bella, gosh. Wow. But yeah, it's and in the book,
Jacob, especially Breaking Dawn, he's so unlikable. His chapters are borderline unreadable for me.
>> They're also insanely named. >> They are. And I have a couple of them. Um, but in the book, in this part, is
when like they start talking about the honeymoon and he's like, you know, like basically saying you can't have a real
honeymoon cuz you can't [ __ ] And she's like, well, it's going to [clears throat] be real as anyone else
is. Basically like we will be boning. and she's so >> weird combo to have with your guy.
>> In the book, he gets So, he gets mad in the movie. He gets so mad in the book
that he grabs her like grabs her shoulders hard enough that she's in pain. >> Oh my god.
>> And she literally is like, "Ow, that hurts in the book." Like yelling, "It hurts." And Edward has to come over and
like literally be like, "I'm going to [ __ ] kill you if you don't let her go." And like Seth has to be like, "Let
her go. You're hurting her." >> It's her wedding. Like he literally is abusing her because he's mad that she's
going to [ __ ] Edward, >> her husband, >> on her honeymoon. >> Okay, make that make sense.
>> Like I need to know what happened here. Like where no one along the line said this is weird.
>> I guess not. >> Or did they? And you just said it. You have to think that by this point, like
when Breaking Dawn was out, it was well established that this is YA. Like, >> yeah,
>> that's really [ __ ] up. >> Yeah, it's a nasty relationship. Like, for him to grab her like that because
he's mad she's going to have sex with her husband on and I realize that's not it. Like, that's not the end of it. It's
like that he's mad because he's like, "You're going to die." Like, he he'll kill you.
>> That's the part of it, but that does not justify hurting her. >> No. And a part of it is he's mad that
she's going to have sex with >> he's jealous and he's upset that that could happen to her. But it's like that
does not justify grabbing her like that. >> No, nothing does. >> Like what the [ __ ]
>> It's wild. >> Edward's not telling Bella where they're going on their honeymoon.
>> My And like her family is aware of this. Like [ __ ] uh Rene is like, "Oh my god, where do you think you're going?"
>> So fun that he's taking her somewhere where he's told no one. >> Where the [ __ ] are you going? My family
would say, "Hey, you're not going." >> Yeah. Until we have your itinerary, you're not going.
>> That's an episode of Dine. >> I'm like, >> "That's an episode of Dine." >> Like, I could never.
>> No. >> I couldn't if >> No. My family would say, "I think not." >> Yeah. Like, we just don't know where
you're going. Like, that's insane. >> Oh, I thought that was thunder. >> Sorry, I got so excited. The the trash
bins were rolling and I said, "Is it thunder?" Talking about Twilight and in a thunderstorm would be just chef's
kiss, >> but it was just trash. But it was just un [laughter] I mean >> it was just garbage.
>> Well, [snorts] that's also fitting. >> Also, this whole thing like this whole
scene >> I'm like wow. Cuz from what I've seen on the website, like Stephanie's website,
she actually says before this even gets like moved into movie form, she said this should be two movies. She was the
one who said that. Really? Cuz she said she it is a long book. >> It's a big book. But you but like to be
fair not a lot happens in part one as far as I'm concerned. Not a lot of like >> had as the mo I mean part one of the
movie is like nothing. >> Yeah. >> But do you know if um the Harry Potter series had that book been split into two
movies yet? >> I don't know. >> Let me look cuz I wonder if that was part of the reasoning.
>> Well, I think she just I mean if you're going to split it in two movies, you're
getting more money out of it. That's I think it's just all based >> You think it's that to me that she
references the Harry Potter books on her website. So that's the only reason that
I wondered. >> Yeah. >> Um >> because turn like turning that into two movies, >> like this part in particular,
>> we watch them get in the car. >> We watch them get to the airport. We watch them get in a taxi. We watch them
randomly walk through the streets of Brazil for a minute. We watch them get in a boat. We watch them arrive at the
island. We watch them walk in the door. By the time you get there, you're like, I didn't need to see all your traveling.
>> No, >> I did not. It's halfway through that I was like, can we just get there?
>> Yeah. >> I don't need to see the traveling. >> Yeah. No, I I fully >> But they had to because they had time to
eat up. >> That's the thing. >> And there's not a whole lot of other stuff until you get to Well, because like
Reneesme has to be born and the Volter has to get upset and then you have to end it there cuz that's like where it
splits. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So it's like that I don't think it needed to be. >> I don't think so either.
>> It could have just been a long movie. >> It could have been Exactly. >> because I think the honeymoon is
>> It's a long >> It's half of the movie. We watch them playing chess for more of the movie than
we don't. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's a lot. Now, just to go back the way that like another thing because like
we're gonna get into now like the honey, >> you know, honeymoon and baby and all
that. Immortal children, the way Stephanie explains them in the illustrated guide
>> and has Carile explained them >> in the book is that immortal children are like outlawed because they can't
keep the secret like the vampires like they're kids. they stay as kids so they just don't have the ability to keep
secrets and like that they were so beautiful and enchanting >> and endearing that like whole covens
would like just you know they would do anything to protect them. So the vari was like this is a problem cuz we're
having to eliminate entire covens just to get rid of these immortal children cuz they'll just protect them. And it's
like, but the way they explain it is like not because like they felt this need to protect these children
>> because they're babies. >> Cuz they're children and like they need to be protected.
>> Yeah. >> It was that they were so beautiful. >> That's weird. >> And I'm like, why do we have to? And I
say this because there's a lot of weird [ __ ] >> that that ends up with kids >> that ends up with kids in this that I'm
like, I don't understand why this had to be part of it. I just don't. >> It's icky.
>> Like, it just doesn't make sense. Like do we can we not like >> well like even going back to and we'll
touch on it in this in this part too but even last time when we were talking about is it Quill who
>> imprints on a 2-year-old? Yeah. 2-year-old. >> Yeah. Like we get further weird icky
[ __ ] >> and it gets weirder in this one. >> Well, and she's not the only infant
who's been imprinted on now. >> No. Which we will get to. >> We'll get to >> now. And also another thing that I noted
here and it came out of like the wedding reception really and this is from the book is the way she has Bella hate
beautiful women. >> Yeah. >> Like hates >> is it when she sees Arena? >> She's immediately horrified by the
presence of the Denali coven >> and in turn the the Denali coven are kind of [ __ ] like
>> because they're like they feel judged. Well, and she makes them like, well, they're beautiful, so they have to be
mean. Like, they have to be nasty. Like, when they laugh, like Edward introduces
her in the book as his wife, and they're like, >> and it's like, >> she is his wife.
>> You were at you're at the wedding. Like, it's just like that doesn't make sense.
Like, can we have some girls supporting girls moments, please, in this? Cuz there's none.
>> No, there really isn't. >> Cuz even when she tries to do it with like the Rosalie and Belly Bella thing,
I'm like, no, no, she has an ulterior motive. >> Rosalie is using you as a vessel. It's
not girls supporting girls. >> And even Alice, Alice is just manipulative with Bella. Like they don't
have a very pure relationship. >> She just controls her >> and it makes me crazy.
>> There's a lot of internalized misogyny that's happening here that is coming out
in these things that I'm noticing more and more. Like in the book when the Denali clan
>> meets Bella and they like say hello, Tanya is part of the Denali clan. >> Tanya is not a vampire name.
>> I know. But Tanya was mentioned before as somebody that like I think they wanted to set Edward and Tanya up and
Tanya had like a big crush on Edward. >> Oh, I thought it was Arena. >> But Edward No, cuz Arena's with Laurent.
So Tanya like really was into Edward, but he was like not super into [laughter] her. I guess like that he was
kind of into her but like not like he's into Bella. >> Yeah. And so she knows this and like
which like >> knows this is what you're saying or >> so she knows that like but she knows
that like nothing happened and that he's not interested and that's it >> and also like they're getting married
>> and also like you're at your wedding >> so like [laughter] I think I think you
won. >> Yeah, I think you got it. I >> think you got this long. But the way in the book it's like Tanya gives like they
give each other a hug Edward and Tanya and then it's like Tanya was still holding Edward like held on to him
longer and then she says about all of them all the all the four of them and they were all four so beautiful that it
made my stomach hurt. >> The hell? >> Like can you just intimidated? >> Can you just be like wow they're
beautiful. >> I'm married. Like it's just like >> well it has like their beauty has
nothing to do with you. >> Yeah. Yeah. And it says, and that's when he says, "Let me introduce you to my
wife." And it says, "The Denali's all laughed lightly in response." And then she says, she says, "Tanya was
every bit as lovely as my worst nightmares had predicted." >> Jesus Christ. >> She eyed me with a look that was much
more speculative than it was resigned and then reached out to take my hand. [sighs]
>> But immediately, we all just be cool. >> Like, she's more beautiful than like my
worst nightmares. It's like, damn. Can we just like and then she's kind of being a [ __ ] Like why does it need to
go like that? >> Yeah. Like why? And it's like I realize she's young. She's 18. >> Yeah.
>> So you have those like >> I think we've many women have found themselves in similar positions.
>> But I'm just like but I feel like she's so she's never just like in awe of these
women or just like wow what a like you know I mean like just looking at them like wow what a beautiful creature.
>> She's always threatened. >> It's always threatened. It's always competition and it's like it doesn't
need to be that way, babe. And you just want to shake her and be like, "It girl,
>> it's okay. You got him. It's okay. He's literally sickeningly obsessed with you."
>> So, like, don't worry. >> To a crazy level. >> Don't worry about it. >> Which I don't buy.
>> It's They have no chemistry. >> She gets pregnant and I'm not even convinced they ever [ __ ]
>> I know. >> Like I They don't have chemistry together. They just don't. >> Which is wild.
>> I'm like, "Did you guys screen test them?" >> I know >> cuz they're both pretty good actors.
Like Robert Patson has gone on to be in a lot of like really great movies and Kristen Stewart like when she was Joan
Jed I thought she was so good >> together I'm like and it's wild cuz they dated >> well that's the other thing they were
together for a while >> but I'm like was that maybe that was just press I don't think so
>> we don't nothing's real though >> I mean I don't know what they have they have no chemistry together on screen
>> and never is it more apparent than when they finally get to Esme and they are
about to you know he's like naked in the water >> and she's like just give me a second to
ready and then she acts like she's preparing to get sacrificed >> 100%. >> Which like maybe she is.
>> I've never seen anyone brush their teeth so vigorously >> and rip at their hair.
>> Oh my god. From the root. >> As a hairdresser, no. Start at the bottom. >> And then she and also the way she shaves
her legs. I said ripping up there. >> You are going to have razor burn and cuts.
>> And then I didn't understand that Alice packed for her, which like what? That's
your brother. And then Alice just put a bunch of skimpy like teddies and lingerie in there. Okay, here's the
thing. It's weird that Alice packed that bag. Like, I I'm not moving on from that.
>> I was like, "Please do not tell me." That's not weird. [laughter] >> That [ __ ] is weird. But Bella is so
horrified by what was packed that she's acting like it's like nipple pasties. >> I'm [laughter] like,
>> "This is your honeymoon. Like, wear a cute teddy. >> You can look cute. >> Get down with your bad self.
>> It's cute." And she ends up going out there naked. So, I was like, "What? Why
were you so scandalized by the fabric? You went out there [laughter] naked." Hello.
>> Which like good for you. >> Hello. >> Like you should if you feel so inclined,
>> but >> but she crumples to the ground at one point and it is like she's about to go
out to meet a firing squad. >> She I think she's just so embarrassed about like her body her like this is why
you weren't ready to get married. Babe, >> if you're crumbling onto the ground at
the thought of [ __ ] your brand new husband, you're probably not ready for marriage.
>> Probably. And also say if you just waited until after you became a vampire, you would feel confident as [ __ ]
>> I know. >> So like, why don't you just wait? I know. >> Wait until you feel like a goddess.
>> But I do get what she's saying about not wanting to be like writhing in pain on
her honeymoon. >> Yeah. I mean that's a bummer. >> Yeah. They should have figured they
should have planned >> that long. Does it? >> I think it's a few days. I don't really
know. >> Didn't seem like it at the cuddin's house. >> I think it is. It's days.
>> I think I think it was just hours. Is that all it is? Three to five days. >> Yeah.
>> But also, they were there for like 14 days. >> They were there for a while. >> I was like, "Okay, so part of the first
week is going to be you writhing in pain. Then you wake up looking like a snack with a full smokey eye and new
highlights and bouncy hair. >> Me personally, you best change me before my wedding.
>> Yeah, >> you best change me before my wedding. You know how many [ __ ] appointments I
had before my wedding to be the hottest version of myself." >> And you could just have permanent smokey
eye. >> I woke up like this. >> Yeah. Like literally and permanent lashes. >> Well, you plan that wedding for a dreary
day so you're not sparkling and freaking everybody out. >> Exactly. Which they didn't need to
anyway because they had the cover of all those gorgeous flowers. >> There one thing I have to say is that
their wedding was stunning. >> Oh, stunning. >> Stunning. >> Stunning. >> Um but yeah, I would like to be changed
before that. >> Yeah, but they do end up um doing it and it's very chased. It's [laughter] very
>> She gets She gets bruised from missionary. She does get bruised from this. >> She gets bruised from Simple Missionary.
>> I said, "What?" Cuz And also, you see it the next day. And I'm like, "How did the
closet door and a wall get damaged >> and the bed? The bed is broke." I'm like, "You guys were doing missionary."
>> He bit pillows. Like, show me. >> It's the softest sex I've ever seen. >> Show me where he broke the closet door.
>> Show me Show me to me, Rachel. >> Show me Rachel. >> Show me to me, Rachel, how that room was
ravaged. Show me that because from what we saw >> the [ __ ] >> the lightest. >> I said that's soft.
>> So gorgeous. >> Said beautiful. >> It was beautiful. >> Candle it either. >> But it was not moonlight.
>> Not not breaking a bed. I was like where? Sir what? >> Qua. >> Sir huh? >> What?
>> I was just a little confused. [gasps] And then when the housekeepers come. >> Rude.
>> So [ __ ] rude. >> And he goes they're not carpenters. >> They're not. Cuz one of them the man is
hug just walking out with part of the bed frame in his hands. They didn't even bother to pick that place up. And then
later you see Edward [ __ ] flying around the room to pack and warp speed. I was like, you could have cleaned that
[ __ ] room for them. I'm sorry to leave that room that big of a mess and then just be like, figure it out.
>> And also to sit on the couch while they clean. >> Yeah, >> that's so sit on the couch in your
underwear. Lots of pants, you douche. >> And while they clean the room that you [ __ ] demolished and didn't bother to
even pick up the feathers. >> Yeah. while doing missionary. That's crazy. >> That felt yucky to me.
>> It did. One thing that we also didn't even really talk about when like between
you and I when we were watching this. >> That's his mom's house. >> Yeah. [sighs]
>> I don't want >> I don't want to [ __ ] there. >> That's [laughter] If I was Bella, I'd
say >> it's not the first place I that comes to mind when I think of [ __ ] you for the
first time. >> This home was built for your vampire mother. This home shouldn't [ __ ] that.
[laughter] >> We should not do missionary in the home built and named for your mother.
>> In the book in the book, they destroy many rooms. >> Yeah, there's many rooms.
>> There's like a blue room, a white room, and they destroy them all. They wreck
them all. >> Yeah, they just wreck them all. And then they came in like a wreck.
>> Hopefully Esme will let us come back. I'm like, probably not. >> You two are disgusting.
>> You pieces of [ __ ] >> And also, Bella just comes back pregnant as [ __ ] And imagine how embarrassing
that would be. >> Yeah. >> Be like, oh, like we did [ __ ] >> Hi, guys. And I [laughter] think we
might have made a mistake. >> It might have been a problem. >> We did an oopsie. Like, oops. I just
can't believe I watched this at like 13 years old and I was like, "Oh, >> love."
>> I watch it now. I'm like, "Oh my god." Maybe [laughter] that actually explains
some of my decision-m in my youth. >> True. >> In my younger days. >> I mean, you never know.
>> Yeah. >> Also, why isn't he sparkling on this honeymoon? >> That's a really good question.
>> Do you know? Do you know why? Because I don't think they had it in the budget. I
don't think that >> apparently that was like incredibly expensive >> really to make him sparkle.
>> Yeah. >> [ __ ] >> And one part that really got me was when he's trying to avoid [ __ ] her because
like he >> and they're in the Amazon rainforest, I [laughter] assume. >> Yep. >> And he sprints ahead of her, like way
ahead of her, and she's just like >> left behind. And I was like, "Why are you leaving your new bride, your new
human bride, alone in the Amazon rainforest? You've already left her in the Pacific Northwest rainforest."
>> I was going to say it's kind of his thing. >> Why do you just leave her in forest? I
would never I'd be so mad at John. The rainforest. Do you know what kind of scary
>> Oh my god. >> Boops and beeps are living in the rainforest. >> It's criminal to even call them boops
and beeps. >> A human. A mortal. >> Yeah. >> One little And I'm gone. >> I know.
>> Like you're stoned. At least you can get through this. But you just leave me cuz
you don't you don't want to be tempted to [ __ ] me in the rainforest. >> Wow. What a sentence.
>> That's like essentially what's happening. >> You don't want to be tempted to [ __ ]
[laughter] me in the rain to missionary in the rainforest. >> In the rain. >> That's crazy. It was wild.
>> He also Debbie pointed this out when they're in the waterfall. He takes a deep breath before he goes under the
water. I was like, "But you're dead." >> Yeah. I was like, "You don't breathe." Like, "Hello. What does it mean?" Also,
what does [laughter] it mean? Uh, what was the dolphin thing that you said when they were in the
>> Oh my god. When they first in the water just like living their lives and looking
at the moon and kissing. >> That is beautiful. >> So beautiful. But I said there's pink
dolphins, river dolphins in that water. >> Look that up. >> You ever seen a pink river dolphin?
>> I don't think they give a [ __ ] about humans. >> I'd like you to go look it up.
>> Look them up. No, >> because if anything's going to ruin the mood, it's a pink river dolphin.
[laughter] If that thing opens its mouth near you, you're never missionary again.
>> And I said you two are very unsuspecting right now and you're very exposed. >> And I'm sure there's other things in
that water that could >> Let's Google what's in the Brazilian water. >> And if you're naked, you should be a
little aware of what's going on. Let's see. Jaguars. Jaguars are in the water. It [laughter] says Brazilian. That's
That's why I said that. We It also says legendary [laughter] fish. Legendary fish. I don't want
legendary [laughter] fish swimming all up on my butt. Well, not on your butt. Pink water [snorts] dolphins are so
scary. [laughter] >> There's also another one that's called the tuk tuki. Nope. >> And it's related to the dolphin, the
pink uh river dolphins. >> I'm scared. >> The largest predator in the Amazon, reaching up to 20 feet in length is
there, the black cayman. Ew. >> The green seen that the world's largest snake is in that water.
>> The green [laughter] anaconda. >> Why is your bottom >> piranhas are in there? And also if that
mother Oh no, that man is sparkling. >> Girl, there's electric eels. >> That man is sparkling. Don't love
sparkly things. >> The worst shark. The worst shark in my opinion from what is the cookie cutter
shark? >> Oh, I don't know about that. I thought the worst shark was the bull shark.
>> That's really bad, too. >> What's the one you cookie cutter shark is? Is just really scary.
>> Are you saying cookie cutter shark? >> I am. >> You know who told me about this? My
child. >> Oh, tell me about the cookie cutter shark. >> I'm going to show you this thing.
>> Jaguars are excellent swimmers. Who knew? >> I didn't know that. >> Yeah, they're frequently spotted
prowling the river banks. What the [ __ ] [laughter] is that? What the actual [ __ ] shark? I think they're
little. So, I think or maybe Oh my god. Do you know what's actually really exciting? There's capiaras. Oh, that's
fun. >> And Amazon manatees. >> Oh, that's pretty cool. >> Luckily, those are herbivores. But, um,
yeah, there's a lot of [ __ ] up [ __ ] in that water, and you should put your butt
away. You should you should keep your butt out of that water. [laughter] Just look it up at the moon, honey. You just
got stung by an electric eel, bitten by a [ __ ] piranha, and a green anaconda shark, and a jaguar is actually actively
hunting you while we record this podcast. >> Truly [ __ ] >> Truly, it's happening right now.
>> And you know what? It would be fine for Edward because he could just dip dip dip. Bella dead
>> dead. >> But also Edward's sparkling so he's attracting piranhas. >> No, there's no budget for that.
>> But but he should be. >> He should be. But >> yeah, put your butt away. >> That's another [laughter] that's another
time Stephanie said vampires aren't real. >> She said, "You believed in this? >> You really think they sparkle all the
time?" >> She said, "Girl, that's so cute that you believe in vampires." And I said, "But
you do. You wrote about it." Stephanie. >> Now it comes to it that he's like, "I'm
not going to do that again until we're not doing that. Like, not until you're turned." And she's like, "That sucks."
So they play so much chess, which also if I'd rather go through Venom spreading through my body rapidly chess on my
hoodie >> over and over again. >> Yeah. No. >> Yeah. So they play chess and then she
has a dream that they that they do it again >> and she wakes up and she literally
[laughter] >> cries and begs him >> I don't want to talk about >> to have sex with her.
>> I died inside during this scene. >> It is upsetting. >> If you have to beg your husband and cry
and beg him to have sex with you, that should not be your husband. >> That should not be your husband.
It was [laughter] so >> You should immediately >> You should You should revoke the
paperwork because technically it's not even legal yet. >> No. >> And you should say, "Baby, where the
hell is my husband? [laughter] It's not this guy. I have to beg him to >> get rid of him.
>> You got to go. You got to go, my dude." >> That's so upsetting. >> Yeah. And this is when we get our
pregnancy. >> Pregnancy. >> This is one of those two times she got pregnant. Wait, before we get there,
there's also a scene like in the middle of all this where Jacob is on the beach >> and we have to talk about this.
>> I do have that. >> Okay, >> so yeah, so his again Jacob's part of the book is wild and the chapter names
of his are really wild. >> Um, >> like there's like the preface of his thing of his part of the cuz they're all
split into chapters and like point of views and books and all that. His is called life life sucks and then you die.
Yeah, I should be so lucky. Oh my god. My mom used to say that to me all the time. Life sucks and then you die.
>> Horrific. >> I know. >> And so angsty. >> It is so angsty. She was team Jacob. I
guess >> she is team Jacob, I think. And let me find the um the chapter. It's literally
a chapter that's called like >> what am I the Wizard of Oz? You want to take a heart? You want to take a like
it's like >> it's the longest chapter name in the world. >> What do I look? This is a chapter.
Chapter 17 is entitled what do I look like? The Wizard of Oz. You need a brain. You need a heart. Go ahead. Take
mine. Take everything I have. >> Wow. That's the name of the chapter. >> Was this edited?
>> I don't know. Stand up. Who Who did it? >> Hello. >> Who did it? >> I guess you don't have to take all of
the editor's recommendations. >> No, you don't. You don't. But the more books I write, the more I have that
editors are very smart people. >> Yeah. >> And they do know what they're talking
about. >> That's why they have that job. >> They do know what they're talking about.
And it should be this far into a series. I feel like by book two, book one I was
probably a little like that's my book. I'm not taking your suggestions. Like not enough.
>> Yeah. >> Book two I was like okay you're right. >> Yeah. >> Book three I literally was like said
>> you know so much better than me. Like I was literally like final cuz >> take my hands let's do this together.
[laughter] >> Let's jet set. I said, "You just know like you really like editors out there
cuz you know what? You you know, you know, and we need you period." >> So that we need you. Uh but
[clears throat] yeah, this I do question this one cuz I'm like what's going on here?
>> Yeah. >> So we're in >> Laush >> the We're in La Push. >> I love saying that. La Push. we're in
the push and they're talking about like, you know, Jacob's, you know, wondering what's going on, wondering if she's
going to he's convinced that Bella is going to die. So, [laughter] >> he's basically saying the treaty will be
null and void and I can't wait to kill Edward once it is >> pretty much. And he's talking to Leah
and I think he's talking is Seth there? >> Yeah, I think it's Leah and Seth. >> Yeah. And he they're talking about how,
you know, uh they start talking about like imprinting essentially cuz they look over and on the other side of the
beach are all the other pack members who have imprinted couples. They're all kissing, cuddling, giggling with each
other. >> And Jacob's like, "Oh my god, their lives don't even belong to them anymore." And as he's looking at them,
canoodling couples, >> it then switches over and he's looking at >> Quill and the 2-year-old Claire he
imprinted on right after he's talking about these canoodling couples whose lives are not
working anymore and how lucky they are. >> Leah saying how lucky they are. And then
it's like >> it's so dark. You're and you look at this little 2-year-old and this
at least 17-year-old, >> this boy who has no right just squatting by her next to the water.
>> Yep. >> And I said, "This is the most disturbing thing I've ever seen." >> It's It's Isn't it more disturbing in
the book? You read some of it out loud. >> Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It is. >> You got to post it.
>> Let me find Find where I have this. So because at one point, so remember the way that imprinting is talked about in
the illustrated guide is that it is not true love >> and it's not love at first sight.
>> It's not or it's not I shouldn't say it's not true love. It's not love at first sight. And it doesn't have to be
romantic necessarily. >> It could be brotherly. >> It can be brotherly. >> And it's very much and that's the way
that everybody tries to defend it that it it doesn't have to be like that. But you know what's crazy?
>> Yeah. You know what's crazy? So, there's a part in this book in Jacob's part where he's talking about how his sister
Rachel, uh, one of the pack members, Paul, imprinted on her >> and how he's like annoyed by that. And
he says, "Wasn't it bad enough that yet a number another member of the pack had imprinted?" Because really, that made
four of 10 now. When would it stop? Stupid myth was supposed to be rare for crying out loud. All this mandatory love
at first sight was completely sickening. >> Look at that. You canceled out your own
thoughts. >> What is What? Like what? You said it's not love. And actually, I think in
Eclipse, Jacob or maybe even in New Moon, Jacob literally says the words to Bella. It's not love at first sight. And
then in his point of view in Breaking Dawn, he says all this love at first sight.
>> Yep. >> Yep. >> Make that make sense. And then like the very next paragraph it says,
"So I'd been all geared up to be keeping that secret." And then two days after Rachel got home, Paul ran into her on
the beach. Bada bing, bada boom, true love. >> I thought it wasn't true love. >> That's the second time in two paragraphs
that it has been stated that this is true love, my friends. [clears throat] And then we get to another part, just
speaking of imprinting, speaking of Quill and Claire, >> uh where we get an entire scene of
Claire talking like a 2-year-old, like being like, "I have a walk and like meeting a rock and it's Queen
>> and blah blah blah." Like, and she call and she's like, "Quill, do this and blah
blah blah." Like, >> I have a question. Where's Chris Hansen? >> Thank you. >> Where is Get him on the scene because
it's about to get weird. >> Chris Hansen Tula push. It's about to >> You know what's actually crazy? Robert
Patson, somebody sent me a DM, is about to play Chris Hansen in a movie. >> Are you serious?
>> I'm serious. >> That's wild. >> Isn't that wild? >> That's wild. >> And so he's talking about Quill. Yeah.
>> We go through the whole scene of seeing Claire being a 2-year-old. >> And he's saying that Quill would play
peekaboo with her for an hour. Like he never got bored of hanging out with her. Blah blah. Which also is weird. It's
weird, man. We're not making this any better. >> Where's Cla's mom? >> I'm I'm saying. And then it's and then
Jacob says, "And I couldn't even make fun of him for it. I envied him too much." Though I did think, are you ready
for it? I did think it sucked that he had a good 14 years of monkitude ahead of him until Claire was his age. Also,
that would only make her 16. And also, I thought you said that it didn't have to
be romantic. Now you're telling me he's got to wait. He's gonna wait it out and watch this little girl go from [ __ ] in
her pants >> to 16 years old when he can finally date her. >> Yeah, >> we're really gonna do that.
>> We did that. They did that. >> And then >> she did that. >> She says for Quill, he says for Quill,
at least it was a good thing werewolves didn't get older. >> What? I don't remember that being part
of the lore. I thought that they were I thought they just like slowly got older.
Yeah, I don't remember all that part of the lore, but >> I thought it was just the vampires that
didn't age. >> Yeah. All right. So, it says they age normally until they reach physical
maturity around age 25. >> So, not >> So, I'm sorry. Wait a minute. He's going to reach age 25
and she's going to be 16 >> and then also >> like there's going to be that age gap.
>> Yeah. What? >> And then he he just it's the same thing as a vampire. stops and then she'll
continue to age. >> That's the thing. So then they don't age as long as they continue to phase. So if
they stop phasing, they'll start aging again. >> Okay. But yeah, 25 is where they get
permanently frozen, >> which also but but they die. And if he's >> they're not immortal. Who knows how old
he is? >> I think he I mean he's probably like 16 17 like Jacob's age, right? >> So it's like he's
>> or like who knows cuz Sam's kind of older. So he's going to hit 25 before she hits 16.
>> Yes. Cuz she's only two. >> Two. Yeah. So it's like that. >> Don't think too hard on that.
>> I'm thinking way too hard on it. And it's real upsetting because even in this
same thing when he's like, "Yeah, you know, he's got and a good 14 years of monkitude." And I was like, "Oh, this is
gross." So gross. >> Like he's not going to [ __ ] any girls his own age. >> He can't
>> because there's this 2-year-old that he's waiting for. That's so [ __ ] up. Yeah, that's a weird
>> I can't get over this. And he even says to him, "Quill, you ever think about dating?" And he's like, "Huh?" And
Claire is like, "No." E. >> Claire doesn't know what the [ __ ] that means. Claire's two. And then he says,
"You know, a real girl. I mean, just for now, right, on your nights off babysitting duty."
>> Oh my god. Who's trusting Quill to babysit this child that he's in love with?
>> Yeah. >> And then this is too gross. This is actually like making me nauseous. Oh.
Well, and then he says, Jacob says, "I bet she'd understand, you know, when she's grown up. She wouldn't get mad
that you had a life while she was in diapers." >> She might get mad that you imprinted on
her when she was 2 years old. >> She might get mad. She wouldn't get mad that you had a life while she was in
diapers. >> Is the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my >> So, when she's 16, she'll be like,
"Well, I was [ __ ] my diaper then, so I understand why you didn't date me. >> I don't need to."
>> Does anybody I'm like, "Are you What? How do you write that as a woman too? Hello.
>> Like >> I got I have to go. >> I'm actually late for I'm late for something. Bye.
>> Just to make it even worse, >> you you have to. >> Jacob's like, "But you won't do that,
will you? Like you're not going to date anyone else." >> And Quill says, "Now remember, we have
been primed and told that is not romantic love every time that they are be will be what they need to be like if
they're a brother, a protector or whatever. This to me sounds like it's romantic love because he's not willing
to date anyone else. He says, "I can't see it. I can't imagine. I just don't see anyone that way. I don't notice
girls anymore, you know? I don't see their faces >> cuz I'm only struggling >> because I'm only into this 2-year-old."
>> The 2-year-old. >> Like, I'm sorry. There's no other way to take that. >> There's no other way to take. Here's
like she could have written this in a way where he became Cla's protector and like had a girlfriend at the same time
but like had that kind of relationship with her like a big brother and you know like there could have been a scene where
Cla Cla was playing by the water and he protected her from drowning or something
like make it >> normal. That's the thing. It's like if you had made it like yeah they just be
like you said imprinting but make it if you're if you're saying that it can have
a brotherly piece to it. Show us that piece. Don't show us a weird [ __ ] guy waiting until he can [ __ ] this girl, but
she's two right now. >> Because if that conversation had happened and Quill had said, "Well,
yeah, of course I'm going to date other girls because I >> I'm not interested in her that way.
>> I just love Claire. I just want to protect her at all costs. >> I'm going to be the person that makes
sure no one hurts her." >> Yeah. >> I would have been like, "Oh, cool." >> You could even make it that like when
Cla gets older, she has a boyfriend and like Quill's really protective and making sure he's the right guy.
>> Yeah. But like in like in that way that's like not crossing a line. It's like if they had had that discussion, I
would have been like, "Oh, that's a little less crazy." >> Because the other thing is it takes away
the the 2-year-old or the woman's autonomy cuz they have no say in it. >> Like even um what's is it Emily? Even
Emily [ __ ] over her best friend and cousin just because Sam's like, "Well, I imprinted on you." And had no say in and
it's like and you're saying like he's like, "Oh, I'm sure Claire will understand when she gets older." Like,
whoa, whoa, whoa. So, we're just not even giving Claire a choice. >> What if Clare doesn't want to be with
you? >> That she now has to just look at you and go, "Oh, it's okay that you, you know,
waited. >> Yeah, you have to. She has to date you because you imprinted on me." That's so [ __ ] up.
>> She has no choice. >> Like the whole imprinting thing. Again, it's such a weird like thing to do that
takes away women's autonomy because it's like we're not given any I don't see Leah imprinting on anyone.
>> No. That's not fair. We don't take away the men's autonomy. We only take away
women. >> If I was Leah, I was reminded of it in this movie when she's sitting on the
beach with Jacob and Seth and she's just hanging out and she has to watch her [ __ ] [ __ ] ass cousin canoodle with
the man she used to love. I would physically fight my cousin every single day of her life. I would beat her ass on
the daily [laughter] is what I said. That's what I wrote down right here in these notes.
>> She said I would beat her ass >> on [laughter] the daily. [ __ ] how does your cousin do you that dirty?
[laughter] >> [ __ ] >> how does your cousin do you that dirt? I am not over it. And if I was your best
friend, >> I'd be in prison. >> Yeah, justice for Leah. Leah can be a pain in the ass in this movie.
>> Oh my god. They had her kill her dad. >> She loses her [laughter] man. >> She has to There's one part, too, where
they're Go ahead. >> Oh, I got it. Go ahead. I got my Post-it note locked and loaded. So even in this
even in the movie and I think she said and she says it in the book too when she breaks away from the pack because later
when they get home from the honeymoon and they have to keep Bella safe the pack finds out she's pregnant and the
pack is like we got to kill. >> Yeah. Like we got to kill her because this is [ __ ] up. It's a abomination and
they've broken the treaty essentially cuz this baby's going to kill her. >> Y >> So obviously Jacob doesn't want to do
that. He breaks away from the pack because he is technically the true alpha. He just decided not to be his
grandfather was chief. >> Yeah. So he's like, "I don't have to bow to you, Sam. [ __ ] off." So he leaves and
Seth follows because Seth's adorable and doesn't want to. And he's like, "I don't
want to hurt the Cullens either." >> And Leah eventually comes cuz she was like, "I want to get the [ __ ] away from
my ex-boyfriend." And I'm here all >> whose thoughts I've had to hear every day.
>> And when she says it and Jacob's like, "You don't even like me." And he's like,
"I don't." She says, "I don't have to like you. I just have to follow you." And I said, "Wow, if that isn't Twilight
in a nutshell." Yeah. >> A woman [snorts] saying to a man, "That's the duck. I don't have to like
you." >> That's the eye of the duck of the duck. >> Shout out to Adam and Dom. Check out
their pond. >> Well, listen to Eye of the Duck. It's a really good book. >> That is the eye of the duck.
>> That is the eye of the duck is I don't have to like you. I just have to follow
you. >> Like that's >> wow right there. And then on top of that, cuz she starts talking about I
don't want to be the the sad ex-girlfriend having to follow her ex-boyfriend around all her story. So
sad. And she's like, "And I don't want to have to think of his thoughts and hear his thoughts and have him hear my
thoughts." Well, in the book, they talk about how when you like, you know, when you
>> when you phase when you phase, your clothes rip apart, so you're naked. >> Unfortunate.
>> And Jacob says, "Nudity was an inconvenient but unavoidable part of pack life. We'd all thought nothing of
it before Leah came along. Then it got awkward. Leah had average control when it came to her temper. It took her the
usual length of time to stop exploding out of her clothes. Every time she got pissed.
>> Not exploding out of her clothes. [laughter] Imagine every time you got pissed. You
exploded out of your clothes. >> I don't know why that that might not be rolling yesterday.
>> But then it says, "Are you ready for Jacob? Team Jacob. >> We'd all caught a glimpse." And it
wasn't like she wasn't worth looking at. It was just that it was so not worth it
when she caught you thinking about it later. Also, just the sentence, it's not that
she wasn't worth looking at. And like someone else that down even more worth looking at.
>> I want to fight people right now. Forget forget Emily. I'm going to fight so much
more than that. >> Justice for Leah. Like what the not only thinking about it later,
>> not only does this [ __ ] have to watch her love of her life fall in love and
imprint on her cousin and best friend who's just like, eh, I don't know what to tell you.
>> I just love him. >> You want to be in our wedding though? And then has to hear his thoughts about
Emily >> and he gets to hear her thoughts about the whole situation. >> [snorts]
>> Not only that, she's got to explode out of her clothes. [laughter] >> Crazy. >> And then have these little dingus muts
over here >> think about it later. >> She's not. It's not like she's not worth looking at it, but then they have to
think nasty ass thoughts about it later. And then she's got to be like, "Hey, little [ __ ]
>> Stop thinking about my ass." Like, >> so [ __ ] up. >> What a [ __ ] life. I was like, "No
wonder you broke away from that pack." I'd be like, "I'm a lone goddamn wolf." >> I would walk into the ocean.
>> Ain't no way I'm being part of a pack. I would say I'm going to La Push and then
I would walk into the ocean [laughter] of >> La Push. What a [ __ ] life. >> Oh man,
>> justice for Leah. Even though Leah is kind of a [ __ ] in this, >> but whatever.
>> She's on the right side at least. And honestly, she can be a [ __ ] Let her. >> It's wild. And oh, it's I just can't get
over it. Now, apparently the whole idea of like human vampire hybrids >> Mhm. >> is a thing. It's in the illustrated
guide, of course, because she had to explain. >> Have you guys heard of the illustrated
glide? Have you? >> Illustrated glide. I just said >> illustrated glide. >> This vampire named Joh.
>> I love it. >> Uh he was a vampire who was I guess he was like a scientist when he was a
human. >> Name. It is Yam. And he was very curious about things. And so he allowed a female
vampire to turn to him just so he could like experiment and see what it was like
for him for science. >> I feel like he has really good hair, >> right? I feel that too. He's not great.
Um, but he became obsessed with the idea of vampire human hybrids when he became
a vampire. So, he tried a ton of times to make one. Okay. He just kept [ __ ] women who were humans, like human women.
>> And he kept either killing them while [ __ ] or they would die while trying to have the child.
>> Awesome. >> So, he was like, "Oh, this isn't working." >> He's like, "God damn." But after,
according to the illustrated guide, and I quote, after a lot of practice, oh, a lot of practice, he impregnated a woman
named Serena, and she lived and had a daughter. >> Okay. >> He apparently conceived a son with
another woman who was apparently what is termed a singer, but she was very um and
now a singer is what Bella is. >> Okay. >> A singer has blood that quote unquote
sings to one vampire. >> What a [ __ ] flex. That's why Edward is so helplessly in love with
[clears throat] it. That it's that blood. Her blood is a siren. She sings to him.
>> That's beautiful. >> Now, apparently singers don't hit for all vampires. They hit for
a particular vampire. >> That's not true for Bella, though, because I feel like every vampire that
comes in contact with her is like, >> remember James? He risked his life. >> Literally, like, I just want to taste
it. It's like, but that's against the lore. Yeah, >> cuz she maybe it just tastes a little
better, I guess. I don't know. But so he conceived a child with a son with a singer. But in the illustrated guide,
she is very adamant that this lady her singer abilities nothing according to like when put up next to Bella's. Okay.
>> She's always like Bella is just more than everybody. >> Oh, maybe she doesn't hate her.
>> I think so too. >> But so they did they are a thing. Hybrids reach physical adulthood by
seven years. >> Okay. So, in seven years, they will become like uh an adult, but they're
still seven, >> but they're not like in a seven-year-old body. Yeah, >> they become an adult, but they are only
on this earth for seven years before they become an adult. >> Okay. >> And apparently they're born with an
adult mental capacity. >> I was going to say, okay. Okay. >> Um and then they just stay that way.
They don't move past that. >> All right. >> But yeah, so that's a thing. And so I
just wanted to put that out there because there is like you know precedence for it kind of thing.
>> Um but yeah so that's what will happen with Reneesme is she will se within seven years she will become a full
adult. >> Okay. Um so that's all that Jacob has to wait for. >> Oh that's so great. Um
which is weird. Uh now the whole time that like Belle is in the Cullen house and Rosalie is just thirsting for that
baby. Anytime someone's like, you know, this fetus is is hurting you, this fetus
is going to kill you. She's like, it's a baby. Call it a baby. And it's like, no,
no, I get it, babe. I get it that it's like a real thing in there. >> Biologically, medically, it is a fetus
until it comes out of her. So, like, you need to tone it down. Like, you need to
calm down. >> She's like, everybody else is a little bit wrong because for the amount of time
that Bella is pregnant, it's not a fetus. It's actually an embryo. >> It's an embryo. Honestly, I don't even
think it's an embryo, though. It's actually >> ever. >> Yeah, probably not. >> With what? How she's pregnant? How long
is it? >> 9 weeks. 9 to 10. >> 9 to 10 weeks. And but how long is it that uh that she's pregnant?
>> Oh, sorry. Uh 3 weeks, I think. 3 weeks, I think. >> Hold on. Let me let me make sure.
>> So, I don't even think she ever just cuz also remember as soon as she gets pregnant, she feels it kicking.
>> Implantation for her is 2 minutes. >> Literally, >> she's pregnant for 28 days.
>> Yeah. So, and she feels it kicking the second she's she finds out. So, that thing is no longer an embryo. That's a
full-blown fetus, but it's a fetus the whole time. >> Yeah. >> And it's like that's just And maybe
that's just like medically and biologically it's annoying me that she's like being such a [ __ ]
>> You are a science queen. >> It just annoyed me. Also, when she does figure out she's pregnant,
>> she looks at she like in the movie she like, you know, asks for her like makeup
bag and she sees the thing of tampons and that's when she's like, "Oh, [ __ ] my period.
>> And in the book, the same kind of thing happens, but she like lifts the tampon
box up like cuz she's kind of like, "Oh, [ __ ] I don't need these." >> And Edward in the book is like, "You're
trying to pass off this sickness as PMS." And I was like, "I'm sorry." >> Some people do get really sick.
>> Edward Anthony Cullen, >> man, >> have you ever had a period? Because I've had cramps so badly that one, I've
thrown up, and two, I've almost fainted. Yeah. Literally. >> So, don't sit here and be like trying to
pass this off. [ __ ] off. >> I'm like, I've thrown up during my period before. Okay. If John ever tried
to question my period, I'd be like, "Have you ever experienced one?" >> Fight night.
>> Like, get out of here. Like, that just annoyed me in the book. No, he's out of
here. >> But they're not He's not nice to her. >> No, he's not >> ever. He's not, please.
>> But he's so in love with her. Like, make it make sense. >> Make it make sense.
>> So, Alice taps into the fact that like something is arai because she can't see
Bella anymore like in visions. >> I think like the the fetus like blocks her. >> It's like a It's like actually placenta.
phone. It's a literal eclipse. But uh so on in the movie on like Alice calls and
is like, "What's going on?" And then Carle gets on the phone and Bella says, "Carle, I swear something just moved
inside of me." I said, "That's diabolical to say to your father-in-law." >> And you know, Carl was probably like,
"Did you mean to call me? [laughter] >> I swear something just moved inside of me.
>> Who are you saying this to?" >> Uh what? >> And she meanwhile looks in the and she
looks in the in the mirror and she's like, "I'm bumping. >> There's a bump. Let me tell you, that
[ __ ] is a Pilates queen. >> I would give my left arm for [laughter] that bump. I would give my left arm for
my stomach to look like her stomach looks when it's when she's like, I'm pregnant.
>> I eat a pizza and I'm more pregnant than Bella. >> Mama is tone as [ __ ] in that. It's
[laughter] like that's I was going to say I drink a little water and I'm and I'm more pregnant than Bella. [laughter]
>> Literally, >> it's like goddamn nuts. >> I was like, we're really not going to
give her like anything here. >> No. >> But cool. Um, so yeah. So, justice and all that. Uh [laughter]
and Carile. >> Now, there's a part where um it's like while they're talking about how she's
like getting to the point where it's like breaking her ribs and [ __ ] and Carile's like, "Yo,
>> this is going to kill you." >> Like, "This thing's going to real talk right now."
>> Yeah. Like, he's no way. And Robert Patson literally almost laughs in this scene
>> multiple times. >> When they're telling him that the baby's crushing Bella from the inside out, he
says, "I can't live without you." Watch it again. He stifles a full laugh. >> He does and he turns to the window.
>> He doesn't do a good job at it. It's very very obvious that he stops himself from laughing
>> and then he does it one more time like right before he yells at her. Watch that
scene. He's lining. >> Please do. He's l >> cuz he's like this isn't serious. Also,
I think it's partially that she looks so scary that he can't be like, I can't live without you. Because he's like, I
kind of want to live without you right [laughter] now. >> Terrifying. >> I'd like to get out of here. They the
makeup and like whatever else they did to make her look so just like gaunt and scary. I was like what did you guys do?
>> Terrifying. Like terrifying. >> And while um when Bella like goes into labor and like all her bones are
breaking. It's so scary >> cuz she like drops blood. They figure out that like the baby needs blood. So
she's drinking blood and then she drops some and the baby like wants it so bad that she she breaks her back and her
knees. >> Yeah. It's terrifying. And in the book, uh, Jacob's part, he says, "For the
tiniest part of a second, my eyes touched on the two standing in the back, Esme, Alice, small and distractingly
feminine." Distractingly feminine. What the [ __ ] does that mean? >> Pretty. Distractingly feminine. He's like,
"Here's the thing. I was really concerned about Bella, but I kind of wanted to [ __ ] those vampires, and I do
feel weird about it." That sounds like something AI would spit out. >> No, you know what that sounds like.
>> I realized these were written well before AI was a thing. So, I'm not that's not what I'm saying at all. But
I'm saying that does sound like a stupid thing that AI would put together. >> It sounds like to be like put this in
there. >> It sounds like that whole generation that's like looks maxing. Have you heard
of that? That's the kind of [ __ ] that those incelss would say. Distractingly feminine.
>> Distractingly feminine. >> They call girls like mobs or something. I don't know.
>> What the [ __ ] It's weird. >> I just It just sounds like something that two things that don't belong
together. It just doesn't feel completely again. I realize this was before AI. I'm not by any means. We're
not accusing any. >> I'm more just saying like that's how that is also why when like people think
things that are not written well are just AI. >> Not always. >> Sometimes [laughter] people just don't
work. But this really does feel like one of those cuz like a lot of times when you see like something written by AI,
there'll be things that you're like that doesn't make sense. Like that metaphor doesn't make sense or like it's like
overly worked the word or like the phrase that feels overly worked. Distractingly
feminine feels like something that somebody should have said. Pull that back. >> Distractingly feminine.
Yeah, it it is. It kind of feels like one. >> And I feel like maybe I'm like was he
trying to insult? I absolutely because he's like I think he's basically saying like the vampire women shouldn't be so
feminine and beautiful but they are and I it's like [ __ ] me up. >> It's like what? He also yells [snorts]
at Edward when he finds out that Belle is pregnant. You did this and he's like yeah
>> yes they are married and they did just get back from their honeymoon. >> Yes, he did.
>> He did do this. Like you you haven't discovered something. >> Yeah. Like truly what? [snorts] And uh
Edward has to perform the C-section like we said >> with his teeth >> um with him's teeth.
>> He just has to bite through that placenta. >> We also have to assume that he separates
the cord, the umbilical cord with his teeth as well because when the baby comes out, there's no cord.
>> Yeah. Just crunch. >> And I said, "What a different way to go about that." >> Yeah.
>> It's a lot of layers to bite through. Seven, right? Seven, I think. Um C-sections are no joke.
>> It might even be more cuz I know you have seven layers of skin, right? >> Seven distinct layers of tissue and
muscle. But they also have to like move organs and maybe he just like shuffles those around. I guess
>> I guess the skin, the subcutaneous fat, fascia, abdominal muscles, paritonyium,
the uterus, and the amniotic sack. >> Have you ever seen somebody like um reenact it on TikTok? That [ __ ] will
[ __ ] you up. >> Every time I see it, I'm like, damn, I did that twice. >> Twice. I know. That [ __ ] over here
[laughter] >> snaps through that. I don't think I could survive that. >> But also, she and he's biting through
those layers, so I'm like, that's going to be jagged as [ __ ] And also infected.
According to the illustrated guide, uh when hybrid babies happen, it's the placenta's like stone.
Like it's it's like vampire skin. Imagine if he lost a tooth. That would have been the funniest [ __ ] And then it
just and then it just grew back cuz he heals quickly. >> Here's the other thing.
So he says cuz Jacob at least in the movie says like uh cuz they take out the baby and or like they're the baby's not
completely out yet and she's clearly like dying >> and he's like you have to change her and
he says I can't until that thing is out but you're biting into her body so you're get like that doesn't make sense.
>> So your venom is already entering her system. >> Yeah. You're saying I can't give her my
venom until the baby's out. But you're giving her your venom by ripping open her skin with your teeth.
>> Yes. >> Indeed. >> And nobody caught that. Like I don't get it. >> Nobody caught that.
>> Um >> another thing that nobody caught >> is um how Jacob imprints on Reneesme.
>> Oh, I caught that. >> Um and what's crazy is that he imprints on Reneesme at all.
>> But before we get there, >> but also when she was born, he's in the room >> and he sees her
>> for the first time. >> He literally is like, "Get that [ __ ] thing out of here."
>> Yep. Like I'm not holding it, >> [ __ ] That rank ass infant. >> That [ __ ] >> He says, "I don't want to touch that
baby that's covered in strawberry cream cheese." >> Yeah, he said that's a murderer. Get it
out of here. In the illustrated guide, Stephanie Meyer states that imprinting, this is a quote, direct quote,
"Imprinting happens the first time a werewolf sees the object of his imprinting. If the werewolf does not
react to the human the first time he sees her after he phases, he will never imprint on that human.
>> But he does. >> But he does. >> What? Like he literally saw her and then he sees her again and that's when
[clears throat] he imprints. That doesn't make any sense. >> And there's no reason for that.
>> No. >> Like there's no reason. >> We were watching the movie and I said, "Hold up. Hold up." Right now he's
seeing her immediately when she's delivered. >> Yeah. which honestly would have been
even worse if he imprinted it on her as she was coming out of her mother's uterus.
>> Yeah, that'd be [ __ ] That would be [ __ ] It's still [ __ ] It's completely [ __ ] And I love that in
this whole thing that first of all, Edward like goes into this moment of just being so enamored with the baby
that he literally does not care that Bella is fully >> coding, >> just dead right there,
>> dead on the bed. >> She's a corpse. Like, she just presumably is a corpse at that moment.
And then he's like, "Oh [ __ ] I have to fix her now, too." I'm like, "Oh, wow."
>> That sucks. Like, and what's funny is like in again in the illustrated guide,
there's an um interview with Stephanie Meyer and she says that the reason she wanted to explore this whole pregnancy
thing is cuz pregnancy is like not dangerous anymore. The dumbest thing I've ever
>> She said, "No, it's not danger. Used to be so dangerous. It's not dangerous anymore." And I said,
>> "I beg you to read. >> It still is. I beg you to read >> the amount of conditions that you can
get. One, not only while pregnant, but two, immediately after delivery, >> I needed two blood transfusions after I
had the twins. >> You were like Bella. >> Every organ in my body was shutting down.
>> When I saw Elena post birth, it was like I think one day later, I literally grabbed a nurse and I said, "Is she all
right?" Because she was gray. >> I was literally gray. >> She was the color gray. She was the gray
stuff. Literally, I was from Beauty and the Beast. >> I was literally I had two full blood
transfusions right after giving birth. >> Birth isn't even dangerous, Elena. >> Reading that dramatic.
>> I was like, girl, I know it wasn't like giving birth in the middle of the woods
back in the day. I realized that that things have changed. It's dangerous. Like, we can't pretend that it's not
dangerous. >> So, like that's a weird weird thing to say, especially when you're having her
die during birth. >> Yeah. >> So, there's that. But it's >> she was like, "I'm doing something new
here. Women don't die and crazy." And it's like, "No, they do. They do. [laughter]
>> They sure do. >> That does happen. >> It's just And then we have Rosalie who has to be taken out of the room cuz
she's about to eat Bella cuz she's just all the blood >> cuz they haven't hunted in forever.
Bella >> because of Bella needing to [ __ ] as a human. >> Exactly. [laughter] Everything leads back to that. None of
them have eaten in days, weeks even. They're all hungry. They're all like all their eyes are turning [ __ ] dark
black at this point. Amber, >> Esme, Carile, and EMTT are out hunting when she goes into labor like and also
trying to avoid being hunted by the wolves at the same time. >> Stops by like, you know, [ __ ] with
them. But it's like all of this is because Bella just had to have sex as a human. Could not wait.
>> But then Rosalie gets that baby. >> She doesn't even ask if Bella survived. She's sitting by a fire.
>> I can take it. cooing at that baby. Unfucking bothered >> cooing at that CGI baby.
>> So there goes that whole girls supporting girls thing. She doesn't give a >> She said, "This is my baby now. I hope
she does die." >> And also that's [laughter] crazy. Sorry. I had to recover from that.
>> That's my baby now. I hope she does die. >> I hope she does die. >> That baby like when it first comes out
is a regular baby. Like somebody was like, "Here's my 3-month old. Go ahead and cover it in jam."
>> Crazy. >> Wild. And it's a beautiful baby. Then they make it seem coded and I'm like,
"But you didn't have to do that because babies are already beautiful." >> But no, we needed this baby to be the
baby that Jacob falls in love with. >> But they make it really scary. >> I like it.
>> Reneesme is going to get a freak. >> Reneesme in part two is going to be the thing that your your sleep paralysis
demon has nothing on Reneesme in part two. Sleep paralysis demon is a top model compared to [laughter]
>> because when when we see Jacob imprint on Rene to his knees >> and he just has visions of this
beautiful adult Reneesme. >> But here's the thing. This beautiful adult Reneesme. It's weird. And her wig
is weird, too. Why can't they just find a pretty girl? >> What's up with the wigs?
>> Why can't they just find a pretty girl with long hair? >> Just get a good wig. There's good wigs.
>> Yeah, you might not even need it. You found Victoria, the first one. Gorgeous
hair. >> But then he just falls to his knees and will do anything to be with that baby in
7 years. >> Meanwhile, that baby just [ __ ] its pants. Meanwhile, that baby just
breathed its first breath. Like, is literally being fed by Rosalie because it can't feed itself.
>> Yeah. >> And you fell to your knees thinking about it as an beautiful adult woman
that you can't wait to be with >> who also has no choice in the matter. >> Yep. And you hate vampires,
>> but that's half vamp. Like that baby's drinking blood. >> Yeah. >> Not breast milk.
>> Yeah. >> It's weird as [ __ ] >> It's the weirdest movie. Like this has got to be the Stephanie Meyer's mind is
a dark place. >> We got to study it, man. It's crazy. >> It's [ __ ] up. >> I got to be like, "Girl, tell me what's
going on in there." >> Then we get to the end. By the way, make sure you watch past the credits if you
didn't know the first time. Past the credits, we get >> probably my favorite part of the
Twilight series. I love Arrow. >> He is funny. >> Love him. >> Uh, Marcus. >> He's wonderful. Marcus is just so
tortured. >> I love him. >> And we have, is it Bianca? >> Yes. >> Bianca, the secretary, comes in and she
hands a note to Arrow. And it's a note that because she's a secretary, she wrote down Carile had contacted them and
said that they have a new addition to the family. Mhm. >> So he reads the note and when he says it
he's like Carile um Carile has contacted us and he looks up and he says with an S
Bianca. >> She spelled Carile wrong. >> He's like you can't spell. >> He's like wow dummy.
>> And that they added somebody new. >> He immediately has two vampires kill Bianca because he says for the spelling
and the grammar. >> He said the grammar too was bad. Maybe he would have just let it go.
>> He says first the spelling then the grammar >> take her out. >> And I was like Arrow is everything to
me. >> He is. >> He's everything to But he's big mad because we have something he wants
>> cuz Marcus says >> but I'm so beautiful. >> We're no longer >> I'm so >> fighting with the [laughter] happy
>> and says family >> [ __ ] He says they have something I want. >> And then hold on he he says they have
something I want. And then we cut to the real credits which is Bruno [ __ ] [laughter] Mars. It will rain. How do
you end your vampire movie with if you ever leave me, baby? >> What? What? >> I literally can't.
>> What? >> I literally >> There will be no sunlight. Of course there won't. You're a vampire.
>> Exactly. >> That's the That's the most diabolical credit song to roll after Breaking Dawn.
>> And you know what? just like to end this like on the website um she has her playlists that she put together and I'm
not faulting anyone for a playlist. I love a playlist. I have playlist for my books.
>> Is it this playlist is like it goes everywhere. >> Yeah. And like maybe you can [ __ ] on my
playlist too. Like I'm [ __ ] on this one. >> I wouldn't [ __ ] on your playlist. I
think it's >> this one just confuses me because one of the things on the playlist from Bella's
thing is the Beach Boys. Wouldn't it be nice? I just got to know where that fits. Like I just got to know where
[laughter] that also wouldn't be nice if we were older. It's like the lyrics obviously.
>> Yeah. >> But then she also has like Lincoln Park >> from Bella's point of view.
>> Yeah. >> Which I just don't see. Relant K. I see. >> Reliant K. I do see >> I do see be
before I do. >> Uh we do have Dark Blue by Jax Mannequin which I said >> shout out to Andrew McMahon
>> and also friend of the dear Andrew. [laughter] >> How do you feel about this?
>> How did you know that you're on this? Hey Andrew, did you know that you're linked to Stephanie Meyer forever?
>> So, I would like to know where does that go? >> Have you ever been alone in a crowded
room? Elena, >> can you just point to me where that one goes? I just I'm having trouble.
>> And again, I'm not in the I this is not my world. So, I'm not going to say that
like maybe you have a place she has a place where that fits. Maybe and that I'll go you're right. That makes sense
because I'm this is not my world. So >> maybe it's when he looks at Reneesme for
the first time. >> There you go. >> Like it's it's them. >> Dark blue. Dark blue. Like I love that
song. In fact, every time I go to a concert >> of Jack's mannequin, I call John during
Dark Blue if he's not in the room with me. >> It's really cute. Yeah. >> You love that.
>> Uh it played at my wedding. But uh yeah, I just didn't know where that one fit. I
also didn't know where Paper Cut by Lincoln Park fit. >> Great song. >> Um it's great. Great album.
>> We've got Evan Essence, of course. You got Fix You by Coldplay, which I feel like does fit.
>> Oh my god. I used to listen to that song anytime that I did a breakup or got broken up with. That song will wreck
you. >> Absolutely. >> When you try your best, >> but you don't succeed. >> That's for Marcus. [laughter] Marus.
>> That is That's Marcus. >> When you get what you want, but not what you need. >> He's constantly playing that in his
head. >> He's so sad. [snorts] Um, we have, let's see, we have you two stuck in a moment
you can't get out of. That's only because they put that on everybody's phone. >> That's very true. [laughter]
The only reason it's got to be in every playlist. I'm like, damn, it's on my playlist, too. Uh, we have [laughter] we
also have the reason by Huba Stank. And Ash said, not Huba. I said, how do you put Huba Stank? First of all, [laughter]
how do you name your band Huba Stank? Let's get back to the origin story. >> Isn't Huba?
>> What isn't Huba? I think that Do you know what it is? >> Do I know what Huba means?
>> Yeah. No, >> I'm pretty sure cuz I remember when they first came out, people were like, "What
the [ __ ] does this thing mean?" I think he said it's the smell >> of a huba. [laughter]
>> I think it's the smell of like a bong, >> like the the I'm pretty sure >> the lead singer uh Doug Rob once claimed
it was a mispronounced German slang for somebody who had a shoe fetish or has a lot of sneakers. What a vast difference.
>> What a vast difference. [laughter] Who was Hank? I feel like I saw an interview where they said that at one
point but maybe >> it seems like they say a lot of things about it. Either way, when you said not
hubist, [laughter] I was like what? >> I don't know >> cuz that really is a a wild band name.
>> So random. >> It's pretty great. >> Oh man, I can't wait for part two. >> Part two
>> cuz I don't remember it. Like I think I said this when we finished Eclipse. I
really didn't remember and then I was watching this and I said, "Wow, I really didn't retain most of this."
>> I also didn't. which is probably my brain saving me >> cuz I don't think I don't think part one
is um >> good >> is widely received as the best of them. I think uh if you love it
>> I think I thought that I liked Breaking Dawn better than I liked Eclipse but I
would actually prefer Eclipse over at least part one. >> Yeah. I don't know. I'm
>> these movies are nuts, man. >> Last two are not great for me. >> No. >> Last two that we covered.
>> Yeah. like Eclipse and I think part the last part like part five is supposed to
be kind of fun >> cuz I think that the fighting scene is fun and I think it's fun meeting the
other covens. >> Yeah. >> And like we get more Arrow. >> Yeah. So like that's all I can ask for.
>> And Jane We got more Jane. I love Jane. >> Jane. Jane is fun. >> Yeah. So >> All right.
>> I And I think we get Arrow's really good laugh in the next one. >> God, I can't wait to do an impression
once you hear it. >> I'll get it. >> All right. So, that'll be one of our next bonus episodes, brothers.
>> I love doing these so much. >> My god, >> what are we going to do once we're done
with Twilight? >> I know, guys. You got to give us a >> suggestions suggestions of like a series
or something that you want us to cover like this, >> like a ridiculous series, like how do we
bonus episode after this? >> I know. How could we >> tell us what you want? >> Tell us
>> and we'll give you what you want. Maybe >> we will cuz we love you. We do. So, with
that being said, we hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it weird, but not as weird as Jacob. Definitely
not as weird. >> Or Edward ripping his baby mama's [ __ ] skin apart. >> Or Rosalie just waiting in the
background until she steal the baby. >> Or Alice packing [music] your sister-in-law lingerie after she marries
your brother. >> Or the wig department. >> The wig department. [laughter] >> And if I missed anyone, let me know.
>> Yeah. Or as [ __ ] Renee getting blitzed at your daughter's [laughter] wedding and singing for your speech.
>> And Jessica saying it could have been me. >> Yeah. >> Um Yeah. [music] Don't keep it that
weird. >> Bye, babes. >> Bye. [music] >> [music] [music] [music] [music] [music]

WEIRDOS!! For this month's BONUS EPISODE, Ash & Alaina dive fang-first into Breaking Dawn: Part 1. Share in the trauma of the ATROCIOUS Cullen wigs, the weird internalized misogyny of vampire reproduction, and the fact that Jacob imprints on a child with a name that sounds suspiciously like a pharmaceutical side effect! Honestly, NOTHING is marked safe from discussion!

Cowritten by Alaina Urquhart, Ash Kelley & Dave White (Since 10/2022) Produced & Edited by Mikie Sirois (Since 2023) Research by Dave White (Since 10/2022), Alaina Urquhart & Ash Kelley Listener Correspondence & Collaboration by Debra Lally Listener Tale Video Edited by Aidan McElman (Since 6/2025) Listener Tale Theme Music licensed from https://www.purple-planet.com Main Theme: Matti Paalanen — Trick or Treat — Provided by Jamendo Ad Music: Title: Artist: BlueJay Studio — Spooky Waltz — Provided by Jamendo

Brief Summary

Hosts Ash and Elena critique Breaking Dawn Part One's absurdities, character dynamics, and problematic themes, while sharing their humorous insights.

Key points

Announcing the Next Book Club. Exciting news about the upcoming Morbid book club featuring a special guest author.
The Confusion of Lore. A deep dive into the inconsistencies in the author's lore and how it affects storytelling.
Misogyny in Twilight. Exploring the internalized misogyny present in the Twilight series.
Renee's Parenting Skills. Critique of Renee's parenting and her reaction to Bella's marriage.
Tension at the Wedding. Jacob's disrespectful behavior at the wedding raises eyebrows and creates tension.
Misogyny in Twilight. The internalized misogyny in Bella's character is highlighted during the wedding reception.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

You can't make readers feel stupid for being enveloped in this world.

Discussion about the author's responsibility to her lore.

11:15WatchMay 29, 2026

Tension

40/ 100Low tension

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