Episode 728: November Bonus Episode: Twilight is Weird | Forensic Files

Oh, when the full moon turns well, that's when [singing] I'll come home. That's such a [ __ ] banger. It is a
banger. >> [laughter] >> Should we just start the episode like that? >> like we should.
Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash. >> And I'm Elena and this is Twilight Morbid. >> [music] >> Yeah, this is our bonus episode.
Guys, we're going to be talking about Twilight today. >> Oh my god, re-watching this for Okay,
first of all, the I feel like this all started like around Halloween. I came over to record something late night and
I was like, "Yeah, thanks a lot for making me come over here late night because I was just watching Twilight."
And Elena stopped dead in her tracks and she goes, "Why were you watching Twilight?" And I was like, "I I just
wanted to watch it." And she goes, "No, earlier I was watching Twilight for no [ __ ] reason either."
>> reason it just hit me. I was like, "I want to watch Twilight and just I want to watch that camp classic again."
>> Like why on the same day did the Like it wasn't in a movie lineup. I was just
like searching through movies or you know what? I was probably searching for like Halloween movies and it was in
there and I was like, "A Halloween movie? Twilight?" Yeah, I was like, "What But I was like, you know what? I'm
going to [ __ ] watch it." >> Let's put on some Twilight. >> we were talking about it and on the pod
you guys were there. And you guys said, "Do it." >> came through in a big way. Yes.
>> way. I have we've been knee-deep in Twilight. I'm really hoping that you guys dig this
episode because I'm really hoping that you will allow us to do the rest of the movies and the
rest of the books because it's it's going to be fun. Even if you guys don't like this, I'm just going to
pretend that you did and we're still going to do the rest of them. [laughter] I think you're going to be down for it.
>> going to love it. Uh we've been knee-deep in it. I mean, there's so many things to watch on Tik Tok about it, so
many interviews with the cast and then there's this book. I had followed this person on Tik Tok. Her name's uh Sarah
Elizabeth Gallagher. That book is >> It's amazing. >> It's a gold mine. >> The book is why we love and hate
Twilight, the highs and lows of the Twilight saga. I had followed her on Tik Tok cuz she organically came up on my
feed and was just talking about something. I think the first thing I saw was her talking about how like uh it's
real weird that like Stephanie Meyer has like an illustrated guide to Twilight and wrote in that illustrated guide.
It's not weird that she has a guide, but it's weird that she wrote that like and
we'll get into it that all the pigment get gets leached out of your skin when you become a vampire and was very clear
on the fact that you are white no matter what ethnicity you are. Yeah, I would classify that as big [ __ ] weird.
>> that popped up on my feed, I said, "I'm interested in it." I immediately started
following. >> Tell me everything, sister. >> So right off the right off the bat,
she's a great follow. She's very interesting. She's really deep in it. And this book, Why We Love and Hate
Twilight, we'll link it in the show notes cuz it's a really fun It's a quick read. It's a fun read. She goes into the
book. She goes into and all the books, the whole series, all the movies. Like she has some really funny takes in here.
Highly recommend it, but also a gold mine for anything you really if you start wanting to just go down the
rabbit hole cuz let me tell you I don't even think we got to go all the way down. We went so far It's been like a
few days that we've spent just in the Twilight in the trenches rabbit hole and I could go for like eons longer.
>> get we'll do the other movies and we'll go even deeper, but I can't wait. >> If you're really interested, definitely
check out cast interviews because holy [ __ ] >> Robert Pattinson in particular >> just going to say [laughter] Robert
Pattinson [ __ ] hates these movies. His interviews are >> [laughter] >> wild. He hates the book. He
He literally was like, "When I first read it, I felt like I was reading like Stephanie's diary and I was like, "This
is really [ __ ] weird." >> was like, "I shouldn't be reading this." >> think anybody should read this.
>> It's wild and so that's interesting. And then Stephanie Meyer has had and maintained a website throughout the
process even before the books were published where it's it's a treasure trove of
interesting things. I mean, It's like an archive. updates. Yeah, it's all archived. There's like
fan casting that she wanted for the movie for the movies, which is very interesting. It's still up there. Um she
wanted Henry Cavill to play Edward really bad. Not for me. >> Um she wanted that so bad. I said he was
just born 40. He can't play a 17-year-old even in 2008. [laughter] I feel like the picture of him as 17,
he's looks younger. He just isn't what I pictured. >> He's not what I pictured at all.
>> But like But also we were just like >> Transparently, it's embedded in our heads that it's Robert Pattinson.
>> not even because transparently for me, I love Robert Pattinson. I think he's wildly handsome and I really like him. I
remember watching the movie and when he first came on, I was like disappointed. That's not what I pictured.
>> And I wasn't disappointed cuz he's ugly or something or like unattractive. >> Yeah. He just wasn't what I pictured in
my head. Yeah. And so I was like I was like, "Damn, that sucks. Like that's not what I thought." He became more Edward
to me as it went on. >> Yeah. But like I remember being like pretty da And actually John, shout-out
to John, he went to the first Twilight movie with me cuz he's a real one. >> Yeah. And I remember just looking at him
being like, "That's not who I thought Edward was." And he was like, "What?" >> "I'm sorry."
>> [laughter] >> I feel like we must have had such a different experience reading these for
the first time because you read these at 22, which must have been like quite the
adventure. Well, no, the books came out at in 2005. 2005, so >> So I was just out of high school. Well,
I I think I read them like when the movie started to come out because Yeah, I read them ahead of time. Okay. It
started to be like a craze. I read them when I was like 12. So even just like the age that you were when you read
them, I mean, like it must have been so different for us because Cuz I was like 18 or something.
>> I was >> 19. >> I think I was like prime [ __ ] age for these books because I thought they were
just next level. Next level. And I mean, like props to her. These books, they hooked everybody.
>> Yeah. So that like I'm not I'm not out here saying like these are They're I want to reread them because I think it
would be a very interesting total reread. I know. I wish I still had mine. >> I still have mine. Do you really?
>> Yeah, they're floating around. So like I'm definitely going to be rereading them and like props to her for She told
the story that everybody that and that's what you that's what everybody wants to
do who wants to like be an author or be a storyteller. You want to tell a good story.
>> And she did. >> She told one. Told a good ass story. >> Where I think she might have dipped into
some issues is where she went a little too far into explaining. Yeah. >> and the backstories. Sometimes I think
you just, you know, you don't need it. Sometimes it Sometimes I don't need it. >> It's like when you overegg a pudding.
That's the thing. Sometimes it's like I think just letting the the readers and the fans come up with their own head
canons and kind of take things from little bits and pieces you give them >> is the best way to do it.
>> Mhm. Because then it becomes their story and it's like they can kind of be But
when you're giving them too much, you're putting a little too much of your own personal likes and dislikes into the
story. >> Yeah. And that can get hairy. >> And weird as it does here. I [laughter]
mean, we just told you the the hairiest it possibly gets. >> pretty hairy. >> Yeah.
>> Uh so this is the movie came out in 2008, the first movie. Like I said, the books the first book was published in
2005. According to her website, I'm pretty sure she like wrote like First of all,
she had a dream. That's where this all came from. The dream is very interesting to me. I'm
not I'm not like sitting here questioning her reality, but she said what happened was she had a dream
and the dream was was she was watching two people in a meadow. Like she just The dream was two people that weren't
her in this meadow and they were talking, you know, they were an impossibly beautiful boy and a very
average-looking girl. >> Which like damn. >> What I which I was like Okay. And >> [laughter]
>> sure. And they were talking about how in love they were, but how it was going to
be hard because he was a vampire and all this [ __ ] and she just was like, "I got
to know what's up with these two?" That's interesting and I'm not I'm not here to Maybe other people dream this
way. I never dream where I'm watching a movie Or I'm part of the dream. I'm not like watching two people have a
conversation ever. Like I'm always part of I'm I'm in the mix in my dreams. >> Like I'm always
part of what's going on. Like even uh like cuz The Butcher and the Wren, my first book, I I had a dream when I was
pregnant and I was being chased in the dream >> Yeah. Like you were the wren. Like I was
being chased and I was like, "Who the [ __ ] is that guy?" Right. I was actively
in the dream. I And again, that's just how I dream. I don't know if other people dream and I would be curious to
hear you guys. Do you guys ever dream where you're watching other people exist and you're just no part of the dream?
>> Yeah. Cuz if you I'm very interested in it. >> I'm sure people probably do because
dreams are so [ __ ] weird. Even people like that write in their stories to us about their dreams in general. They're
always [ __ ] crazy. But I always say I'm always involved in mine, but maybe it's different. But she this is that's
how this started. She wanted to know these two people. She wanted to like flush out the story. Which is cool. Very
cool. Especially when you get a part of the story in the dream and you're like, "Well, now I want to know more. Like why
can't you be together? What's that about?" So she I think she said that she did all of this, dreamt it, wrote it,
edited it, published it in like 6 months. That's >> Which is crazy. >> Beyond my wildest imagination.
>> a pretty solid length. >> It's a thick ass book. And it's How many pages is it? How many
pages is it? >> Holy [ __ ] Uh >> It varies by edition, but the original hardcover had 544
pages and the paperback had 498. Yeah. That's a big old book. >> That's a big beefy book. So it's like
that's really that's wild. I just remember walking around like 6th and 7th grade and everyone in the hallway had
one [ __ ] part of that series in their hands. I was always reading that [ __ ] Yeah, I remember I vividly remember
tearing through these books. Yeah. Which is funny because I've been trying to get
back and I've been on a like such a horror and thriller kick, which I love. I will stay horror thriller forever.
>> about to say something that I was thinking about the other day? I'm interested I was so involved in these
books that I'm like >> I should give some of these kind of books a chance more like the Like you
know >> fantasy kind of thing. >> Yeah, like more fantasy stuff cuz I love that stuff.
>> It's so funny. I started a thriller the other day and it's not bad by any means,
but I was just like I can't get into this. And it's not the book cuz it's been like a couple times lately that
I've picked up some thrillers and I'm like I think I need a genre switch. >> Yeah, sometimes you get trapped in a
genre. >> Yeah, like I love I'll never get sick of horror. No. >> Like I will say I can read a horror book
every day for the rest of my life and I'll be happy, but in like thriller I love too and like I love those, but I do
think Sometimes you need to like switch it around. >> Well, this going back to this made me
remember how obsessed I was with this series and wanting to know what happened next and like being very involved in it.
>> rules of like vampire world and like Yeah, and just liking the lore and liking like this whole like fantasy
world that there was going on. >> And then even when you get into like like and hopefully we can get into it
next time more, but like when you get into New Moon and you start to learn like Jacob's tribe like all those rules.
>> being brought in, which also is like a wild thing that she kind of like found
this Quileute tribe and it's like a little bit of like their legends and Yeah. Turning it into what she wanted
to. >> Yeah. But you know, here we are. Uh but there's a lot there's a lot to this and
that one of the things that she like Stephanie Meyer like readily admits is that she was like fully in love with
Edward. Like fully obsessed with the character. >> Yeah, we got to link some of the
interviews cuz he did an interview with E! The interviewer looked like he wanted
his chair to swallow him whole. >> cuz it was for the Twilight film. Like Twilight is like right behind [laughter]
him. It's like a press junket. And he's asking him about a [ __ ] >> And Robert Pattinson is like, "Yeah, it
felt when I read the book, I was kind of like I feel like I'm reading Stephanie's
journal and she like and he literally says like sexual fantasies about this this Edward character.
>> character. And he's like and he's like, "And I thought this woman's mad. Like
she's in love with her fictional character." And I was like, "Oh my god." >> Yeah, he really he called them out 2020
if you remember. It was and this he's he's Edward. Like he's Edward. >> Long term, babe.
>> Like that is >> No switcheroo. wild. It's wild. And he says he was like, "This just felt like"
and he even said it felt like she is Bella and she saw herself as Bella. >> Well, and I think she has kind of
admitted to that. Like she that like pieces of her are Bella. >> Which like makes that you inserting is a
very normal thing for an author to do. It's just you you do that naturally sometimes.
>> going to say you probably do it without even thinking cuz I know like even when
you wrote Butcher and Wren, you didn't set out to make yourself Wren, but like you're pretty much Wren.
>> pieces of me are there and then I always say like pieces of what I I aspire to be
are Wren. >> Yeah, that makes sense. >> And but like with Bella, I think she said
like she that it's not her. But Bella's physical description is literally her. And then I think that we read something
on her own website actually that said um Cuz one of the [clears throat] frequently asked questions is why is
everybody so obsessed with Bella? Which is a very valid question. Because it's like the way she describes her like
she's a very average-looking girl like she's pretty, but >> Yeah. you know, not like remarkable in
any big way. And she moves to Forks and men are falling at her feet. >> Literally every single man and boy in
that place is falling over themselves for her. >> It's crazy. A boy crashes his car for
her. Like it's not >> Literally crashes his car. Not really for her almost at her, but
still he's he losing it. >> He is and they all are, but she said that that was basically modeled after an
experience that she had in her life where I think she said she went to high school in Scottsdale, Arizona and then I
think it was Utah that she moved to for college. Like I think she said I think it's Utah. And uh
in college she had this experience where like all these boys became obsessed with
her and like it was a great experience. And she was saying like I think it's like relative to where you're at.
>> Yeah. >> Like you know, who falls at your feet. >> Yeah, like she was like, "Oh, I just
became like a 10." She said she was humble. She said she became an eight. She became an eight, excuse me. I said
Stephanie. I was like, "Damn." >> 10, girl. >> Be a 10. Be a 10. that you feel you are.
Yeah, she's a 10, she's a demon. >> It was it was a wild it was a very like shocking answer to the question cuz it's
just like, "Why is every boy falling all over themselves for Bella?" And she's like
"Because they do it for me." And it's like, "Whoa, all right. Here we are, I guess." [laughter]
Damn. Go to the website, please. >> Um I we're just going to go through and kind of talk about all the things that
we noticed while watching it. >> Yeah. Talk about a little a little bit about the books. Um one of the first
things I thought of and I remembered it when I saw it somewhere when I was like looking around. I was like, "Oh my god,
I forgot about this." Was that in the book? It doesn't happen in the movie, but in the book Bella straight up passes
out during their first kiss. Yeah, I also forgot that. >> chaos. during their first kiss.
Peace out. She said that was so [laughter] sick. Bye. Bye. Can you imagine how [ __ ] embarrassing that
would be? Well, and also it's interesting because as like Sarah Gall Elizabeth Gallagher points out in her
book and on like TikTok and stuff, in the illustrated guide, which you can get on Amazon, Mhm.
it's like Stephanie Meyer's like official illustrated guide. It's her look at this whole thing. In the
illustrated guide it says that like there's this whole section that says like what are the
what are the vampires like bodily fluids essentially? She says venom, right? Venom-based fluids.
Facts. She doesn't go deeply into what these venom-based fluids are, but they are
every fluid in the in the vampire's body. In their stomach, in their mouth, their saliva is venom-based. Their eyes
are lubricated with venom-based fluid, but they don't cry tears. What? They cry but it's just to allow
their eyes to like move around. Okay. And then like between their cells is venom-based fluids. It's everything.
Just venom everywhere. Not even blood. They when they drink blood, they just absorb it into their body. Everything
else is venom. >> Okay. So their saliva is venom. So they also don't have fangs like chill
like regular fangs. Their teeth are just sharp. Like the edges are just really sharp.
>> Wait, why don't I remember that? They don't have fangs. >> They don't have fangs. I did see one
like a few people say like when we were looking at TikToks that she didn't write
vampire, she wrote fae. Honestly, valid. Cuz these aren't like traditional vampires.
>> created created her own like monster. Yeah. >> quote unquote. Because their teeth are
indestructible and just really sharp. What I would [ __ ] give What all of us would give. What I would give for
indestructible teeth. But the thing is when Bella and Edward kiss for the first time
and when they kiss in the future after that, it has to be closed mouths. Yeah. Because if she opens her mouth, saliva
comes in that's venom-based that would turn her into a vampire. Right. Cuz that's how like you give the venom like
they have to like take it. She So when she passes out after that first kiss, it's from a tight-lipped
closed-mouth kiss. So she just really [ __ ] excited? I girlfriend Was she just super into him
before? >> before. It's just wild. >> Yeah. >> That cuz you really have to think about
that they're just furiously mashing their mouths together. That's deeply upsetting. It's like a seventh grade
like that is something to really think about. >> It's actually not something to like
super super think about. >> to think about it so hard. >> I I don't subscribe to that. Another
thing off of that is that they're supposedly like made like they're like stone. Yeah. Like
porcelain. Yeah, yeah, I know where you're going. >> where I'm going. Oh, I got to hide for
this one. I'm going to my sweatshirt. Edward does all the things if you will notice.
>> so many hobbies. >> so many hobbies. Like he can play the piano, he knows languages, he can paint,
he can read, he can >> all of this [ __ ] Like he just he's real good. >> boy. And the way he got so good at that
because at one point and it's later it's in one of the later books in one of the
later movies after they [ __ ] Uh After they [ __ ] >> So it's got to be Breaking Dawn then.
Yeah, when they break the bed. Fell exactly. Bella is like, "Hey, how are we ever going to stop fucking?" Though like
and then she was like, "You know, your family seems so normal. Like how do they do it?"
>> aren't they having that conversation like while they're still [ __ ] technically?
While they're still connected, yeah. Yeah. And >> That's how Sarah put it. He basically is
like "They you haven't seen them at night." And he's like, "Why do you think I'm so
good at so many things?" Yeah. And when you really like Sarah pointed this out, she was like, "Just to
be clear, that means that they're just [ __ ] all the time." Mhm. And remember they're
made of like stone porcelain. So she has two balls. >> balls and just clinks them
>> [laughter] >> That's so upsetting. And then points out that, remember, he can read everyone's
thoughts. So he can hear what they're thinking during this. >> you just leave? I would like go fly
about the trees. Go go fly about the trees. >> Cuz one thing about Edward is he is the
tree by himself. >> Truly. He is sitting in trees. He is one with the trees. He is trees.
>> Fly about the trees. Like get out of there. >> My child. Don't don't learn I mean, it's
cool that you learn skills while everybody was [ __ ] but like go to the library and learn them. Just do
something else. >> Oh. Like what the [ __ ] >> Get out of there. >> And it's like your weird siblings, but
they're like not your sibling. No, okay. Can we talk about that a little bit because it is [ __ ] weird and that's
pretty much like like the very beginning of the movie. Like Jessica is explaining to uh
I almost just said Kristen Stewart >> [clears throat] >> Bella that Dr. Carlisle like adopted all of
these kids. >> Yeah. And then they all paired up. I'm like >> Yeah. If someone told me in high school
that all these foster brother and sisters just [ __ ] each other in their foster dad's house, I'd be like I feel
like somebody should get called about this. >> Somebody should call someone. >> Like that's
>> [laughter] >> They're all just coupled up. He's running a brothel essentially.
>> is. >> Hello. And what's crazier is he like when you go into that illustrated guide
Yeah. >> There's so I'm begging you. I need to get that. >> Go into it cuz she she describes that
like um first of all, Esme met Carlisle Esme the mom Yeah. >> quote unquote met Carlisle when she was
a child Oh. and was like really sick or something and he was the doctor that was
called to take care of her and she became infatuated with him. And so later when he comes and like turns her they
get together romantically. That's [ __ ] up. >> He knew her as a child. >> Yeah, that's [ __ ] up.
>> obsessed with him as a child. Remember, this is not me making this up. This is
in Stephanie Meyer's illustrated guide in which she willingly handed us the backstories of [laughter] these
vampires. That is beyond fizzy fizzy [ __ ] >> that. There is always that. There's
that. >> hell? And then there is uh Rosalie or so there's Edward. So he changed Edward. Edward was like 17.
>> Okay, wait. Can I interrupt you there? >> Sure can. [ __ ] problem already with
that because they say I I don't remember if they say it in the books. They probably do. But they say in the movie
that Jasper is like the youngest member of the family and that's why he's so bloodthirsty. That's just simply
incorrect because um for everybody who forgot, Jasper's a [ __ ] Confederate soldier.
>> to get into that. Don't worry. And Edward got turned during the Spanish influenza. Which was after the
Confederate like war. >> So she that is explained a little bit. >> Is it? She's not the youngest. He's the
most He's having trouble still with the whole vegetarian thing. He has been a vegetarian
technically Yeah, like a vampire vegetarian. Like they only have animal blood. He's been doing that with this
family for 50 plus years by the time we see him and he's still just like is having trouble dealing with it because
his whole backstory which Let's get You know what? >> [ __ ] up >> Before I get to Jasper's backstory, let
me get to Edward's. So I'm sorry I interrupted you. >> Edward is turned and he's you know, kind of Carlisle sees
himself in Edward essentially. Carlisle is only supposed to be 23 by the way. He's 23 when he was turned.
>> That's not true. >> 23 Shut up. >> uh So he kind of sees this like Edward he sees like he kind of they they bond
really like a lot. >> Also, I'm sorry. This [ __ ] 23-year-old foster dad with a bunch of
17-year-old kids [ __ ] paired off and [ __ ] in his [laughter] house. >> going on?
>> Like so many authorities would There would be a FBI raid at this foster home.
>> Like but go continue, please. >> He wants to find him like a partner cuz he's like I want you to have someone you
love cuz I guess the whole idea is that um Do they like mate for eternity? >> They mate. Like they have a mate. And
also if you're like uh vegetarian vampire essentially, you are more likely to form bonds because you are not like
tainted by killing someone. That's kind of funny. >> Like there's more humanity. What's also
like touched upon in the last uh episode of True Blood that we covered. >> Yeah.
Which we'll get to that later. >> kind of like vampire lore. And so he wants him to find somebody. So he turns
Rosalie initially >> for Edward >> like oh, she's for Edward, but they end up not
>> that. Like digging each other. They just like each other as like brother and sister.
>> Oh my god, you're like unlocking my memories. I hyperfixated on this so we're going to
get into it. >> love your hyperfixations. >> But and he changed like Rosalie's story
is that whole like you know, she was the prettiest girl in all of New York >> I'm sorry. Rosalie's backstory [ __ ]
wins. >> It's pretty great. It's the best. >> [laughter] >> too. >> Like what because of her vengeance?
>> She gets like paired off with like this wealthy banker's son. >> Royce? >> Royce. And he and his friends one night
when she's coming home from her friend's house literally assault and rape her and
leave her for dead on the street. >> Yeah. And so she comes back and it's like saves her. And then she comes back and
literally kills them all, like tortures them all, and then shows up to Royce wearing a wedding dress last.
>> And it's in the movie which we don't see it in the first movie so I won't go too
far into it cuz I'm trying to stay with Twilight. >> it's in Eclipse. uh It's iconic.
>> Yeah, we'll get to that. But so there's that and then there's Alice and Jasper. Alice was in like um an
institution because she had seen visions already and they thought she was crazy.
Um so she ends up becoming a vampire cuz one of the people in the institution changed her.
And then Jasper Let's get Let's get into Jasper. Honey. So also, Rosalie's name was originally
going to be Carol. Listen, there's nothing wrong with the name Carol. Like that's a beautiful
name, but >> [laughter] >> Carol Carol Cullen Hi, I'm Carol. I'm Carol Cullen. And then Jasper was
originally Ronald. I don't even hate that. Ronald and Alice is kind of cute. >> But he's Jasper now and uh I'm not past
Carol yet. >> [laughter] >> You didn't give me enough time with that. Give me that. Rosalie's name was going
to just be Carol. >> [laughter] >> Okay. It went from Carol to Rosalie. [laughter]
Like they're both beautiful names. Very different names. Vastly different. >> [laughter]
>> Carol Like imagine I don't get it. >> [laughter] >> I don't get it. I don't know why that's
so funny. >> I don't know why it is. But let's get into [ __ ] Jasper for a moment. [laughter]
>> Yeah. Everybody's waiting with baited breath. >> Everybody take a [ __ ] seat.
>> [laughter] >> I feel like they're on the edge of their seats. Jasper's defining quality
is that he's a very proud Confederate soldier. >> [laughter] >> Like and that's not funny.
>> No, it's just that she did this with her whole chest. And is it one of the things
too that you I don't Where did you read it at? >> much. >> Okay, go go. >> Oh, I'll
That Yeah, so one of the things exactly [laughter] what you're talking about. >> can't change. So
for Ja So she is Stephanie Meyer's Meyer is very open about the fact that she does not like research.
That becomes abundantly clear because also Carlisle's backstory is that he was just chilling around in the sewers of
London in 16 something. Yeah. Sewers were not invented or created [laughter] in London.
So like there wasn't even which like mistakes can be made. Okay. >> that can't be found to like copy and
paste. That's the thing. I'm like that's a pretty big one. >> That's hundreds of years.
>> only egregious like okay, [ __ ] happens. Like you missed one thing. >> People would let it go.
>> That's fine, but there's a lot of things. [laughter] But she's very open. She says I don't like
research. I don't like to do a lot of research for it because she's creating a fantasy world and this is her world and
she's going to make it which like more power to you. >> Yeah. uh But she and she says and this is a quote
the only time I really did any research on vampires was when the character Bella
did research on vampires because I was creating my own world. I didn't want to find out just how many rules I was
breaking. Get that. Totally get that. >> Yeah. But one thing she did do research
for is Jasper's name. And for Jasper's name when he when she was like Ronald isn't working for me, she said she
searched roll calls for the Confederate Army in Texas and found Jasper. So that's the one she she rooted in
reality was was that Confederate soldier's name. Yeah. uh which which is not great.
>> everybody comes to us and like gets really angry at us and says you know, like not all Confederate soldiers were
racist. >> Oh, I have an answer for you for that. >> Go ahead. Go ahead, girl. Cuz yeah,
totally. Absolutely. Sure. Why not? Living that. Um but uh Jasper really [ __ ] wanted to be a
Confederate soldier. >> Jasper sought this experience. >> Here's the thing. He did. He very much
sought this experience. >> Jasper worked with a travel advisor for the Confederate War. So you're talking
about the people that are fighting for the Confederacy that were forced into it. Like forced into it at a young age,
like didn't want to be part of it. >> happened to live there and had to fight for that side. Which like what the [ __ ]
Uh but Jasper literally lied about his age to become a fed Confederate soldier and said he was so [ __ ] excited about
it. >> He talks about he is the youngest captain in the Texas Cavalry all the time. He was rising the rank like he was
Confederate soldiering to the highest order. >> And like I think in Eclipse he really
starts cuz they have to like fight the army and we'll get there when we cover it. But he gets real
>> so into it and he like heads part of the training and it's like you have a Confederate soldier training you. That's
an issue. And what makes Here's more added on to it. So there's that. He talks about it all the time. Like he
that's his thing. He's very Not in the first >> movie. You don't hear about it in the
first movie of the first like it's it comes later. But just to know his character going
forward, again, he's been drinking animal blood for like 50 plus years but he's still
feral as [ __ ] and it's because he was like a [ __ ] monster when he was a pri- and he like killed a lot of people
and then when he got turned into a vampire, he the whoever turned him, I think it's like somebody Maria maybe,
turned him >> Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> him to like hunt newborn vampires and
after they couldn't use them anymore he had to kill them. So he was just killing
like killing killing killing killing killing for like almost the entire time he was alive. Essentially he's a
psychopath. >> So 50 plus years of drinking animal blood, he's still not It hasn't
busted out that killer instinct of him which makes sense. But she did this thing
where she gives some of the vampires special abilities. Only some of them. Oh. So some of them don't have them.
Alice, she had a special ability when she was a human. She was like kind of psychic. She could see things happen.
>> like translated. Edward, he can read minds. But like Rosalie doesn't have one. Like
the a few of the other ones don't have one. >> Yeah. Jasper has one. And it's that he is wildly empathetic.
He can literally feel what other people are feeling. And not once does she have him say
"And you know what? I think I was on the wrong side." Yeah. Not once. He can literally feel
what someone else is feeling. He's He's >> He still has not come to the conclusion
that maybe it wasn't that sick that he was a Confederate soldier. Yeah. That's just crazy.
>> low-key trying to conform him to like good vampire side but he was born to be
a terrible murderer vampire. >> And it's just weird to like cuz I'll like you could have had him fight for
the Union. It's the same time period. Like if you really wanted to do that. Or you didn't even have to involve that. He
didn't have to be a soldier. Yeah. >> it's like or have if you want to make him a redeemable character, then have
him come say with verbalize "I" cuz also in the Illustrated Guide again, go look
at it. In the Illustrated Guide she says that he has like cuz they all have like
a million degrees cuz they've been around for like 100 years. He has degrees in philosophy and history.
And not once has he said out loud, "I think I [ __ ] up. I think I was on the wrong Imagine having to take
>> Imagine having to take a course learning about that time period and still knowing
that you were on the wrong side. But he doesn't. >> Yeah. >> That's the thing. It's like and you
didn't Why didn't you make him a redeemable character of him being like, "Wow, I was educated and I learned that
like I have a lot of making up to do because I was on the wrong side of history."
>> Wouldn't that like kind of poke a hole in her own lore though because you were
saying when we were talking about it the other day that part of it is that they don't change.
>> That's it See and that's that's where her lore kind of like [ __ ] itself. >> That's where why revealing too much of
the lore kind of backed her into a corner a few times because it's like the whole thing is they get frozen when
they get turned. Frozen in their likes and their dislikes, all that. But they can still be educated. Yeah.
>> And you can still I think like form a different opinion from being educated. >> But frozen in their likes and dislikes.
>> Well, that's the problem. It really [ __ ] hits here. And it really [ __ ] this whole thing because it's like he
can't be educated. But technically he should be able to be educated. Yet it's >> You know, it just doesn't make a lot of
sense. >> a lot of sense. Um but yeah, it's really Jasper is is a real [ __ ] a real [ __ ] problem.
>> [laughter and gasps] >> He really is. And then like Alice is just like, "Took you two like took you
long enough for me to like I've been waiting for you." And it's like you you were just waiting around for your
Confederate soldier, Alice? Yeah, it doesn't >> to be our our pixie girl. >> It doesn't really jive.
>> There's a lot The Illustrated Guide will really open eyes to a lot of things.
>> I'm so excited to get it. Um and that's where we come into the whole like pigment being leached out of your skin
when you turn into a vampire. Uh because that's in the Illustrated Guide. It's part of the whole like it's under
like pallor I think is the section. Like the pallor. >> Why would you need that to be a thing?
Yeah, that's the thing. And it says despite your ethnicity, you will become white.
That's really really really bad. >> And it's like That's part of the whole thing too is become you become the most
beautiful creature. I'm going to go ahead and need you to leave that silence in.
>> Yeah. Leave it in. Uh also freckles, tattoos, beauty marks, they all disappear. I would be so [ __ ] pissed.
>> Which as soon as I saw freckles disappear I was like, "Oh, is it not beautiful?" Freckles [laughter]
disappear? Rude. And also all my [ __ ] tattoos. Did you know how much money I've spent curating this? I would be so
mad. >> I would go out and get them again. >> Well, also like come on. Vampires like
have to have tattoos. Are you kidding me? >> Like let's go, girls. Vampires do have
tattoos because James has one. Yeah? On his hip bone. So lore ruined. >> Lore ruined cuz I think they I think
they spent so much of their CGI budget on Edward flying. >> Absolutely. And like I I think that's
actual fact that they couldn't then remove the tattoo because it was like going to take too much.
>> too much. Yeah. >> [music] [music] >> Well, you might be sitting here saying, "Well,
in the movies Laurent." Yeah. Not the best [ __ ] vampires. >> Played by Eddie Gathegi. Uh-huh.
>> And he's [ __ ] phenomenal in that. >> And he is stunning. [snorts] >> He's stunning.
>> I mean stunning. stunning. >> Like truly that man when he shows up on the scene you just go
Yeah. >> Like he's one of those. So like missed >> a French ass name. I said that's a
French ass [laughter] name right there. And that's the thing. So missed opportunity first of all cuz it's like
look at that man. >> Yeah, you could have done that many times. >> have had a few more [laughter] vampire
>> diversity. Yeah. It would have been and Catherine Hardwick, the director, actually wanted a lot more diversity in
the cast but got pushed back from Stephanie Meyer because she said, "I created this world. This is how I see my
vampires. This is how I've created the lore." >> This is how I whitewashed them. And
finally agreed that Laurent could be darker skinned but only because he's described because she also says that if
you have like olive skin then it will you'll still go white but you you'll be maybe a little darker.
I think we just didn't really need to touch on that >> I think Laurent is described as having
like a little more olive skin so she agreed to let him be a black man. And of course Yeah. Yeah, it's a There's
too many implications with that. It's a lot. >> There's too many implications with that.
>> is that Edi Gathegi is one of the best parts of that movie. >> Yep. I think he's phenomenal and I think
he is gorgeous. >> In the second movie too. He's like a huge part of that >> too. Yeah. And he's so good. He's so
likable. I just think missed opportunities abound there. >> Yeah. But um Yeah, so that's all in the Illustrated
Guide but like just going back to like the actual movie cuz we sat down and watched it and went through Yeah, should
we go through like all of our thoughts on this? >> go through our thoughts. Um The Oh, the book was originally named
Forks. Yeah, that's hilarious. I understand that Forks like Forks, Washington. >> But like I I hold on. I said Washington
so dumb. Forks, Washington. Forks, Washington. But to name it Forks would have been
diabolical. [laughter] >> This What's the What's the sequel staff? Spoon? >> Spoon. Sporks.
Once they get Renesmee it's sporks cuz it's like a combo of the two. Yikes. >> Um
>> [laughter] >> Yeah, it's it's a wild one. One thing about the movie that was a
real moment for me and I still get it but when it was happening it used to happen all the time is the vampires the
the eye color. Yeah. Used to happen all the time that people would be like, "Oh,
you have Ed- you have Cullen eyes or like are you wearing Cullen contacts?" And I was like, "No, that's just my
eyes. Apparently I'm just a vampire." [laughter] I think you are. >> I'm Stephanie Meyer's vampire
apparently. Um but contact lenses would actually dissolve in their eyes because venom
because venom. So they just their eyes get gold? >> So even if cuz like apparently it's like
if if a vampire drinks animal blood then they get golden eyes. If they've just recently fed and had
animal blood they have golden eyes. If they've just recently fed and off human blood and are satiated they have bright
red eyes. >> when they meet Laurent he has bright red >> all the other vampires they have super
red eyes. That's fun. If they were trying to hide the red eyes they could do so with contacts but they would
dissolve in their eyes eventually like after a few hours. So they can't >> a few hours out of it but it would
dissolve. Okay. So that's interesting. >> That's in the Illustrated Guide? That's
in the Illustrated Guide. >> How did I know? How did you know? But the vibe of the movies are the best.
>> They're just good. >> The vibes. >> It's like honestly the color palette. You got You've really You've really
taken me to a place of color palette. It They're it's so cozy with like the greens and the rain.
>> a blue tint to things. >> And one thing about these all of these movies I'm pretty sure soundtrack
>> the soundtrack is especially for the first one and the second one. Wow. Such banger. Banger after banger. That when
it first starts When the full [singing] moon turns bright, that's when I'll come
home. [singing] And then [laughter] um when she's like when they're driving into Forks. There's so many movie spoofs
that we have to talk about. Oh, yeah. >> When that big logging truck passes by >> god, and there's no one driving
>> driving it. No one's driving the truck. How did that even happen? How [laughter] did that even occur?
They're pulling into Forks. And I'm like, what? It's an 18-wheeler that no one is driving.
>> did you guys like CGI him out of there somehow? Like Please tell me what happened. What's going on? Also, this is
the movie where we get the I think that's like right before Bella gets hit by the car, right?
>> it's or almost. Perfect. When it goes I'm like, ah. Like it just [laughter] gets you.
Oh, I love it so much. >> something with that. >> Yeah. I also Supermassive black hole.
>> on my hatch alarm every morning and then it starts the and it great way to wake up. I got to
get one. I'll tell you it's really great way to wake up, but yeah, I soundtracks like you said
supermassive black hole. >> Oh. I mean the spotlight song when they find >> [laughter]
>> We're about to get sued by like 15 different bands. >> No, we we love you, okay? So we're
singing your praises literally. Uh but it's so good and there's I think she did a good job of
stylizing it. Yeah, cuz the books are very um like the books have that like have way more repression it feels like
weaved within. Yeah. And the movie kind of Let's go. >> more like more like like they're dressed
better. Yeah. [laughter] And like it for the most part and it just all feels a little more like I can
I can go along with this. >> It's so funny watching it now though because I remember like when I watched
it when I was like 12 or 13, I was like, I need to start dressing like Bella and
wear headbands in my hair like Bella does and I need to be Bella because boys will love me. Yeah. Bella dresses like
[ __ ] [laughter] Bella dresses like [ __ ] I I I watched it when we watched it recently, I was
like, what the [ __ ] is she wearing in every scene? >> What She's wearing like bowling shirts
over There's a lot >> It's horrible. Um a couple of her shirts I was like, okay, I would have probably
worn that. >> There wasn't one shirt that I was okay with. >> that I was like, I feel like I would
wear that unfortunately. Her hair She has great hair. >> Great hair. Great hair. I remember being
like that's how I pictured Bella's hair. Not in the I can't remember if it's I think it's the third movie Kristen
Stewart had just done um [ __ ] um the rock the rocking Oh, uh the rocking the Joan
>> Joan Jett Yeah, she had just done that so she had to cut her hair like obviously in Joan Jett's hairstyle so
she has one of the worst wigs of all time in that movie. There's some egregious wigs.
There are some egregious wigs. >> Yeah, like there's some Rosalie's wigs Rosalie's wig she had to wear because
they [ __ ] her hair up so bad after the first movie. Which if you look at her hair in the first movie, she has
beautiful hair, but it's fried. >> Yeah, you can tell and we'll get to that when we do the other movie.
>> Yeah, we will. Um but yeah, it's I thought the outfits they're very of the time. Yeah. Um I
remember Edward I loved his outfits. I thought he looked great. >> His peacoats. Loved his peacoats.
>> Honey. Loved it. I especially love I think we were when we were watching it there's a scene when Mike is like trying
to ask Bella to prom and Edward is just standing in the back. Um one thing I loved is what an absolute dick Edward
was. >> Yeah. It set us all up. >> We've been here before. We we you know, like this is this is who I am, okay? And
so I love that he's literally laughing in the background like this guy. >> Cuz he can also hear Mike's thoughts and
Bella's answers, too. And her thoughts. So he's sitting Or not her thoughts, he can't hear her thoughts. But he can hear
like her answers from Mike's thoughts. And he's sitting there laughing in the background and you know he's sitting
there being like I got a [ __ ] peacoat. >> [laughter] >> You're going to lose. >> What you think you're going to prom with
her? Get a peacoat. Like get a gray peacoat, my friend. >> Poor Mike. Let's go into We got to talk
about Mike and Jessica. They make Jessica They do make Jessica the ultimate villain especially for Jessica.
Like in this movie she definitely gets villainized in New Moon. Oh, yeah. They turn her into like a [ __ ]
>> And it's not fair because Bella is a [ __ ] Like she's a [ __ ] when she goes into school. Everyone is
being nice to her. People are trying to be like Jessica's one of the first people to talk to her and welcome her
here and like talk and it's like she's like villain and Bella gives no one the time of day and acts like she's annoyed
that anyone's being nice to her. I don't know why they all keep trying. And then
the thing with Jessica is it's like Jessica's a teenage girl. She immediately befriended Bella, tried to
integrate her in. And then she gets jealous that the guy she likes is obsessed with Bella the second she meets
meets her. That's just normal [ __ ] >> Yeah, that's normal teenage girl [ __ ] I
would be if the guy I was like crushing on was obsessed with the new girl. >> And I think that she said something like
she's they've all known each other since like kindergarten. >> Yeah, so it's like that sucks. And it's
like and they make her such a villain. They do. And it's like she's not. No. She's like and she even she even asked
Bella at one point if it's okay that she goes to the dance with Mike. Yeah. And she what the [ __ ] does she have to
do that for? >> Yeah, she's been around forever. You don't have to ask but she does. Just to
make sure there's no like weirdness. I'm like they villainized her. It's not cool. And they also try to make Bella
like more likable by her being like, oh you should ask Jessica. >> Yeah. But it's like
it makes Jessica look like Well, they make and I mean it's how Bella is also written. She's like that girl. Yeah, I'm
not like other girls. >> Yeah, I'm not like other girls. It's like I'm going to wear leggings under my
dress. Oh my god, when we get to that, we're going to get to that. But I think Anna Kendrick is the perfect Jessica.
She really is. >> it. As soon as you see her you say Jessica. Yeah, Jessica. >> in the movie Yep.
And I think uh Mike is a great cast. And I think Mike is super endearing. Yeah. He's a teenage boy.
>> You can honestly the whole friend group I feel like is very like believable. Like Angela, Mike. They're all really
well done, I think. Like they're likable. They are. They're super likable. And they're like I don't know.
They're just sweet. They're like throwing Twizzlers at her and [ __ ] They eat so many Twizzlers in this movie.
>> so many Twizzlers. It's just brought to you by Twizzlers. I will say it really
was. I will say I don't like that they have everyone like falling all over themselves about Bella. Like that's very
unrealistic and also like kind of weird and gross because at one point like while she's sitting at
the table Tyler runs up behind her and is like, my girl and kisses her on the cheek. Yeah. And is that Tyler or is
that Eric? That's Eric is sitting next to her cuz he had said something like like Bella's my girl. Yeah. Like
basically and I was like, what's happening? Like what is And you can tell Jessica Jessica literally is like, oh my
god. >> [laughter] >> I forget what she says. I forget what she says. She's like, you're the new
shiny toy. Like but she's like, oh my god. Yeah, she's like this is disgusting. >> You can tell she's like, what the [ __ ]
is going on? >> Also the way he kisses her at lunch I said, inappropriate. Inappropriate.
>> they're so mean to Like the boys are so mean to Jessica and Angela. >> Oh my god, Eric like shits all over
Angela. Yeah, and I'm like, the feature is dead. Don't bring it up again. And then just leaves [laughter] and she's
like, damn. Do you guys just not want to be friends? What's going on here? Like what the [ __ ] But this is
also where we get the Cullen entrance. They are 32-year-olds walking into this cafeteria.
>> all wearing white. And most importantly Emmett is carrying a bag a bag full of
at least a dozen hard-boiled eggs. And I have never noticed it, but we all got into a discussion the other day when we
were talking about like the weird spoofs in this movie and Elena was like, the eggs. I was like, the eggs?
>> The eggs. I never saw that before. You'll never unsee it. >> You'll never unsee it.
>> And a fun fact that was just Kellan Lutz's lunch. He was just who as who plays Emmett.
>> Yeah. You know, you just got to eat some eggs. I love a hard-boiled egg so I'm
not one to I love a hard-boiled egg. I could not eat 12 minutes of eggs. But he's he's like a He's a big guy. I can
eat one and then I'm like, damn. Yeah, honestly. But that and I like them my one with some soy sauce or some hot
sauce, you know, I can't just I just can't do that to the face. >> just [laughter] raw dog eggs. I can't
raw dog a hard-boiled egg like that. Yeah, as you should not. But um and we their entrances are just wild cuz it's
like Alice gets like Jasper the Confederate soldier just twirls Alice. >> [laughter]
>> Yeah, they just runway into this cafeteria like it's nothing. And um and that's when we see Edward for the
first time of course and this is where I had my initial disappointment. >> I can't believe you experienced
disappointment in this moment. I think this was my sexual awakening. >> And that's I again I say it was not
because I thought Robert Pattinson was not attractive or ugly or whatever. >> Do you remember?
>> I think I just pictured like I'm trying to think of exactly what I pictured in my head.
I probably pictured more of I'm trying to think of I don't know. I think he was like not
I don't know what I I'm trying to think of my head. I'm trying to like picture it. Sometimes it's hard to describe the
picture that you have in your head. >> trying to think of anybody who fits that picture. I think what I think um Hayden
Christensen was one of the ones that was going to be cast. >> Yeah, or it was in talks I think or like
fans wanted him to play >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was very much a Hayden Christensen
girly when I was younger. I loved him. Very, very good-looking man. >> And I think he's more along the lines of
what I pictured, but I don't even think he is the thing I picture. I think he's just a
little closer to what I pictured. >> Okay. Um I think he I think I pictured him like
very ethereal-looking. And I think it's hard for a human being to fit into that.
>> I I see what you're saying. Like it's a difficult one to cast I think. >> Yeah.
I think he looks I think he is like the perfect Robert. >> He's the perfect Robert. [laughter] The
perfect Edward I mean. He was the perfect Robert as well. He really was. He's like, "Don't say that. I hate that
so much." >> totally started fitting it for me. And I think I saw like his interviews and
[ __ ] I just ended up loving him. Like I thought he was awesome. So I was very into it then.
Um but we get that weird like staring thing that he does. When he walks by, he laughs because he can hear Jessica being
like Oh, yeah. >> I think she says like, you know, like he would just I guess none of us were good
enough for him. Like every girl in school wants to date him, but we're not good enough for him.
>> Yeah. And he laughs when she when he walks by and can hear that. >> And then we go into the biology class
where we get one of the cringiest scenes that I have ever seen committed to film.
>> I literally wrote down I would not survive this interaction with Edward. I would jump out of the science lab window
and I would board the next flight to Arizona. [laughter] I literally said this would send me
packing. She walks into science class or biology class in front of a fan in front
of the fan and wafts on over to Edward and he acts like she smells like hot garbage liquefied.
>> He does this body roll of revulsion. >> He has a full retch. >> [laughter] >> And then and he literally like like
slides something over to her with his knuckle. Like he won't even touch it with his face. He's just like, "Get the
[ __ ] away from me." >> like holding his face away from her. >> But also staring at her as she's looking
straight ahead and she's like, "Oh my god." He's just like, like staring at her like she's like the most putrid
thing to ever live. I would not survive this and also what the [ __ ] Bella? Cuz halfway
through that class I would have been like, "Can I [ __ ] help you?" Like how are you not turning to that boy and
being like, "What the [ __ ] your problem?" Like I confront him. >> Yeah. Cuz it's not like he's like
actively trying to get away from her. He is, but he's also staring at her. He's he's like studying her like like a
monkey. >> just staring. Yeah. Like how dare she >> turn around and just like stick my
finger in my nose [laughter] and be like, "What?" Like what Like Bella needed to get a little more assertive
with that [ __ ] >> Yeah. Well, she's Bella's so baby girl-coded. >> She is so baby girl-coded.
>> baby girl. >> But at the [laughter] same time he's not safe with her at some point. At some
point she gets so aggressive that I was like, >> [laughter] >> "You should leave."
>> It took me a minute to like process what you were saying. Like she gets really aggressive at the
end of the movie. We'll get there. >> [laughter] >> But that interaction just [ __ ] me up.
>> And then when they she like they go into like the administrative office after
and he's like, "Okay, fine. I guess I'll just endure it. I guess I'll have to endure it." Like cuz he wants to switch
classes. He flies by her and she had come into the office and then just leaves. Yeah. I don't know what she was
going to do. >> And she does that like lip-sucking thing that she does. She do be
>> Here's the thing. She do be making some weird faces. >> is a great actress. She's a great actress. What the [ __ ] was
she doing in this movie? Lots of faces. >> do that face all the time. Like it's a
her doing the like I wish >> Like sucking sucking in her lip. And I said I wish you could see that and in
fact you must see that. So I will video it for you right now. Live videoing. All
right. Am I doing it? >> Yeah. Go go, girl. >> [laughter] >> And we'll be And we'll be posting that.
That's it. She literally like does this that weird like I'm just like [laughter]
Eat my lip. I'm going to eat my lip. I'm going to eat my lip. I'm not going to eat my lip. And then she just leaves and
you're like I'm not going to eat my lip. Final decision. I am not going to eat my
lip. >> Okay, wait. So like that happens. Edward doesn't come to school for a few days.
In the interim she goes to the diner with her dad. Pause. Charlie? Yeah. Everybody pause for Zaddy
Charlie. >> Charlie. Worst [laughter] worst father not of the year, but like one of the
worst dads. Not a good dad. >> In the book he's far worse than he is in the movie. In the movie you at least get
the sense that he cares. He's just awkward. >> Yeah, he cares and he's awkward, but
like later on he also just lets her leave his home. >> does. And like he's a police officer.
He's like the police officer in fact. >> he's the chief. >> [laughter] >> We'll get there.
But he's hot, so we'll take it. >> He is so hot. >> Yeah. Watching Twilight as an adult is
realizing that you're not team Edward or Jacob. You're team Charlie Swan or bust.
[laughter] Totally. And I need to be clear with who Stephenie Meyer wanted to cast
as Charlie. >> You better be. John C. Reilly. >> [snorts] >> And here's the thing. Hello.
I love John C. Reilly. >> I think he's hilarious. Imagine if he was Chief Charlie
>> If he was Chief Charlie we get Billy Burke. >> And I am for Billy Burke in this movie.
Billy Burke is A+ behavior in this movie. >> [laughter] >> He's like A+ I don't even care what he
does. >> And he looked there's like a familial resemblance between him and Bella for
sure. >> He looks like the age fits. The familial resemblance >> John C. Reilly would have been a wild
choice. It would have been honestly I I would like him to like can they remake the movie with John C. Reilly?
>> of the lines and like dress as Chief Swan and just like give us that. >> I'm going to need one of the late-night
hosts to have him on and make him read those lines. I'm going to need that. Like I'm going to need that.
>> Although his lines are pretty basic. They are. That's true. But in this scene like
aside from Charlie Swan just being super hot uh there's a ketchup bottle. And Kristen Stewart, Bella, takes the
ketchup bottle. Limp wrist action. >> Limp wrist. Just blops it on her plate, but nothing comes
out. And then the scene is shot from a different angle. This is a squeeze bottle.
>> And she just does this like shaky shaky and then puts it down. Nothing comes out. Nothing ever comes out of that
bottle. And it's not even one of those bottles where like you have to hit the 57 for it to come out or like the 52
whatever it is. It's a squeeze bottle. >> Mhm. And she's not squeezing it. She's
simply limp wrist flicking it. It's the weirdest She does this with a few other things cuz later
she gets a glass of water she pours a glass of [laughter] water. >> No, the water might be I think the water
might take the ketchup right out. >> full glass of water out of the fridge, puts it back puts the jug back.
>> Yeah. Stands in front of the sink, takes one sip of water and then just flips the
water over and dumps it all out of the But the way she flicks it is so just like
And it's one sip. Whole glass of water. One sip blip right into the sink. >> Wasteful.
I was like, "What the [ __ ] was the point of that?" Also and we'll get into it a
little bit more, but just because we're talking about weird mannerisms. When Edward sits down at the table the first
time we see him, he just places like two fingers on the table. >> He does this weird like finger thing
that he's always like just delicately touching. They're >> They're like pageant hands. They're like
praying mantis hands. Like he's just like deep deep deep deep. >> Yeah. Like he barely touches surfaces or
like things in front of him. It's very creepy. I think they were all just like really uncomfortable filming this.
>> Everybody seems very uncomfortable. Uh Anna Kendrick likened it to a hostage situation. She said they were all
trauma-bonded because it was like a hostage situation. [laughter] >> sense. And Emmett better for it. Kellan
Lutz almost didn't come back for the last two movies he said because he was just standing around on set so often.
>> Cuz he doesn't have a lot to do. >> That's the thing. He said he was like falling out of love with acting.
>> Oh, man. >> Yeah. So >> [laughter] >> I can't imagine the vibe on the set was
like super awesome. Well, we get like another scene. Like you were just pointing out the scene at
the table where she he has the fingers. And Rosalie just takes a little carrot and she's just staring at Bella. And
she's dead eyes in her white outfit and her white hat. And she just takes that carrot. She
places it within her lips. And then it's almost like a kazoo that she's just like
>> [laughter] >> Not a carrot kazoo. It's like she's treating it like a kazoo. And she just
places it there, but doesn't ever take a bite. And it's because in the illustrated
guide >> [laughter] >> No. they don't eat food. If they have to eat food like to
to blend in >> they don't digest food. So what happens is they eat that food, it sits in a ball
somewhere inside of them and then they hack it up like a cat hacks up in a hairball later. They will literally
regurgitate it later. >> That's not good. >> That's not hot. That's not hot at all.
If my man is having a hairball And like I'm sorry. You're you're making my vampires so that they're just like
regurgitating food later? Yeah. >> like that. I don't like that at all. >> like it either. Another thing I don't
like is when she walks back into biology class and I think it's Mike who says, "How you liking the rain, girl?"
>> Oh my god. What [laughter] he says is the most egregious It's such a weird line.
>> egregious greeting. He not only does he scream, "How you liking THE RAIN, GIRL?"
[laughter] BUT HE ALSO shakes his [ __ ] umbrella on her. >> on her. I'd kill him with that umbrella.
There's so many lines There's lines in future movies like uh "Bella, where the hell you been, loca?" that just send me
into orbit. >> I think honestly, "Bella, where the hell you been, loca?" is such a good line,
but like it's so good that people forget how good it is how good how good [laughter] "How you liking the rain,
girl?" That's such a weird [ __ ] line, but I and I [laughter] hate it, but I love it. There's so many lines like that
near though like we're going to get to them and I will yell them loud and proud on the
>> [laughter] >> There's so many. I will yell them loud and proud. Wait, so then
after "How you liking the rain, girl?" >> [laughter] >> But he sits down at the table after
Edward just left for days cuz she smelled super [ __ ] putrid. He's [laughter] sitting there and he
acts like everything is A-okay and he says to her, "HELLO." >> [laughter] >> HE GOES,
WHY IS HE SWEDISH? When he says, "Hello." She sits down and he goes, "Hello." >> [laughter]
>> He sounds almost like >> [laughter] >> the wandering Oaken in Frozen where he's like, "Hoo-hoo."
"Summer sale." "HELLO." >> MY BLOWS." >> [laughter] >> LIKE WHAT? THERE'S HE'S AND OBVIOUSLY LIKE
Um [laughter] Robert Pattinson is like British, right? >> is. So obviously like his accent comes
out sometimes, but this isn't even his accent. It's a Swedish accent. >> [laughter]
>> "Hello." "Hello." It's the way he says it. And there's another part I'm trying to find exactly
how he says it. Oh my god. >> Cuz there's another uh moment where Robert Pattinson slips
into like a weird Scottish >> Oh, I wrote it down. Hold on. Oh wait, here it is. Oh, he says, "So you're
worried." >> [laughter] >> "So you're worried." "So you're worried." And then he just goes right
into his regular accent. full Scottish "So you're worried." >> [laughter] >> He's like, "Hello." "Hello. So you're
worried." I love the Swedish. >> It's [ __ ] crazy. >> very Norwegian. I like it.
>> they just like have this cute interaction about like science. >> is Bella's first moment of He's like,
"So are you liking the rain?" Cuz they've never met. They don't talk to each other. You're going to [ __ ] talk
to me about the goddamn weather? And she does She literally He says that. He's like, "So are you How are you liking the
rain?" And she literally goes, >> [laughter] >> lets out this like shaky like And she she goes, "Uh
>> [laughter] >> You're going to ask me about the weather?" Like it's just like, "WHAT THE
MY [laughter] MY WATCH JUST TOLD ME THIS is a loud environment. >> [laughter] >> Your watch is like, "Calm the [ __ ] down,
bitches." We hit 90 decibels. 30 minutes of this could We're giving you guys temporary hearing I'm sorry for that,
but it's worth it, okay? Cuz she says She's like She literally She's on the She's on the edge.
>> In that moment she's on the edge. And then it's like, you want You're trying to talk to me about the weather? I'm
like, "What do you want to By that By that she's such a [ __ ] She's like She wants him to talk dirty to her. Like
it's like you She's like, "Why are you talking to me about the weather? I'm literally on the edge of glory here."
>> "I want to [ __ ] on this [laughter] here lap table." It's so weird. The like
response I know she was trying to do her like cuz it's supposed to be that she's
like enamored with him right away, but it's like You don't need to I don't know. It was
just the way it came out. I was like, "That's a lot." It's wild. So um I think there is um
a moment when she's talking during like during this part when she talks to her friends where they're like, "Oh, you
going to come to La Push with us?" >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> And she's like, "Am I supposed to know
what that means?" And it's like, maybe you are because that's where like your best friend growing up, Jacob, lives.
Like I'm Yeah. La Push is like kind of his beach. So it's like, I don't Why wouldn't you know that? And it's like
also like she's just so [ __ ] rude to these people. >> says things. "Should I know what that
means?" Yeah. I Yeah, probably cuz like you're friends with Jacob. But we get also around this part the apple,
the book cover moment. >> and then before that he had saved her from the crash. >> Yep. And she meets Carlisle. Yep. She
meets the whole thing. paleist doctor that has ever lived. >> I loved Carlisle. I was I was not a
Carlisle girl. But I was 12 when this came out, so I was not meant to be a Carlisle girl.
>> He's I love of of you know, light-haired You do. >> dead-looking men. Yeah, we'll be talking
about that in True Blood later. We will be. Uh that's the cover of the book and Stephanie Meyer said that it's supposed
to be the illusion of like the like forbidden fruit. >> fruit and like it is tied to the Bible
with like you have a choice. Are you going to take the apple and ruin everything or are you
going to not take the apple? And I was like, "Interesting." >> Um but he does When he does the little
like presenting like the I was like, "Wow." Also I'd be like, "You just kicked that up. So not only did you get
germs on my apple, but you also bruised it. Yeah, you [ __ ] asshole." I'm surprised she didn't say like, "I
can't believe you just [ __ ] kicked my apple." >> God. Not to him. You're going to hit me
that apple. Anyone else she would. Yeah. But when they go to La Push and they see
Jacob and his friends and they mention that like um Bella had asked Edward if he wanted to come, but
he was like, "No." This is where Jessica's a little bit of a [ __ ] because she's like,
"Bella asked Edward, but he didn't come." And he's not here. But I think she's also trying to be like, "Hey Mike,
she invited Edward. Like she doesn't like you." So please >> She's just a little bit like lusting
after her because I like you. I think it's teenage girl [ __ ] >> But when And then [laughter] that kid
goes, "The Cullens don't come here." Yes, cuz like Jacob and his friends come and that's when he does, "The Cullens
don't come here." period And Bella's like, "Whoa." And then they go on a walk on the beach and she's like,
"So what did your friend mean when he said the Cullens don't come here?" And Jacob goes, "You caught that, huh?"
>> [laughter] >> It's like, "What the [ __ ] do you mean?" The kid locked eyes with her and
screamed it at her face. Of course >> [laughter] >> I got that. He launched it directly at me. I had no
choice but to cut and catch that. Like damn. >> [cough] >> I love that. I love that.
>> also trying to like flirt with Jacob to get information out of him. And Bella
Swan flirting is the funniest [ __ ] [ __ ] you'll ever see in your life cuz she kind of just like leans her head a
little bit closer >> [laughter] >> and like and it's like looks up at him, but it's menacing.
>> does this weird like head shake thing where she's like, "I I want to know." I'd love
>> shakes her head a lot. It's almost like she thinks that the like eyelash fluttering is actually like head
shaking, so [laughter] she does that. It's a lot. It's something. Later like cuz she finds out like there's a you
know, the legend the Quileute tribe has of like the they descended from wolves and there's these like the cold ones and
the treaty. All that stuff. So she later she goes on and Googles and she Googles
about you know, legends of that tribe and one of the books that comes up is called Legends of the Slapping Beaver.
I just need to point that out. It's not a real book. I looked it up. >> We tried to find it.
>> But my god, I love that they put that in. Um And then she ends up going dress
shopping at one point with um Angela and Jessica. >> They invite her. Like you're new and we're inviting you
into our shopping trip to have a girls' night. That's some like not That doesn't
happen to everyone. >> No. Like you've been a new kid. I was a new kid. I was lucky enough
>> I was pretty lucky. >> [laughter] >> I got to say on my first day at my new high school I made friends like the
first day and they were they were like, "You want to come hang out tonight?" And
I was like, "Fuck yeah, I do." It's like that doesn't happen for everyone. I came
home and Elena was like, "Are you I literally I was like, "Do you think Mom would let me go out tonight? Like I made
friends." And Elena goes, "What? Are you [ __ ] kidding me?" >> [laughter] >> I was like, "What do you mean you made
friends already, you bitch?" Like but yeah, that doesn't happen for everyone. >> a better experience at my second high
school than I did at my first. >> Well, Bella is being integrated into this group very quickly and very nicely. Like
really Are you [ __ ] kidding me? >> Are you [ __ ] kidding me, Bella? Like god. And she treats them like [ __ ] She
bailed. They are trying on dresses. She's not even looking at them. She's like in her own thing and then she just
gets up and bails. Like doesn't even pay attention to them. I was like, "Why are
you trying to be friends with her?" I'd be like, "Fuck this girl." >> Yeah. She's like, "I have to go to like
a bookstore. I have to go to a bookstore." And she goes to the bookstore to get the the legends book.
>> And it's also like, "Could you not have just been like, 'Hey, when we're done
trying on When you guys are done, like will you come to this bookstore with me?'" That's how friendship works.
>> No, she just decided to bail on them. rude And that's what She's just going to
obsess over Edward for the rest of her life. She doesn't need friends. Yeah, it really is so toxic when
>> toxic. And this is really where it becomes like so bad. ridiculously insane >> Because she ends up getting like running
to into these like drunk guys who are like She just walked down a [ __ ] alley. What are you doing like that for?
And these drunk guys are gross and disgusting and they like are going to assault her essentially. And Edward
shows up in his Volvo. He is. >> And like growls at them. When he I'm sorry. When he this I would have been
the most toxic woman. >> [laughter] >> When he growls at them and then he's like, "Get in the car."
And he's like, "You didn't know what they >> [applause] >> And then he's like, "You didn't know
what they were thinking." >> [laughter] >> And she's like, "You did?" >> I'd be like, "Save me every night."
>> And they like they end up going to dinner and like but Jessica and Angela are like, "Hey, where have you been? We
had no [ __ ] clue where you were. We've been calling you." Like what What Like lost you. They're all like, "What
the fuck?" >> even in that moment they're still rooting for her. >> rooting for her.
Go to dinner. Like have dinner on us. Like it's cool. Yeah. I was like, "Damn, you really lucked into these girls and
you should hang on to them and treat them better." But she And so she goes to um dinner
with with Edward. Edward. And his song is playing in the background. >> His song is playing. That like
It's the Exactly. That's what I said. >> [laughter] >> That was exactly what I said.
>> [laughter] >> I mean, can you tell the difference? You mean you can't. >> Thank you. Uh but
>> [laughter] >> She They talk about like you know, what like that Basically what's going on. Like that he's been
stalking her essentially. >> She's literally like, "How did you know I was going to be here?"
>> He's like, "I was following." And he says like, "I was following in case anything happened to you." Which is
sweet in theory, but you like think about it as an adult and you're like >> stalking her. Uh what?
>> want to be followed by you. Like >> No, like I can take care of myself, but that's the thing about Bella. That's
where she's like baby girl coded cuz she doesn't want to have to take care of herself. No. And there's a reason for
that though that makes sense cuz when you look at her parents, her mom, we didn't even touch on her mom. Her mom's
a [ __ ] >> Her mom sucks. Her mom sucks. >> [ __ ] you, Renee. >> the reason she went to Forks is cuz her
mom is together with a minor league baseball player named Phil. >> Phil. And she's unhappy that she can't
travel around with him and that she has to stay with her child. >> And Bella picked up on all of that.
>> "Do you want me to leave so you can do that?" And she's like, "That'd be sick."
>> That's it. She's an [ __ ] >> Yeah, she sucks. >> Her mom's like a total like hot mess
[ __ ] She's not like a cute fun like, "Oh, I'm just like a Lorelai Gilmore kind of like, you know, messy mom." She
just sucks. Yeah. And then also like in the book, Charlie is very Yeah, and And in the book, she
had to take care of her mom essentially, like parentified child. And then she had
to take care of her dad in the book, too. >> Yeah. Like she cooks him all his meals
and [ __ ] Like he's just always like working or fishing. >> Yeah. And so like she really did I think she looks at this
as like [ __ ] take care of me then. >> take care of me now. Yeah. So I think she was This was like learned toxic
behavior, unfortunately. That she was like searching for something. Um Which is also like weird because then
like her boyfriend becomes her dad. Yeah, it's very weird. >> also like when Jacob or when like we'll
get into it in New Moon, but like Edward leaves and then like Jacob steps in and like she There's also like so
much imagery of her being carried around all the time. >> Yes. And it's like really weird.
>> Yeah, it is. >> Yeah. And the In this conversation, he's saying how like he can read minds, but
he can't read hers. And I was like, "Oh, so you read the Sookie Stackhouse books?" Yeah.
>> That's Cuz that's literally True Blood. Like that's just True Blood. And the Sookie
Stackhouse books were out at the time. So like maybe that would just interested her that they could read
minds and maybe one person can block it. >> Yeah. It's definitely reminiscent of it.
There was a few things, too, and I can't think of them now, but like if you go back and listen to our Rewatcher
episodes for Buffy, I was like, "Oh, >> Yeah. That's where she got that." >> definitely I think Stephanie Meyer was
definitely like um >> inspired. She was She was absorbing a lot of this kind of material, so I'm
sure like bits and pieces of it just came into her lore. >> Yeah. But this is one that I was just
We're watching True Blood right now, so it just like stuck out to me. I was like, "Oh, the one person whose mind you
can't read." It's like flipped around. >> Yep, yep, yep. >> [music] >> Now, and then we get the [ __ ] scene
where he pulls her into the cuz she figures out he's a vampire. Yeah. And he pulls her into the [ __ ] woods at
school. >> This is No other movie has touched me in a moment quite like this. This He's so
aggressive in this moment. >> Say it. out loud. I know what you are. And she's standing with her arms in
front of her, which is a very awkward stance. >> [laughter] >> She's essentially doing like the
Wednesday Adams when the sun goes down [laughter] and the moon comes up. But she's just doing it while she's a
teenage Google mug. >> [laughter] >> She does turn into a teenage Google mug. >> [laughter]
>> woods, Bella was a teenage Google mug. She's a teenage Google mug. >> [laughter]
>> That is for sure. I can't do it. That is for sure. And he's just standing behind
her like Say it. >> [laughter] >> He's like, "Oh my god." vampire vampire vampire It's Tom like
>> [laughter] >> Tom like come on the show. Oh wait, you did. >> [laughter] >> Oh, that's a Rewatcher reference. Go
listen to the Rewatcher from the beginning. Do it. It's a >> Hey. Um but yeah, he's so aggressive though.
He grabs her arm and literally drags her through the forest and up a mountain. >> Is this when he screams As if you could
OUTRUN ME. >> OH, WE'RE NOT THERE YET, BABY. [laughter] We're not there yet cuz first
>> One thing about me One thing about me is that I'm always there. [laughter] I'm
always in a place of As if you could outrun me. But first we have to get to a place of
I'm sad and sparkly. So first he has to go up there, rip open his shirt, and show that he just looks a little sweaty.
I love it. And like he just looks a little sweaty. >> I love it. >> he says, "This is the skin of a killer,
Bella." The best. And There's so many good lines. So many good lines. This is the
skin of a killer, Bella. And then he starts zooming around. He like He gets the zoomies. He crouch He literally
huffs and puffs and like hunches over and says, "As if you could outrun me." >> [laughter]
>> I told you he's the Tree Miser. He's crouching. And then he just starts crouching in
trees, which goes crazy. And she's just looking up at him and he's like, "Aren't
I a hot vampire?" And I'm like, "No." [laughter] I don't even think he's trying to convey that.
>> mimbly bimbly from tree to tree. And I need you to get down. >> [laughter] >> But then she becomes very aggressive cuz
she's like, "No, I want it. I love it. I think I want to marry you. I love you."
And he's like, "I've killed people though and I've wanted to kill you from the second I laid eyes on you." And
she's She's like, But I love you. I'm fine with it. And even Edward Or no, Robert Pattinson later was like,
"Something's wrong with her." He [laughter] was like He was like Edward literally says to her, "I've wanted to
kill you since the moment I met you." And she's like, "But I love you." I'd still hit it. She says to him, I don't
know if it's in the woods or if it's when they're at dinner. She says, "I don't have the strength to stay away
from you anymore." >> Yeah. Like what the Or did Wait, does he say that actually now that I think about
it? >> He probably says it. >> that. >> way, they've been They've met each other
4.5 seconds ago. >> Yeah, it's not okay. >> to be real about that. >> okay. Um but he's so up front about how
much he wants to kill her and she's like, "It's cool." Yeah. >> You've let me know, so thank you.
>> Thanks for letting me >> it. And she's like, "All right, I guess we put that on paper, so there's that."
She's a temptress. She is. And this is when they decide that they're going to be together cuz they
lay in the meadow and he's sparkling and it's real weird. >> I think her foot's gone in the CGI.
>> is gone. [laughter] In the CGI, they take her foot out by accident. >> it happens. You know, sloppy. Yeah. Uh
But then they end up going to school the next day and they show up together and this is when Spotlight plays.
And this is when he says This is when he says I'm going to hell anyways. This is what bothers me cuz
he's like, "Since I'm going to hell." And he puts his arm around her and like pulls her in. And he says this a couple
of times, like the hell comment. I'm like, Where does it say that? Well, it's also
like you're dead. >> it. Well, and it's also like that's not part of the Like it's just a weird I don't know. It
doesn't like since I'm going to hell. >> I think he has like this like He has like a self-hatred quality about
him because he like hates that he's a monster. Yeah. In his own >> I'm just like, "Says who? Who says
you're going to hell?" >> him. Like what? >> Yeah, but it it's weird. But when it And
then like he explains his origin story to her and he does so well it's pouring rain and he is staying outs like out of
the cover of the rain, just getting [ __ ] soaked and she's just sitting there dry. And then a minute later he's
bone dry. Yeah. And crouching >> with his hands again. >> fingers walking in front of him.
>> [laughter] >> It's so strange. >> It's very salad fingers ask of him. It is. It's a lot. Um And then she goes to
This is when she goes to meet his family, too, and when he's like, "Are you worried?" Like that's when he gets
really Scottish. >> Yep, yep, yep. Uh but this is when Rosalie breaks the bowl cuz she's just
pissed. Oh my god, wait, before that, is that when um uh Billy Black, Jacob's dad, and Edward
pass? >> off. >> a stare off. You can see the crew. >> You can, yeah. And And Edward's well
built. >> [laughter] >> Well, then >> [snorts] >> I think Rosalie also gets kind of a bad
rap. I think she does. She's pissed. Because if you think about Think about it logist
I I'm thinking of it bare bones. >> Okay, hit me. >> You are a family for all intents and purposes.
>> Yeah, yeah. For hundreds of years you've been a family. You've had this plot like
plan. You have a thing together. There is a literal law among your species that says you cannot let humans know who you
are or what you are. And if you do, then your whole family is going to be in jeopardy. Yeah. And then
he meets this girl and 5 seconds later tells her everything about your species and way of life,
Yeah. breaking every law, endangering your entire family, and then brings her over and is like, "Treat her nice."
Treat her nice. [laughter] I would have broken a [ __ ] bowl, too. I would have been like, you dumb [ __ ] Are you
kidding? She's right. Yeah. So, when you guys stop making googly eyes at each other, we're all going to have our heads
ripped off and be burned? That's fair. >> Like, really? It's fair. Is it worth it,
[ __ ] Like, and she sharted eight. What the [ __ ] >> I was just going to say, that's what
really does Rosalie in is they're preparing this beautiful meal for Bella. >> Yeah. And And Edward He also not even
Bella. Bella's like, oh my god, like you didn't have to do that. Thank you. And he's like, sharted eight. Sharted eight.
I'm like, you dick. And also when Rosalie like smashes the bowl, that's why the actress is wearing gloves in
that scene. She cut her hand when she was when she had originally smashed it. >> love I thought the the gloves were just
fashion. >> Yeah. She I mean, she's very fashionable. >> But, I get everyone's like, calm down,
Rosalie. No, I get it. Can you talk about >> mad. The khaki skirt. Oh my god. So,
she is apparently described as wearing a long khaki skirt in this scene. And like a blue blouse, which Edward
ends up becoming obsessed with. Cuz color blind. Also, if you want us to cover Midnight Sun, which is Edward's
point of view of Twilight, >> I've never read that. happily do that for you. >> We will do that. So, cuz there's a lot
in that. Is there? Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm actually going to buy it >> buy it right now as you talk.
>> So, maybe we should do that. But, he's obsessed with the blue blouse. But, the
long khaki skirt and Stephanie Meyer later said that during her time of writing this and growing up, a khaki
skirt was like a staple wardrobe piece. >> Which is diabolical. I don't remember that time
period, but I don't know how old Stephanie Meyer is. Let me look. She's 51. So, she's older
than I am. So, I don't know. Maybe it was, but I thought thinking of Bella standing there
wearing a long khaki skirt is really throwing me, especially with Rosalie standing there looking like a
[ __ ] snack. >> Yeah. In her gloves and everything. And you know she's looking at her being
like, you khaki skirt >> Edward >> Are you [ __ ] kidding me? You have no idea. danger our entire family for this
khaki skirt wearing [ __ ] This khaki skirt blue blouse [ __ ] >> This with a ponytail? A ponytail?
>> Uh-uh. Yeah, it's very she's all that. >> Yeah. Um but, yeah. I thought I thought
she I was like, you know what? Justice for Rosalie. She's been through a lot. Yeah. We skipped over too that Edward
watches Bella when she sleeps. >> He does. He does He does that a lot. We think for that. I mean, there's not a
lot to say about that. >> I just wanted to make sure it was in here. Yeah. She He watches her while she
sleeps. He's been doing it. >> We thought that was like top romance. >> Yeah. When it came out, I mean, at least
I did. I was Oh my god. Oh my god. I hope that happens to me someday. >> I hope some guy watches me sleep.
>> my worst [ __ ] nightmare. >> Yeah, that's we talk about that [ __ ] all the time.
>> Yeah. >> good. It's bad. It's never good. It's the worst. And then they go up to his room
and he's like, yeah, she's like, where's your bed? And I was like, all right, Bella. Calm down. Like, you're not going
to [ __ ] here. Yeah, she One thing about Bella is she stays. >> She stays horny, Bella.
Um she's horned up all the time. >> [laughter] >> And she's always trying to [ __ ] him.
>> She's really repressed. With the way he's described when you're like a teenager, I'm sure I would be all over
that, too. Um but, [clears throat] >> [snorts] >> I love it cuz like he got you know, he's
got all these books and you know, Claire de Lune is playing or and he's like, you know, like that's I'm
just listening to Debussy, you know, like no big deal. And she's like, Claire de Lune is great. And it's supposed to
be that like See? She's so different. >> that, too. Yeah. And I couldn't help it.
I was like, my kids have several books that Claire de Lune is in. >> [laughter] >> Like lullaby books. If I played Claire
de Lune right now, I'm pretty sure my youngest would be like, Claire de Lune. Like, [laughter] she would know.
>> Great stuff. Like, it's but they make it like this this highly highbrow highbrow thing that like Bella's not
like other girls. I'm not like other girls. I'm like, well, you're like my 6-year-old.
So, [laughter] you're you're not that you're not that like quirky. >> Like, sounds like you had the same
lullaby books, Bella. Like, you had that book. So, but, yeah. Um This is when I literally
was like, Edward is not safe. Yeah. Because she's like, can we [ __ ] Like, you can tell she's
So, where do we [ __ ] in here? He was like, how about I just take you outside? [laughter] He's like, how about we go
flying? Let's go flying. Hold on tight, spider monkey. And this is the spider monkey. Hold on tight, spider monkey is
diabolical. And the visual of when he jumps from tree to tree. [laughter] All limbs and wobbly. It's like he he's
in this weird position and also is just like, oh, like looking forward [laughter] Looking all over the flies
through the air. It's the least hot thing I can imagine. Yeah. And then he's climbing up the
tree, but barely touching it and he just looks like how a bear would climb up a tree.
>> Okay, that I'm not mad at. The flying, I'm with you. I'll sign off on that. >> mad at the climbing up the tree? I'm
not. Damn. I want to climb up the tree. I It's the way he look He's like, hop hop
hop hop like I mean, how do you climb up a tree? >> I don't climb up trees. So, this would
not do [laughter] it for me to begin with. I'd be like, I'm not climbing up a tree. You know what I mean? I would want
to climb up the tree. Uh but, yeah. It's it's a lot. Yeah. Um and at one point Mike tells Bella that he was like, this
Edward thing. Yeah, and I'd be like, I don't give a [ __ ] Mike. >> When he goes, he just looks at you like
you're something to eat. And I was like, that is quite possibly the worst writing
So heavy-handed. >> It's such a clunky line. Yeah. >> It's so clunky. Like, somebody should
have heard that and been like, Too much. Yeah, like too much. Subtleties, look it up. And that's when
they go they go and play baseball and we get we get Charlie. So, Bella's like, hey. Um So, Edward's
outside and he's taking me to play baseball and he's like, what the [ __ ] >> This is honestly so real.
>> Yeah, and she's like, he wants you to meet him and he's cleaning his shotgun as he does and he just flicks it closed.
>> Send him in. And he's like, send him in. Hot. And I said, holy [ __ ] Yeah. I
don't know why, but I was like, Charlie. Charlie. >> [laughter] >> It's being like it's that dad thing,
too. Cuz I was like, woo. Okay. Uh but, I'm into it. Um but, they go to play baseball and this is the
supermassive black hole, the very classic baseball scene where they play during a thunderstorm, so no one can
hear it cuz they hit the ball so hard. I wonder is it in the Illustrated Guide what
happens if a vampire gets struck by lightning? I don't think it's in the Illustrated I didn't see it in the
Illustrated Guide. >> Update it. Update it. Uh at one point Rosalie when Emmett climbs up a tree to
get a ball, he says, my monkey man. And I said, Oh, family's got a big thing for
monkeys. >> on here? Spider Hold on tight, spider monkey. My monkey man. The way Nikki
Reed delivers her lines as Rosalie, I think she's pretty she's really good in the first movie.
>> Cuz when she says that, that is the gnarliest line to have to deliver, but I believed it coming out of her
mouth. Yeah. >> When she said it, I was like, yeah, Rosalie did say that. >> Her and Emmett have a very cute
relationship together. >> like obsessed with each other. >> Yeah, but then she does say at one
point, I don't know if it's in the movies or if it's in the books that she would give every that she would
give him up to like be human again, I think. Oh, yeah, cuz So, now to Rosalie, back to the Illustrated
Guide when they go back to her backstory. Rosalie's one dream in life was to get married and have a child.
Right. That's all she wanted to do. And like, grow old with this person, have a normal life. And so like, she was robbed
of all that cuz she can't have a child. And Which also doesn't make any sense. >> you think about how Bella gets pregnant.
Holes poke in the lore all over the place. Um but, I guess when Emmett was turned, it was mauled by a bear. Oh,
[ __ ] I didn't even know that. Uh yeah, and and Rosalie finds him and thinks he's like
so beautiful and loves him. And but, it's said in the Illustrated Guide that when Rosalie was human, she was
jealous of only one person and it was her best friend. Uh Vera, I believe her name was. And it's because Vera was
married, had a husband who loved her and a little boy named Henry. Okay. And that
was what she wanted. Um I feel like things are about to get >> so weird. They're going to get so weird
because they always do. Yeah. Uh she said that her fa his face reminded her of like Henry. I [ __ ] knew you were
going to say that. >> a child. I [ __ ] knew you were going to say that. >> was in love with him. I hate it. That's
so weird. >> was like, seems like a good enough reason. >> [laughter] >> No. I'm telling you, you
take a peek through that Illustrated Guide and it will change your life. My I think you just changed my life in that
moment. Not for the better. >> your goddamn life. I have been changed forever [laughter]
changed. for bad. for bad. I've not been changed for good. But, they do love each other. Yeah, they do.
>> that. I also love in the baseball scene when Emmett and Edward like collide. >> Yeah. And they like roll around and
giggle. And if you look closely, he Edward flips off >> he? Emmett. Yeah. He also does that like
snap thing like, oh, man. Yeah. Uh but, yeah. That's when we meet like Laurent and Victoria.
>> Victoria. Uh what a [ __ ] disservice. >> Yeah. We got to talk about >> Victoria
played by, excuse me, uh Rachelle Lefevre, I believe it's pronounced. I had my French guy on on pronounce names
tell me. >> Lefevre. Um Rachelle. Oh. Listen, nothing against Bryce Dallas Howard.
>> No, I love Bryce Dallas Howard. She's great. She's great. She's not Victoria.
>> She's not Victoria. Uh Rachelle killed it as Victoria. first two movies, especially in New Moon cuz she like and
you know, we're going to cover that. She's back with the vengeance. She is just That scene in New Moon where she's
jumping through the trees as they're like doing the search party or like the investigation.
I think that was another sexual Truly. Like, she's amazing. >> good. And then Bryce Dallas Howard is such a great
actress. Like, I'm not saying anything against her in that way. She doesn't have the energy that the first Victoria
had. That like villainous like Something about lioness. >> That's what it is. It's like a predator.
Yeah. >> had that predatory like >> Yes. And I don't it just she killed it. Like I
thought she was so [ __ ] good. >> Mhm. And this is when we kind of meet them all.
And this is after they've killed Waylon. Yeah. And she's wearing Waylon's shirt.
Oh [ __ ] I didn't even catch that. Good call. >> wearing like some like It had a shamrock
on it and she's wearing it. That's iconic. I'm obsessed. >> Which makes it even cooler.
>> And she's got that big [ __ ] fur jacket. >> I love it. She just looks so [ __ ]
cool. Her hair is awesome. >> They all look cool. And she's really good at that like animalistic look that
she gives. Like she just Like you said like predator. >> She's really predatory.
>> Mhm. Um but they of course James ends up smelling Bella. Because also They put
her hair down. He and he Edward makes her put her hair down. It was up in a ponytail and she could have just like
stuffed it into her jacket. >> I don't know if it was masking like her neck and stuff. Like masking her like
arteries. her skin. >> just because the wind blew that it kind of like wafted over to him.
>> Yeah, just seemed like a bad plan all around. >> he's tracking her and he's not going to
stop until he gets her. >> He's like obsessed with this. >> He's obsessed. This is just what he
does. He's a tracker. >> Mhm. So they have to get her out of there really fast and like you have to
tell Charlie something cuz you have to leave your house cuz he's not safe. And Bella says, "I can't hurt him." Yeah.
Literally says I can't hurt him. And she looks at Edward and says, "What do I tell him? I can't hurt him." And
Edward's like I don't know. Just shrugs and walks away. I was like, "Thank you for the help."
>> And he like jumps out the window. And so she basically goes with, "I hate him.
I'm breaking up with him. I'm leaving the state." And Charlie's like, "No, you're not leaving the state cuz you
broke up with your boyfriend." And he And he says he's like, "Did he hurt you?" >> Yeah. And he's like, "No." And she's
like, "I hate him. He sucks." And he's like, "Okay, let's just like just sleep on it." He's like, "Fuck, like this is
teenage girl shit." >> Yeah, and he even says sleep on it and if you still felt the same way I'll
bring you to the airport. >> Like that's let's just talk about it tomorrow. And then she ends up use like
she's literally like "What? So we can just sit around at the diner every day and like do this and like
>> Watch baseball on the flat screen. >> I'll just be stuck here like mom was." And then like leaves She is so nasty to
him after saying I can't hurt him. >> I thought you weren't going to hurt that man.
>> him. Slits his throat. >> standing at the doorway completely dejected. It's like the worst. Yeah. And
she And she ends up saying that she said to him what her mom said when she left him. Yeah.
>> Which I was like, "That's so [ __ ] up, Bella." Yeah, it's like Like you're not
a good person. >> No, she's really bad. On a on a much smaller scale, she's also like, "I'll
pull over and like stop at a motel if I'm tired." I'm like, "You can't stop at a motel. You're a minor."
>> years old. >> can't just travel the states. >> Like hello. >> What are you talking about?
>> It doesn't make any And the fact that Charlie just like lets her go eventually
cuz obviously he's like, you know, frozen because she hurt him so bad. But I'm like,
"You got to get in your car, Charlie, and like follow her." >> I mean I guess we don't know what he did
after she left. True cuz like they kind of speed off. But Also when she's going in her room during this scene to like
pack her [ __ ] Edward is just creeping by the door. Yeah. Like just right there. You can
>> Like not even behind the door. >> there. Like next to the hinge. But while they're driving away, there's this big
bang on the car. And they're like, "What was that?" And he's like, "It's just Emmett."
For some reason that made me laugh so hard cuz he's like, "It's just Emmett." I would be so [ __ ] angry in that
moment. >> kill him. >> I'm being hunted by a like deviant vampire who wants to rip open my
arteries and you allow your buffoon brother to just buffoon brother [laughter] >> onto the back of this truck. Any minor
inconvenience that happens to me or anything like that, I'm just going to say it's just Emmett.
>> [laughter] >> It's just Emmett. It's just Emmett. >> Don't worry about it. Anytime If my kids
are like, "I think I there's a monster out there." I'll be like, "It's just Emmett. Don't worry. Like don't worry.
It's just Emmett." >> [laughter] >> They end up going to therapy later being like, "And then she told me about this
man named Emmett outside my room. We still don't know who he is." We don't know who Emmett [laughter] is.
We watched Twilight. We're not sure if it's Kellan Lutz. >> get it. Why is it Kellan Lutz?
>> [laughter] >> Why was Kellan Lutz outside my bedroom? >> day I can't drive an open bed truck. So
it ends up that they have to get away. Um and you know, James lures her to her old ballet studio.
>> an old phone or like an old home video of her mom being like, "Bella, Bella, where are
you?" >> Like couldn't find her. Um cuz he tells her he's going to kill her mom if she
doesn't show up. So of course she shows up. He She gets the [ __ ] kicked out of
her. And uh She should have died cuz when he throws her cracks her She cracks her head on that corner.
>> Yeah, he literally yeets her into the corner of like a banister and there's blood. I'm like, "You just Your skull is
sticking into your brain right now." And like Edward can't handle it. Alice can't
handle it. Carlisle cuz like she gets a bit by James. Before she gets bit and when they show up, Emmett, Alice, and
Jasper show up as like a trio and they just slowly They [laughter] slowly fall down and
it's like the Spy Kids movie the way they descend to the floor. They're just like whoop whoosh.
>> [gasps] >> Like they just [laughter] end But they can't None of them can handle
the blood. Especially like, you know, Especially not Confederate Jasper. He's He's all upset.
>> "I want to eat her alive." But James has bit her. So now the venom is going to
start turning her if he if Carlisle doesn't If Edward doesn't do something. Drink
suck out the venom basically. >> the venom. I think that's what it is. And when she when he does,
Bella's eyes go cross-eyed like several times and it is one of the funniest things I've Cuz she's just like she's
dying. She's dying. That was actually the funniest way. Hold on. We got I got to film that. I'm filming it for you
guys. That's perfect. And go. >> [laughter] >> That was perfect. That's what she does.
It's perfect presentation. And oh, and he broke her leg, too. So like he like crunches her leg.
>> Oh, you were also very angry. Rightfully so. >> cuz um Carlisle Also Carlisle's like,
"Her femoral artery is severed. She's only got a few minutes." And that was after she's been lying there for a
couple minutes. One, not enough blood. >> She would have been dead. >> Femoral artery, you have like two to
five Five Five minutes is like You have a guardian angel. >> be a superhero. Like that's just like
part You're bleeding out. Like it's gone. And this takes a long time. When he says it's severed, Yeah. that would
have been like Like that would have been blood [snorts and laughter] everywhere. It would have been like
should have happened to the KETCHUP BOTTLE. I WAS LIKE, "YOU didn't have to go there, brother."
>> take so [ __ ] long discussing this. I'm Yeah. While her femoral artery is severed.
>> dying right now. But they do save her and she wakes up in the hospital and you
know, like Edward's been there. >> oxygen mask is literally upon her eyebrows. It's in her eyebrows. Like
it's just crazy. >> And when her mom leaves and Edward just walks up to her and is like, "Bella, you
need to go to Jacksonville, Florida and you need to go with your mom and like Before that even.
Cuz we talked about how shitty her mom is. >> Oh yeah. She wakes up in the hospital,
Bella, and she says, "What happened?" And her mom is like, "Oh my god, you were at the Cullen's house and you're so
clumsy, you crazy [ __ ] You tripped and you fell down two flights of stairs and
through a [ __ ] window." >> Through a window. And we don't know what the bite on your wrist is all about.
>> No. But I'm sure it wasn't your boyfriend who you were trying to leave the state about.
>> us are questioning domestic violence. You're just a clumsy gal. Guys. Like no one's questioning.
>> you're a [ __ ] police officer. Excuse me again, the police officer. >> Chief. She has a bite scar on her
[ __ ] wrist. Like and she was literally in this massive fight about to leave the state and you just believe
that she tripped and fell through a [ __ ] window. >> a window. I don't know, guys.
>> know about that. >> you shouldn't have had a child. I don't think so. >> you're really bad at this.
>> think they're great at it. >> But now Jacksonville. But yeah, that that's when Edward's like, "You should
just go to Jacksonville." Like "We shouldn't do this anymore." Like breaking up with her while she's on
oxygen. >> [laughter] >> He's like, "I can't endanger you anymore." And she flips the [ __ ] out. Yeah, she codes.
>> And she's like, "We can't be apart. We can't be You can't leave me. You can't
leave me. We can't be apart. You can't ever be away from me." And I was like, "This is the most toxic [ __ ] I've ever
seen in my life." She literally says, "You can't say You can't say stuff like that to me. Ever."
And then he said And she's like, "So you're not going to go Like you're not going to leave me." He says, "Where else
am I going to go?" Woof. >> And I said, [snorts] "Stephanie, I don't think that was the line that you thought
it was." Because if somebody said that to me, I'd be like, "So it's lack of options? That's You know how people say
there's like peaks of romance? This is like the doldrums of romance. That's quite a valley,
>> [laughter] >> I would say. This is That's hell. That is hell. >> That's hell is your beautiful man
looking at you and saying, "Where else am I going to go?" I don't have any other options, so I'm here. [ __ ] Damn.
That'd be a humbling moment. >> But it's not for Bella cuz they go to prom together. And she wears leggings
under her dress. And a cardigan over her dress. >> Not even just like a cute cardigan
either. Like a grandma cardigan. Yeah, it's just awful. But what's fun is you It's like Monte Carlo themed. And when
you get there, there's like a big roulette wheel or like a big wheel. And standing next to the wheel, if you look
back on it, is Victoria in a prom dress with an updo. She's like, "Hi." And you can just just see her in the background.
You don't notice until later. >> Yep. Um but it's This is when they dance in the gazebo.
>> But before that, Jacob shows up at prom. >> that he shows up. Jacob shows up at prom
in the most diabolical outfit. >> And he's just wearing like his best his Sunday's best. [laughter]
His like untucked white shirt and like two shorts. >> Just a floppy tie. Floppy tie, exactly.
And he is essentially there because he's like, "Hey, my dad really wants you to break up with your boyfriend. So
>> me 20 bucks to come and tell you that. >> Here I am at your prom." And he's like,
"All right. Bye. See you later." Like that was it. Okay. He's like, "All right."
>> [laughter] >> And so they dance in a gazebo and she's like, "I really want you to turn me
because, you know, like you're going to stay this way forever and I'm going to get old and die. And he's like, I don't
know about that. And then he's like, you want me to do it? You want me to do it right now?
And he starts She like leans back her neck and it looks like he's about to do it, but you're like, he's not going to
do it at your prom, dude. >> That's the thing this got me when I was 12. >> about them not showing people Yeah. who
they are. >> drink at prom and you also can't turn into a vampire at prom. >> happens when venom enters your body?
You're going to convulse on the floor for 3 days. Like it's not going to be Yeah. pretty. She was ready. So he
doesn't and he's like, maybe we'll talk about it later. And she's like, fine. And then the last thing we see
is somebody watching out the window and she turns around and it's [ __ ] Victoria.
>> takes the pin that's holding her chignon. >> and she's got tears rolling down her
face because remember her mate was James. >> Yeah. And to back up >> for life. I forgot to tell you that when
when James bit Bella, they ripped James to pieces. Oh, they ripped his head off.
>> off and burned his body cuz that's the only way you can kill a vampire. Yeah.
And you see it. Like it's actually awesome cuz Alice literally hops up on him and just twists his head off like
pop. >> Yeah, it's like a Barbie doll. >> amazing. Well, like Jasper and Emmett are holding his arms. Like it's gnarly.
>> That poor dance studio. But that's I know you're not going to really come back from that.
>> No. Uh but that's her mate. So like she's and she has the tears running down her face and her face looks like you I
remember seeing this and being like, oh, [ __ ] >> oh, we're getting a sequel. And she just
walks away. It's a great ending. It's so good. I think it's such a fun, campy, [ __ ]
weird ass movie. >> It's the rindomest movie of all time. >> And I love >> liking the rain, girl? How you liking
the rain, girl? >> Next time it rains, I'm going to come in here and scream at [laughter] everyone.
I love it. >> you could outrun me. This is the skin of a killer, Bella. Like you can't and then Hello. This is not
even talking about New Moon. I can't We touched on it a couple times. >> But barely. I can't wait.
>> Let us talk about New Moon, everybody. >> New Moon is reckless. Please allow us.
>> It is. It's so reckless. >> You loved this and if you didn't >> You loved this. And if you didn't, you
did. You loved this. I said it. >> [laughter] >> Uh it's so much fun, though. I love it.
I think it's so much fun. I hope you guys enjoyed this really big deep dive that we thought was going to be like 30
minutes and ended up being like 4 days. It's great. How long is it, Mikey? Like 2 hours. 2 hours and then I'm going to
die. Oh my god. I'm obsessed. >> [laughter] >> All right. Well, we have to end this
here because Mikey has to edit it. >> So we love you guys. We hope you keep listening. And we hope you
>> keep it twilight. twilight. Bye. The skin of a killer. Weirdos. Hello. Hello.
>> [laughter] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music]

In November's BONUS EPISODE, Ash and Alaina deep dive into the cinematic masterpiece/disaster/fever dream known as Twilight. Yes, THAT Twilight. The one where a 100-year-old immortal creature gaslights a teenager into thinking she smells weird. Buckle up weirdos!

Check out Why We Love (and Hate) Twilight: The Highs and Lows of the Iconic Vampire Series by Sarah Elizabeth Gallagher.

Cowritten by Alaina Urquhart, Ash Kelley & Dave White (Since 10/2022) Produced & Edited by Mikie Sirois (Since 2023) Research by Dave White (Since 10/2022), Alaina Urquhart & Ash Kelley Listener Correspondence & Collaboration by Debra Lally Listener Tale Video Edited by Aidan McElman (Since 6/2025) Listener Tale Theme Music licensed from https://www.purple-planet.com Main Theme: Matti Paalanen — Trick or Treat — Provided by Jamendo Ad Music: Title: Artist: BlueJay Studio — Spooky Waltz — Provided by Jamendo

Brief Summary

Hosts Ash and Elena discuss Twilight's characters, themes, and cultural impact, sharing humorous insights and critical analysis of the saga.

Key points

Robert Pattinson's Take. Pattinson reflects on his discomfort with the Twilight books, calling them 'weird'.
Bella and Edward's First Kiss. Bella and Edward share their first kiss, but it comes with a dangerous twist.
Jasper's Troubling Backstory. Jasper's history as a Confederate soldier raises eyebrows and questions about his character.
Diversity in Casting. Catherine Hardwick wanted more diversity in the cast, but faced pushback from Stephanie Meyer.
The Cullen Entrance. The dramatic entrance of the Cullen family is both wild and memorable, featuring hard-boiled eggs.
Cringeworthy Biology Class. Bella's biology class interaction with Edward is filled with tension and awkwardness.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

She told a good ass story.

Discussion on Stephanie Meyer's storytelling.

6:54WatchNov 20, 2025

Tension

50/ 100Some tension

More from Morbid | Podcast

Solve the Crime

Read a real case one clue at a time, then see how your call held up against the investigators.