America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 4, Episode 2 - Gun Target - Full Episode | Forensic Files

NARRATOR: Tonight, on America's Dumbest Criminals-- ever wonder why you can never find office supplies?
We've got proof they aren't getting grabbed by gremlins. This man is on the run and has a reason
to fear he's the target of a 21 gun salute. And this joker isn't just littering.
He's trashing his chances of making a clean break. All their dirty little secrets will
come to light-- here on America's Dumbest Criminals. [music playing] [applause] Now, welcome your hosts for America's Dumbest Criminals--
Daniel Butler and Debbie Alan. [applause] -Thank you. -Hi there. It is so good to have you with us.
Well, as always, we have a cast of characters worthy of Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment."
-But Debbie, that's a real big, thick book. OK? We just have a half hour show here.
-OK, so to shorten it, would that make our show "Crimes and Puns"? -Well, yeah, OK, I'm afraid it does, all right?
But let's not think about that right now, OK? -That was bad. OK, let's carry on with our first story.
-All right, why not? But speaking of carrying on, a crook in Alabama got carried away by police after he carried off a surveillance
monitor from a convenience store. But to his surprise, he left a lasting impression.
-Smile. Because here's this week's installment of Caught on Camera. -We had a young man who had decided to burglarize
a local convenience store at about 11:30 at night after it had closed. Took a car jack and threw it through the glass front
door and main entrance to the store. While inside, he started looking around for the things
that he wanted. And in doing so, he looked up and saw himself captured on a monitor.
He was being videotaped. And not realizing that the monitor had nothing to do with the camera and the VCR,
he proceeded to attempt to steal the monitor. In the process of doing so, he dropped his wallet.
We retrieved the tape. We brought it back to the police department, looked at it.
And, uh, one of the investigators identified him. And we brought him to the station
and started to talk to him. And-- Charles, where were you last night? -Um, I, I was home.
-You were home? -Yeah. -OK. You didn't go up to Hickey's, to the convenience store
last night? -No, no. -Not you? -Didn't go up to Hickey's. -OK. Have you got your wallet on you?
-Yeah. -Do you? Can I see it? He produced the wallet, which was a brand new wallet.
And he opened it up. And the wallet was empty. And then we produced the wallet that we
had found in the store-- the one with his driver's license and all of his papers in it.
-Um, that's not my wallet. That, that, that-- -And we said, well, what about the driver's license and all
the identification that we found in the wallet that apparently belongs to you. Someone else has a wallet with all your identification in it.
-Yeah, I don't know how that happened, Sarge. -We produced a videotape. And we put it on.
And we played it for him. He said, that's not me. It's someone who looks like me.
But it's not me. Apparently, the judge didn't agree with this opinion and decided that it was him and found him guilty of the crime.
[applause] -You know, there's something to be said for tossing caution to the wind.
Well, in his pursuit of personal freedom, our next criminal also tossed evidence.
-Oh, yeah. But wouldn't you know it? In doing so, he also tossed his hat in the ring
to be featured in the segment we call Something to Remember Me By. [music playing]
-This is my partner, Aubrey Hawkins. -This is my partner, James Burns. -There was a while back we had a person
that was driving towards us in a car that had its high beams on. I flashed my high beams a little bit
to see if he could, uh, dim them. And normally, what do most motorists do? They hit the high beams just to kind of, you know, signal them.
And he didn't do it. He went past us. And we just made a u-turn, got behind him,
and tried to stop him and-- -And of course, as luck would have it, guy wouldn't stop.
We chased and chased and chased him at, oh, about 100 miles an hour. During this, we saw him throw something out the window.
-We finally got the guy stopped. He pulled over and surrendered. -We went back. And we found the fanny pack.
It had a Glock 9mm pistol in it. -It had some drug paraphernalia-- syringes, drug scales, good stuff like that.
-And has a list-- kind of like a shopping list as to who this guy owed some drugs to.
-It also had a Texas Department of Corrections identification card, which is what inmates have to carry
with them when they're in prison. -After we got back to the station, when we was booking this guy into jail,
we asked him, why, why are you running. He says, well, I had a warrant out for me.
-And that's just something that, you know, we wouldn't have really even arrested him for.
It was just a really bottom of the run misdemeanor. Aubrey, you know what we call people like this?
-No, what? -Job security. [applause] -You got it. You know, the typical talk around the water cooler--
who won the big game, who got the promotion, who's your favorite co-host on America's Dumbest Criminals--
-Oh, people talk about that? -Oh, yeah, sure. A man can dream, can't he? -Yeah, really.
Well, the hot topic for folks at an office in Pinellas Park, Florida was the dastardly dealing of a thieving coworker.
We've got the infrared footage that caught him red-handed. Take a look. -We had received a number of calls
reporting theft at a business. And they were receiving thefts taking place. They had an idea who was making the-- doing the stealing.
But they didn't really have the evidence. So with the help of surveillance camera, they,
themselves thought they could catch them and handle it in-house. But unfortunately, the camera that they used
didn't film at night. And what this subject would do-- he'd go inside this office area.
And he'd turn out the light. And he'd go inside with a little penlight in his mouth,
open up a filing cabinet, steal the money, and leave. So they tried again to do something a little bit
different. They put an infrared light on top of the filing cabinet. They catch the bad guy opening the door,
turning out the light, putting the penlight in his mouth, and going through the filing cabinet, stealing the cash.
And we got him in custody. [applause] -In Alabama, it's illegal to wear a fake mustache
that causes laughter in church. [applause] -We've all heard the tall tales that fishermen
tell about the one that got away. Well, we've got the first cousin to that sort of fishy fabrication.
It involves a boater with a story that just doesn't hold water. Ahoy, mateys. Here comes an excuse that's all wet.
[music playing] -I was sitting in my office one morning. I hear a common gentleman comes up to the front counter.
And he's talking with the receptionist. And I'm eavesdropping on the conversation.
And he's telling her that he needed to get his boat taken of the stolen list. Well, being a boating officer, this really piqued my interest.
So I continued to listen. And he tells the secretary it really wasn't stolen. Apparently, he was out in his boat.
And he got stuck upriver. And he couldn't get it out. And rather than call somebody up there and pay a tow bill,
he decided if he reported it stolen, the Sheriff's office would have to go up and pick up the boat,
and it'd save him a whole lot of money. At this point, I know I to go out and talk to this guy.
So I go out there and invite him into the office and ask him to tell me again what I thought I had heard.
And while I'm talking to him, I begin to smell what I believe is marijuana. So I asked him.
I said, let me ask you, you been smoking marijuana today? Well, not today, but I did have some last night.
I say, well, I'll tell you what. Why don't you give me what you got on you. And I'll be darned if this guy didn't reach in his pocket
and pull out a baggie of marijuana. So as I'm standing there, I'm shaking my head.
I'm thinking to myself, this guy has got to be one of the stupidest people I've ever met.
[applause] -Well, now, this could have been a sentimental story. It could've been a one in a million miracle
that caused a prison guard, who is now working as a security guard, to cross paths with an ex-con who
had learned the error of his ways. Heck, it could have been a made-for-TV movie for the Lifetime Channel.
Just one problem-- the ex-con was up to his old tricks. So instead of being truly inspirational,
it's tonight's Blue Light Special. [music playing] On this particular case, an individual
came into the Belk department store, was observed by the security guard working there for Belk,
who happens to be an off-duty Department of Corrections officer. He recognized the individual as being one who we'd just
released from custody, having been charged with repeated larcenies. Began observation of him, and in short order,
witnessed him committing a theft. And when approached by one of our uniformed police officers,
the individual did somewhat of a little dance with our in there. Wound up being sprayed out of necessity with pepper spray,
and subsequently placed under arrest. In this instance, it was very much to our benefit
to have the Department of Corrections officer working the cameras. [applause] -The poet Ogden Nash once wrote that a door is what a dog is
perpetually on the wrong side of. Well, the same could be said for a couple of guys
on the wrong side of the law in our next story. Watch how the crooks plans come completely
unhinged when officers move in. -One night, Captain Redder and I responded to a breaking
and entering in progress at a local carryout store. When we got there, we saw the door ajar
and believed that that was the point of entry. We were wrong. They had broken into a drive-through window
and crawled through a small pane. It was too small to get the booty out. So they decided to take the door off the hinges from the inside.
And they're in there talking about what they're going to do and so forth, standing behind the door.
We could hear them. And we weren't sure just how close they were. So the captain says, well, I'll cover you.
And I leaned in to kick the door and fell on both of them. Knocked them both down.
They're laying underneath the door. All you could see was a rubber glove sticking out
where they're trying to get out from underneath the door. That was an easy one. [applause]
-Now for a man who is a mere pebble compared to Stone Phillips, here's Daniel with ADC Headlines.
[applause] [music playing] The bank robber never told his mom why he needed a ride to the bank.
And when his so-called banking transaction took a little longer than expected, she decided to park the car and go
shopping at a nearby grocery. And when her prodigal son came running from the building,
he got nowhere fast. Hey, now if you Star Wars fans felt a disturbance in The Force
last May, there's a reason. That's when four men stole a copy of the Phantom Menace
from a Wisconsin theater. But their getaway was anything but picture perfect. The film unspooled during their escape.
And they left fingerprints all over it that they found impossible to remove. Now fearing reprisal from law enforcement, Jedi Knights,
and eight-year-old kids, they wisely chose to turn themselves in. You know, usually, it's the victims
of a robbery who are ordered to keep quiet. But it would have been smart advice for a suspect standing
in a police lineup in San Diego. While witnesses looked on, each man was instructed to step forward and repeat the same phrase
allegedly used by the bank robber-- give me all your money. But old number five sealed his fate when he stepped forward
and declared, hey, I didn't say that. And that closes the files on ADC headlines-- news ripped
from somewhere near the back of your local newspaper. Debbie? [applause] -You've heard the expression the long arm of the law?
Well, in our next story, the officers didn't even have to stretch. And that's what makes the suspect a prime candidate
for the segment we call Special Delivery. [music playing] -Well, this is the Golden West Criminal
Justice Training Center. It's our police academy here that various agencies throughout the county send recruits here.
Just finished teaching a class. Was coming out of the office. And I saw a young kid running up the walkway
towards the office door. And as he got close to the front door, he made an immediate right turn and dove
over the top of this planter area here. Another guy came up telling me that he had just stolen a purse.
So I bail over the wall after him. Chased him down behind the building over here.
Drew my weapon, pointed it at him and told him get down on the ground. He did so.
And I had to handcuff him myself. Brought him back around after I handcuffed him to the office
here. I told him that, you know, he's going to be going away for six months because of parole violation,
and he should enlist in one of those English classes in the local [inaudible] prison up there,
so he can learn to read what it says about the Criminal Justice Training Center.
If he had read the sign, I'm sure he would have turned a different direction. [applause]
-Have you ever gone to a yard sale and been amazed at how cheap everything is? Well, usually it's because people are just
trying to unload things they no longer need. But we found out about a garage sale
with an extra special reason for its low, low prices. See what we mean. -Several years ago, we had a boyfriend-girlfriend
combination. They were drinking real heavy one Friday night and were getting pretty well plastered
and decided to have a yard sale. They started looking around their house for items
and realized they didn't have enough stuff. So they got to thinking about where they could get some more items.
And they realized that their next door neighbor was an elderly lady who was in the hospital.
So at 2 o'clock in the morning, they went next door and broke out a back window and just basically emptied
the whole house into their front yard. The next day, they had the yard sale. They had a lot of business.
They were selling all the furniture from the house, the paintings, the silverware.
They were doing quite well and selling a lot of the items when the family from the lady next door drove
by just to check on the house that day. And as they drove by the front yard, they looked over and recognized the bed suits and the furniture
from their mother's house. At that point, they stopped and called our police department.
Patrol officers responded. As soon as the patrol car came into view, the gentleman took off running and basically got away
for that day. But the lady couldn't run. We found out later that during the move at 2 o'clock
in the morning, she was so inebriated that she fell and broke her ankle. And so when our officers showed up, she couldn't run from us.
We set up a surveillance on the suspect's house the next day. He came home and had to break into his own house
to try to get some clothes. Our officers surrounded the house. He wouldn't come to the door.
So we considered it that he was probably pretty dangerous. But we weren't sure, considering all
the dumb stuff he had done before that. But we called out our SWAT team and had to kick in the door
and search the house. And we found him hiding under a bed in his daughter's bedroom.
-Police. Freeze. -This garage sale didn't turn out to be much of a bargain for these guys.
[applause] NARRATOR: In Alaska, it is illegal to wake a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph.
-Several years ago, I made a traffic stop for a subject who had blown a red light.
When I approached the vehicle, I asked the driver for his driver's license, registration,
and insurance card. Out of instinct, the passenger reached over. When he opened the glove box to look for the registration card,
the glove box was stuffed with sterling silver flatware. Knives, forks, and spoons start tumbling out of the glove box.
When I looked in the backseat, I could see that there was several TVs, a stereo set,
and some other items that just looked out of place. We separated the driver and the passenger.
And I asked them what they were doing. They said, oh, we were moving some items from our home.
-We just got it from moving it back to my apartment. -I said, well, it's odd to keep your silverware
in your glove box. When we separated them, I asked the driver, well, what make's your TV or your stereo set?
And he gave me one make. The other officer that was there spoke to the passenger
and asked him the same questions, he told us totally different make and totally different story.
At that point, we were very suspicious of them. They gave us a consent to look in the vehicle.
And we found some credit cards which had a person's name on them. We then contacted the owner of the property.
And by strange coincidence, the police department was already at the scene investigating the burglary
that the victim had just discovered. So we actually apprehended them before the victim
knew that the stuff had been stolen. [applause] -Very good. You know, don't you love that scene in all the old Westerns
where the cavalry comes riding to the rescue with guns blazing? -Oh, yeah. It's a beautiful sight if you're a damsel
in distress or the good townfolk. But now if your the outlaw on the receiving end of all those bullets, it's a whole different picture.
-Well, yeah, the bad townfolk, sure. For tonight's saga of We're Not Making This Up,
we take you to the not-so-old west for a wild, wild story. [music playing] -Well, we had a long-time career criminal
who lived in our town who had been out about six months. And his favorite habit was methamphetamine and heroin.
He liked to mix the two. He had gotten extremely high and was in the commission of a small-time crime when police showed up.
So he ran off. We didn't catch him until later in the day. And I was trying to start warming the guy up, you know,
and make friends with him a little bit and say, hey, you know, I want to talk with you
and hear your side of the story. And throughout the conversation, he kept saying to me, Man,
I'll tell you anything you want, just as long as you don't shoot at me, man. Just don't let those other cops shoot at me anymore, OK?
I thought this was a bit odd. Because nobody had fired a shot. He had been taken into custody without any incident
whatsoever. So we got him back and started interviewing him. And I'm talking with him.
And, you know, he tells me the story. And he tells me that he's coming across country.
He's going through the brush and the weeds. And he comes up over the top of a hill.
And all of a sudden, he knew he was in trouble then. Because there was 20, 30 cops.
And they were all shooting at him. [gunshots] So he had dove off the ridge of this hill and rolled down.
He'd cut himself, gone through a thicket, you know. We came to find out that the top of the hill he'd crested,
that we never went up was right above the Ogden Police Department shooting range.
And he had seen all the officers at the bottom of it shooting and thought they were shooting at him.
So he was pretty thankful that we had showed up at that time. [applause] -Go figure.
-All right, little Debbie, it's time for us to holster our shooting irons for another week.
-But we're going to be firing stories at you fast and furious when we return next week.
-Now if you've got a lead on a story or you just can't wait for more state of the art stupidity,
visit our website. -The address is www.dumbcrimes.com. -We want to thank you for joining us
and extend our gratitude to the law enforcement officers who make this show possible.
Every day, they lay their lives on the line to keep us safe from the stupidity of would-be criminals.
-As always, we hope that we've all learned from others' mistakes. -But if you haven't, we just might see you next week.
[music playing]

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness a fella whose sense of judgment goes up in smoke, a guy on the run who called 911 to check if he has any warrants and an officer with a trick up his sleeve.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode features criminals caught on camera, including a burglar, a thief, and a couple selling stolen goods.

Key points

Caught on Camera. A burglar attempts to steal a monitor but leaves behind his wallet, leading to his capture.
Something to Remember Me By. A high-speed chase ends with police finding a fanny pack full of incriminating evidence.
Special Delivery. A young thief runs into a police training center after stealing a purse, leading to his arrest.
Fast and Furious Stories. Get ready for a rapid-fire delivery of stories next week!
Gratitude to Law Enforcement. A heartfelt thank you to the officers keeping us safe from crime.
Learning from Mistakes. A reminder to learn from the blunders of others.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

Smile.

A crook in Alabama got carried away by police after stealing a monitor.

1:55WatchMar 10, 2022

Tension

40/ 100Low tension

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