America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 3, Episode 5 - Rookie Robbery - Full Episode | Forensic Files

[intro music] NARRATOR: Tonight, on America's Dumbest Criminals, meet two rookie robbers who are just
breaking into a lifetime of crime. Get up close and personal with a lady who hides a full length
mink coat in her full-size stretch pants. And witness a liquor store robber whose plan is 100 proof stupid.
See all their schemes come uncorked right here, on America's Dumbest Criminals. [theme music playing]
-Woo! -OK. -I love-- that is my favorite part of the show. -Duuuh. -I know, I know it is.
-Duh, I love that part. -Thank you for joining us tonight. All right Debbie, I got a question for you.
-OK. -Have you ever used an alias? -Um, is that the same thing as a stage name? -No, no, no.
I know you're like the Katie Couric of crime, now. OK? [debbie laughs] -I love her.
Oh, does that make you the Matt Lauer of law? -Well, yeah. I guess so. -We're messing with the first family, here.
We'd better not. -No. But a little later we're going to be someone with more names than a phone book.
But first we're going to learn a little about video camera operation. -Or more precisely, how not to operate a video camera.
-Well, yeah. Or more precisely, how not to operate a video camera when you least want your words and actions on tape.
Witness for yourself. [theme music playing] -My partner and I were-- we just decided to stop at a restaurant
and have some-- a bite to eat. And we're pulling into the restaurant and as we're pulling in, we looked across the street
and there's three or four kids. And they have set up a ramp and they're riding their skateboard.
And you can see that they've also got a camera there. It appears that they're taping their skateboarding.
So we go inside to eat and we're sitting down having a bite to eat and I hear some screeching tires
and I'm thinking, what's going on outside? So I go out to the door. I'm standing in the doorway, looking across the street,
and I see a car parked in an alleyway behind the good guy's store. And I see these two guys get out,
and one guy, you could tell he's walking towards this group of skateboarders in kind of a confrontational manner.
What's this all about? And all of the sudden I see this guy pick up a camera and some other object and they run back to the car,
get in the car, and take off. And I look to my partner and I said, I don't think he just gave those to him.
So we run over our cars and we take off after him. We ultimately find out that they had approached these guys
and robbed them of their skateboards and their video camera. And during this entire process, the entire traffic stop,
their video camera was running. So the entire crime, everything they had to say inside the car.
You could hear the traffic stop being initiated. Every thing was on camera. The primary suspect did wind up going to prison.
So at least the suspect didn't escape. -The officer needs a bigger shirt. I don't know.
-Never film yourself committing a crime, right? -No, no never. Our next crook was no smooth operator, either.
He tried to rob a church, OK? Which is just asking for trouble of biblical proportions.
-He didn't bring on a plague of locusts but he was struck with a curse of blinding stupidity.
Here's this week's memento of something to remember me by. [theme music playing]
-I arrived at the church in the morning and noticed one of the doors was ajar. [camera shutter]
-And I went over to check it and it had been broken into. As I wandered through the church building, over the parlor area,
there was a cookie wrapper left. [camera shutter] -That's our older people's class and I
didn't figure they probably left it. I called the police-- [camera shutter] -While I was talking to him, our secretary had arrived.
She noticed a light was on in the ladies restroom. [camera shutter] -Which was kind of odd.
And just as soon as she opens the door, woah. A smell hit her, you know. And she thought, oh, man I've got to go check this out,
you know? So she went into the restroom, looked into the commodes and there was, well, evidence.
And right next to the commode, apparently, as the man was uh, taking care of business,
the checkbook fell out of his back pocket. [camera shutter] -Right next to the toilet.
She got the checkbook, brought it in to the officer, and it had all of this identification and everything.
Later on in the day, we were interviewing for custodial help and we were waiting on another person to show up.
And so we're looking outside and here comes a man in a ball cap. You know, kind of dressed down.
[camera shutter] -So in the process he kept asking me, do you have my checkbook?
And of course I didn't want to tell him that we did. And I didn't because the police officer had it.
We notified the police after he left and they went over to the convenience store
and apprehended him. [camera shutter] [camera shutter] -Guess, you know, this guy just wasn't very bright.
To come back to the scene of the crime and try to collect his evidence that he left behind.
I don't know, I would question the intelligence of him. But anyway, that's the story.
[applause] -That's a nice way to say it, I question the intelligence of the guy.
-Yeah, yeah. I always break into a church to go to the restroom. Wouldn't you? All right, now we're going to meet
a group of teenage doofuses or doofi who make Beevis and Butt-head look like merit scholars.
OK? Now we blurred the faces of these dope-smoking delinquents because well, they were so high, that's
probably how they looked to each other. So, since they're narration really wasn't all that interesting, I'll
be playing the parts of all boys. You can be the girls. DANIEL (VOICEOVER): Hey dudes, lets
make a video of every stupid illegal thing we do today. Cool, man. Wow, like, lets cheese off the animal rights people
by playing pass the puppy. Dude, I have an idea. No way, you have an idea? Yeah, like, let's get the dog as high as we are.
Cool. Yeah. Since we've broken into this dude's house, lets, like, destroy something.
All right! OK, that's plenty of stupidity for one day. DOG VOICE: Look who's laughing now boys.
Hehehe. -Wouldn't you love to know what sparked the need for an ice cream cone legislation.
They probably have a 21 day waiting period to buy something for Baskin Robbins, there, you know?
Well coming up next is our blue light special. Featuring a woman of many names and talents,
and I'm not talking about little Debbie. But first, consider this. When you're telling a lie, it helps
to have some clue what you're talking about. Why? Because the person you're talking to just might know more
about the subject then you do. That's exactly what happened in our next story. Witness what happens when a dumb excuse
is met by intelligent questions. [theme music] -On a routine traffic stop, it turned into a consent search.
The female passenger had left her purse wide open so that I could see some syringes in her purse.
When I asked her if those syringes were hers, she said, well, yes. I said, what do you use them for.
She said, well, I'm diabetic. I said OK. Well, do you take your insulin shots in cc's or units?
She stuttered and hesitated for a minute said, uhh, units. I said, OK, well how much?
Again she hesitated and said, uhh, 30. [buzzer sounds] -Uh, well that was wrong answer.
If she was able to take 30 of those-- or 30 units, she would have to shoot herself 60 times
to get her insulin shot. I told her that was probably enough for an elephant, and that she was under arrest.
DEBBIE: Ow! 60 times. She would be the human pin cushion. OK. Would a Rose by any other name smell as sweet?
Probably so. But would a crook by another name seem as innocent? Probably not. Join us in the courtroom as we meet a shop lifter who
has a fertile imagination and a blossoming identity crisis. Here's tonight's blue light special.
[theme music playing] DEBBIE (VOICEOVER): Allow us to introduce Theresa Burnett,
and Ann Andrews, and Terry Davis, and Karen Falls, and Betty Jarby, and Tamra Giles, and the list
keeps going. This lady, arrested for retail fraud, came with a whole army of aliases.
46 were listed on her rap sheet. 74 if you count all the derivative spellings. One version of this lady, and I'm not sure which one,
was caught doing a bad thing. Seems that store security noticed that she made a $1,200
mink coat do a disappearing act into her stretch pants. -The report indicates that she waddled our of the store.
I can only imagine what it looked like. DEBBIE (VOICEOVER): The judge didn't buy her plea for leniency.
So it looks like she'll spend some time in jail. With 74 aliases, she'll experience prison overcrowding
even if she gets solitary confinement. [cell door clanking] [APPLAUSE -And Daniel with those glasses, do
you think she could also be Elvis? -Yeah, yeah. She may have eaten a few fried banana sandwiches in her day.
But I'm just thinking about her husband, you know, honey, did you gain weight? or is that a mink coat down your pants?
[laughter] -There's a whole mink coat in her pants. But all right. But this I can say for sure.
Not all criminals are cold, calculating scoundrels. In fact, some of them are quite capable of feeling
the pain of another person. See how an undercover officer tapped into a primal urge
to pry a criminal from a privy. -I was off duty one day and I heard on the radio
an officer's call for assistance. In the apprehension of an individual who had a warrant for his arrest,
and as I was responding, I was informed that he had headed into a community hospital in our town.
And we did a building search of the hospital, could locate him. Except for one locked door to the men's room.
At that time we didn't know if the suspect was armed and dangerous. And so we decided that, being that I was in plainclothes,
just off the street, that I would pretend like I needed to use the bathroom, And so we cleared the hall, had the officers standing
by the corners to pounce on him when he came out. I knocked on the door. When I knocked I didn't get an immediate answer.
But I knocked again, quite loudly. And he said, yes? And I said, I need to go to the bathroom.
Please, let me in. I need to go now. And he just creaked the door open. And when he saw me in my street clothes,
he felt like I was just a regular patron at the hospital. And so he opened the door and after he took two steps out--
SUSPECT: What's going on? OFFICER: Hold still. SUSPECT: This is bull [bleep]. Come on!
-And that just goes to show that when you've got to go, you got to go. And so he went-- to jail.
[applause] -And now, here's the guy who put the pomp in the circumstance. Here's Daniel with ADC headlines.
[theme music] -All right. Now, do you see any resemblance between this $1 bill and this 20?
Apparently a man in Baton Rouge thought the dead presidents were dead ringers for each other.
He got the corners from a real $20 Bill and pasted them onto a buck. And he tried, in vain, to make a Louisiana purchase
at a store with his funny money. Well federal judge John Parker ridiculed the man, calling him
quote, "The most inept counterfeiter I ever heard of." Two good old boys drove into Rainsville, Alabama
to repossess a vehicle, and ended up getting hauled away themselves, when they asked directions
from two local police officers. The lawman noticed the duo's 100 proof breath. And a closer look revealed an open gallon bottle of whiskey.
Oh wait, and did I mentioned the sawed off shotgun resting between the seats? No.
Well instead of getting directions to their intended destination, they were rerouted to the local jail.
Now a minor fender bender in Newbury County, South Carolina, escalated into violence when the driver of one car
shot one of the two men in the other car. Witnesses picked up by discarded porcelain potty on the property
and pummeled the poop out of two of the three problem purveying people. Police Chief Wright noted that the assailants used
the entire toilet, not just the lid. And beat the crap out of the two fellas. The shooter's mistake was simple, though.
According to Chief Wright, yeah, said the law enforcement officer, he took a gun to a commode fight.
All right, and those are the ADC headlines ripped from somewhere near the back of your local newspaper.
Debbie. [applause] -You are so bad. Well, you're familiar with the concept of instructional videos, right?
Well tonight we offer you something a little bit different. Here is a destructional video from a pair
of would-be master burglars. For your enlightenment, they've allowed their antics
to be taped for our crash course in how not to live. [theme music playing] DEBBIE (VOICEOVER): The goals of a master
burglar are as follows. One, steal quietly into a victims domain. Or in this case, bang on glass until it shatters.
Two, avoid all forms of detection. Or in this case, provide a picture so good, that anyone in your whole city could
point you out of a lineup. Three, look debonair as you make a smooth getaway. Or run like crazy with a box under your arm.
Maybe these guys weren't master burglars. [laughter and applause] -I think even those guys could teach
our next robber a thing or two. The story you're about to see follows the misadventures
of a man who holds up a liquor store. Now, he's not the first guy to come up with such a bright idea.
But he may be the first to rob one in such a spectacularly bad location. Check it out.
-And I've got a good one for you. There was a couple guys came up from Ft. Lauderdale, decided to do an armed robbery right
across from the police department. Directly in front of our police department we have a small sign that says Del
Ray Beach Police Department. But they didn't see the sign. They went in and held up the business.
A delivery man comes in during the robbery, runs across the street and tells the police
that the liquor store across the street from the police department is being robbed.
And the whole police department, everybody off duty, everybody, ran across there and caught these guys within seconds.
And that's really dumb. -Dumb, dumb dumb, dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb. Well, the bicycle thief is a famous French movie considered
by some to be a real work of art. The bicycle thief in our next story, though, is just a real piece of work.
See if you think maybe his mental kickstand isn't quite touching the ground. -I went on a call on just a juvenile runway.
So I ride up on my bike, park out front of the house. Probably been in there for about 10 minutes.
And I come back out and my bike's not there. So I'm looking around for my bike thinking,
oh, I know my buddies took it, you know. And so I look around. Some little kid runs up and says,
are you looking for your bike? And he said I think they went that way. So I ran down the street trying to find the bike,
And I find a male that matches the description that the young kid gave me. And I find the bike in the backyard.
We question him, cuff him up, throw him in the car. And I ask him why he stole my bike.
And he says, well, I just really liked it. I said, didn't you read all the police signatures on there,
and names? He's all, no, I can't read. I thought a while and said, well, maybe I
should just read you your rights. So I did, and then I transported him to jail for stealing my bike.
[applause] [applause] -OK, this week's edition of We're Not Making This Up is filled with irony.
-And the suspect is full of something. But I don't think it's irony. -Irony? Ironing?
-No, irony. Irony. -Irony. OK. Meet a man who will probably not be nominated for father of the year.
-Daniel, I'd like to tell you about one of the dumbest criminals I've ever seen.
We received a child support warrant for a guy that owed a lot of child support. Several months ago, we went out to serve this warrant,
did a little investigating. We talked to one of the neighbors and she agreed to call us when he arrived home.
When she called us, we went to the address to arrest him, and he had a t-shirt on that said the world's greatest dad.
And I thought that was one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. [laughter] [applause] DEBBIE: That was a stupid thing.
He didn't qualify for that shirt. -No, no. But you'd think he would've changed shirts
if he'd known they were coming by that day. -Uh, probably not. -Yeah, but they don't have deadbeat dad.
-No, they should. If you've got a lead on a story or you just can't wait for more state of the art
stupidity, or dumb puns, or whatever. Visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com. -And want to thank you for joining us,
and extend our gratitude to the law enforcement officers who make this show possible.
Every day they live their lives on the line to keep us safe from the stupidity of would-be criminals.
-As always, we hope that we have all learned from others' mistakes. -But if you haven't, we just might see you next week
on America's Dumbest Criminals. [applause] -Goodbye. [outro music]

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness two rookie robbers starting a life of crime, a lady who holds a full mink coat in her stretch pants and a liquor store robber whose plan is 100 proof stupid.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

Rookie robbers, a mink coat heist, and a liquor store robbery across from police highlight this episode's dumb criminal antics.

Key points

Rookie Robbers. Meet two rookie robbers just breaking into a lifetime of crime.
Mink Coat Heist. A woman hides a $1,200 mink coat in her stretch pants.
The World's Greatest Dad. A man arrested for child support wore a shirt proclaiming he was the world's greatest dad.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

Never film yourself committing a crime, right?

3:48WatchMar 3, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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