America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 4, Episode 14 - Clowning Around - Full Episode | Forensic Files

tonight on america's dumbest criminals meet some on the run teenagers who just don't know when to quit
a whacked out clown who should have run off to join the circus instead of making
this home video and a shifty defendant who decides to dismiss himself from court proceedings
who's the dumbest of the dumb judge for yourself right here right now on america's dumbest criminals
[Music] wow [Music] now welcome your host for adc daniel butler and debbie allen
okay debbie i bought your present oh that makes me nervous you got me a present yeah yeah
see this a red ball no no no oh contraire this is a clown's nose i saw this and i thought of you here am i
supposed to be flattered by that no you're supposed to put it on go ahead come on
come on just put it on right now yeah i got you small they didn't have petite okay
it's you now all you need is one of those little bitty cars and about 35 little friends
i actually wish i had a cream pie or a bottle of seltzer water for him this is so
you you don't have to thank me no really no no no put the nose back on because it's going to help you introduce our
first story great okay i feel like a real bozo now but i realize i pale in comparison to
the pot grower you're about to meet i sound kind of nasal don't i no this fella's a real clown see for
yourself [Music] a few months ago we got a tip that some kids were stealing marijuana from a guy
that had a marijuana grow operation and we did a follow-up investigation we got enough for a search warrant we went into
the house and there were three mobile homes set up as a growing operation and while we were doing the process of
tearing apart the grow operation we found some videotapes and i found one that was really interesting it said bozo
bubblegum and i assumed it was a child's tape and reviewed the other videotapes while i'm writing my arrest affidavit
for the defendant and when i got done i put the last bozo bubblegum tape in there and it was my defendant with a
clown mask on it was obvious was our defendant he didn't have a shirt on he had a really unique body a large pot
belly was sticking out we knew this was our guy and i thought oh my gosh this is great
so i watched the whole tape and during the tape he introduced himself as i'm bozo bubble gum i'm going to show you
how to clone marijuana plants and we brought him inside and he saw the tape rolling i pointed
out to him he lost all the color in his face he just knew that we had everything
we needed right there okay you see how that does really helped that first story oh yeah i could really feel
it well there you go well hey but nothing says impressive like personalized stationary right yeah and
nothing says nitwit like what this next guy does with his personalized stationery he applies that oh so
important personal touch to something to remember me by okay so this guy walks into a bank and
it sounds like i'm doing a comedy routine brings his note in hands it to the teller says give me all
your cash she gives him the cash she leaves she keeps a note calls the cops takes a look at the notices from the
desk off so we collect a note go over to where this guy worked walk in and show him the note asking if he made
any withdrawals lately and he gave it right up [Music] according to a recent study there are
more than one billion credit cards being wielded in the united states today and that's some high wattage charging yeah
but we learned of a guy who did more damage to his credit than the average citizen here's the statement of facts
from surveillance video we've got an individual inside of belk's department store in burlington north carolina
he's in there and he's looking around some of the merchandise in the process of filling out a credit application he
sits down fills out complete correct and accurate information on this particular
credit application uh submits it shortly thereafter commits a large steam steals
various items from the store as he walks out some of our officers working security there pursuing chasing down
across the parking lot to make an apprehension obviously in this particular case had he gotten away we
found out he had given us his correct name address date of birth and telephone number
obviously this guy did not obtain the credit card [Music] in mobile alabama it's illegal to howl
at ladies inside the city limits [Music] officers will tell you that among the most dangerous calls they respond to are
those related to domestic disputes when things got loud at a home in wheat ridge
colorado though officers cautiously moved in with no idea of the surprise that waited on the other side of the
door now as the story unfolds the officer is given an answer that deserves a place among america's dumbest excuses
we got a call about a disturbance couple of people yelling at each other and when
i got there i could hear him yelling inside and some guy was yelling i had a teenager
for jim and i had a teener for bill [Applause] tiner is a .10 gram bag of drugs as is as i
understand it and we got them separated got them set down i found that they were
indeed distributing drugs they had a triple beam scale with a pile of white powder on top of it and a bunch of small
little baggies and apparently he had been packaging up the goods and she'd been using them up as fast as he
could package them i do a little bit i don't know when we went to arrest him he fought
with us and in the course of the fight he got a little cut on his head and after he was in handcuffs he
brazenly pointed out you didn't have to do that to me i said if you just stayed where you were
none of this would have happened and he said i didn't want you coming here and waking up my kids i told him you didn't
want me coming here and finding your coke he said that's not coke it's meth sorry to offend you let's go at which
point i apologize for being rude and calling his math coke he was very indignant about the
fact that i'd called his methamphetamines cocaine i guess it's nice to work with a true professional
who knows what he's doing all right you're familiar with the term out of court settlement well things get
settled out of court in this surveillance video but the crook was clearly unhappy with the outcome
travel with us to kearney nebraska for the sly proceedings [Music] a bumper crop of prisoners are heading
into court when suddenly whoa nelly number seven decides to detour out the side door with deputy right on his heels
how fast was his departure well he left his impractical yet stylish footwear behind when he took flight immediately
officers spread out to reclaim the independent-minded inmate and before long he was back in all too familiar
surroundings he was only probably an escapee for about a minute before he was apprehended
and the really good news no one stole his lovely shoes while he was gone [Music]
you've heard of a tale of two cities well now we bring you a tale of two pities it's a double story of a career
criminal who really should consider a job change because he's just not very good at illegal activity take a look
i've received information that a citizen in our city billy was selling narcotics
so i started to frequent his house a lot and during this time the animal control
officer had issued him several citations for having too many animals these citations went to warmth
aha billy told the animal control officer that he was cold and asked if he could step back in the
house and get a coat down control officer said oh yeah sure and i'm thinking oh no if he had any
dope on him he's getting rid of it so i went ahead and arrested him on the animal control warrants and he had about
100 grams of methamphetamine in his pants pockets he told me that he had gone back into the house
to get the drugs so that his friends wouldn't steal him for him from him while he's in
jail that's why they call it dope [Laughter] approximately two months later i had
occasion to visit with billy again his neighbor called me a little old lady and told me that someone was stealing
her electricity when i first heard this i thought yeah right they're carrying it out buckets
right but anyway i get there and she said no no no come look and and her on the outside of her garage was
an external electrical plug and plugged into this was an ex an orange extension cord
and it was running over towards billy's house so i walked around to the back of the house and there's billy out there
cooking on a little campfire in the in the backyard outside his back door and i asked him i said
billy what are you doing he said i have to cook them on the on the campfire out here because all my
utilities are shut off so i arrested him for theft of utilities both of the times that i arrested billy
he had five hundred dollars in his pocket the first time and six hundred dollars in his pocket the second time
more than enough to pay his bills or to pay off the animal control warrants [Music]
and now for a man who's made his mark on history and is being forced to pay for damages here's daniel with abc headlines
[Applause] okay shoplifters usually hide their loot in their clothes but not a lady in beaufort
north carolina she hid a pair of diamond stud earrings in her stomach oh yeah she
swallowed them without thinking that getting them out might be painful and probably a little messy but when she was
apprehended police also discovered she had stolen two diamond rings assorted underwear and 12 stakes
now i need to point out right here that none of the additional items were found in her person okay
miss manners would be at least partially proud of the two teenage girls who tried
to rob a store in birmingham alabama one asked a cleric for pen and paper and then they wrote out a very polite
robbery note the clerk told the girls that she had a customer to attend to first so the ingenue thieves waited
their turn never thinking that the clerk had set off the silent alarm when she walked to
the rear of the store when the police arrived the girls were relieved of their cap gun
that they were concealing and then they were most graciously escorted off to jail
you know things were not up to par for a golfer in ohio who got carted off to jail for driving a golf cart while
intoxicated wait a minute a drunk golfer oh there's a novelty he zoomed across the putting green
before slicing into a post and hooking a sign he was sure he could get off with just paying for damages but no mulligans
for him the officer was sufficiently peed off at the hacker's recklessness to charge him with dui
and that closes the file on adc headlines news ripped from somewhere near the back of your local newspaper
ready you know the story of alice in wonderland when alice took a tumble through the looking glass she fell into
real trouble we'll see if you see any similarities as you look at this story from north miami beach florida
we're working surveillance and these guys have been coming in and breaking into cars five you know five cars a
night i was working in the capacity as a crime suppression on our tactical team so i was in plain clothes driving an
unmarked car my sergeant he's circling the area in which we're supposed to be watching he gets on the radio and tells
us hey you know come over here because i got a couple of good guys i get up there
and as i turn the corner they're outside they're looking into this car they get a
little antsy they jump in back into their car and they drive off so i go about 20 feet away
from the v from the other vehicle in my back my car underneath this palm tree it's pretty dark and the vehicle i was
driving had dark windows it must have been four minutes these guys circle the corner again pull
up next to the same car the driver gets out of the car so he starts skipping over to my car as he starts coming down
the street i get on the radio say hey look he's coming to my car he got you know my sergeant everybody gets on and
says no just see what they're going to do that's okay no problem so i scoot down in the seat and i'm sitting there
waiting for this guy to come to see what he's going to do you know so he gets to
the front window on the driver's side when he starts peeking inside the car now i'm wearing a dark t-shirt it's
pretty dark in here the wind is dark so he goes around to the tinted portion of the glass he starts trying the door
handle he goes around the car i'm telling him on the radio hey look he's trying to get into my car they're
yelling to me let him break in let him break in then we'll take him down i said no problem so i'm look i look up to see
exactly where he's at and when i turn around to look over my shoulder he's at the back window which didn't
have any tints and his face is pressed against the window like this i turn around i stick my head up he
starts to scream i i jump out the car i start to scream hey take him down he starts running down
the street as fast as he could towards the other car my sergeant cuts them off takes down the passenger i get out i'm
on foot chasing me down the street he starts going in a big oval so he runs around in the middle of the intersection
with me behind her runs right into my sergeant so we end up taking him down you know i can't believe this guy was
trying to break into the police car that i was actually sitting you know if people would just obey the law they
could save themselves so much time and trouble but no there's some component in the
man's lower nature that kicks in and says i bet i can get away with this and when those thoughts become action
something like this happened about a year ago i wanted to make a traffic stop down south near san luis
he was speeding about 75 miles per hour in a 50 mile per hour zone turned on my emergency lights the vehicle pulled over
as i was about to step out the vehicle took off i remember a right front passenger waved at me as she was driving
away then turned on my siren we followed him i radioed ahead to the san luis police
department that i was in a pursuit they set up spikes near their town and the vehicle ran over the spikes the vehicle
stopped the driver took off running the san luis police department ran after the
driver myself and other san luis police units took the rest of the passengers out at
gunpoint ordered them to get on the ground get on the ground now get on the ground i remember two female
passengers that i had at gunpoint weren't doing what i was telling them to do and we were yelling very loudly get
on the ground get on the ground and for some reasons that i have no idea why the
one of the females pulled off her shirt and was standing there in her bra and her jeans and i was just dumbfounded i
didn't know what to do i i just stood there and stared at her and sort of the officers behind me
and it must have been five or ten seconds where it was quiet and her friend told her said hey no they want you to
get on the ground and they finally got on the ground we handcuffed them and i asked her i said why did you take your
shirt off she says you told me to i said no no we were telling you to get on the ground
get on the ground and that was her reason [Applause] in port arthur texas obnoxious odors may
not be emitted while in an elevator do you remember that great scene in the movie blazing saddles where black
sheriff fast talks his way out of being lynched by a bunch of feeble-minded racists well our final tale is a
real-life reversal on that story and we applaud the quick witted work of the officer who stars in tonight's
installment of we're not making this up [Music] this housing area was a really really high crime area we were
having a lot of problems there got a call in the area and everybody in the city was busy but me so
i didn't have any backup units or anything to go with me and when i got there i got surrounded
immediately by who made the phone call it was actually set up as an ambush it wasn't really a call
they immediately went to telling me all the body parts that i was fixing to lose and they
intended on killing me and that's when we had six shot providers i'm thinking there's no way that i can
take all these guys out with six shots so i really didn't know what to do i don't know what made me think of this
but it worked i carried a bottle of white out in my right front pocket for reports and i
reached in got a bottle of whiteout out opened the lid and said okay guys y'all come on i'll
just white every one of you out and they just they just started looking at me started laughing and they just
turned walked off said you talking about flash going i got out of there so i like i said i don't know if it was
just them thinking i was crazy or they were really dumb [Applause] what's with the pie well you got me this
wonderful clown nose and i want you to have something so right after we say our goodbyes
right now you know folks i think we should just keep going tonight for maybe a few more hours in fact i wish our time
together would never end daniel because just there thank you no well okay we would like to thank the officers who
helped us tonight and uh of course you for tuning in we also want to thank uh you know the
receptionist at the police station and our sincere gratitude to everybody who works in law enforcement
for the great job you do i could i could go on and on about your good work that's
enough for that what you sure yeah because well there's the crew yeah there's the crew as always we hope that
we've all learned from others mistakes including daniel we could but if you haven't you just might
we might just see you next week on america's government [Applause] okay [Applause]
[Music] you

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness some on-the-run teenagers who don’t know when to quit, a wacked out clown who belongs in the circus and a shifty defendant who dismisses himself from court.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode features ridiculous criminal antics, including a clown caught on tape and a bank robber using personalized stationery.

Key points

Clown Mask Confession. A defendant caught on tape teaching how to clone marijuana plants.
The Personalized Note Robbery. A robber hands a note to a teller, only to be easily identified.
The Drunk Golfer. A golfer gets arrested for DUI while driving a golf cart.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

I didn’t want you coming here and waking up my kids.

A defendant's excuse during a drug arrest.

6:49WatchMar 10, 2022

Tension

40/ 100Low tension

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