Episode 769: Listener Tales 108- 90's Tales! | Forensic Files

Hey weirdos, I'm Ash. And I'm Elena. And this is this morbid? Hello. Hello. Do you hear me? Reporting live from the
scene, it's you. I'm going to ask Casey. She's dead, but she can tell me what happened.
>> [music] [music] [laughter] >> Um hi, if you haven't noticed, I'm Casey Becker. And I'm Gail Weathers. And this
is morbid. It is. And top story. Top story, yep. Always Kenny. We should have dressed Mikey as Kenny.
>> god, and made him have the And the just a bag of Cheetos. He [laughter] is behind the camera right now. He's the
camera man. Damn. I'm really pissed we didn't do that. [laughter] Damn. One thing that I'm not pissed about is
that we are going to be performing live at Radio City Music Hall June 27th. Please go buy your tickets at
ticketmaster.com because that is the only place that you can buy them where we approved the prices and bots didn't
buy them up and start selling them elsewhere, jacking up the prices. Do it. >> So do it.
>> It's New York. Come on, it's going to be fun, it's going to be one night only.
Fun, fun, fun. And >> well, we're going to be I said maybe, but it's not even a maybe. We're going
to be dressed up. >> We are absolutely going to be dressed up. >> Costumes are kind of our thing. They
are. It's Halloween every day here. >> Shouldn't we like get a costume store? We should.
>> Morbid costume store. I feel like that would ruin it though. Oh, well. >> You got to get a whole store. Yeah. I
don't want to run a store. I don't want to run a store. Bye. So forget that. Forget that idea. [laughter]
And you know what? When you pre-order my new book Just just shifting gears a little bit.
>> Pre-order it. Everything is pretty bloody, you know. Segue. Segue. Segu. When you pre-order my new book, The
Butcher Legacy, you can submit your receipt and you can get a really cool custom spooky bookmark. I'm telling you
these bookmarks are the coolest [ __ ] bookmarks I've ever seen. I love it. [snorts]
>> So cool. >> seen them yet. >> Ooh, wait until you see them. >> I want to see it.
>> They're so fun. So, head to my Instagram and the or the link to the episode and
there's going to be details on how to enter, but you need your receipt that shows that you pre-ordered The Butcher
Legacy and you will get a chance to win this really cool bookmark and I'm telling you you want to try to win this
bookmark. >> You have to show it to me after this, please. >> Okay, now enough with the business
because this show is brought to you by you, for you, from you and all all about you. Hell yeah, it was.
>> get to your [ __ ] tails. >> Let's do it. >> like pointing this thing at everybody.
>> I like using this like it's a microphone, but this is my actual microphone and it's confusing me.
>> That is a little confusing. I could see that. Mikey's like, "Please talk into
the real one." It's dark. It's dark. I thought he said it starts. >> That would have been amazing. It starts.
It starts. [laughter] And so it begins. But you know what? He said it's dark and
you are in a dark corner. Oh yeah, it is dark. >> so it is dark where you are. >> It's not dark where I am.
It's pretty bright where we >> [laughter] >> What's that sound again? It's warm.
>> it's warm. It is warm. >> John actually said that, he didn't he? >> Yeah, he turned off the heat for me
because I was like, "I'm in 18 layers and I'm getting hot." >> You are in a lot of layers, but I can't
get over how much you look like Like you always do a good job with your costumes,
but I think this one takes the cake. He's touching you. He's touching you. >> [snorts]
>> I kind of want him to be like, "Yeah, you stunning." >> [laughter] >> I thought he was going to say something
like that, but he took it kind of to a weirder place than I thought we were going to go to right off the bat.
What? Did you say portrait? Oh, he wants to paint you like one of his girls. He said pose. Strike a pose.
Come on, vogue. Let Nicholas paint you from the afterlife. >> [laughter] >> Thank you, Nicholas.
>> [gasps] >> What were you going to say? I was just telling you you look good. [laughter]
Peace? Peace. Don't [clears throat] leave. Nicholas, don't leave. All right, Nicholas, you
got to let me into this, brother. Um so, I'm actually so proud of this find. >> Yeah. I like searched the interwebs.
This is like a 10th, you know, hand-me-down jacket I found. >> something? I have a jacket just like
that [laughter] that I bought for realsies. And in fact, it's raining today. I was like, "Oh, I should have
worn my gold trench." Not even thinking that we were filming today. >> Yeah. I was really proud of this. I had
these shoes, which I was >> Oh, those are yours? >> Yeah, those are mine. They're really
cute. I like the heel. They're like kind of thick. >> Real chunky. Yeah. Um and yeah, I think
uh this was one I was proud of. Yeah, I'm proud of it for you. It's always iconic when you can find that thing that
you're like, "That actually looks like it." Can I tell you something like that might sound rude, but it's not?
>> Yeah. I didn't like your hair at first cuz I think it was so different than your actual hair. You could do that
color, actually. Thank you. >> You could. Huh? >> And I don't do the cut, but I like the cut for
the for what it is. Don't do the cut. >> the cut. >> Don't do the cut. >> like it for
for the '90s. >> I like your Lord Farquaad. [laughter] Somebody asked if I was wearing a wig,
and I was a little bit offended. But then I said I know I change my hair a lot, but I wouldn't do this purposely.
[laughter] And you get this big and like Farquaad-y-in. So, so yeah, this is [laughter] a wig.
Yeah. It's a wig. It's a wig. But can we please take a moment to admire the intestines?
>> This was a group project. So, I was just going to get like rope and kind of like
bundle it on here, but Elena got me heatless curlers, and then Mikey gave me wire to kind of like Bunch them up.
>> Yeah, bunch them up, and then I just put the blood everywhere, and I hot glued it
onto my tummy. >> a group project. I like it. >> It came out great. And [snorts] Debbie
was supportive. >> [laughter] >> She said, "You guys are so talented." She did that. You need that, you know? I
keep looking into the light instead of into the camera. Did your shoe just make a crazy sound?
No. I just heard a crazy sound like from this area. I was like >> [laughter] >> shoo.
It scared me a little bit. It made me uneasy. Maybe it's Nicholas. I don't know. Um he is touching me. So, I guess
we'll get into this. Um and we'll see what Nicholas has to say. Oh, these are 90s themed themed
tales cuz we're 90s themed. >> Yeah, Deb Deb found some really good 90s themed tales and I'm excited about it.
>> Because Scream came out came out the year of my birth. Holy [ __ ] That's my birth movie.
>> [laughter] >> Yeah. Yeah. People were like in the theater as I was like through the birth
canal. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty graphic. >> [laughter] >> It's kind of like a luge.
>> [laughter] >> But you know, every every pregnant woman describes it like that. They say
[laughter] it's just a luge. Just a luge. If you have twins, it's like the ones where they lay on top of each other.
>> [laughter] >> Like the double bobsled. Yeah. That's exactly what it was like.
[laughter] No one laughs harder at my jokes than I do. And that's what we love. I got myself.
It makes me laugh harder, so I like that. But yeah, that's exactly what it's like. So. As someone who [laughter] had
twins. Mikey just dropped something. >> Mikey's throwing Nicholas. I don't appreciate it.
>> Nicholas never laughs at me. >> Nicholas is going to get very angry. Okay. I could Nicholas. He doesn't like
me. >> some type of way. Um all right, so this first tale is called Mick Miracle. How a
happy meal saved us from Paul Bernardo's clutches. >> Oh, [ __ ] Is that the Barbie and Ken
killer? >> Yeah. Oh. Oh, he's gross. He's the worst. >> Yeah. >> Holy [ __ ] Also, you're in Canada,
aren't you? You must be. Once upon a time in the unassuming town of St. Catharines, Ontario, where summer
meant maple syrup festivals and beaver sightings. Not really, it's incredibly dull factory town, but a girl's got to
try. Ooh, maple syrup festivals, they should make that happen. Why don't they do that?
>> [laughter] >> Yeah, make that happen, Canada. >> do that somewhere. Come on, Canada.
And there lived a duo so unlikely to thwart a notorious serial killer that even Hollywood would think it's too
far-fetched for a movie. But life has a knack for being absurd, doesn't it? It sure [ __ ] does.
>> It keeps doing that. It all happened during the summer of '92 when our little
dot on the map was reeling from the discovery of the horrific murder of 14-year-old Leslie Mahaffy, followed
soon after by the abduction of 15-year-old Kristen French. It is an awful awful [ __ ] story.
>> Yeah, we That was one of our earlier cases. >> At the time of this story, Kristen was
still missing and the entire Niagara region was on high alert. Sadly, we would all learn all too soon learn that
both beautiful girls had been kidnapped, brutalized, and eventually murdered by the putrid anal swabs.
Yes. >> That's perfect. >> Putrid anal swabs is exactly what they are. Yeah. Who do not even deserve to be
named, but we we unfortunately have to. >> In case you don't know. Paul Bernardo
and Karla Homolka. That summer, while in college, shut up, Brock University, go Badgers.
>> Hell, yeah. Eh? I was working for the traveling playgrounds, a community-based
summer program that offered recreational activities for children at various local
parks throughout the city. Traveling playgrounds is wild. >> love it. We worked in teams and my
partner Allison and I would head out head out each morning pulling our trailer filled with games and crafts for
the kitties to various local stops. This next part may seem trite, but will factor later in the story. Allison was a
petite build, about 5 ft tall, athletic with small features, and very pretty. I,
on the other hand, was a bigger gal. Well, what? I should say I wasn't also a looker, but
I did enjoy my share my fair share of Dairy Queen Blizzards with extra helpings of Smarties. That sounds
amazing. Yeah. Which is an M&M wannabe Canadian candy. I didn't know that. I thought I thought you said Smarties.
Have you with I Yeah, cuz we have Smarties here that are like sour candies. Um I [ __ ] so heavy with a Dairy Queen
Blizzard. >> now I want one. We should You know, they deliver. We're getting Dairy Queen Blizzards for
lunch. Thank you for that. >> Yeah, thank you for that. Uh hell yeah. So >> god, and they give you toast with it
like as a side. They give you toast? >> Yeah, me and Drew kind of frequent Dairy
Queen a lot. Yeah, so you got you got like a box like whatever you want. I think they have
like corn dogs. Let me tell you all about it. They have I got the chicken tenders that are really good and you can
get fries or onion rings and then as a side they give you buttered toast. That's what we're getting for lunch.
>> Period. >> I'm fueling myself like a champion today. >> [laughter] >> I ate a healthy breakfast, so [ __ ] off.
Life. So [ __ ] off, it's cool. Also, the world is ending. [laughter] Eat what you want. Why you eating so
good? The world is ending. All right, you may want to look it up to be absolutely underwhelmed, but back to
our Yeah, it's okay. The Smarties from here, if they're not the same, are really good. Yeah, they are really good.
>> So try those. Um I'll send you some. >> [laughter] >> You Okay, you send us We'll send you
those and you send us back those um those cheesy >> the cheesy like [ __ ] chip that the
puffs yes Hold on, I'm going to look it up because it's going to piss me off. >> There's a Canadian thing. I know we're
getting off track, but whatever, man. Um It's This is This is very important. It's a cheesy
like almost like a Cheeto. Yeah, it's like a chee- I typed it it's crispy. >> Cheezies. Cheezies.
>> Cheezies, these things. >> some Cheezies. They're big boy Cheezies. >> Oh hell yeah. Get us I will send you
some Smarties if you send me Cheezies. Okay, girl. Oh oh, sorry. And um Tim Tams. There you go. I'm all done. Yep,
okay, we're good now. But back to our story. Even see she knew even. she was like, you know what? I think you're
going to get off on here. Suffice it to say with my birthing hips and boobies, I looked every bit of my
almost 19 years. Good for you, queen. Yeah, good for you. On the faithful day in question, Allison and I pulled into
one of the local parks. The knowing the knowing of which I would later shake would later shake us to our very cores
when we learned when we would learn it was right around the corner from the house where the horrific murders of
Leslie and Kristen took place. >> Oh, wow. Sorry, I stumbled over that. I'm okay.
>> [snorts] >> We were setting up with games we were setting up some games with all the
enthusiasm of a sloth on a caffeine overdose when a dark blue van with tinted windows suddenly appeared. It
slowly crept closer to the only entrance and exit to the park until it had completely blocked us in like a scene
from a B-list horror flick. >> Oh, I [ __ ] hate that. The driver's door opened and though we didn't know
yet know his identity, out stepped Paul Bernardo. What the [ __ ] The fact that you were that close to this [ __ ]
is horrifying. He stood looking silently in our direction. I, for no other reason than
basic instinct, froze in place and gathered the children closer to me. Good on you.
>> Yeah, that's I love an instinct. >> Yeah. Allison, on the other hand, assumed this must be a parent looking to
drop off his child and approached the van. With a creepy grin that could rival the
Joker's, he did have [ __ ] creepy grin. >> Yeah. That [ __ ] stain began asking
Allison questions like we were when we were at the particular park each week, what time, and were we always together
or did we ever come alone? >> [ __ ] no. I don't go to the park alone. I have full body chills as I recall and
write this. Allison quickly grew alarmed by his line of questioning and began to
slowly step back in the direction of me and the children. As soon as she did, he
also took a step forward. >> Oh, that's when you got a junk jab. >> Yep. I watched
stressed indeed, Nicholas. I watched the scene unfolding and moved hastily in the
direction of my own car attempting to reach through the driver's window for my car phone.
That is haunted. >> [laughter] >> My car phone is haunted. Yes, ladies, a car phone. If anyone listening is too
young to know what that is, [ __ ] you, Google it. >> [laughter] >> Iconic. The tension escalated and I felt
the bile rising in my throat as it was clear this in Jeffrey. Did he say Jeffrey?
You want Jeffrey? Jeffrey's hiding. What is it? So that's Jeffrey? Oh my god, it's
Jeffrey. Did he say titties? >> [laughter] >> What did he say? Keys. Keys. I thought
he said titties. >> [laughter] >> I was like, "Whoa." Cookies. Did he say cookies?
I'm scratching here. Oh my gosh. But that is Jeffrey. >> Where is Jeffrey? >> He's on the coffee maker.
>> Yeah. Jeffrey is my black and white >> cookie that Debbie got me. He's a um What is that thing called?
The jelly cat. You can stay. Nicholas, it's okay. >> permission. >> it's a jelly cat.
>> [laughter] >> All right, back to the tail. Whoo, okay. The tension escalated and I
felt the bile rising in my throat as it was clear this individual had every intention of continuing his inch-by-inch
pursuit. >> Like in front of everyone, too. >> And that's when our savior arrived, not
on a white horse, but a white pickup truck with obnoxiously loud bass speakers clutching McDonald's bag. Ray,
the hero of our absurd tale, was my boyfriend at the time. I did end up marrying him, then later left him and
St. Catherine's behind for the bright lights of New York City, but that's a tale of its own. Don't judge. I never
will. I will not judge you, girl. >> Never. Ray was working construction in the neighborhood and since he knew my
weekly park schedule, he had decided to surprise us with lunch >> Aw. >> from Mickey D's.
>> What a real one. >> What a man. >> From what I know. From what we know. Uh he pulled up right next to Mr. Creepy
Van holding a brown paper bag containing, yes, you guessed it, Happy Meals. >> Let's [ __ ] go. What would two grown
college girls want with a Happy Meal, you may ask? >> Sweet and sour. >> Why, the toys, of course. [laughter]
Good old Mickey D's was doing some sort of toy promotion that I honestly can't remember anymore, but back then we were
all obsessed with collecting anything and everything we could get our hands on. Collecting was a huge part of the
'90s. >> True as [ __ ] I had every '90s like little toy. >> Yeah. >> And I didn't get to go to McDonald's all
the time like because and it's just cuz my parents were like, "No fast food." >> Oh, [ __ ] my mom was trash. We went all
the time. It was always like a very special occasion. Like if I like went to my doctor's appointment. Like like you
know what I mean? For me it was a good Thursday. I see. Can you see? Can I see? >> We can't see you. We can't see you, but
I would love to. Evaporate. >> Um evaporate materialize. [laughter] We're like, "Come on."
No energy to materialize? Woah, the fact that that was like a legitimate back and forth. Is there
anything we can do to help energize you? Do you like Monsters, the energy drink?
Can we help Can we help you materialize? Do you want an Alani? My coffee's over there. You can have
some. You think about it, okay? Um but yeah, so collecting was a big a big part of
the '90s. I remember those little um they had little Barbie toys that you could get. Do you remember the Barbie
toys? I still have some of mine. The girls had them, yeah. >> I remember like hearing about those. I
don't remember like getting them. >> Hell yeah, they were awesome. I think Drew's cousin once uh dunked one of her
Barbie heads into a um ketchup thing. Damn. >> Yeah. She got in trouble for it. >> That's intense.
>> Yeah, it's funny. So again, lunchbox town ladies, so cut us a little slack. All we had was the occasional prize at
the bottom of a Cheerios box and premarital sex to keep us teens from heading to the dark side.
>> [laughter] >> I kid you not. It was as if the universe had sent a clown car convoy to rescue
us. Shockingly, Mr. serial killer didn't stick around for the happy meal surprise. He jumped in the van at the
first sight of Ray and peeled out of the parking lot faster than you can say super sized. I remember that movie.
Right. We immediately called the police and were able to give a very accurate description of both the driver and the
van, which I am proud to say later factored into the case and the ultimate apprehension of the killer couple. We
love seeing two bad [ __ ] >> Yes. >> two bad [ __ ] at a park. >> [laughter] >> at a park at a park.
Months passed and we all went on with our lives. Allison and I returned to college and lost touch as teenagers do.
Then one day the story broke. An arrest was finally made and the entire Niagara region gathered around their collective
television sets to hear the evening news that finally revealed the monster behind
Kristen French and Leslie Mahaffy's disappearances. Paul Bernardo's grotesque image hadn't appeared on the
screen for more than a He's He said he's gross. Yeah, he said don't don't come in Paul.
Gross. Um he's yucky. Uh his grotesque image hadn't appeared on the screen for more than a few seconds from the kitchen
We're actually [snorts] not going to be here. >> He said later this evening. >> Yeah, I said we actually have plans.
>> free. >> [laughter] >> Not free tonight, sorry. >> But it's We'll talk, okay? We'll call
you. So, the kitchen phone rang. Back then I didn't need caller ID to know it would be Allison on the other end.
Trembling like Chihuahuas on espresso with paws made of lead. We That's a beautiful image. [laughter]
>> Yeah. We took turns stumbling over the bone-chilling words, "It's him. It's the
guy from the park." >> Oh, that's so [ __ ] scary. Circling back to my earlier seemingly non
sequitur about my enjoyment of one too many Smartie lizards, you ladies and listeners have probably already
connected the dots. Allison, light in weight and small in stature, perfectly fit the profile this monster and his
beast bride had been targeting. Easy to grab and easy to dispose of. >> Oh my god.
>> That summer day Paul Bernardo had been out stalking his next victim all while
Kristen French was still very much alive and being held captive and tortured just
a few blocks away from us. >> Holy [ __ ] Aw. That's so chilling. A [ __ ] Happy Meal had saved Allison
from the clutches of serial killer and the irony was too much for any of us to bear. Sometimes even life's darkest
moments need to be served with a side of humor to make them a bit more palatable.
Agreed. So that, my morbid lovelies, is the tale of how a teenage boy, armed with nothing more than a lunch bag and
the dream of getting some, became the unlikely hero in the face of truly unspeakable evil. Keep it weird ladies
and in the interest of public safety, maybe go grab yourselves a Happy Meal. Threaten me with a good time except you
inspired us to get Dairy Queen. But here's the thing. What? Now you want a Happy Meal?
>> Mickey D's with Dairy Queen on for dessert? No, I want the bread. We can get it all.
>> [laughter] >> Why? Why choose one? >> Get whatever you want. I'm getting a chicken mascot with toast and fries.
>> in your honor. You're getting both? Look at you. I'm going to go both. I'm hungry. You have a fast metabolism.
That was a shocking tale. >> Yeah, I did not expect that to go like that. >> Cuz I never think of like what it would
be like not just to see somebody that you later find out is a serial killer. But to almost be abducted by them.
>> actually interact with them and have like a weird moment with them and have it be like that could have been us next
and to know that Kristen French was alive Well, that's just yeah. >> Cuz we always say like when we're
telling these cases and like something awful happens it's like imagine like somebody was just next door like
cleaning their house or >> idea. It like and that's such a prime example of that.
>> are playing at the park, have not a care in the world, and Christian French is a
few blocks away alive. Yeah. Like and he's just out patrolling for someone else. Like it's awful. It really is. So
scary just like how bleak life is sometimes. >> It really is. All right. Well, next case is maybe a
bit of a palate cleanser based on the name. Listener tale, the time my dad got eated by the Jersey Devil. Hell yeah.
And it was meant to be. How my dad getting eated by the Jersey Devil led to my lifelong interest in the
weird and macabre. Hello. Yeah. Hello you beautiful bad [ __ ] mavens of the macabre, mistresses of the morbid,
collectors of the crazy. See we're all collecting, collecting some collecting [ __ ] I've been a fan and avid listener
of Morbid since COVID, and let me tell you it was distressing to listen to you talk about all your future grand
adventures in the early seasons knowing that none of them would happen because of the 'rona.
>> Yeah, the 'rona. The number of times I said, "Oh you sweet summer child." [laughter] as you unknowingly mentioned
some tour get-together to happen post-March 2020 had to have been in the hundreds. That
being said, your banter and quirky humor got me through being stuck at home teaching from my couch and my
misadventures in baking. Don't deny it. We all tried to make fancy pants bread in our kitchen during lockdown. Yeah.
It's true. You know what I made so much of during lockdown? Instant coffee or whipped coffee. Whipped coffee? You
never made whipped coffee during Well, you children >> just going to say I wasn't making
whipped coffee. >> [laughter] >> [ __ ] I was I was surviving. You put like instant coffee,
um, sugar, and then like water or milk and you like either froth it or you like hand mix it.
>> anything. >> Me, too. We should make it. It's actually really good. >> should froth. Let's froth.
>> Let's start frothing tomorrow. Women of New York >> Froth yourselves. >> [laughter]
>> No, I was just trying to become a preschool teacher. Yeah, I helped a little bit with that.
>> and it was an experience. Yeah, uh, teachers are the best and deserve lots of money.
>> And it sounds like you might be a teacher. >> Yes, so I hope you get many raises.
>> I hope you get a lot of money. [laughter] So, I can't wait to read your book,
Elena. Thanks. >> I'm stuck in my smut era, so it'll have to wait until I'm done reading about uh,
penises destroying vaginas. Awesome. Ash, I hope your wedding was fan-fucking-tastic. It was. I love you.
I got married in 2021 and I look back on it and wish I could do it all over [clears throat] again because it was
amazeballs. >> Aw, me, too. I always like I want to experience my wedding again. My husband
surprised me by singing the first part of our first dance song and between that and having all my friends and family
around, it was the best night ever. I only hope that everyone who gets married has the absolute best time ever.
>> Me, too. >> sweetie you are. >> Really sweet. As a forward, you can use my name and any other information that
comes up in this tale. You aren't the first people I've told and you sure as hell won't be the last. It's one of my
go-to's uh, to show how messed up in a good way my childhood was. Love that. Let's do
it. My name is Morgan. >> Morgan. Morgan. And to preface my tale, I live in extreme South Jersey. You
know, that little dingleberry turd that hangs off the little dude that is my state. That one. Most people think of
the congested, smog-infested city suburbs when they think of New Jersey. But where I live, it's more sandy
backroads and farms. Yes, we are inundated with shoobies in the summer, but outside of those times, it's quiet
and peaceful. Shoobies. >> know what a shoobie is? >> know what a shoobie is. I'm going to
find out what a shoobie is. >> I'll look it up while you do this. All right. Um, I'll let you interrupt me. Okay,
thanks. >> very young, we didn't have air conditioning, so we would go on peanut
rides where we would get ice cream and cruise around with the AC on enjoying the respite from the heat. Most of the
time we would end up driving down Jake's Landing, a short, rather straight road that went out to a boat in the marsh.
>> I found out what a shoobie is. Hit me up. Um, it is a term used by locals on the southern New Jersey coast and parts
of California to describe day-tripping tourists who visit the beach often arriving by train or bus.
>> Shoobies. >> Shoobies. I'm kind of obsessed with that. Just arriving on the boardwalk. I
love it. I like it a lot. All right, well, the road was partially flanked by cedars all in a straight all in straight
rows part of the CCC program in the 30s and a small family cemetery from the early 1800s.
>> Spooky. >> that. There used to be farm stands out there, but the houses were moved to the
closest town or to Cold Spring Village a 19th century open-air open-air museum. >> Open-air I was going to say.
open-air living museum. There are no lights and the trees are so thick that the moonlight barely
filters through. Hello. >> Ooh, that sounds spooky and awesome. To say it's spooky is an understatement.
>> Oh, okay. My parents the unhinged people they are would always try to scare us.
So of course the Jersey Devil lived down in Jake's Landing. Just as a refresher the Jersey Devil is a bat-winged
deer-headed cloven-hooved menace that terrorizes the Pine Barrens and according to my mom he loves children
who eat ice cream which coincidentally my brother Daniel and I had most likely just consumed. Yep. You were being
>> That's some real mom [ __ ] >> being bad kids that night. >> [laughter] >> Usually we were safe inside the confines
of the car, but this night this very memorable night we weren't as safe as we thought. We were driving along enjoying
our ice cream in the cool air when the car suddenly stopped working. The engine roared loudly as my dad tried to get the
car to move, but we stayed motionless. The trees leaned over the car blocking out what little moonlight there was. The
only light for miles was the headlights. And who knew how long they would continue to protect us from the lurking
darkness. My dad bravely said that he would venture out to see if he could find something wrong with the engine and
despite my mom's dramatic protestations he popped the hood and opened his door. Daniel six and I three
sat in the backseat wide-eyed and sticky-mouthed from the dripping ice cream and watched as our dad stepped
into what was certain death. We walked he walked calmly into the front of the car, lifted the hood, and tinkered under
there, muttering "Son of a ham sandwich" or "Flipping flying squirrels." Amazing
dad [ __ ] right there. >> Truly. Showing his frustration and not finding anything wrong. After a few
minutes, he walked to my mom's side of the car. She put down the window, and he explained that he couldn't find anything
wrong, and he was going to have to walk to the nearest house to call my grandpa to come get us. This was the 1990s, and
cell phones were only for the very rich and important. >> Yep. Just as my mom sighed, accepting
that tonight would be a long night, my father let out a shriek like I've never heard before. You never want your dad to
let out a shriek. No. Even when you've heard before. >> Well, you just never want to yell out a
shriek. Maybe. >> [laughter] >> It usually means something bad is happening. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah. Well, he started This definitely means something bad is happening. He started clawing at the window frame,
grabbing for my mom's hands while being slowly dragged down and under the car. Oh my god.
>> He was screaming, "Something's got me! Something's got me!" My mom tried to pull him in, but she was
no match for my dad's 6'2" Scandinavian frame being pulled under the car by what
we could only assume was the Jersey Devil. >> It absolutely was. I sat frozen in the
backseat as the biggest, strongest man I had ever known was being devoured. My brother, on the other hand, realized
that he was the man of the house now since my dad was obviously going to die. So, he calmly locked the doors and told
my mom to [laughter] roll up the window so we would be safe. He is six. At six, he's like, "Mama,
Well, I'm the man of the house." [laughter] He just grew a mustache in that moment.
He's like, he pulls out a cigar. He's like, "Well, >> [laughter] >> Side note, Dad's dead.
Well, Dad's dead. Side note, I'm not sure why we thought a mythical being that was centuries
[laughter] old couldn't figure out how to break into the car, but we did. Yeah, why not?
The car started rocking violently. >> god. >> dad kept shouting as he fought off the
Jersey Devil. I knew this was the last time I was going to hear my dad's voice. What?
>> I was going to be the girl whose dad was killed by the Jersey Devil. >> My mom would be widowed because her
husband was eaten by a cryptid. Our lives would never be the same again. >> [snorts]
>> What is going [laughter] on? Suddenly, my dad popped up next to the driver's side door, a bit dirty but relatively
unharmed. He screamed at my mom to unlock the doors, hopped in, and started the car. Miraculously, the car started
and drove with no problem. My dad drove like a maniac back to the relative safety of the nearest highway. I knew we
were incredibly lucky to have survived an interaction with such an evil and deadly creature.
>> Yeah. It wasn't until later in life that I realized none of that actually happened
and my parents are just turd buckets who like scaring their children for the lols
of it all. Your parents [laughter] are everything. All of it was just a huge joke and now that I know how neutral
works in a car, it all makes sense. >> [laughter] >> Not neutral. I love your parents. However, these
types of interactions along with growing up in a 19th century house where invisible old ladies would gossip in the
in the empty living room and babies would cry in the vacant bedrooms >> Oh. helped me helped lead me down the
dark, morbid the morbid [laughter] Hey weirdos, this is morbid We're morbid. >> [snorts]
>> We're going to talk about cows today. I'm morbid. [clears throat] >> [laughter]
>> Anyway, helped lead me down the dark, morbid, and spooky path. I am now a card
carrying member >> [laughter] >> I have to go. card carrying member of the morbid
>> [laughter] >> I said like Mambo. Mambo number five >> [laughter] >> You can leave that all in. I don't care.
>> intestines are falling out, so it's okay that I'm literally bleeding out here.
[laughter] Yeah. You're going to be a little >> Feeling a little woozy. I'm feeling a little woozy here.
>> [laughter] >> All right. I am now a card-carrying member of the weird party. Same, clearly. Thank you
ladies for all the entertainment you provide. You're welcome. I know it's not easy having to deal with
death and murder every day, but you bring a [ __ ] ton of joy into many people's homes, and I'm sure I speak for
everyone when we say we appreciate everything you do. Hope you have a fantabulous day, and keep it weird, but
not as weird as your dad who literally scared you in the middle of the summer when you were just trying to enjoy the
ice cream and the [ __ ] cold AC weather, and he got dragged out of the car by the Jersey Devil, but really it
was just him playing a prank on his children, which we are obsessed with. Keep it that weird, I think. Keep it
that weird. That was wild, and I'm obsessed with your parents. >> That was so funny. Uh let's see this
one. Listener A listener tale special two pad. >> Two pad, you say? >> The night of dreams saved my boyfriend's
future future wife. What? My best friend, maybe? BF. Yeah, best friend. >> BF, I was like, your boyfriend?
>> Unless [laughter] he's your sister wife. >> Unless it's you. Uh and Casper and
friends head to the Jersey Shore. >> Obsessed. Jersey again. Greetings, weirdly wonderful ladies. My
name is Dennis. Yes, named after the menace. >> [laughter] >> I love that. And you can certainly use
my name and my wife's name, who will [ __ ] the largest phallus if she ever [laughter] hears this. Not the largest
phallus. It do be like that sometimes. >> [laughter] >> Me, too. >> [laughter] >> You're not alone. I'm confused.
[laughter] Nicholas, you don't chart? >> [laughter] >> Nicholas, we get it. I'm screaming.
>> you. Oh, [ __ ] I have two strange tales to share with you, and I apologize in
advance for oversharing, and perhaps being long-winded. >> Don't do that. [laughter]
Oh, do you like my perfume? Like you're like mine. >> [laughter] >> He always talks to you, so He doesn't
like he needs to like me. I need to be liked, too. You're like, you like my perfume. My
perfume. [laughter] Which one do you like, Nicholas? If you're wearing the vanilla perfume,
that's my perfume, too, technically. >> It's true. Butthead. Oh, she's getting she's getting gnarly.
Getting gnarly. I'm getting hungry. [laughter] I need a I need a Dairy Queen snack.
Oh, let's see. But first, let me explain how I came to be aware of your morbidly
fun podcast with the following double-space put it for My third and current wife, Kelly, and
last, by the way. >> I read that as my third aunt and current wife, and I said, "Dennis."
>> [laughter] >> What? I said, "Dennis, you are but I said, "What's going on?" >> [laughter]
>> My third aunt and current wife would be nuts. >> [laughter] >> Oh, my third and current wife,
[clears throat] Kelly, and last, by the way, >> Hey. had been walking around the house
with her earbuds in, which I couldn't see because of her long hair, >> [laughter]
>> doing things crafty as witchy women like her are want to do. Oh, hell yeah. >> Whether it be crocheting blankets for
the kids, we have three. Aw. >> Yay. Creating bed mats for her familiars, two guinea pigs, Han Solo and
Chewie, >> Amazing. and three sister rats, Winifred, Mary, and Sarah, and yes, named appropriately after the Sanderson
sisters, >> Love. >> or procrastinating doing laundry. It never ends. I feel that.
I'm not alone in this. >> Every so often, I'd hear a laugh chortle or, "Oh my god." Thinking the kids had
finally driven her insane, I asked what she was going on about. It was at this time that she removed one of her earbuds
and shared you both with me. Hey. >> to the rest of the show she was listening to and was hooked. I liked how
you both recited or recited your stories despite not being able to tell your voices apart, and love how you admonish
the monsters in those tales as if they could hear you. I also love both of your laughs and can't help but laugh along
when you both break down in hysterics or giggle fits. >> Oh. >> Mostly when you're reading the uh these
listener tales. See? Both your reactions of you can [ __ ] all the way off, >> [laughter]
>> what the [ __ ] I just can't, and that is so beyond mimic what I'm usually thinking, too. I think of my wife as
your third sister as she's a lover of the spooky and Halloween is to her what Christmas is to me, an enchanting time
of wonder and happiness. >> Period. >> you guys. Enough of me espousing my admiration for you two. Let's go to the
good stuff. But before I start, I should let you know that I'm not someone who believes in the paranormal, ghosts,
psychics, etc. Dennis. I'm an atheist who believes that even though I cannot explain such phenomena, I don't dismiss
or look down at those that Dharma? >> Did he just say karma? Karma? Or dharma? Karma. Oh.
>> Karma. [ __ ] Nicholas. Hello. Uh I don't know what that means. Here. >> little nervous. Um so yeah, he I don't
dismiss or look down at those that do or that it isn't real. I simply believe that the scientific explanation hasn't
been discovered yet. Of the two stories I'm about to share, I cannot to this day
explain them, and that's okay. What a wonderful attitude you have. >> Yeah, I like that.
>> It's like I can't explain them and that's cool. And if you can, even better. Love that.
Chapter 1, the dream that saved my best friend's future wife. Okay, we figured that out.
This tale takes place in the way, way back time of the 1990s. I had a best friend at the time, we'll call him Jack,
and another friend I would go out clubbing with that we'll call Diane since I don't believe the current
generation may not get the reference. But clubbing meant going out from nightclub to nightclub, drinking,
dancing, etc. >> I've been clubbing. On this night, Jack and I and some other guy friends were going to meet up with
Diane and some of her girlfriends and spend the night going from bars to clubs and at some point end up at a 24-hour
diner. I should have mentioned that this takes place in the great state of New Jersey,
land of all-night diners. Lucky. I didn't know that was a thing. We have one all-night diner in Boston.
>> Yeah. Just one. We had made plans to start a sports bar and end up at an to start at a sports
bar. I was like, "Wow, this escalated so fast." >> I was like, "What a What an amazing night You dedicated your life to
clubbing. >> in that night. [laughter] You You began at a sports bar and ended up in a night club.
My routine Did he say clutch or touch? Touch. Oh. Okay. Touch. >> He's touching you.
>> Or touching you. No, he's touching you. He likes my perfume, but now he's touching you.
>> [laughter] >> you. Yeah, thanks. I You get like the You smell good. I get the assault.
>> [laughter] >> Nice. She's like, "You can have that one." Uh my routine for a night out had always
been to come home, nap, shower, dress, and head out. This particular night, however, I wasn't feeling well and let
both Jack and Diane know I was probably going to stay in. And here's where it gets spooky.
>> Jack and Diane was almost lost on us. Did you catch that? >> It absolutely was.
>> Yeah, until it was [laughter] said together. >> Little Diddy. Both Jack and Di-
He was going to show us. He was like, "I got it." Oh, he said, "I knew [laughter]
it was Jack and Diane. I'll show you." What if you just queued up the song? Little Diddy. Both Jack [laughter] and
Di- I dreamed that my friend Diane was in her car following Jack and others and got into a head-on collision with
another vehicle while turning across the highway. Like, "Can we chill?" Though we
are known >> [sighs] >> [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] What the What >> [laughter] >> I say to you.
>> [screaming] [laughter] [screaming] >> Everything in me needs to see [laughter]
that I'm okay. >> [snorts] >> You got a front row seat to the >> [snorts] >> Oh my god, my stomach hurts.
>> [laughter] [laughter] >> I'm crying. Oh my god. I I was going to yell into the camera like, "What?" But then you
just fell. Leave it all in. >> [laughter] >> Leave all of that chaos in. Did you see my wig fall off?
Robbed? Yeah. >> [snorts] >> Oh. Oh, Nicholas, did you trip me? Is the wig on? >> say?
>> [laughter] >> The wig is on. Did I lose my wig? >> you just say, Diane? No. I know all
[ __ ] names. >> I know. I tell you. Wow, I was freaked out and then I fell. >> [panting and sighs]
[laughter] >> Damn. That was crazy. Let's see. All right, let's go up here. All right, [snorts] so
Ooh, though we're known for our cloverleaf turns, there were still some highways that had left turn lights.
Since cell phones were yet to be even close to what they are today, mostly for the well-to-do and celebrities, I had no
way to call to see if my dream was simply that that or something more sinister. The sense of dread that I felt
spurned me to jump in my car and head to the bar I knew they were going to be at.
You're a good friend. I know. On arriving at the bar, both Jack and Diane were there along with our other friends
and everything seemed to be okay. I recounted my dream to them and while the guys just kind of laughed it off, the
ladies seemed to give my tale more credence. >> Cuz we're empaths. We're witchy. A
little while later, it was decided that the bar was no longer the place to be at
and we started off for another venue for libations. Since most of us had brought
our own cars, there was almost a funeral procession of us headed out. At the particular intersection I dreamed about,
I was in front and Jack behind me, and Diane a few vehicles behind him. Jack and I made the light and turned, leaving
the rest of them behind at the light, and headed to the next bar. Jack and I arrived and waited for Diane
and her friends. While some of our other friends showed up, [snorts] Diane never
did. After 30 minutes, I started to get worried. I played out in my mind that she probably stopped for gas, caught a
little traffic. It is pretty heavy to think that someone's going to die. Caught a little
traffic, etc. After an hour, I started getting panicky. I'm not the one who gets panicked. I'm usually the one who
remains calm during stressful situations. Probably due in part to my time in the US Marines. Yeah, I would
say that's it. Uh when one of our friends I'm going to stay right here, but I appreciate that. When one of our
friends, who I knew to be behind Diane, finally arrived, I asked what happened and where was Diane. He said there was a
terrible accident. The car in front of Diane was hit nearly head-on at the intersection. While he didn't know the
extent of the injuries to the person that was hit, he did say that Diane was so rattled, she ended up just going
home. >> Oh, [ __ ] Whoa. Jack ended up going over to her house to see if she was doing
okay, as he lived not far from her. She was a bit shaken, especially after my dreaming of what could have happened had
it not had I not been there to possibly be another car in the line that instead would have put her at the intersection
at the wrong time. >> Yeah. >> That's exactly what happened. Yeah. Turns out this is what started a
relationship between Jack and Diane. >> Aw. They're still married with two kids to this day, and the reason I was made
godfather to their firstborn. >> Aw. I had never had a similar experience since.
>> Yeah, that was a divine [ __ ] message. >> That's [ __ ] crazy. >> That's nuts. You can't explain that.
>> No, you really can't. >> Like Casper and friends The next one is chapter two. Casper and friends go down
to the shore. >> I'm obsessed. This story takes place during the marriage to my second wife,
known as she who shall not be named. And for the sake of brevity, you may refer to her as Lilith. She nearly sucked the
life out of me. >> Or nor. Quick note, this was a rebound marriage after the failure of my first
marriage when she had decided after being married for 5 years that she did not want to have children. She was a
school teacher, too. That's bleak. >> Damn, that's tough. Lilith's birthday was the 19th of
September and we had decided spend it down to at the shore and Neat. >> Neat. Uh at the picturesque seaside town
of Cape May, New Jersey. September at the Jersey Shore could be hit or miss with the weather depending
on how soon Mother Nature wanted fall to arrive. But we decided that a little chill at night wouldn't keep us away. We
had rented a room at the somewhat famous Peter Shields Inn. Fire bliss. Fire bliss?
Fireplace. Oh. I'm glad we both heard that. What? >> fireplace, then he said be careful.
Oh. Okay. Okay. He said okay. >> He's like, okay, you got it. >> got it. Thank you.
Nicholas? I'm going to make sure that Drew is making sure that he cleaned out our
fireplace. >> Yeah, there you go. Just in case. We were going to hire somebody to do it.
Yeah. [snorts] >> [clears throat] >> Nicholas, did you What What fireplace? Mine or yours? What are you talking
about? Let me know. Wait, what if something with the fireplace happens in this story? I will
I yeah, I think you should fall again if that happens. Okay. >> [laughter] >> We arrived late Friday for the weekend
and were spent from the drive, about 3 hours. We were lucky because we had made reservations in advance and there was a
wedding that was happening the next day and the hotel was booked. The inn [clears throat] was a classic shore
Victorian home with rooms on the second floor and restaurant banquet hall on the
first floor. There's a grand staircase Find out >> what will happen. Ooh, crazy. Uh
so exciting. Uh there's a grand staircase that leads up to the second floor. There were nine rooms and the
landing on the second floor was U-shaped with our room being at the base of the U-shape. In order to get to the other
side of the landing to the other rooms, you had to pass our room and a fireplace. Thank you for these photos.
That's helping me understand this. >> it's also really pretty. That night we had heard other guests arriving, some
some to be very late in the evening and thought nothing of it and went to sleep.
Sometime after midnight, I woke to find to to someone knocking softly on our door as if not entirely sure that they
wanted to wake anyone else up at this hour. I went to the door and quietly asked, "Who is it?" No answer. I opened
the door slowly but saw no one. Thinking I had imagined the knocking, I closed the door and went back to sleep.
The next day we enjoyed the Indian summer weather at the beach, took a trip to the Cape May lighthouse and spent
time on Diamond Beach. We had dinner that night at the inn while a wedding went on the on at the banquet hall. Now,
while I can drink, I often did not around Lilith because she can often drink to excess. She often drank to
excess, which inevitably led me to either [clears throat] helping her walk or carrying her home. Or in this case,
up to our room. Reason number one why the marriage ended, but that's the different horror story, I imagine.
>> Yeah. Again, it was after midnight when this time I heard a child or children
giggling and running up and down the hallway outside our door. I tried to pay no mind to the noise, but I did think it
was very late for kids to be up. But that was parenting in the '90s without a sitter. I guess it was a kid or kids
from the wedding party that were up because their parents were still partying. Again, great '90s parenting.
Again, I could hear giggling and running up the and down the hall. This time the
ruckus, yes, I can describe the ruckus, sir, was enough to [laughter] awaken Lilith from her drunken slumber and
nudge me out of bed to take care of them. >> She's like, "Kill those kids Kill those
kids for me." That's why That's why I don't want them. >> And he's like, "That's why the marriage
ended." So, I got up, dressed as I expected to and dressed as I expected to have to
have confront these kids and perhaps the parents about being so disruptive at such a late hour. It sounds like they're
literally just outside my door, and when I open it, nothing. Nothing and nobody is out there. At first I thought maybe
they had made it to their own rooms, but there was no way they could have done that without at least me catching the
door closing as the nearest door to the next room was more than 15 ft away. >> Yeah. I asked out into the emptiness a
faint, "Hello?" with no response. Puzzled, I turned back to go into the room, and as I closed the door, I could
swear I heard the faintest giggle. >> I'm obsessed with that. >> Chalking it up to me being too slow, I
went back to bed. The next morning as we came down for breakfast, I had struck up
a conversation with the hostess about the wedding and the noises that happened. She apologized for the wedding
being a bit rowdy and said it was okay as a wedding is a party and people should have fun or I said it was okay. I
was like, "She said that to you?" I was like, "Fuck that. Rude." And I said [snorts] it was okay as a
wedding is a party and people should be having fun celebrating. I only um I then mentioned that even so, keeping
kids up that late and letting them run around and really wasn't being respectful to the other guests. And
that's when the banter became awkward. The hostess said that there were no children staying at the inn this
weekend. >> Ew. I asked if she was certain and she said the wedding was an adults-only
wedding and that there were definitely no children. >> [laughter] >> She looked uneasy and excused herself
and came back momentarily with a manager. The manager asked me what I had heard and I recounted my experience. The
hostess and manager looked at each other and began to tell me the tale of Peter Shields Inn. She said that while they
don't advertise or like to make it known, there were rumors that the inn was haunted. Haunted by a fifth the
15-year-old son of Peter Shields who had died from an accidental hunting accident. Apparently,
Earl had asked to go hunting with a friend, but his parents forbade him to go. He went anyway, and on his return,
he was climbing out of a boat, and while using a rifle as a crutch to get out, the gun discharged and shot him in the
head. Holy [ __ ] >> He allegedly feels guilty for disobeying his mother and has never left the house.
That's so sad. >> was flabbergasted. Lilith was shocked as well. As I stated earlier, I don't
believe in such things, but I know what I heard, and I will swear to you up and down to this day that what I experienced
was real. I believe you since you don't believe in that. >> Yeah. Uh since we were checking out that
day, we didn't feel the need to yeet out of there, but well, I have been back to
Cape May so many times. I have never stayed there again. >> blame you. >> you have it. I hope I haven't been too
long-winded, and I've attached some extra pictures of us cos playing at the New York Comic Con. As my wife usually
makes all of our costumes, and they thought you'd get a kick out of them. >> Aw.
>> That's amazing, and she's a badass. >> Aw, and your family is beautiful. >> the cutest little kids.
>> cute. >> Keep up the great work, and keep it weird enough that even though you don't
believe in premonitions, that when you do have one, it saves someone you love, but don't keep it weird enough to be
kept up at night by kids who aren't your own. >> [laughter] >> Damn. >> Damn. Wow, these costumes are awesome.
>> She's wildly talented, and you guys >> Oh, it's Willow, show us and tell them.
Oh, you guys are so cool. >> I'm like, look at that. Oh, you guys are cool as hell.
>> Oh, I love these. >> Oh, yeah. Oh my god. Oh my god, Spike. Holy [ __ ] >> What the helly? You and James Marsters.
P.S. I had every intention of sending this in before my wife and I took a trip up to Salem, but the ADHD ADHD kicked
in, and I got lost in the shuffle. We understand that. I totally get that. That was awesome.
>> That was such a good tale. Holy [ __ ] for real. Damn. Aw, so spooky. >> I believe that you heard ghost children.
>> 100%. >> And I believe that you had a premonition that saved your friend's life, and it's
so that your friends could get married. I think so. Because the the whole thing was you had to have
gotten in line to push Diane backwards. >> Right, exactly. >> That was the whole thing, so you weren't
going, and something in the universe was like, [ __ ] get up. Yeah. I believe that completely. Oh, that's so
spooky. >> I've seen that happen to people we know, where they'll be like they weren't going
to go to something or they have a dream about something they tell them and it ends up being this crazy thing. I
believe in that [ __ ] I fully believe in that stuff. I think we get messages for
a reason. Who knows from who or what, but But I also think your message of like you can believe what you want to
believe and I won't [ __ ] on you for it. >> Is an awesome message and more of us
need to have that. >> 100%. All right, last tale. The time my brother's little man on the crib turned
into a demonic poltergeist that knew my name. Wow. That's crazy. What a title. Hey Ash and Elena, my name is Would you
say Alesha or Alicia? Alicia. Alicia. >> Alicia. Go ahead and use that bad boy. >> Alicia. Alicia. Allow me to start my
email like every other fan girl that emails you rad gals. I am a huge true crime gal. In fact, I am watching I
Survived a Serial Killer as I type this. >> Wow. Some sort of true crime is always
playing in the background. I discovered your podcast last year and have been hooked ever since. Naturally, I started
on episode 400 and whatever and worked backwards. Doing things backwards is kind of my thing.
Eventually, Oh, you said bass-ackwards is kind of your thing. Eventually, I wisened up and
started at episode 1. Oh, man. >> Wow. Yes, the episodes where Ash claimed she sounds like she's underwater.
>> We both do. Yeah, I was going to say It's It was a different time, Nicholas. >> Nicholas. Knowing that the sound gets
better eventually, I pushed through them and bam, crystal clear. You guys have gotten me through many a car rides for
that work for work. So, for that, thank you. >> You're welcome and thanks for hanging
in. >> Yeah. You know, random side note, there will probably be a few hundred of these
throughout my email because let's face it, I'm a mom of two energy siphoning tiny terrors that not only sucked up all
the energy from my body, but every last damn brain cell that I've ever had, so I
can't stay focused and I can't keep my thoughts straight. Neither can Nicholas. >> is like, I feel it.
>> Yeah, but I digress. I own both of Elena's books and I cannot wait to read them, Thank you.
>> Again, tiny terrors, reading is slow. >> It's okay. Pre-order the third one. Catch up and pre-order the third one and
you could enter the chance to win that bookmark. >> Yeah, I get that. It's such a good book.
Keep your receipt. So good. Let me first [clears throat] say that I absolutely love true crime, gore, etc. I cannot
handle the paranormal though. Interesting. In fact, I've only seen Paranormal Activity 1
and I don't even know how it ends because I buried my head in my then boyfriend's shoulder because I didn't
want to see the demon's face. Honestly, Paranormal Activity is scary as hell. I've actually never seen any of them.
I tell you every time I tell you that, that's the face you make. >> That's the next Scream movie. All right.
Watching Paranormal Activity. >> It's your choice, actually. >> That's my choice. I'm actually really
afraid of those. >> it here first. Period. Uh I also refused to sleep next to the door that night
because let's face it, if anyone is getting dragged down the hallway to hell by some demon, sure as [ __ ] going to
be me. Hell yeah. I also made it clear that I would make no effort to save my then boyfriend. Give me a morbid
mutilation any day of the week. You can keep that paranormal [ __ ] It's for the
birds. You know how much John hates birds? That's how much I hate paranormal stuff.
>> [laughter] >> He hates birds a lot. >> I love birds. [snorts] In fact, there was so many birds in my
yard yesterday, but we don't have our bird seed out and I was like, "Drew!" >> You're like, "I could feed you."
>> to feed my children. >> [snorts] >> I've never been a huge fan of Halloween or anything spooky. Please don't hold
that against me. I'm a chicken [ __ ] and I hate being scared. Okay. All right. Okay. How are you watching this?
>> It really hurts. >> Your intestines are coming out and your face is bleeding.
My What if we scared you? Boo. My family, however, lives for it. We're your family.
Uh I can remember my birthday I can remember my birthday sleepover in sixth grade where we watched The Sixth Sense.
That movie [ __ ] me up and I haven't watched it since. >> Honestly, that movie [ __ ] me up.
>> That movie is [ __ ] up. Same thing with White Noise. I haven't seen that one. I
haven't seen that. And I like White Noise, so I don't want to ruin it for myself. But my entire family thought it
was funny to [ __ ] with a bunch of preteens and tap on my window or throw a mannequin head in the middle of our
beds. That's funny. My dad used to dress up as a werewolf. Picture black trench coat, fuzzy hands, all of it, and chase
my friends and and random trick-or-treaters. Your dad sounds amazing. Now that I think of it, I'm not
sure how I even had any friends after all his [ __ ] shenanigans, lol. My mom and her family used to run a little
haunted house in the town where I grew up. What a cool family. >> True Oh, this next part. My grandma
actually played Lizzie Borden and sat at the entrance in a rocking chair with her
hair all teased up and powdered, picking raisin spiders out of the web above her eyes. She recited the now
debunked rhyme. That's so badass. >> Grandma forever. >> I want to be that grandma. I You're
going to be. Damn. >> Period. Period. I have only ever been to one haunted house in my life, and it was
one of those cheesy haunted houses at Six Flags Fright Fest, where the spookiest thing that happens to be the
name, which was a brutal which was brutal mountain or some [ __ ] like that. Real spooky when I was seven. I guess
the fact that I grew up in a real haunted house makes up for that, right? I would say
>> so, and also I literally need haunted houses now. I know. It hurts. >> We need to do better this year, which we
do say every year, but we did really poorly last year. >> We got to do better for haunted houses
this year. >> Let's go crazy. Let's go nuts. So, onto the story. As I said, the house that I
grew up in was like a hundred years old and is haunted as [ __ ] >> Love that. >> When you walked in the door, there was a
small foyer, which opened up to the living room, dining room, and kitchen. One partial wall separated the living
room from the other two. A long hallway ran horizontally to the main rooms and connected the three bedrooms and
bathroom. Thank you. My room was right smack dab in the middle of the house where there were no
windows. The only window had been boarded up and turned into a bookshelf when my dad built our laundry room back
in the day. Or in the back. I was okay with considering the shadows for that. I just
I just make things up. >> [laughter] >> I was okay with the with this considering the shadows from the trees
outside scared me if I was in my parents' or my brother's room. I told you I'm a chicken [ __ ] The hallway had
that old 90s wooden paneling and a single light picture of and a single lighted picture of Jesus
hung on the wall right across from my room. It served as a nightlight for my scaredy ass. The way you said it, from
my room. >> From my room. [laughter] Jesus across from my room. Paneling and a like lighted picture of Jesus and
you're like Right outside my room. Right outside my room. My parents' room was on one side of me
and the bathroom was on the other and my brother's room was on the opposite end.
I hated his room. It was always freezing. Dun dun dun. We all know what that means. Oh. And my mom told us later
she used to see a noose hanging in the doorway. What? What? >> [laughter] >> What?
There was also >> What? What? What? >> that so casually. >> to fall again. >> [laughter]
>> There was also a small basement crawl not a crawlspace right under my room that could only be accessed from the
outside. I hate that so much. >> Board that up. What the hell, E? [laughter] What the hell, E? Don't board
the window. Board that. >> Yeah, board the crawlspace. Bye. >> Jesus. My mom used to tell people this
in the hallway. What? >> I said Jesus. >> In the hallway. I'm only saying Jesus in
the hallway from now on. Godric and Jesus in the hallway. >> Oh my Godric. Oh my Godric.
Oh, Jesus Christ in the hallway. >> Hallway. My mom used to tell people the story of
the time my brother woke her up giggling. She got up and asked him who he was talking to and he replied he
replied a little man on the crib, mama. My mom asked him what he looked like and
he told her that he was his size, red eyes, horns, you know, the normal type [ __ ] a tiny person uses to describe
friends. Keep in mind my brother was two and oh, my brother is two and a half years older than me.
>> What? Fast [snorts] forward a few years and I came along. I was around three and
running up and down the hallway with Jesus in it. >> With Jesus in the [laughter] hallway.
>> Laughing and giggling with Jesus. My mom came and asked me who I was playing with
and I >> said Jesus. >> [laughter] >> And you said I'm playing with Jesus. Hello. Uh,
but I said the little man on the wall, Mama. Jesus. He's [laughter] the big man on the wall.
>> Jesus. No, he's the big guy. She got very still and asked what the little man looked like and you said long
hair, kind of zaddy like. >> [laughter] >> White robe. Nah, she didn't say that.
He's always coming for me. He's always coming for me. Why is he always coming for me?
I I I'm He's not allowed in my pod lab. >> [laughter] >> I'm going to get my own ghost in my pod
lab who likes me. >> Anyways, I told her that he was my height, had red eyes, and horns.
>> Oh, no. >> Hello, deja >> I love [laughter] this. Deja vu. Even though she was freaked the [ __ ] out
that both of her children were playing with some tiny spawn of Satan that [laughter] had visited us from the
playful parts of hell, if such a place exists. >> Playful parts of [snorts] hell.
>> She chalked it up to my active imagination and life carried on. One night when I was seven or eight, I'm
not sure of my exact age because I've slept since then. >> [laughter] >> I was sound asleep in bed. I heard a
rustling at the foot of my bed. [laughter] >> In bed. I heard rustling at the foot of my bed.
Desolate. >> hope your bedroom wasn't desolate. [laughter] That's awful. Uh, and suddenly I opened my eyes, but I
didn't see anything. I was that child that believed if you laid perfectly still that the monster would just be
like, "Hmm, gosh, she's not there." That's what I saw, but whatever. I literally still do that. And just leave.
[clears throat] >> [laughter] >> Wrong. No. I heard my name. I was still coming from
the Undecided. You're undecided about what? Me, probably. Nah, I think he actually is
decided. He's like, "Fuck that bitch." I heard my name. >> [laughter] >> It was coming from the foot of my bed. I
opened my eyes again, but this time when I looked down, I saw bright red eyes and
horns. >> Ooh. The little man wasn't so little anymore. So, I did what any 7- or
8-year-old would do, and I screamed bloody murder. As you should. >> This woke my parents. My dad's side of
the bed was further from the door than my mom's. She describes his exit from the bed as Superman. [laughter]
She said he flew out of bed >> right there. >> legit. He flew out of bed and landed in
a straight-up belly flop on [laughter] the floor. That is so dad. He jumped up and ran straight to my room, beating her
there. Uh I was inconsolable and struggled to tell them what I saw. Needless to say, I
was wedged tightly between them in their bed for the next week. >> Oh man. The next day, my mom called our
pastor and had him come over to bless the house. He went from room to room reciting scriptures and flinging holy
water, you know, like they do in the movies. He got to my room and said he could definitely feel a presence in it.
He couldn't tell what it was, but it did not like him being there. He made his way down the hall to
Sorry, he made his way down the basement crawl space and said this was where he felt the biggest darkest presence.
>> Of course. Just in case you forgot, my room was right above the [ __ ] basement.
>> Oh, I remember. And the Jesus is outside of her door. So, I wonder if that added
to it. Like they were not liking that. Yeah. >> Uh I never saw that little man or
whatever the [ __ ] was at the foot of my bed after that though. My mom later told
us that all this strange happenings had been occurring in that house for years. Like the time they left the house and
came back to find the oven turned on to 400° and all of my mom's pots melted in it.
>> Oh [ __ ] >> She was a stickler for making sure the stove was turned off and her curling
iron was unplugged. Typical '90s mom [ __ ] Or the time we were having a sleepover
in the living room and she saw our dog lying amongst us sleeping kids. She called his name to get him to move when
suddenly the dog came walking from behind her. >> Woah. When she looked back at us, the
hellhound was gone. I guess poltergeists have pets, too. Who knew? I don't know why that one freaks me out.
>> Yeah, I hate that. >> just like, "What?" Just walking from behind them and you're like, "What the
fuck?" >> want an unfamiliar dog in my house. >> We moved out during the summer between
5th and 6th grade. My parents rented the house to some of their friends. Damn, friends? Are you sure? Turns out they
were seeing [laughter] spooky [ __ ] too. Like a woman walking up and down the hallway. Was Jesus still there?
Probably. The little boy that lived there collected angel statues and would find them randomly moved or broken.
Guess old polty's taste and decor was a little darker. I've driven by it a few times and wondered if the current owners
ever experienced strange paranormal happenings like we did. From what I've heard, the poltergeist hopped from house
to house playing with all of us kids that lived on the cul-de-sac. >> Oh, [ __ ] We all knew him as the little
man on the insert whatever wherever he played here. Damn. >> dreams about it. Yeah.
I have dreams about it all the time. It's always haunted in my dreams, too. My dad was actually going to rent it to
me before the other family. And the night before I was going to tell him, "Sure." I had a dream it was still super
duper freaky deaky haunted and I decided, "Nope. I'll pass on the nightmare. I'll pass on that nightmare."
I've also had a recurring dream where a bunch of us are in the house and a little dead girl is walking up and down
the hallway. All of us can see her except for one person in the room. And as long as one person doesn't see her, I
have the dream again and again and again. Eventually all of my dream buddies got on the same [ __ ] page and
saw the delightful dead girl and poof, no more dream. Eventually all of my dream buddies got on the same [ __ ]
page and saw the delightful dead girl and poof, no more dream. >> Oh. Eventually all of my dream buddies
got on the same [ __ ] page and saw the delightful dead girl and poof, no more dream. Thank goodness she
>> she all saw her. I know. So, there you have it. Sorry, I know it was long and
even in even though I'm going to tell you that you can shorten it or omit anything unnecessary, I can already hear
Elena saying, No. [ __ ] no. >> Keep being the beautifully badass [ __ ] you are. One of these days You
too. You do that. One of these days I'll get caught up on the podcast and by then
there will be a hundred new episodes to listen to because let's face it, people be peopling way too much and murder's
going to keep on murdering because humanity is [ __ ] >> Unfortunately true. >> Facts. Maybe one day I'll send in the
story about my dad and how he worked at the building in St. Louis, St. Louis, where they kept the real-life boy from
an exorcism and how no one was allowed on the floor where they kept him or how the only way to get to and from the top
floor of the building was in a coffin elevator. I think you should probably share that
with [laughter] us. >> I I We're going to need that right away. Or the time some neighbor kids saw white
figure walking down our driveway while we weren't home, but we couldn't find any footsteps. Who knows? I do. You're
going to send those in. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed my paranormal tale and hopefully someday I'll hear it
on listener tales episode 2,347. Until then, keep it weird but not so weird that you are walking through your
home and you see a whole bunch of dead things in the hallways and a little man on the wall and on the crib. Yeah.
>> Cuz that's spooky. Unless it's Jesus. Yeah. [snorts] You know. Zaddy. Like you
said. Zaddy. Jesus is a zaddy. [laughter] I got it. All right. Well, that was crazy.
>> These were some good '90s tales. >> the '90s. >> wood paneling, we had car phones. Lit up
Jesus. Cell phones that lit up Jesus. >> Happy Meals with collectible toys. >> We had it all.
>> Yeah. We We did have it all in the '90s. >> I know. I want it back. >> Cuz I'm having like a This is like the
perfect thing for us to wear because lately I've been having such like brutal nostalgia for the '90s.
>> has. Like brutal. I have it. >> It's It's painful. I have it even though I didn't experience it very much. I want
it so bad. Wanting something that you never had. >> it. It's It's excruciating. Let's all go
back there, okay? >> We got to go somewhere. Where we going? This timeline? I think we're all going
back there a little bit. I mean, the fashion's coming back. >> like we're The fashion's coming back. I
think people are realizing they don't want to be connected to their phones 24/7. Like they were like I want to be
sick to not do that. >> these bad boys. >> those back. I want a flip phone. Yeah. Hit me up. Yeah. Limited minutes.
Oh, yeah. >> Whoever came up with unlimited texting, what? Yeah. Sorry. Oh, sorry I didn't
get back to you. I ran out of texting. >> out of texting. >> excuse. >> I loved that. I'm going to start using
that. >> You should. Even though it's Sorry, I don't have unlimited. >> Sorry, I'm out of minutes. I'm obsessed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call. I don't have any minutes left. Well, sorry this has to be over. We're
out of minutes. >> Yeah, we're out of minutes. Sorry. We hope you keep listening and we hope you
keep it weird. But not so weird that you throw off your wig at the end of the tail. [laughter]
Bye. >> [music]

Weirdos! We NEEDED a nostalgic moment, and decided to share it with you! This month, DebDeb has cultivated a batch of 90's tales that are brought to you By you FOR you and ALL ABOUT YOU! Check out YouTube to see what happened mid episode that made us all lose our damn minds!

If you’ve got a listener tale please send it to Deb by emailing us at Morbidpodcast@gmail.com with “Listener Tales” somewhere in the subject line, and if you share pictures, please let us know if we can share them with fellow weirdos! :)

Mentions in this episode:

Come to see MORBID Live at Radio City Music Hall on June 27th!Tickets are available for purchase by visiting this site! - https://www.ticketmaster.com/morbid-new-york-new-york-06-27-2026/event/3C006469BA651301?camefrom=CFC_MSG&_gl=1*zw07y5*_gcl_au*MTI4NDYxNjI5OS4xNzczNjkzMzQ4*_ga*MTE0NjMxMzcxMi4xNzczNjkzMzQ4*_ga_YT63BSQYCF*czE3NzM2OTMzNDckbzEkZzAkdDE3NzM2OTMzNTIkajU1JGwwJGg5MjQzMDgwMTc.

PRE-ORDER GIFT! When you pre-order THE BUTCHER LEGACY, you can enter to win a spooky blood-drip bookmark to perfectly match the most chilling cover yet in this series🩸Submit your pre-order receipt at the link to receive an exclusive bookmark. Any US retailer, any format. While supplies last. https://woobox.com/w3skz7

Cowritten by Alaina Urquhart, Ash Kelley & Dave White (Since 10/2022) Produced & Edited by Mikie Sirois (Since 2023) Research by Dave White (Since 10/2022), Alaina Urquhart & Ash Kelley Listener Correspondence & Collaboration by Debra Lally Listener Tale Video Edited by Aidan McElman (Since 6/2025) Listener Tale Theme Music licensed from https://www.purple-planet.com Main Theme: Matti Paalanen — Trick or Treat — Provided by Jamendo Ad Music: Title: Artist: BlueJay Studio — Spooky Waltz — Provided by Jamendo

Brief Summary

Listeners share chilling and humorous tales of true crime and paranormal experiences.

Key points

Spooky Bookmark Giveaway. Pre-order my new book and get a chance to win a spooky bookmark!
A Close Encounter with a Killer. A chilling story about a near encounter with Paul Bernardo.
The Happy Meal Rescue. A boyfriend saves the day with a Happy Meal during a tense moment.
The Chilling Realization. A terrifying moment when the protagonist realizes the man from the park is a killer.
The Jersey Devil Encounter. A childhood story about a father facing a mythical creature, leading to a shocking twist.
The Truth Behind the Scare. A realization that a childhood scare was just a prank by the parents.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

It keeps doing that. It all happened during the summer of '92.

Setting the scene for a chilling story.

7:59WatchMar 26, 2026

Tension

75/ 100High tension

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