Episode 740 : Episode Revisit: Santa’s Dark Helpers | Forensic Files

Hey weirdos. I'm Elena. >> And I'm Ash. >> And this is a mini morbid. >> Mini morbid. [laughter] We like it.
>> We didn't plan that. >> Unplanned. [music] >> I went rogue, if you will. >> Unsolicited. Morbid. [laughter]
So yeah, welcome to the uh it's kind of like a mini morbid episode. That's what our second episode of the week will be.
Yeah, >> from here on out. I think >> these are going to be faster and looser and there's not going to be any
housekeeping or anything. So we're just going to dive right into it. >> Let's go do it.
>> Um our first episode happens to fall during the holiday season. So, we decided merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah,
>> merry Quanza, >> happy winter solstice. Uh, all that stuff. >> Yeah. >> Happy holidays.
>> Happy holidays. Uh, so we're going to be hitting some creepy ass holiday traditions. And
tonight we are going to be talking about not Santa Claus, but his dark ass helpers.
>> The dark ones. Now, I'm just going to come out and say Europe has some scary ass Christmas traditions.
>> Yeah, they do. >> I respect it because they are all about teaching kids to be good or they're
going to be like disembowled or eaten or beaten with branches. Like, they don't [ __ ] around.
>> That's why American kids are just such [ __ ] We don't get scared into not being [ __ ] We don't have enough
demons that are in our like holidays to scare our kids. >> You know, it's where we went wrong. It's
one of the many places we went wrong. >> One of the many places. [laughter] >> Uh so basically, uh what's interesting
is most of these traditions that we're going to talk about, they're kind of earlier pagan traditions that have just
been adapted to modern use. So they kind of change throughout the years. a lot of
them get less scary. Like they started out way scarier and then they kind of turn into something better. Which I
think Santa Claus himself, which we're not going to cover tonight, maybe we'll cover him in another one. But Santa
Claus himself started off as like super scary and [ __ ] up [laughter] and >> he sees you when you're sleeping and he
knows when you're awake. >> Yeah, that alone is scary. So yeah, >> like why I don't even get the point of
that. Why does he need to see you when you're sleeping? >> I know. No, cuz what do you do when
that's bad when you're sleeping? >> You're just chilling. >> Yeah. So, that's kind of [ __ ] up.
>> Yeah. Santa, get away. >> Santa, calm down. >> Santa, why don't you have any chill?
>> Yeah. He's like pulling a nightstalker. >> I was just thinking that. [laughter and gasps]
>> So, most of these traditions, like we said before, they really focus on making
your kids behave. That's the main the main focus for it seems European households during Christmas season.
>> #German parenting. >> Yeah. It's just to scare the [ __ ] out of your kids [laughter]
to make them behave. Hey, I respect it, man. So, the first one I'm going to hit tonight for Santa's Little Helpers is
arguably the most infamous, probably the one that a lot of people know about. >> Krampus.
>> It's Krampus. Good old Krampus. >> Krampus. Um, Krampus' roots actually don't really have a lot to do with
Christmas. Now we've turned him into a Christmas thing, but um, [clears throat] they dated back to pre-Germanic paganism
in the region. So his name was was originally Krampen, which means claw. And basically the legend was that he was
the son of the Norse god of the underworld, hell. >> Fun. >> It's like literally like just hell,
which he kind of is. [laughter] He still is. During the 12th century, actually, the Catholic Church tried to banish any
Krampus celebrations or any kind of like having him to do with anything because they said he was basically the devil.
>> Oh, and actually in 1934, as recently as 1934, Austria's conservative Christian
Social Party also tried to have him eradicated, but none of these things have held. And Krampus has lived on.
Krampus lives on. He lives on. So, he traditionally is seen visually to have a long like gross tongue.
>> Jean Simmonsesque. >> Yeah, literally. And it's it's like a forked long tongue. It's like creepy.
>> He's kind of he's like half demon, half goat. >> Same. >> Me, too. [laughter]
>> Same. And he's also seemed to have one human foot and one cloven hoove. What?
But I couldn't find anything to like why that is weird. [laughter] I don't know if it's just to make him
even creepier. I don't know. In a 1958 article about the Krampus legend in Syria, which is a state in southeast
Austria, they said that Krampus would deliver gold painted bundles of birch sticks to children. These things, these
gold painted bundles were actually smaller versions of the switches that he uses to beat people with. So
>> Oh, you know, typical. >> Yeah. And what the families would do of these children once they would get these
little bundles of, you know, birch branches, they would hang these birch branches in their house all year round
as decoration to remind the kids to stay in line >> or you're going to get your ass beat by
Krampus. >> Yeah. Like he was like, "Hey, remember when Krampus brought us his beaten
stick? That's going to stay on our wall all year. >> That's a heavy metal >> to stay in line." Um, so Krampus himself
comes around on the night of December 5th and he comes around with Staint Nick, but again, he's like the anti-
Santa. >> Um, excuse me. >> What? >> Today is December 5th. >> Holy [ __ ] >> Whoa.
>> Did not plan that. Did not realize that. Hope we've been good cuz Krampus is coming to town.
>> Krampus is coming to town. It's not so catchy. >> He's bringing a branch. He's beating you
twice. He doesn't give a [ __ ] if you've been naughty or nice. >> No, he does though. He gives a huge
[ __ ] >> I don't think he does because he's just going to beat the kids anyways. I don't
think Krampus cares if you've been good. >> Oh, I thought it was only the bad kids.
>> Well, I think that's kind of like supposed to be it, but he seems like he's just kind of an [ __ ]
>> Oh, well, go [snorts] on. So, um, so while Santa is, you know, handing out candy, because in a lot of these
countries, kids will put out shoes on these nights so that that's where their goodies are left in. It's just like a
tradition. I don't have a shoe big enough for all the [ __ ] I want. [laughter] So, Staint Nick will put like candy in
the shoes of kids that were good. And I guess in Austria they'll do um and I think in Germany, I'm not sure, but some
of our German listeners can tell me if this is this happened there before or if they do it now.
>> They'll leave birch twigs in the shoes of kids that are bad. Blesca, tell us.
So So that's what the Saint Nick just leaves like, you know, twigs in your shoes and it's like, you've been
naughty. Here's a twig. But Krampus is like, "Oh, you've been naughty. All right, I'm gonna take you out of your
bed. I'm gonna beat you with this birch branch or with this [ __ ] it's called a switch, which is basically like a whip
made out of branches. And then he's also going to take these kids and he's going
to stuff them in a sack that he has. And then he's going to haul their asses off
and he's either going to take them straight to hell or he's going to dump them in a body of water along the way to
drown our asses. >> He stuffs them in a sack. Yeah, >> that's [ __ ] up. >> I like that all you got out of that was
stuff them in a sack when it finished with and takes them to hell or drowns them.
>> Well, drowning would suck. I feel like hell would just be like, you know, >> I love that you were like, "Wait, he
puts them in a sack?" [laughter] >> I mean, like, that's [ __ ] up. >> That is [ __ ] up. He just throws them
in the sack. What the hell? [laughter] >> Oh, I love it. So, um, so also on December 5th they celebrate Krampus
Night, which they call Krampus Knocked, >> which is really cool and metal sounding.
[laughter] But, um, Krampus Night is crazy. It's like public celebrations. People dress up as Krampuses. So,
there's just a [ __ ] ton of Krampuses walking the streets. >> That sounds awesome.
>> And like German dudes in Krampus costumes. And they don't just walk around and it's not like this
celebration that everyone's like, "This is so fun." No, they literally beat bystanders. Like these Krampuses walk
around and they hit people with branches. Like they literally beat you. >> Is that allowed?
>> Yeah, >> it's legal. >> It's Yeah. And >> so it sounds like the purge kind of.
>> It kind of is except So I read a couple of like um people who have gone to these
things and have come back and been like, "No, seriously." like they will beat you, like you will be beaten. And I
guess they they mainly go for your legs and your shins, but they literally beat your legs and shins with branches and
they will chase you into places to try to beat you with branches. >> What? Like this is legit.
>> I'm not I'm not interested. >> Yeah, it's a lot. And um so because of this, there have been injuries and
people obviously getting terrified and like traumatized. I mean, >> so because of this, they've kind of had
to reform it a little bit. And there's sometime there's some places that require all Krampuses to wear numbers so
they can be identified in case some violent behavior. [laughter] >> Krampus number 612 hit me in the face
with that branch. >> Krampus number 53 was the one who struck my shins. >> Settle down. Settle down.
>> Krampus 4, you're you're on the edge. Krampus 4. >> Keep it together. >> Keep it together. God, Krampus.
>> So, yeah. Uh, [laughter] and I guess it's called like a Krampus run where they just [ __ ] run.
>> It's a [ __ ] 5K. [laughter] >> It's like a turkey trot. >> Hey, is your family running in the
Krampus knocked? >> Yeah, the the Kramp is knocked, you [laughter] know. So, uh, and of course
the next day, so tomorrow is I'm going to butcher. We're both going to butcher a lot of these pronunciations just so
everybody knows. By all means, if you are Icelandic, German, Austrian, any of these, and you want to correct us,
correct our asses because we will totally listen and we will correct it. >> We just got
>> But we're doing the best we can. So, the next day, which is tomorrow after the uh
Krampus knocked, is Nicholas Dog, which is St. Nicholas's day. Um, and this is that tomorrow is the day for like
presents and joy and like happy little girls and boys, but it's really just the ones who haven't been beaten to death by
a Krampus. >> Well, yeah, they got to celebrate something. >> Yeah. I mean, after that. So, um, so
yeah, that's Krampus. >> He's, uh, he's something. And if you look, like a lot of the, uh, any visual
you see of him is usually him. I mean, it's it's literally like half demon, half goat, the big long tongue, the
crazy eyes. He's always holding a sack, usually full of screaming little kids in
the visuals. >> That's [ __ ] up. >> And he's got like chains around him. He's got the big birch switch. He always
looks pretty stoked though. >> Oh, he is always raging. Like he is so happy to be murdering children. It is
like everyone. He's got the tongue out, but he's got this like crazy like Yeah. >> He's kind of He kind of just looks like
coked out. >> He does. That's exactly >> Coked out Krampus. >> Coked out Krampus. I'm I'm saying. So,
yeah, that's Krampus. The next one I'm gonna talk about, I mean, this one's going to be a rough one to pronounce the
uh the actual word for it, but uh it's Jolurin, which is not how you say it at all, but
in English, it's u cat. >> The u catat, which sounds delightful, right? >> I don't really like cats.
>> I don't like cats either, but I feel like a ule cat just sounds like it's like I'm the u cat. Like I feel like
he's wearing pajamas and he's just like >> jams. >> He's got a song to sing. He's got a
story to tell. He's ready to give me a lollipop. I don't know. >> What does Ule cat remind me of? It
reminds me of that video online that's like that the cat with like the rainbows coming out of its ass. [laughter]
>> Do you know what I'm talking about? >> I was thinking of that one or I was thinking of the one with the cat playing
the keyboard like it's just like like it's just banging on the keyboard [laughter] in his pajamas.
>> That's all I thought of. >> That's awesome. Unfortunately, >> it's none of those.
>> The ule cat is not like that. [laughter] Um, so this is an Icelandic tradition.
He's not an ice cat. Ule cat will eat you. >> So be feral. >> So that's a thing. So he's tied with an
Icelandic tradition that basically says that everyone who finishes their work on
time, like servants, kids, anybody, um, they receive new clothes for Christmas. That's like a big thing.
>> The people who don't finish their work on time don't get new clothes for Christmas. So now, as we're going to
see, Ule Cat is very fashion forward. Like, he's very conscious of the latest trends and he's going to know if your
ass is not wearing brand new clothes and he's going to be pissed. So to encourage
children and just workers in general to work hard, parents tell the their kids that Ucat would be able to tell who the
lazy kids were because they wouldn't have at least one item of new clothing on on Christmas and these kids would be
sacrificed to Uleat was literally. So, there's a poem written about Ucat, like a famous poem. Um, and it ends with and
and this is kind of nice. At least they say it kind of ends with a suggestion that children should help out the needy
by giving them new clothes so that they can have protection from being [ __ ] devoured by Ule Cat. Jesus. So, it's
like, hey, it's a nice like charity thought, but it's also like or a Ule cat is going to eat you. [laughter] So, it's
like what? Be nice to the less fortunate or you will be eaten by a cat. [music] So the whole thing, you get new clothes,
you're safe, and it meant you worked hard. You don't have new clothes, Ucat's going to eat your ass. And that's just
the way it is. Like there's no gray area here. So, nobody really knows the true origin of Ulecat. It's kind of unclear,
but from what I could tell, the oldest known writings date back to the 19th century. So, pretty recent. He's not
that old. >> Okay. >> Um, there is that poem that I was talking about um is by Johannes Cotlum
and it goes into detail about the Now, apparently, Yukat is gigantic. It's not like this tiny little house cat that
just like nibbles you to death. It's like a big old [ __ ] terrifying cat. >> Oh god.
>> It has sharp teeth. It has glaring yellow eyes. And it's here to punish your ass. That's what you is all about.
>> It lit. It's like a fisher cat from hell. >> Awesome. >> A fisher cat that's like that that cares
what you're wearing, which is even scarier. >> It's like a Dolian Gabbana fisher cat
from hell. >> Yeah, basically. And um I might post this poem because it's like really
terrifying. >> Hold on. Wait. What? It's Joan Rivers reincarnated in cat form from hell.
>> Whoa. >> You're welcome. >> You just busted this case wide open. That's the origin of Ucat.
>> There you go. You're welcome. Thank you for listening. Hope you keep it weird.
Bye. Joan Rivers. >> RIP. >> RIP Joan River/ulecat. [laughter] That's terrifying. So, the ule cat is
going to connect with a couple of other ones that I'm going to mention. There's like basically what we're going to see
at the end is there's this big old Icelandic child murdering family that works around Christmas time.
>> Oh my god. So, yeah. So, that's the ule cat. Basically, a giant, you know, >> fashion conscious cat. The next one I'm
going to talk about is called Fraal Pera. So Fra Pera is an ancient legend in Eastern Europe, but her story was
popularized by Jacob Grim, the brothers Grim. >> Oh [ __ ] >> Um he referred to her as Fra Burcha and
she was the female counterpart to Birtold, which is the leader of quote the Wild Hunt. Now, the Wild Hunt is
just this big old procession of elves, fairies, and demons just running around doing evil [ __ ]
>> Hell yeah. Where do I sign up? >> Which is awesome. Yeah. And basically, so what they say is seeing this wild
hunt in passing, which can you [ __ ] imagine seeing this in passing? [laughter]
>> It was thought to be an omen that would indicate great misfortune, which is like
no [ __ ] It's an omen letting you know that you are losing your damn mind because you're seeing a procession of
elves, fairies, and demons just [ __ ] up [ __ ] >> Congratulations. You've lost it.
>> Like, wow. So, um, Fra Burcha or Fra Pera, um, she flies around the sky with an army of lost souls around her, which
is pretty metal. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> To say the least. >> That's badass. Among her army of the
night are apparently supposed to be the souls of unbaptized children. >> Heyo. Whoops. [laughter] So,
>> here I am. >> Just ashes floating around. [laughter] Come and get me. >> Uh, now the legend also says that if you
hear the wind and thunder like rumbling around the m the mountains on the birch till nights, which I'm not sure exactly
what nights those are, what you're really hearing is not thunder. It's the [ __ ] sounds of the wild hunt. So it's
like all these demons and percha fra percha just tooting around doing evil bad [ __ ]
>> Oh no. >> Which would be awesome. [laughter] Um so the physical descriptions of Fraal
Bert Percha kind of vary. There's a lot of different legends. Um some describe her as being actually kind of
Krampuslike. Um while other ones say that she's a tall white robed lady, basically old
lady. >> Um sometimes, weirdly enough, she's portrayed with one extra big foot, [laughter]
>> casual, >> which I guess this is supposed to mean that she's a shape shifter that can take
any form she likes. That's what it's supposed to indicate to you. Uh that wouldn't indicate a lot to me. It would
just indicate that she had a club foot. >> I'd be like, why you got an extra foot?
>> Yeah. Why you got to go? Why you got an extra foot? So, um, in Germany and Austria, they sometimes portray her as a
witch named Fra Percha, how she I originally said her name because it's Burchda and Percha. And she basically
just hands she will hand out rewards for good kids, but she'll also hand out some
pretty severe punishments for bad kids like all of these do. Uh, it's during the 12 days of Christmas, which is
December 25th through Epiphany on January 6th. She I she's possibly best known not for her rewards that she
gives, but for what she does to the bad kids. And what she does is if you're not
awesome, she will [snorts] disembowel you >> and replace your organs with hot garbage.
>> Wow. That's something that just sticks with you. I think >> it sure does. >> Um, and on the tw This all kind of
happens on the 12th night of Christmas, which is the feast of epiphany. That's when she'll creep into homes and she'll
either disbel your ass or she'll leave a piece of silver in the shoes of children
and servants who have been good. >> I'd take that. >> Oh, and she also cuts kids tongues with
glass if they lie. [snorts and laughter] Hey, >> so like you better [ __ ] with Ral Pera.
>> Um, now there is a slightly different version of this uh legend and it's according to Linda Radish, which I
probably said her name wrong. She's the author of the old magic of Christmas. Now she says that Fra Pera was also
known as Berta like the original legend says or Bertha and she can also be referred to as spin stuben fra or
spinning room lady. >> I see the transition there. >> Obviously she in this one she's often
depicted having a like beak nose that is made of iron. >> Wow. >> Which sounds kind of like a plague mask.
Like a plague doctor mask. >> Yeah. Yeah, that's what I pictured, >> which is terrifying. And uh she's
dressed in like super shitty like ragged clothes and she's usually carrying like
a cane or a staff and she just looks like a decrepit old lady in this one with a [ __ ] beak nose.
>> Damn. Now in this one, she's a judgy [ __ ] to be honest to She's just she's real judgy. Like she's going to look at
your house and she's going to tell you whether it's [ __ ] and which she doesn't
have the right to because she's dressed in rags and has a beak nose but she's going to tell you when in the mirror
perched Bertha >> seriously take a long hard look in the mirror. >> So this one says that you'd better get
all your flax spun by 12th night which is January 6th. >> What's that even mean? Uh, it says,
quote, "For when the Christmas season was over, it would be time to set up the big upright loom, at which time you must
have enough thread to warp it and start your weaving." So, if you didn't do this
[ __ ] apparently, if you didn't start your weaving, then the lazy ladies in Germany, Austria, and Switzerland would
either have their looms trampled or they would be set fire to by Fra Pera. And if
you really pissed her off, like if you didn't weave your [ __ ] and your house is
a mess. Oh, and that was the other thing. If your house was a total mess and you were supposed to leave a
traditional bowl of porridge out for her on this night, >> then she got to have her porridge.
>> Like I think you cannot do one of those things and she's probably just going to
like set fire to your loom, which honestly is the best case. [laughter] And if you didn't do any of this, well
then she was gonna probably set fire to your loom and then she's going to come into your bedroom and that's when she's
going to disembowel you, but she's going to fill your insides with rocks and straw.
>> Okay, that's like the dopest would you rather question ever. >> Would you rather be disembowled and
filled with hot garbage >> or would you rather be disembowled and filled with Roxson's straw?
>> I mean, I'd say hot garbage because it might have a soothing feeling. The heat.
>> Oh, I'd say rocks and straw because I'm not trying to put no garbage in my bod.
[laughter] >> Are you sure? >> No, not hot garbage. [laughter] >> Taco Bell is kind of hot garbage.
>> Taco Bell is something that >> given to explainable. [laughter] >> It is not garbage.
>> It's not. >> You're hot garbage. >> I am. I am hot garbage for saying that about Taco Bell.
>> Yeah, how dare you. We lost a sponsor. >> Well, [laughter] that'd be awesome if we got sponsored by
Taco Bell. >> Well, it's not going to happen now. So, man, >> you [ __ ] up. >> Burn that bridge. Uh, [laughter]
well, the moral of this one is no matter what, she's definitely going to gut someone and fill their thoracic cavity
with hot garbage and rocks one way or another. So Fra Pera doesn't play. >> There's no pleasing Percha.
>> Yeah, she does not play. So her story is thought to have come from a um legendary
alpine goddess of nature which does not compute >> sound like that >> but and this legendary goddess of nature
tended to the forest most of the year and then just dealt with humans just during the Christmas time and the
holidays. uh in the modern-day celebrations of Christmas, Percha or like close relations to her because of
course there's always variations of these people will show up in processions during Fastenaut which is the Alpine
festival just before Lent. >> So that is Fra Purcha. Now, these next two are kind of together because they
are uh a f they're a mother and her many many sons and they are the people who own Ule Cat. So, it all kind of
>> Ucat lives with them. >> Ulecat has an owner and the owner is just as big a dick as Ucat.
>> Well, they get to live with Joan Rivers. >> Yeah, they do. [laughter] So, these ones
are kind of fun. like kind of weird but also kind of I think you're gonna appreciate these. Ash is gonna
appreciate these. I just feel it. So, these next ones are called the ule lads. >> Oh, I feel like I've heard of this.
>> These sound delightful. They're also I'm going to attempt the other way to say
them. Uh Jolosar, but I'm going to say u lads. So, the u lads are 13 Icelandic trolls. They each have a distinct name
and they each have a distinct personality kind of like Snow White's dwarves. Now, back in ancient times,
apparently they just kind of caused trouble and mischief during Christmas time. So, they were used to scare
children into behaving like all of these are kind of like the Ule cat because they were like, "The u lads and the ule
cat are going to come and they're going to [ __ ] your world up, kid. Don't keep
doing that." So now Icelandic children do get to enjoy 13 nights of Father Christmases.
Technically, >> that's nice. >> The Ule lads come for these 13 nights. One of them on each night. They're
apparently now known as like very merry and mischievous. Like they're like they're almost like elves now instead of
trolls, I would think. Like they're just like they're getting they got much more
chill. So on each of these nights, children will place shoes on their windows sill. And for the, you know,
good boys and girls, whatever ule lad comes, they'll leave candy or like little treats in the shoe. If you're a
[ __ ] then they're just going to leave you rotten potatoes. [laughter] Rotten potatoes,
>> which just so just straight up garbage for bad kids. They're like, "Here's here's some rotten garbage.
>> Enjoy." Um, but I guess it's way better than being eaten or beaten or disembled.
So, kids are like, "That's fine. I'll take it. >> I'll take these rotten potatoes."
>> Um, so apparently the uads used to be way creepier than they are today. But in
1746, parents were officially banned from actually using u lads to scare their kids. Like, what would happen if they
found out that you did? Well, and I guess in this in this whole like banning of the ule lads and everything, they
also banned like using Krampus to scare your kids using any of these because like they were legit using like you're
going to get eaten and kids were scared to go outside during the [laughter] Christmas time cuz they were scared they
were going to get eaten or disembowled or beaten or taken away and drowned. Like
>> what a different like time of year than we have. >> What a time to be alive, [laughter]
right? So, the National Museum of Iceland has a list of the 13 U lads and their names
and what they do. And I'm going to read this off to you because it's pretty great.
>> Oh god, >> some of these are amazing. So, the first U lad is called Sheep Coat Claude. What
he does is he basically just bothers your sheep and tries to suckle on the sheep in farmer's sheds.
>> So, I hate the word suckle. >> Yeah, never say it again. >> Such a bad bad word. The next one is
named Stubby and he's short and steals food from frying pans, which to that I say same.
>> I was [laughter] going to say, we have that in common, Stub. >> Me too, Stubby. So, the next one is
called Spoon Liicker. >> And I'm gonna let you guess what he does. >> He hides your forks. Exactly. No, he
licks your spoons. >> That's [laughter] gross. >> The next one is called pot scraper or
pot licker. And he steals unwashed pots and licks them clean, which >> I mean that sounds helpful to me.
>> I was just going to say, which I'm like, thanks. Thanks, Pot Licker. >> The next one is called Bull Licker. He
steals bulls. And this one's kind of weird. I say this one's kind of weird like none of the other ones were. I'm
like, hang on tight. We're going to get weird. Uh, so this one steals bowls of food from under the bed, which
apparently back in the old days, Icelanders used to sometimes store bowls of food under their bed, which
that's seems unhealthy, but okay. And he, this bull licker would steal the bowls of food from under the bed and
lick them clean, basically. >> Okay, >> next one is called Door Slammer. [laughter]
And he just stomps around and slams doors and just keeps everyone awake. >> Sounds like Papa when I he was trying to
wake me up and when I was in high school. [laughter] >> It sounds like my kids. >> Yeah, it does.
>> The next one is called Skargobbler or Sky Gobbler. I'm not sure how to pronounce it, but basically he eats up
all this kind of Icelandic yogurt that's called sky sky or I'm not really sure. Somebody will tell
me. But basically, he eats up this Icelandic yogurt that's made with like I think it was like milk and sugar or milk
and honey. >> So, he just eats up all the yogurt. So, the next one is called Sausage Swiper.
[laughter] >> What the [ __ ] >> And it's not as dirty as it sounds. He just loves sausages.
>> Hey, [laughter] you know, >> don't we all? So, I really mean sausages. >> [laughter]
>> Oh yeah. >> Where your head? [laughter] [music] [music] The next one is called window peeper and
he sounds off-putting. He just creeps outside windows and then he So he creeps outside, looks in windows and then he
steals [ __ ] >> So he's just a thief. The next one is called door sniffer [laughter] and he
has >> door sniffer. >> Door sniffer. >> He [snorts] just sniffs your door. >> He has a huge nose and apparently has an
insatiable appetite for baked goods. >> What the [ __ ] Same, >> right? I relate so hard to these guys.
These are just all my different personalities. [laughter] >> These are all my like
>> personality traits of me. >> Yeah. Next. This one's weird. This one's called meat hook. [laughter]
>> What? [gasps] >> And he just snatches up all your meat that's been left out. >> Oh, I feel that.
>> And he especially likes smoked lamb. >> That's same. >> The last one is called candle beggar.
And he just steals all your candles, which that would that's just rude. That would piss me off. Do you know how much
a Yankee candle? >> Especially back in the day, those were useful. >> Yeah. I mean, I'm just mad because I
want my sugar cookie candle. So, >> you ever heard of uh Yankee candle candle stealer?
>> Yankee candle. Candle stealer. So, yeah, those are the ule lads. And what they're
what I'm doing is I'm going to connect them to the last person I'm talking about because the last person I'm
talking about is their mother. >> Oh god. >> Yeah. The these dudes have a mother. Her
name is Griia and she's their mama. She actually predates them in Icelandic legend as an ogris who kidnaps, cooks,
and eats children that don't obey their parents. So, she originally was just used like, "Hey, obey your parents all
the time or she's going to come down anytime during the year and just take you and cook you and eat you." But she
became associated with Christmas in the 17th century because they had the u lads
and they were like, "The Uleads need a mom." So they just associated her with them. So
>> I love that. >> Yeah. They were like they need a mama. So according to the legend, G I'm not
saying her name right. Ga or Griia had three different husbands. Get it, girl? And she had 72 children. What?
[laughter] [gasps] Now when we talked about the Lawson family and they had eight kids,
we were like, one might say that's too many. 72 children is far too many. >> 72 that you That's a problem,
>> girl. Even the Duggar stopped before that. >> They did. I did. They or are they still
on their way? >> No, I think they stop. >> I think they're trying to get there now.
All these 72 children ranged from just being kind of mischievous to just straight up murdering people,
>> which if you have 72 kids, there are bound to be a few hooligans and murderers among you. That's just math.
statistics, >> science. Yeah. It's just the way it is. >> So, I'm not going to judge her for that.
Out of 72, you're going to get a murderer or two. >> Yeah, of course. >> Now, the U cat, like I said, lives with
this whole clan. So, she's the mother of these 72 kids. She's the mother of the 13 U lads, and their house pet is the U
cat. She was first said to send her 13 Ule lads down to town to snatch up bad kids so they could cook and eat them.
But again by 1746 I Icelandic kids were so scared of this that the government stepped in and put
the ban on using this lady to scare kids too. So she was part of this whole thing
like you can't do this. Now later it changed again because of this whole thing and now she's said to send her 13
boys, her ule labs down to town during the 13 days of Christmas where they just spread cheer and are just mischievous
and [ __ ] you know, just stealing your meat, stealing your candles, slamming your doors, not eating you,
>> murdering and eating you. >> Yeah. You know, now just to end this, uh, the Onion, so apparently she's like
a huge, like people know who this Ogris is. So the Onion blamed her for the 2010
eruption of the I'm going to try to say this volcano, but it's the Ahaf Jala Jacul volcano. I butchered that,
but basically she got blamed by The Onion for a 2010 volcano. So that's how B. So that's how well known she is in
Infamous. And that is Gorilla, the ogris who will eat your kids. She has way too
many kids. >> Yeah. That's just like you don't need to be eating other people's kids. You could
probably just eat some of your own. >> Yeah, just some of [laughter] your own. >> You have like 70 to spare.
>> You do. You have way too many to spare. >> That's insane. >> Those are those that's my my dark clan
of Santa's helpers. >> Wow. Well, I also have a couple that I can't say any of them. So, this should be fun.
>> I have faith in you. >> My first one is Bell Snickl. >> That is my favorite name.
>> Um, that's actually what I'm naming my firstborn. Bellic. >> Good. Cuz it sounds wonderful. Like, he
sounds just delightful. >> It kind of just reminds me of Snickers. >> Like, hey, Bell Snickl.
>> Okay, so Bellnickle is a man from southwestern German lore. >> Always Germany, man. Germany has the
best dark Santa's helpers. >> Yeah, they I feel like that's where they're all from.
>> They're cornering the market. >> Yeah, for real. But he traveled to the United States and he lived on in
Pennsylvania and Dutch customs. >> Yeah, cuz I was going to say I know that name.
>> Or Pennsylvania Dutch. Is that a thing? >> Yeah, the Pennsylvania D. So, he comes
to children sometimes before Christmas and he wears like old clothes and like raggedy fur and he carries a switch kind
of like a Krampus to frighten the kids. >> Always a switch. >> But he also has candy.
>> Oh, well at least he has candy too >> to reward them for their good behavior.
So, if you're like a little [ __ ] he's going to hit you with a switch. [laughter] And if you want candy, he'll
give you some. >> I bet that's a poem somewhere. If you're a little [ __ ] he's going to hit you
with a switch. [laughter] probably um in modern day like retelling of the story, the switch is only used for noise
to warn the kids that they have to be good before Christmas. So he'll just >> That's more appropriate. I feel
>> give it [laughter] a little witch but scare me into line >> just on like the wall or something.
>> Yeah, just that. >> Yeah. Um >> and the kids can get candy from him if they're polite about it. Um,
>> I don't really want Belle Snickles candy. [laughter] >> Well, it's either candy or the switch.
So, you pick. >> Yeah, >> you got to pick if you want the Switch or the candy. >> I'm going to take that candy and just
put it somewhere. I'll be like, "Thank you, Bellnickle." And then just be like, "I'm going to put this over here. I'm
not going to eat that candy." >> And then Krampus is going to watch you and think that you're unappreciative.
>> And then he's going to drown me in a river. >> No, the worst. He's going to stuff you
in a bag. He's [laughter] Yeah, that's the worst. >> I hope he drowns me in the river. I just
hope he doesn't put me in a bag. >> I mean, if you weren't in the bag and he dumped you in the river, you could just
swim down the river and have yourself a merry old time. >> I think he You know what? I think part
of it though is that he chains you up with his chains cuz he has chains all around him. So, I think he chains your
ass up so you can't move. >> Wow. He's wild. >> He's a lot. He's He's very extra.
>> Damn. Um [laughter] I'm going to try to say these names, but I'm going to say first
>> and Nect Rupret are similar. >> Now I can't even say the word similar. I'm like they're similar.
>> Hold on. I got Try again. Net Ruptretch and Rclaus are similar characters to um
Bellnickl and they're also from German folklore and they also dole out beatings to bad kids [laughter]
so I can't even read at this point but [laughter] >> I love it. [gasps] >> My other one I have three. So, my second
one, Hans Trump. He's like the anti- Santa. >> Hans. >> Hans. Like Hans ass man. [laughter]
>> Like Hans ass man. >> But I mean Hans ass was probably the [ __ ] anti- Santa.
>> He did it. Yeah, he did it. >> But Hans Trap hands out punishments too to bad children in the Alsace
and Lorraine rages. [laughter] Oh my. You don't say. >> I just said ragens instead of regions.
[laughter] >> The ragens. >> Can you cut that out? We're going to start again. >> Cuz I love it. Cons trap um hands out
punishments to children in the is it also >> Elsace [laughter] Al als [laughter]
>> I love how American you are. You're like Alasi. >> H people are going to hate us. America.
>> Uh, the legend says that Trap was an actual real man. He was rich, greedy, and evil and worshiped Satan.
>> Whoa. >> So, I mean, whatever. And he got excommunicated from the Catholic Church,
which I think happens pretty easily. [laughter] >> Um, so like he was pretty chill overall,
but he got sent to live in the forest. >> So far, I don't see the issue. >> Yeah. I don't know. So they made him go
to the forest where he prayed upon children and disguised himself as a scarecrow with straw jettting out from
his clothing. >> Ew. >> Yeah. One day he was about to eat a boy he captured, but he got struck by
lightning and was >> I hate when that happens. >> Yeah. You know, I hate when I'm about to
have a good snack and I just get struck by lightning and die. [laughter] >> A good little little child snack.
>> Yeah. Seriously. Um, so yeah, he died, but still he [laughter] lives on and he
visits young children before Christmas dressed as a scare scarecrow still to scare them to be good. So he's
[laughter] So this dude is legitimately the ghost of like a rich Satan worshipping
[ __ ] scarecrowd dressing [ __ ] who died by getting struck by lightning and now he's
>> whilst eating a boy. while eating a boy. And now he's just back >> doing the damn thing
>> with [laughter] >> with a brand new set of wrapping paper. [laughter] >> Oh, I love it.
>> I love it. >> My third one is >> gonna sound really shitty when I say it. And I bet this isn't how you say their
name, but here we go. Pierre Fu Fuatard. Flip >> flipard. >> Just throw like a on there.
>> So he's French and his name translates into father whipper. So we'll just call
him that. >> Yeah, just call him father whipper. >> So the legend begins with an evil
butcher who carved children to eat. >> You know, as most legends do. >> As most [ __ ] butchers do, you know.
Have you ever seen Sweetie Todd? Yeah. >> Um, but him and his wife lured three boys into his butcher shop.
>> He was a barber, by the way. [laughter] >> What? >> He was a barber. >> A barber.
>> Yeah. No, the Sweetie Todd. >> Oh, I was like, no, he's a butcher. >> You're like, no, I'm looking at it right
now. [laughter] >> I was like, I did this. >> No, I meant Sweetie Todd. >> Oh, well, I haven't seen many musicals.
>> The demon barber Fleet Street. >> Well, he's a butcher, too, cuz he butchers the peeps.
>> Yeah, >> he puts him in a pass. Put some in a pot. >> He be in the kitchen cooking pies with
this baby. Y >> what just happened? >> You're not going to get that because you don't listen in a rap.
>> I do not. >> There's this rapper called Fetty [ __ ] and he's like, I'll be in the kitchen
cooking paws with my baby. And so is Sweeney Todd. Okay. It's where the actually that's where they got it from.
>> That is I'm sure >> it's not. But anyways, >> it's not >> Futard and his wife lured the three
boys. Father Whipper and his wife. >> Father Whipper and his wife lured three boys into the butcher shop. He killed
them. He chopped them. And they sprinkled some salt on them >> because you must season your meats.
>> Yeah. Yeah. But Saint Nick came to the rescue, resurrected the boys, and >> Oh. Oh. So he's a necromancer now?
>> Yeah. Staint Nick is everything. >> Oh my damn. and he like just like [ __ ] up Mr. Father Whipper.
>> Like he was just like, "Fuck you." >> Um, and he became St. Nicholas's servant. And now his job is to dispense
punishment to bad children on St. Nicholas Day, just like all these other peeps.
>> Wow. >> As if they didn't have enough people to deal out punishments. And well, and I
like that he was like, "So, you took it a little far with butchering these three
kids and trying to cook them up with some salt." >> Yeah. >> But now I think you are good for this
position I have opened up >> where you can do >> just some light punishment to children
[laughter] instead of >> quick punishment >> like wow he was lucky to get that job.
That is very metal. So metal this whole thing. >> I feel like yours went a lot better than
mine did, but you know what? I tried. >> Yours went amazing. [clears throat] >> So basically, I mean, America has kind
of made Christmas and the holiday season this like jolly, you know, super chill time where you just get anxiety about
buying presents and material things. And then over in Europe, they're like keeping things metal as [ __ ] and they
are just like, "We're going to keep it real. This [ __ ] started dark as [ __ ] and
we're going to keep it that way." Which >> I think I'm going to stay here for the
holidays. >> But I kind I love that they like kept it in the straight up like this like the
holidays are scary. [laughter] >> I don't >> like I like that they they just went
with it like they lean. >> The holidays are supposed to be magical. >> I I'm mean they are magical over there.
in a totally different >> in a totally different way. [laughter] >> And honestly uh for our international
listeners, we would love to hear any of you know if any of you remember hearing about these stories or anything that you
guys celebrate like this, like totally tell us because this was fascinating to hear because it's just so different from
what we do over in America. >> So, so let us know. We'd love to hear and I know we have some international
listeners that probably have some rad stories. So, by all means, we love hearing them. Uh, so this was our first
little mini episode. We hope you dug it. We've been getting a lot of messages lately and we're trying to answer them.
So, if we haven't answered one of your messages, I just want to let you guys know that we are going to get to it. So,
don't feel like we're ignoring you. >> We promise. >> We love you and we love our messages. We
love reading through them. So, we'll get to everybody. I promise. And we hope you
dig our little second min episodes of the weeks. So, >> and we hope you keep listening to them.
>> And we hope you >> keep >> keep it >> weird and happy new year. >> Ding ding.
>> [music] [music]

For Alaina’s first EPISODE REVISIT this week, we are hopping into the way back in time machine and transporting ourselves to 2018! In the first MiniMORBID, Ash & Alaina talk about some of the spooky figures of the holiday season!

OG Notes: "It's the holidays, weirdos! Time to get freaky, brutal and murderous. Tonight on our first mini-Morbid episode, we are covering Santa's scary helpers who will beat you, eat you and maybe steal your candles.”

Cowritten by Alaina Urquhart, Ash Kelley & Dave White (Since 10/2022) Produced & Edited by Mikie Sirois (Since 2023) Research by Dave White (Since 10/2022), Alaina Urquhart & Ash Kelley Listener Correspondence & Collaboration by Debra Lally Listener Tale Video Edited by Aidan McElman (Since 6/2025) Listener Tale Theme Music licensed from https://www.purple-planet.com Main Theme: Matti Paalanen — Trick or Treat — Provided by Jamendo Ad Music: Title: Artist: BlueJay Studio — Spooky Waltz — Provided by Jamendo

Brief Summary

Elena and Ash discuss dark holiday traditions like Krampus and Ule Cat that punish naughty children in European folklore.

Key points

Creepy Holiday Traditions. Exploring dark and scary Christmas traditions from Europe.
Krampus Night. A wild celebration where people dress as Krampus and beat bystanders.
The Ule Cat. An Icelandic tradition where lazy kids are eaten by a giant cat.
Fra Pera's Punishments. A legend of a witch who punishes bad kids during the holidays.
The Legend of Trap. Trap was a rich, greedy man who worshiped Satan and was excommunicated from the Church.
Father Whipper's Dark Tale. The legend of Father Whipper, an evil butcher who met a gruesome fate.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

Santa, why don't you have any chill?

Commenting on Santa's creepy behavior.

2:52WatchDec 29, 2025

Tension

40/ 100Low tension

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