America's Dumbest Criminals - Season 4, Episode 16 - Buckle Under Pressure - Full Episode | Forensic Files

[music playing] NARRATOR: Tonight on "America's Dumbest Criminals" these thieves think they got a car,
but they're about to discover that the car's got them. Will this man buckle under the pressure of explaining
the blood the officer found nearby? And have you ever wished the bank was open when you wanted it to be?
This crook does. Place yourself under house arrest for the next 30 minutes. Sit back and enjoy feeling smarter
than America's dumbest criminals. [music playing] NARRATOR: Now welcome your hosts for ADC,
Daniel Butler and Debbie Alan. -Hi there. Thank you. Well, according to FBI projections three out of four
houses will be broken into in the next 20 years. -Oh, well that explains it. -Oh, let me guess.
You think that explains why people would want to live in the fourth house on a block?
-No. Well, come on, don't be silly. How could you know whether to start counting
from the right or the left of the corner? -Oh. Why do I even try to have these conversations with you?
-No, what your statistic explains is why apartments rent for so much. -How do you figure that?
-Well, they're breaking into three out of four houses, Debbie. Houses. Apparently the crooks are so focused on houses
that apartments are far safer. Thus, they're more expensive. -[laughs] OK. Your logic never ceases to amaze me.
-Well, don't feel bad, all right? But just try and keep up with us as we introduce our first story.
All right. I'll try. They call it a bait car because police use it to lure car thieves into striking and then reel them in.
-Although it looks like your average SUV, it's better equipped than a space station
and far more reliable, I might add. -An onboard transmitter tracks the vehicle by satellite
and remote controls make it possible to shut the car down when the police are ready to close in.
-And thanks to this surveillance recording. We have actual thieves providing first person testimonials
of the effectiveness of this crime fighting technology. Let's see who's been caught on camera.
DEBBIE ALAN (VOICEOVER): Ever wonder what car thieves talk about? Well, you're about to find out.
But suddenly the joy ride loses its joy. Trouble boys? Absolutely right. And as the endless cast of characters takes the bait
and spins the wheel of fortune, this morality play reenacted again and again. But remember, if you're doing what you're supposed
to be doing there's never any reason to panic and say Now we go from a bait car to a man with a fishy story.
-You think this is just a red herring? -I think it could be. Here's our something to remember me by catch of the week.
-One day last spring I was patrolling one of our lakes for fishermen. Came up on a group of people who were fishing at an area
that the, uh, department of natural resources had recently stocked trout. I stopped and talked to two of them who were fishing
and they didn't have fishing licenses. So I was in the process of writing them a ticket.
I noticed that they seemed pretty excited about getting a ticket, not really upset like most people are.
I walked around their vehicle with one of the people who I had just written a ticket to
and saw a couple spots of blood by their vehicle. I asked the guy if he knew where the blood came from
and right whenever I asked him that he blew his nose. So I sarcastically asked him if the blood came out of his nose.
And he said, no. While I was in the process of getting ready to search the vehicle, I glanced out of the corner of my eye
and saw that his finger in his nose digging around pretty vigorously. And he soon walked up to me with a tissue
with a couple little drops of blood on it and explained to me that, yes, that must be his blood because his nose was bleeding.
Despite the fact that he was able to get a couple little drops of blood out of his nose,
I discovered that the real source of the blood was a bucket of illegally caught fish.
So then I wrote them a couple more citations and told them to keep their nose clean.
-Our show may not be as educational as what you'd find on, say PBS. -Well, yeah, but think of the entertainment value, huh?
When was the last time the McLaughlin Group debated nose picking, huh? -I really can't answer that.
-Well, I don't think they have. We're cornering a market here, Debbie. -[laughs] OK.
At any rate, we're about to introduce you to a new meaning for the word T bone. And no, it has nothing to do with stake outs.
The vividly illustrate the term, take a look at the surveillance video from Pinellas Park, Florida.
-Well, we got information of a, of a guy running around the county. He had attempted to run over a bunch
of cops that particular night. And he was chased by our deputies. Several cars had been forced off the road.
We boxed him in and we were able to get him to stop after several attempts. One of the deputies, uh, t-boned him.
Uh, t-bone would be where one car is, is, uh, pretty much stationary and another car
comes and with the force, um, hits them broadside. And, uh, we took one cruiser and just,
we gave him one heck of a crunch. And, uh, stopped him immediately. But the deputies were pretty, uh, pretty pretty anxious
to get this guy in custody. So didn't really wait to open a door. We just pulled them right out through the window.
NARRATOR: In Danville, Pennsylvania fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.
-Something tells me there's some serious bureaucrats in Danville. Now we travel to Carlsbad, New Mexico where we find a man who
goes postal and steals a stamp machine. And just when it looks like he's licked,
he comes up with one of America's dumbest excuses. See what I mean. -On routine patrol myself and another officer
pulled into a local restaurant. As we got out of our vehicles we've heard a loud crash in the back of the parking lot.
So we decided to investigate. At that time we noticed a person walking across the back
of the parking lot carrying a box. I start approaching the person. The other officer got in his vehicle
and drove around to the other side of the motel. And this subject began to run. So while in foot chase with this guy
he starts slowing down cause he was carrying the box, so he finally threw it down.
I continued to chase him. And as I got up close enough to him I should him down.
As he rolled over he tried to clear himself by stating -Thank god, officer. There, there was a man chasing me with a gun.
-At the time I said, yeah, I know. It was me. And he was arrested for stealing a stamp
vending machine from the local motel. -Detergents make all kinds of powerful claims.
They can get rid of ring around the collar, eat odors, and remove barnacles from boats.
Well, actually I made that last one up. But, so far no one's come up with a truly
effective way to launder money. If they had, we wouldn't have this story from Sharpes, Florida.
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): The people at this pizza parlor in Sharpes, Florida, sure know their dough.
And not just the kind they roll. They're good with the green kind, too. When two pizzas were delivered to a guest
at this motel something seemed fishy. And it wasn't the anchovies. It was the money used to pay for the pizzas.
The edges of the bills were inexplicably pink. So when the driver returned to the restaurant
he asked his co-worker for her opinion. -He said, what does this look like to you.
And he handed me two $10 bills. And I said like, like a dye pack, you know exploded from a bank, you know?
And we were joking and laughing about it. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): They called police, who quickly
moved in on the man with the funny money. -He had a bottle of cleaning fluid by the bathroom sink
and he had most of the money soaking in water with his cleaning fluid trying to,
uh, get the red dye off of it. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): All together police recovered $2,400 of blushing bills.
-It was great. -On her show, Martha Stuart extolls the virtues of pheasant under glass.
It's a good thing, we're told. Well, here at America's Dumbest Criminals we're not so hoity toity, but I do know a great recipe
for creating turkey under glass. Feast your eyes. -We got a call from our dispatch that, uh, at a bank alarm--
Bank One in the Mohave Valley. -I arrived on the scene. I didn't see any cars in the parking lot.
It was pretty early. I, uh, started going up and checking the business, looking in the windows and everything.
But I got to the last window, upfront I peeked in and I could see this figure sitting at what looked
like a desk right up against the window. Well, all a sudden the person stands up
and he's dressed in full black, uh, ski mask, and he's wearing all the, the gear and everything.
And he has a cup of orange juice in his hand. I just old him, lemme see your hands.
And he put them up and I held him there until my backup got there. -All of a sudden an alarm call comes out
for Deputy Sloma at the, uh, Bank One. I'm kind of curious so I start slow rolling
that way as a backup. I look in the bank and you've got a guy standing there dressed all in black [inaudible] with an orange juice.
SLOMA (VOICEOVER): He's been very cooperative and I didn't even have to ask any questions.
He just instantly started telling me how he cut a hole through the wall and how he knew he was done for.
And, you know, then he started apologizing to me for it. So for, for wasting my time, he called it.
I told him go in and drop the orange juice. I didn't want him putting his hands down
where I couldn't see them. He tells me, uh, well, I don't want to mess up their floor.
And I said, well, you just cut a hole through their wall. I don't think they're gonna care if you
spill orange juice on the floor. So he dropped it. -We called for the, uh, manager of the bank to come in.
We go ahead and open it up. Make entry. -The only thing he had to say was, how are you?
And said, well, better than you. -And now the news, liposuction from the fat that the land,
here's Daniel with ADC headlines. -When a Nashville man who was wanted by police needed a ride,
he unwittingly flagged down a detective in an unmarked car. The hopeless hitchhiker offered a bag of crack
to the driver in exchange for a lift. Bad idea. He got a ride, all right, but not
to his intended destination. A Florida dentist realized he'd bit off more than he could chew
when he hired two brothers to cut off his finger in an insurance scam. Unable to continue his practice, he received a $1 million
settlement from his insurance company. And paid the brothers $45,000. Ah, but the boys got greedy.
And they came back to the dentist for another $500,000. Unwilling to keep up the rouse, the dentist filled in the FBI
and fingered his accomplices. When questioned by officers about a mysterious bulge
on her waistline, a Texas woman claimed she was pregnant. But the officers weren't born yesterday
and they were confident that what she was caring wasn't a baby. And faster than you can say, push,
a search revealed her little bundle of joy. It was a 3 and 1/2 pound bag of cocaine taped to her stomach.
And that closes the file on ADC headlines, news ripped from somewhere near the back
of your local newspaper. Debbie. -Years ago the Dean at a very conservative college
was displeased by the public displays of affection witnessed on the campus. I understand, he said somberly, that there
is kissing going on right under our noses. Well, if was upset about that, what we say about this?
-I was a sergeant on routine patrol. I stopped. I see this guy sprawled out in the grass.
And, uh, trying to determine what his problem is and he's kind of mumbling to me.
And I'm trying to get some identification. And during that process I find a vial of cocaine.
And when that happens he comes to right away and says, that's that mine. I don't know what happened.
I don't how it got there. So I bring him back to the station and I'm talking to him
and we're in room where the, it's very well lit. And, uh, he's actually becoming now rather surely
about it, indicating that's not mine. I don't have any clue where it came from. And as I'm looking at him, I notice that in his moustache
is what appears to be a flake of what I believed to be cocaine. So I didn't say anything to him.
I just, uh, handcuffed him, went in the other room, got a napkin, wiped across his face,
and was able to retrieve the flake of cocaine. Took a black marker, circled around it,
took it up to the lab. They were able to analyze a single flake as cocaine and it kind of shot his story out of the water.
And we were able to get a warrant on him. He was a little sheepish, but, uh, you know, what are you gonna do.
I mean, uh, he had his story and we get the evidence. -There's a noticeable difference between driving etiquette
in the big city and small towns, OK? The big cities use the car horn to say, what are you nuts
or move out of the way. In small towns, the horn is used for greetings, shorthand for how's mama and them?
But when you're driving drunk a horn offers the opportunity to tell the world that you've had a few too many.
See for yourself. -It was a Sunday at about 2:00 in the morning at the end of a Saturday night shift for me
when I call came out where one of our local inebriates had called on the 9-1-1 line saying that his mom had kicked
him out of house again and he was too drunk to be walking around in public and was wondering if we'd
do him a favor and come out arrest for being drunk in public. So being the community service oriented police department
we are, we figured we'd oblige him. We drove out and located him at the far end of a shopping center.
And I had my overheads going, the lights and everything on. And on the far side of the parking lot,
on the complete opposite end, is a bar. And this bar was letting out and apparently, uh, one of the guys
staggered out of bar, got into his car, and for some reason, drove all the way up behind my patrol car.
-Hey, get out of the way! I'm trying to get home! Get out! [car horn honking] Come on!
I don't wanna spill my drink! -Well, at this point I decided that maybe he too needed a little talking to.
Walked over and as I approached him he said something to the effect of, hey buddy, I gave you
plenty of chances to move your car. I reached in, turned off the car, and, uh, we talked to him a little bit more
and needless to say he was quite drunk as well. So we, uh, kind of got two for the price one that night.
Got a friend for you here. Why don't you go ahead and sit up? -Hey, what's going on?
NARRATOR: Now let's look back at one of ADC's greatest hits. DEBBIE ALAN (VOICEOVER): Unable to escape from the four patrol
cars and police helicopter that are in hot pursuit, the suspect's car starts to slow down.
Was he up to something? No, he was down to E, as an empty, out of gas. With cars whizzing by, he starts to feel like he's
about to be roadkill in Sansabelt slacks. Then he sees his opening, makes his move,
and dashes gracefully across the highway before falling head first over a short fence, spilling his loot.
Now he may have been a robber, but he was no litter bug. He hurriedly picks up after himself
and scurries into the woods. Unfortunately for him those stylish white slacks made it hard to blend in with nature.
Before long, he's face down in the dirt. Who knows if those slacks will ever come clean.
NARRATOR: In Mesquite, Texas it's illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
-We had a call come out that there was a robbery. They arrest this guy, and I started to look at him
and I said, I, I know this guy. I've seen him before. And come to find out if he was the trustee at the police
Academy where I had just graduated from. I had seen him every day sweeping the floors.
He wasn't finished being done though. When we, when we arrested him, we drove him back to the police
department and he decided that it was time to fight. Right at that time it was shift change,
so we had, uh, second watch going off, third what's coming on, and we also had a reserve police officer meeting.
So we have 40 officers on at that time. And this guy got pig piled. -Don't resist!
Don't resist! Pretty dumb. -Now we come to our final category. -Oh, I'll take things that go boom for $500.
--[laughs] Actually, the topic is we're not making this up, but in this case they're one and the same.
-Sit back and prepare for launch from mission control in Abilene, Texas. -Toward the end of the shift and we
got a call of a, an oil tank fire. A young married couple that lived in a trailer near the oil
tank battery and a friend of theirs had decided to go out and, and climb up on the cat walk of the, of the oil tank.
-Do you think it's oil or gas? -These aren't small tanks. These hold a couple hundred barrels of oil
-I have a lighter. -Oh, man, that'll probably-- well I don't know. Well, yeah, that'd probably work.
-Leaned into the hatch and flicked his lighter. And sure enough, he told us later that he saw a fireball.
The whole top of the tank blew off. All he saw was orange flame all around and they were flying from the catwalk to the ground.
A short time later they called an ambulance because they started realizing they were pretty badly hurt.
Unbelievable that somebody could say, I hope this doesn't blow up and then flick a lighter in a oil
tank. -You know, I guess that's why they never held Lynyrd Skynyrd concerts at oil refineries.
-How's that? -Well, all it would take is one guy with a lighter yelling, free bird, man!
Poof. They'd all be gone. -Yeah, and I'm sure plenty of guys have gone poof at Lynyrd Skynyrd concerts.
-You think? Really? -Uh huh. And now it's time for us to go poof, or at least say goodbye.
But before we do, we'd like to thank you for joining us and extend our special thanks to the officers who
helped us with tonight's show. -Law enforcement officers have a tough and often thankless job,
but we here at ADC wanna go on record as being your biggest fans. -And if you're a fan of our show we'd love to hear from you.
You can drop us an email by visiting our website. -The address www.dumbcrimes.com.
-As always we hope that we've all learned from others mistakes. -But if you haven't we just might see you next week
on "America's Dumbest Criminals." -Bye bye. [applause] [music playing]

In this episode of “America’s Dumbest Criminals,” we’ll witness thieves that got a car but discover the car has got them, a man under pressure about some blood and a fulfilled wish about the bank being open when it was wanted.

Crime is no laughing matter, except when the criminals are bumbling fools. Hosted by Debbie Alan and Daniel Butler, this show looks at lawbreakers through a humorous lens.

Brief Summary

This episode covers bait cars, illegal fishing, a stamp thief's excuse, and a bank robber caught with orange juice.

Key points

Bait Car Technology. Police use bait cars to catch thieves in the act, showcasing high-tech crime fighting.
The Fishy Story. A man caught fishing illegally tries to explain away blood found nearby.
The Orange Juice Robber. A bank robber caught with dyed money and a cup of orange juice.
Explosive Decision. A man ignites an oil tank after flicking a lighter, leading to a fireball.

Episode highlights

Episode quotes

But they're about to discover that the car's got them.

NARRATOR introduces a twist on car thieves.

0:09WatchMar 10, 2022

Tension

30/ 100Low tension

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